Teen with Picky Eating Habits (Extreme)

We are raising 2 granddaughters, 13 and 14, the oldest is a really picky eater. The first 5 years of their lives, their mom would take them for 3 hours - 1 1/2 weeks a couple times a month (to show them off to friends), and while she had them, she would feed them nothing but junk: cookies, candy, pop tarts... We finally got court custody of them, so she haan't been able to take them from us for 9 years. Still, eating is a problem. Once in a while we can get them to try something new, but the oldest usually spits it out and goes on with her own eating habits. They do cook for themselves, thankfully, as I refuse to fix more than 1 meal at a time. They are slightly overweight, but otherwise physically healthy. The oldest has problems that her counselor says could be the drug-baby syndrom, as her mother was on drugs while she nursed her for 2 months. The second one is just depressed once in a while for "no reason". They are separated from their mother, and their father doesn't care about them. There are lots of emotional problems involved. Eating what they feel their mother would feed them could be their way of "being with her". We don't keep sweets around very often, but when I get a baking feeling, I'll make a few dozen cookies or a cake, and within hours they are all gone, if I'm not there to catch them snitching them! Since there isn't anything else I can do to get them to eat healthy, we're just going on with life. Raising grandkids is a lot different than raising your own children, and I believe it is the same with step-children. Our situation was a yours-mine-our family early in our marriage, but we didn't have "his" one son, just my son and daughter, and our 3 kids. His son had eating problems, and today at 34, he weighs well over 350 pounds! Just love your step-son for who he is. Keep offering something new, but don't try to force.

I read through the other responses and they are all have great advice...if you can get them to work. The problem is, they probably won't. I am a 35 year old who still eats that way. I don't like fruits and veggies, I have real issues with textures too. I usee to sit at the dinner table until bedtime because I wouldn't eat hardly anything. Now I have 3 sons and my middle one is just like me, even worse. The answer for us has been MonaVie.

It is an all-nautral fruit juice made up of 19 fruits, most of which you can't go get at your local grocery store. It is packed full of anti-inflammatories, antioxidants and other vital nutrients. Four ounces a day gives you 13 servings of common fruits and veggies. I could go on and on about all of the extra benefits we have enjoyed since drinking it like more energy, better sleep and our kids are off their asthma/allergy meds. But we all drink our four ounces per day and I don't have to worry, stress and argue with any of my kids about eating their fruits and veggies. I still offer them, but I don't loose sleep over it anymore if they won't eat them.

It has truly changed our lives and I love to tell others about it because most people don't know about it. You can call me at ###-###-#### if you'd like more information.

Good luck to you!

D.

14 is a tough age to be. If he is not expecting you to get him anything else - I'm not sure why you would argue about it. Your not going to make him eat. Try to have some foods he likes around and leave it at that. Get some microwavable stuff that he likes. If your going to a picnic get him a burger ahead of time. He won't starve if he's eating something.

Arguing over a kid your not going to change or Marriage??? Pick the latter.

Hey listen, I feel for you I've been there. (arguing over step kids. It ain't worth it) Just love the kid he's in a divorce situation and it sucks. That's just all there is to it.

Your husband ought to be concerned about his nutrition/health. He should talk to the boy's mother about seeing a nutritionist...and possibly a therapist. Teenagers often don't eat well, but if it has been this way his whole life, I would think his parents would want to do something about it. In the meantime, maybe vitamin supplements would be a good idea. Also, you might try mixing up some healthy juice drinks in the blender. If he won't eat, maybe he'll try interesting beverages...and you can hide all kinds of healthy stuff in there. There are entire recipe books just on fruit and vegetable blends you can drink. Get some nice glasses and cocktail umbrellas or other trinkets. He might like it! Best of luck...

My mother said I spent the majority of my growing up years eating only ham sandwichs-well i survived and he will most likely also. Let him try some grilling like green pepper strips (and yellow and red) or help in the prep in the kitchen with maybe something stir-fried-lots of veges, with small meats and rice. This may get him interested in something new and slightly healthy.Quite often chicken nuggets are in the stir-frys. You didn't say but I hope he likes to drink juices or milks (chocolate is fine) try serving in a fancy glass-that might catch his interest too. After all he is exploring his world and giving him things new to try might be the way to go..Good luck.

I wonder if he might not have a food allergy or sensitivity. It seems like he tends to "crave" gluten (wheat) containing foods. Some people with food intolerance have cravings for the food or foods that make them ill, and will eat such food to excess. It might be worthwhile to visit an allergist to rule out food insensitivities. Or if you are unsure about seeing an allergist, remove the wheat containing foods from his diet for a week or two and you will probably be very surprised at his improvement in both attitude and his symptoms. Yes, it will be a hassle and he will hate it, but he can survive for 2 weeks without these food. To me, it would be worth it to see if it would help him feel better. Here is a website that might be helpful. http://www.celiaccentral.org/What_is_Celiac_/13/gclid__CP...
Good luck.

Good Morning J., You didn't mention how often your son gets to visit with you. Is it a couple of weeks during the summer? Every other weekend?
Since he has been this way since he was 5, why is it just now that it is really bothering you? It's tough being a step kid or step parent, but it can be a very wonderful relationship.
Since you said he respectfully declines he has been taught very good manners. He could mop and just be ugly that No one cared about him to fix something he liked.

My Husband has an adult cousin ( 59 ) who has the mentality of a 12-13 yr old. Her mom passed away 7 yrs ago and she was catered to all her life, she did work at a hospital for 35 yrs in the kitchen area filling trays. Her health isn't what it should be, her Dr. tells her to change her eating habits exercise ( walking) and lose some weight. She won't. She is small through the shoulders, waist is widening and her hips are about 56+ inches, her legs look like tree trucks through her ankles she has tiny feet. I don't know how they support her body.

We bring her here for holiday if she is up to it, we have stairs that are hard for her to manage. I always FIX the hominy or beans for her. Even though it bothers all of us for her to be this way she is not going to change one thing.
What she does eat would Turn your stomach. Cooks chicken wings, legs & thighs and eats only the skin * crispy *, turkey legs the same thing, Ham, No veggies except beans and hominy, pickles, hot peppers. She won't drink milk or tea only kool-aid and soda pop.

I think it's great your son has 20 things to choose from to add to a menu.
I have 5 gr kids, when the 3 oldest are here and I fix spaghetti, one likes sauce on it, one like butter and cheese on it, one just like the noodles. When I make pizza they pick off pepperonis, onions, olives, anything they don't like.
I don't have a problem with it.

I sincerely hope you can come to the realization that some times it doesn't really hurt to add a few things to a menu that possibly makes your son happy and feel a part of the family. This shouldn't be a big battle J., those are probably still down the road a little ways.

God Bless you and yours
K.

Is is mother involved in his life? I would tell you that the first step to changing his eating habits is to find out what he eats when he is with her. If she allows him to eat whatever he wants whenever he wants it, then it will be hard to change things, unfortunately. I agree with other mom's that say to make it a rule that he has to at least try something that you fix for everyone else. Maybe get him involved in the cooking process. When we were that age, we eat had a night of the week that we fixed dinner. Teach him and the other kids how to make some of their favorite meals and give them a turn to cook. This takes some of the pressure off of you and helps to make cooking more fun for the kids. Maybe if he starts to enjoy cooking, he will broaden his horizons a little. Don't expect him to change over night however. It will be a process.

It is kind of hard to change eating habits at this age especially since he has been catered to for so long. Your husband is wrong in expecting this treatment for him but it is near to impossible to change it now. Just as long as you offer fruits and vegetables for the other kids when he is being catered to. Or cater to them all, then your husband should get tired of that quickly but why show one child is more important than the others? Does your stepson play a sport where the coach encourages good eating habits?

Good luck,
D.

He is old enough that you or someone he will listen to needs to have a serious talk with him. This is because he is at an age where his body is developing and changing quickly and it needs healthy food to sustain normal growth and development. If someone tells him that, he will be able to understand that. Somehow, he needs to understand that low nutrient, high sugar foods that he eats now will have an effect of his body even 15 years from now. His body just can't be getting the nutrients that it needs. And, this is evident by how his body is reacting. You can explain to him that his headaches and diarrhea are his body's way of telling him that something isn't right and it's not getting enough nutrients. Maybe talking to a nutritionist or dietitian ahead of time to explain the situation and then having him meet with them would help.

Also, a great book for you, your husband, your step-son, and his mom to read is: If It's Not Food, Don't Eat It by Kelly Hayford, C.N.C. I read this book after my husband had cancer last year at age 26 and it really helped us learn how to incorporate a more healthful lifestyle. We have always been pretty healthy eaters, but it explains how nutrients effect the body, and how your body reacts if you don't get enough--anywhere from asthma, obesity, allergies, headaches, digestion problems, and even cancer. It also tells how low nutrient foods harm your body, even though those are the foods that are marketed most, especially to kids.

What would be especially helpful for your step-son to read, is how it explains that your taste-buds change according to what you eat. Like now, I love whole grain bread and plain white bread just tastes too plain now. But, my taste-buds didn't used to be that way. They really can change by what you eat. It can take a bit of time for them to adjust, but trust me, it works. I don't even want to eat greasy, sugary foods anymore because healthier foods taste better to me now. And, I know how much worse my body feels after I eat unhealthy food. (Don't get me wrong, we still enjoy a pizza now and then, but in general we enjoy much more higher-nutrient foods). Anyway, it's a great book and it's really entertaining. It would be cheap on Amazon.com. Your step son could even benefit from reading it--it's an easy read.

Hope this helps!

Eating issues are always difficult and because your son is 14 yrs old, it will be hard to change. Even kids who grow up with "better"eating habits often turn to junk food at this age. Unfortunately, nutrition is VERY important t this stage, as always.

I have a couple of suggestions, one may be a little too late. If at all possible have him help with a garden. Let him pick some things to plant, care for, and harvest. Don't make the job so big that it becomes unpleasant. I have on tomato and one pepper plant in big pots. My friend's son is autistic and this helped him try new veggies he wouldn't eat before.

Next, have him and his dad plan, shop and prepare a nutritious meal (don't be too ambitious, just something more balanced and different) Make it once a week when there is time to really cook and enjoy the meal. Take my advice, even if he were eating healthy he HAS TO learn to feed himself. In 4 years hopefully he will be away at college and he needs to learn to take care of himself.

After you get the eating improved, have his dad teach him how to do laundry!

Good luck and hang in there.

Make sure that he is healthy with a checkup to alleviate any concerns about malnutrition, etc. Then fix whatever people want, being fair to others in their likes and dislikes. I had a son who was picky also. Once I knew he was healthy and there were no other issues then he had to just suffer the natural consequence of not eating what was being served. He eventually got hungry and started to fix himself simple things like cereal or PBJ sandwiches. Then he got tired of boring food and started trying new things--with no pressure from us. Now he has hollow legs and is still slim but that is his build. I hope this helps! Do not get caught up in catering to this if this is a simple problem. Good luck! Hang in there.

I don't care how old you are...the rule in our house is we all eat dinner together...AND you need to try everything at least once...if you don't like it, fine, you never have to eat it again (at least prepared that way) but you at LEAST have to try it...after all if you don't try it how can you know you don't like it?

You're great guy isn't so great if he isn't more concerned about his son. I know they say they won't starve but when your step-son's eating habits directly affect EVERYONE in the house (the ruined picnics, etc.) then it's not just his problem it's EVERYONE's problem. It's not fair to you or the rest of the kids that one person spoils it for everyone (especially if this is a reoccuring offense).

At 14 he is old enough to fin for himself...my god! I have a 3 & 5 yr old that know where the refridgerator is and know how to raid it! If mommy's taking a nap and they are hungry they know what foods they are allowed to have and get them THEMSELVES...you need some new rules and guidelines and quick for your own sanity....also, if you don't do something about this behavior you risk the other 3 children starting to mimic it and I'm SURE you DON'T want that.

You might also see if there is some athlete that he really respects/likes (doesn't matter who Tony Hawks, snowboarders...heck, watch the olympics)...every athlete will tell you they need to eat a well balanced diet and get exercise to do what they do...perhaps some positive role modeling will help? Hope this helps!

J.,

At 14 I was a picky eater myself. I also weighed in at 215 lbs at 5'1",

My parents did not know what to do, and so I was left to fend for myself often, which led to junk food and other 'not so great for you' alternatives.

I made the choice to start trying things. But one thing I recommend is to try chopping veggies really finely and blending them into the hamburger meat, or placing them under the cheese on the pizza. You can also use whole wheat pizza crusts (or make them yourself) and that would add some fiber in his diet. At this point, if he has been doing this for so long, it will be harder to snap out of. He has to make that concious decision to change himself, but you can help, but giving him bits of extra needed nutrients, just hidden. It sounds like something you would do with a 5 yr old, but if that is how he is going to act, I say treat it that way.

Talk to a nutritionist at the local childrens hospital too. They are really helpful and can get you motivated and possibly get him motivated too.

Try having him help you cook one night and see his patterns. If you end up making the pizza crust or anything that you can freeze so he can make at a later time, have him help. That way he can see the work that goes into making a meal and even though it is not a pizza hut or burger king, it can be healthier for him and still taste good.

I wish you luck.