Teaching Kids to Clean Up

I have raised 5 children of my own, ran a daycare for 21 years and now am a foster mom of whomever shows up at my doorstep. I find that requesting that each child pick up five, eight or ten toys each time they come to sit down for lunch, breakfast or dinner is a good tact. Try the same request when they want to go outside to play, watch their favorite program or request a snack. Anytime a child requests a favor of me, I request one done for me first. I thank them each time they comply with my request and suggest they thank me when I comply with theirs. It seems to work and I never fight too much with a child about doing it. If one child always seems to pick up and not the other, I offer hugs and a small treat for being so nice to the one that complies. It doesn't take long for the other to find something to clean just to recieve the same. I. Jensen

you just have to be consistent... I have been there with my two kids and at times I still have to keep on them about getting it done... but i think it is part of being a mom, the reminding and reminding just doesn't totally start it just goes in a different way... hope you the best on it... just stay consistent sooner or later they will be like i want to be a big kid and start over helping...

They need praise when they do it and lots of it and maybe if they keep it up for a week a reward if you don't have to remind them.

Cleaning up is hard to do for little people. Sometimes, a big contributing factor to the whining and crying is that the children aren't ready to transition out of the activity. At other times, their idea of cleaning up and ours are very different. Whatever the case, your daughters have started a pattern of getting upset when it's time for a little order. That's not your fault, and it's not their's, it's just the way things are.

If it were me, I would relax on the cleaning up for a week or so, then try a new approach. Here are some ideas:

LABELING and BASKETS: Kids often like to sort items into categories. Take advantage of this tendency by buying baskets (They don't have to be expensive--they sell them at the dollar store) and making easy-to-understand picture labels to put on each basket. Doll clothes can go in one basket; play food in another, etc. Labelling helps children find things and put them away more easily than being told "No, that doesn't go there." It gives order to a room. That's why so many preschool classes have labelled bins.

MAKE IT A GAME: No one likes to do something that's presented as a 'have to' and a chore. I like to be less about the cleaning up and more about the activity. "Can you find all the things that go in this basket? We are looking for all the cars. Where are they hiding?" Put your effort into the fun game you are inviting them to play. Some of this may require a little bit of imagination and enthusiasm you wouldn't normally equate with picking up ("Ooo! I found this red car hiding under the doll bed. Found you, car!"), but our attitudes go a long way in determining how our children will feel about any given task.

WALK THEM THROUGH IT:Most preschool teachers (except the ones who aren't quite truthful) will tell you that most children need adult guidance to get things put away. Even much older kids would rather not put things away. So, if you tell children to "Clean up" and then walk away or just sit there and expect them to hop to, you're asking to be disappointed. Kids look at a mess and often have no idea where to start. Kids need some cues in that regard:"Let's see. The dolls are all out of their bed. Let's help them come to bed now." Or ask your girls what they would like to pick up first, the blocks or the animals? (Note: competitive children may work better at picking up separate types of items, so they are not fighting over toys during the process.)

KEEP TOYS TO A REASONABLE AMOUNT: If you have ever walked into a preschool, you will see a few baskets of toys out and the rest of them stacked up on shelves or in a closet. At home, we rotate toys, putting away the baskets of toys that are only emptied out but not really played with and keeping available those toys that are used most often. I rotate my toys every week/two weeks or so by replacing the toys children have lost interest in with a "fresh" basket or two. IF the kids ask for some toys that have rotated out, it's fair to ask what it is they are ready to put away for a little while, and fulfill their request.

POINT OUT THE ADVANTAGES OF CLEANING UP AND MAKE IT ROUTINE WHEN POSSIBLE: Taking a moment to comment on how "we have so much more room to play now" is a positive message in learning why it is that cleaning up is important. Grab those opportunities as the kids go from one activity to another, and mention to them that they'll need room to play with larger scale items, like blocks and the like. "How can we make room so we can play with this?" But only ask them to clean something up when you can see that they are done playing with those toys and have moved on. Imaginative/dramatic play may require dolls, a play kitchen and a shopping cart, so be understanding. Clean up two times earlier in the day, so it's not one big mess when they are tired at the end of the day. In fact, if you can do a cleanup
after a afternoon snack, before dinnertime, you have helpers who aren't tired and much smaller cleanups to take care of.

USE A TIMER:Sometimes the mess is really, really big. Have the kids set a timer for five minutes to work, then to take a break with a book or something else pleasurable. Work with them, and when the timer goes "ding", take a break.

Last of all:

AVOID USING PUNISHMENTS AND REWARDS TO GET CHILDREN TO CLEAN UP: A lot of kids are really fine with having all of their toys out, so penalizing or bribing is really not a great way to end the tears. You can give some guidelines as to your own comfort --"I'll be happy to bring out the legos when I see the animals and cars picked up. It's hard to pick up all the legos when we have all these toys out, and I don't like stepping on them." or "You'd like me to get out the marble run. I'm happy to do that after we decide what we are going to put away first." Then, when they decide, offer to help. Otherwise, if they don't want to put their toys away, I like to give them a little breathing room. "Let me know when you want a little help putting those toys away, then I'll be happy to get out the marble run."

I've used a lot of examples of what one might say, because, as I've said before, attitude makes all the difference. Once the kids aren't busy fighting you, they can make up their own minds about their priorities. It's never perfect, and kids will whine about it even as they do it, but let them whine. They are just venting. And don't allow the blame game to start: everyone helps, no matter who got it out. (Unless, of course, it's cut and dry that only one child used the toy, in which case, that's fine. But only if you've witnessed it with your own eyes!)

Sorry this is so long, but I hope it helps! It certainly did with my toddler groups.:)

Well good for you for trying... because a lot of people dont. I have raised my children .. and now I am raising my grandson.. he is four with many challanges and being delayed. I have changed my mind in how and when to discipline just because I thought I did fine with my boys, but now feel like I didnt do it the right way. Nor here nor there,, I took a behavoiral management class. Needless to say it was the best class I could of ever taken. I learned a lot,, and though I felt like I didnt do right by my boys by making them clean up... it was actually the way I handled it is how I did the wrong.
Clean up for my grandson is a song we sing... clean up.. clean up... everybody... everywhere,... clean up clean up.. everybody does there share. And you know what he actually cleans up after himself. With out a fuss. Of course I am right there. I dont give a time limit or anything like that. I dont even give rewards for it. Its just a daily thing we do. Being consistant is the biggest and the hardest thing to do.. I know. But very important. I also learned with this class its the wording that is important as well. If you want the child to scrape his plate; tell him to scrape the plate.. not words like "lets" scrape our plate or you "need" to scrape the plate. otherwise your including yourself and giving the child lead way. unless you want to assist him in scrapping the plate.
thats just an idea .... there is a book too. you could try and read.. and it is very helpful. The Incredible Years.. by .... Carolyn Webster=stratton,PH.D. it is a book on Trouble-shooting guide for Parents of Children Aged 2-8years.

I probly wrote more than you may wanted to hear.. or not. But the class I took was an awsome class. I wish they would of had it around when I had my boys 26 years ago. It might of made things easier. Good Luck and hope that this made since. I would recommend this book/class for any parent/grandparent raising children. it is very helpful.

My three year old picks up his toys and can put his dish in the sink, but I have to constantly remind him because he is three and gets easily distracted.

Something I did to make clean-up easier is I divided his toys into smaller tubs and organized them. They used to ALL be in one large rubbermaid tub. So, now he has a small tub of cars, one of characters (movie toys & stuff from kids meals), blocks, puzzles, etc. Also, I put his toys out of reach so he has to ask for what he wants to play with. This way he can have his cars out and if he wants to play with something else, such as his puzzles, first he has to clean up all his cars. Sometimes I let him play with more than one thing, like when he wants to play with his cars and crash them into his blocks, but all in all this helps avoid the whole room being a mess which can be overwhelming to clean up.

Also, when I was a kid, my sister and I used to make a game out of cleaning our bedroom. We'd see who could be faster picking up the toys. Or when we were a little older, we would put all the toys in the middle of the room and sort them by where they went (another room, toy box, Barbie) then each of us would take a pile and put it away. I'm not a twin, but I shared a room with two younger sisters with a total of three years between me and the youngest.

Good Luck,
M.

Hi J.!

They are definitely old enough to be doing that stuff. I wouldn't have known it except that my almost 2 year old is in daycare where they have to do it. The first day my daughter brought her bowl to Daddy in the kitchen, he almost had heart failure! She was probably closer to a year and a half at that stage. She sometimes does it willingly and other times, not so. When she drags out a hundred books for me to read, I usually ask her to bring them back (she brings out 3 or 4 at a time) as she goes to get more. Sometimes she will say "no" and I will say that I'm not sure if I can read any more books to her since it's so crowded with books around me. She will usually pick them up and bring them back to her room. She doesn't clean everything but that's probably because we don't always ask but yes, they can do it and they probably should be. I remember as a kid we always grumbled, always, about doing a chore, etc. It doesn't matter what age. :) Oh, you can try what my old boss did. He told his kids if there were toys on the floor after he asked them to clean them up, they would be thrown away. I don't know if he did it but his house was spotless! :)

Good luck,
A.

One at a time, take their hands (each individual in her time)walk her through the process, and pick up each dish and utensil with their hands(in yours.) Stay right there and hover over them until the work is done. Be firm, be quiet. When the work is done, celebrate some how so that they know that a great feat has been accomplished. Do this consistently until each one insists on being a big girl and wants to do it alone. Then...lots of praise. Always thank and praise for work done and done well. Forever, especially when they are teens. None of this "you are so special" stuff, just genuine praise and thankfulness for the effort and the achievement.

Life is not full of fun and games, but life should be full of thanks and praise for being a productive part of a team.

I have found that making a game out of it can be a fun way to get things done. Make them members of the clean plate club, the members clean off their plates and put them in the sink. As for cleaning up, sometimes we have a "scavenger hunt" for items that can be put back in their place. Part of the "put away" problem may be too many toys out at once? I know that I had a time when I rotated a few toys so that it wasn't overwhelming. I had boxes with the other toys stored away. Unless you feel negative about competition, you could have the girls see who can put away the most toys, or who gets their chore done the fastest, etc. I too have used many different styles over the 27 years I've been doing this. My youngest is now 11 and we still have our days!!! check out www.flylady.com website. she has great ideas for cleaning, not only for us mom's but how to get the kids in on the deal.

Give the "house fairy" a try...? http://www.housefairy.org/
Blessings to you and yours! :)

My best advice is to go sit and observe in a Montessori class to see how they do it. You will notice the kids happily singing to themselves while they work and clean up. I took away many good ideas from there when my son was 3. We implemented them at home, and I never had to nag again.
Another great tip- read the Love & Logic books about discipline for the younger years. Great stories that you can relate to and make changes quickly in your home. Have fun!

J.,
DONT GIVE UP!!! I have 3 of my own and they all do for themselves and have since about 3 the way I felt that they were ready is if they can take it out they can put it back, 3 is a perfect age and NO you are NOT expecting too much... at the begining you are going to have to stay on them till they get the hang of it and just start doing it on thier own. You will get amazement from friends and family when they see how great your kids clean up after themselves without having to be told (boy does it feel great too!!! :)) Just wait till they even do it at friends and familys house (we used to use the clean up song but now they are older). I tried the taking away of the special toys that did NOT work for our family. Just give a reminder like oopps who did'nt pick up thier plate? Who's toy is that I dont think it is in the right place ect... Good luck it is NOT going to happen over night but DONT GIVE UP!!! You are not nagging you are doing a great job keep it up and before you know it they will be helping with the whole house... :) Clean up will be a breeze. Lean up wont be a chore it will be a activity after all who does like clean up but with teamwork it is much quicker and easier...
And just a FYI at first they will tend to put things NOT it its place and just start stuffing things places please remind them things need to go in thier place so we can find things. :)
E. Mother of 3

check out gomommygo.com I'm giving my kids financial and other rewards for helping and NOTHING if they don't. They are actually starting to help more and more. You have to stay on it. It takes persistence and insistence that they help.

"Well, sorry - I can't drive you to soccer, since Mommy is SOOO tired from doing all of the things moomy had to do that you didn't do..." - you get the idea.

I'm late to the party, but I'd like to echo what many have said: it's not too early for you to create these expectations.

I don't go for rewards/punishments but positive reinforcement (approval).

With my 2-year-old daughter, we have always used a cleanup song, even if we are doing most of the cleanup. What motivates her is being a helper. If I phrase it as something she can do to help me, she's all for it. And I will often offer to help her clean up "Because when everyone helps, it goes so fast and easy!" I'm trying to get across the idea that everyone has to do their share and that such work is a part of the day, all day, and not some giant egregious labor.

The tricky part for us is modeling it in our own habits! But for specific messes I am more firm: "The food that you threw on the floor, you have to pick up. Mommy and Daddy don't throw food, so they don't have to pick it up."

Best wishes!

Hi J.!

Like so many of the other pp, I, too, believe you are not expecting too much!

I believe we should teach our children to pick up their toys as soon as they are walking around and can take a toy out of a toy box (if they can take it out, they can put it back in).

So, in one way, you're starting a little late. However, in many ways, you are starting early and I applaud you for that. I've known parents who wait until their child is 8, 9, even 13 (!) before they demand any help around the house. Talk about resistance!!

At age 3, you will need to remind them everyday. And, at age 3, it works best to do the chores with them and to try to make it as fun as you can.

I would put on some music - you can ask them to choose the music - and then ask them to do the same chores at the same time every day.

If they whine, give them two choices: finish the chore without whining or go to their room until they're done whining. At which point, they will have to finish the chore PLUS an extra chore (whatever you can come up with).

The trick is to be calm when you're doing this (hard to do with TWO whiney 3 year olds) and to be 100% consistent.

Congrats on getting your girls involved in chores at such an early age. You may be frustrated now, but the payback will be huge later on when they're teens and they clean up because that's what they've been doing every day of their lives since they were 3.

Thanks for posting this!

Montessori school of thought has even two year olds putting things away before they get to take out the next toy, cleaning up after eating and even putting their own nap mats away. The important part is having very clear places to put things - no piles of toys, but neat, clean shelves is their preference.

Hope this is helpful,
Sarah

What about a "chore chart" or something like that where they are given a few responsibilities to accomplish each day. If they complete the chores, they get a star, and after a predetermined number of stars that you choose, they get a reward? This way, you're rewarding positive behavior instead of giving attention to negative behavior.
I got my son this cute chart and he loves it:
http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId...

Hi J., To answer your last question first, No, 3 years old is NOT too young! I had both of my kids picking up after them selves before 3, especially when visiting. Yes, they are going to throw fits, whine, and be to tired but you should have seen their faces when I did the samething to them at home one day when they wanted something. Believe me, it helped a bunch. LOL I wouldn't listen to the complaining and would just put them in their room for awhile. Also when they refused to pick up I'd take the toys for a month if I had to and even though they say they don't care or don't act like they care, they really do. They're just playing with you and know how to get around what you want. I never made them pick scrap their plates until they were a little older but they still "helped" me at dinner time even if it was just to behave while I was cooking. Our daughter just loved playing host and refilling the cookie plate and putting things away. Stick to your guns and they'll get it.

I don't think you are expecting to much from your daughters. It could be a phase - people say that three is worse that the two's stage. I don't really have any real advice on what you should do...except just stand your ground and be consistant. This could be one of your bumps in the road of being a parent. They are pushing your buttons and challenging you to see how far they can go. When they do say "I don't know how"....show them. Take the "T" out of Can't and you have CAN. Take a deep breath and be patient and go on to the next step.

It's a great age to start implementing such great habits. When my son is done with his food/plate he tells me that he's all done and then I will ask him to put his plate/bowl in the sink. For the most part - he does it. When he sees a mess, he will say "mess", well, "let's clean up the mess". On certain toys like his puzzle, his train set,legos - things that have many pieces - I try to enforce when he is done playing with that certain toy - he needs to pick it up and put it in its container. I think you are on the right track. It doesn't hurt for them to learn that they need to take care of their belongings and dirty clothes and dirty dishes. It's not like you are asking them to take out the garbage and do the dishes or wash the car - that will come later. lol.
It's the simple life lessons that we need to teach our children for when they become older and eventually on their own....hopefully we as parents do our job and teach our children from right and wrong and healthy habits. It's pretty cool watching them grow and become their own little person. Good luck with your challenge.

I have to agree. I have an almost 4 yo daughter. She clears dishes after every meal and puts them on the counts. Most of the time its with out a lot of effort for my husband or me. She also has to get herself ready for bedtime, put her clothes in the laundry and carry her clean clothes to her room and clean her playroom. Often times its more effort from the parents to remind, and remind, and warn her and timeout. I know she is just testing us...I m just not sure if we pass some of the time. :)
I wish I had more advice on how to make it go more smoothly but I do believe if we parents stick with it the outcome will be positive. My hope is that it just becomes habit and I feel like I get little glimpses of that now and then.
Hang in there. Best of luck.

My just 2 year old son is responsible for

1. throwing all of his diapers in the trash
2. bringing in the paper each morning
3. putting all of his dirty clothes in the hamper
4. cleaning up all his toys (sometimes with help)
5. unloading out of the dishwasher and putting away all the toddler dishes

We do not have any fighting or tantrums about it because it is expected of him without fail. if you let him get out of doing it one day because he says he is too tired, then he learns to be "too tired" every day. My 6 year old on the other hand constantly tries to come up with excuses. We simply tell her that if she is too tired then she can go take a nap and when she is done, the chore will still be waiting for her. We have explained to them that everyone in the house has jobs and we all must help out.

J.-
We have a now 4 yr old girl and we went through all the same battles about clean up that you describe above. The good news is that it was a phase, she came out of it and now she is a great helper. Be patient and keep trying- If you and the kids are exhausted when you are trying, it may be hard. Maybe wait and try it again in the morning when everyone is rested- just until they get in the habit. If you make it like a game, who can put the most toys in the basket the fastest- they will think it's fun. Good luck!

Hi J.,

No, 3 is definitely not too early to expect responsibility with their belongings. A lot of it will come from modeling. It may feel funny, but showing them over and over what they can do when they're done eating. And then make sure you're doing it the same way each time too, so that they see that "this is how we do it in our family." Also, include them in preparing meals and washing dishes, so that it's not a drag. Children this age typically want to do so many things that the adults around them are doing, so take advantage!

I don't know how your toys are stored, but I'd recommend not having them just in a big box. It's helpful when each toy has its specific place on a low shelf. When they're done with that particular toy, it goes back to its spot on the shelf. This means you may have fewer toys out at a time, but that way you can rotate what you have out when the girls aren't around, making the toys a little more special. Also, if you find that you have to remove a toy that hasn't been put away when you've asked them to do it, there will be an empty space on the shelf, so they can visibly see where it used to be. It might drive the point home a little better.

Good luck! You're definitely not expecting too much, even though they may fight it at first!

You are not expecting too much! The things you expect of your girls are age-appropriate!However, because of their age, they will still need reminders everyday. Give them their task with a sing song voice. "Time to scrape your plate like big kids do! Look, I'm scraping my plate. Wow, I like being able to clean up after myself!" If you are met with whines, say "uh oh! Would you like to go to your room and whine there or would you like to stay with your family?" etc... For really good and applicable advice that you can use immediately, read Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster.

i dont think you are expecting to much. i make my 1 year old put his toys away after hes done playing with them. it does get exhausting but they will eventually get the hang of it. and the reason your children dont really care about you taking things away from them is because they have a very short attention span and forget about things very easily. the best thing i would reccomend for the age that they are is to just remind them constantly and if they dont do it time out. dont worry it will let up with consistency.

Christine P is totally right on. In the beginning you have to patiently walk them through it. Praise them when they have finished and remind them later that they completed the task. When they are teens you will be thankful of the hard work you started when they were 3.
I started with my youngest by going behind him and helping him dry dishes. He was resistant, but got used to the idea of all helping and that is wasn't hard. Even with early training they will get lazy when they are teens, but they have the experience behind.

My two year old and three year old are always cleaning up after themself. The big thing is it is a routine we have started with them since they were babies. When dinner is done, they should scrape their plates, put them in the sink, and then wipe their hands and mouths. Same with when they are done playing in their room, they should put their toys away in the proper places.
Since you are starting a routine with your girls kind of late, it will take time. The biggest thing is to be consistent. Remind them after snack they need to clean up. Also try making it fun. My 3yo has a song they use at their school when it is time to clean up. We usually sing it while they are cleaning. I also sometimes do races, who can put the most toys away the fastest. OR who can put their dishes away and get cleaned up fastest. It really helps them to know that it is fun too.

J., I promise you can get this done - and your greatest strength is that you have twins. ( that's also your problem because even though they love certain 'things' they always have each other to play with). So, set your chart back up - a nice simple calendar chart that shows 3 parts to each day of the week. Now, decide on a nice sticker or mini prize or m and m - reward for each part of the day -- and put little stick drawings of the things that need to be done in that time:
get up time ( 7---11 am ) straighten bed- put on clothes- put away b'fast dishes after eating
Who ever gets this done nicely gets the prize (now here's the tricky part-- the first day you may have to ''award'' child A becasue all she did was whine while you hand over hand helped her do these things while Twin b not only whined she refused point blank - but twin a still gets the m & m and you say sadly - ''tomorrow - maybe both of you get the reward'''
middle of the day ( 11:30 to 4pm) scrape plates after lunch and help Mom in kitchen - do a fun chore ( vacuum, wipe appliances with damp sponges - stuff that is helpful and a bit more fun) and again with the small reward that someone gets - and hopefully in a day or so - both girls will get their rewards - then you start raising the bar a bit - and get really creative with rewards ( pick out the fruit at the grocery store - pick out the cookies at the store - plan a snack and help mom make it - plan a dinner - kids LOVE to have control)
end of the day ( 5pm to bedtime ) clean up toys before bath and story-time ( I had a fair amount of success of watching my young children lolly-gag about picking up and praising one for '' cool, Daniel - you remembered where that goes- '' '' super - Molly- they look cute there '' ( children crave, crave, crabe our praise - and because the twins are the same age and stage - they cana be held to nearly identicle standards.

Warning, they will resist - it's hard-wired in children- but if you look at them in stunned calm and say- ''in our house we all work to make a fun home'' - and STICK TO IT - it will work- I promise

( every time you are tempted to just give up - remember - what 3 year olds learn as routine- becomes habit and you dont have a whiney 13 year old saying '''MOOOOOOMMMMMM I just want to be a regular teen- and none of my friends have to ---------"""

Stick to your plan -- make it what works for YOU - and enjoy

Blessings,
J.

The earlier you start the better. My daughter at one had to help put away her books each night. She would cry at first because it was as if we were taking them away. But within a minute, she would get excited and help us faster and clap her hands and laugh as we put them all away. Now at 2, we sing the clean up song and have fun picking up toys, she helps me empty the dishwasher, she helps (actually insists on) feed the dog and the horses. She loves to vacuum and so on. We try to make sure it is never a punishment and that it is the next thing we are going to do in an excited manner. Kids want to help and contribute, so figuring out a way to have them help you, even if it's not really a help, it's good for their self-esteem and instills a sense of accomplishment in them.

J.,
This is normal for them to try to "play" you. If you allow it they win.
By being consistant when they are asked is the key.
Have you tried games with them such as, the color game?
You tell them that you want to play the color game and it is a lot of fun. So here is what I want you girls to do, pick up everything in the room that needs to be put away that is the color.... (and then pick)keep in mind even if it has multi-colors as long as it is the color you picked the stuff is getting picked up. If they are competitive at all, they will be so on that. Keep tabs of who picked the most of one color, and then the winner gets to sit out a round. It works and it is a lot of fun. I do that with the 4-6 yr old that I do daycare with. I get the kids to clean up in all of about 5 minutes which is about the attention span of kids that age. One minute per age.
They are never too young to start helping out by the way. I raised my children and they all had to do their share, and they have grown to be helpful to their wives.
But think about yourself, if you never had to pick a thing up again in your house and someone else could do it for you would you let that happen?
Make it a game and it is you spending time with them, and they are helping all in one.

Have fun.

Hi J.,
You are right. I teach preschool and the 3 year olds are expected to pick up their dishes after snack, rinse their plates, and put them away in the appropriate container. Now, at home I have 2 daughters ages 8 and 5. Like you, I get tired of constantly having to tell them or remind them to get their chores done. Over the summer I put up a reusable chore chart that has helped tremendously. I just tell them to check their chore chart at night and make sure everything got done or they won't be receiving a sticker for that job. Their dad takes them out to icecream on Sunday evenings and if they don't have a certain amount of stickers for that week then they don't get it. It's really helped. They haven't always gotten the icecream but they work hard the following week. If it's gotten really bad then they get other things important to them taken away. Hope this helps...Good luck to you.
J.

From the time our son was able to walk, my partner and I have been having him help put away his toys before bath time at night and we have him help bring stuff from the table to the sink. We also have him help pick up spilled "dinner food" from the floor and he loves to help wife off the table. I think it is great to start kids early, so they realize that the house runs best when everyone helps out. I think you are doing a good thing by getting your kids to help out now while they are young, it helps set a precedense for when they are older and will have even more responsibilities. We do reward our son highly with praise whenever he helps out, which he absolutely loves...and on those days when he really doesn't want to help, we make him help anyway, even if we end up doing more than he does. Kids need structure and discipline and need to learn how to be responsible for their own things. Keep up the good work!

When my twin sister and I were little, my Mom had "The Saturday Box". She never said a thing about us picking up our stuff, but if we went to bed and our things were scattered out around the house, they would go into the Saturday Box, and we could not have them back until Saturday. This included our shoes, toys, etc. It did work, and it took the nagging out of the situation. Give it a try, and I'll bet your girls will start to care after they have to wait until Saturday to get their favorite toy back.

As far as the dish thing goes, I'd try to make it a positive thing. When my son was in Tae Kwon Do, he earned blue stars for his uniform if he did 4 chores per day. His Dad and I would put our initials on a chart for every chore he did. Even though he is no longer taking Tae Kwon Do, he still does those same chores every day.

I also made a picture schedule of all the tasks I needed my son to do every morning...(eat, make bed, get dressed, brush teeth, etc.). I printed it out and let him go through it on his own so he could remember what he needed to do. You might try this with your girls. It was fun having Ben pose for all the pictures that represented each step of his morning routine, and I no longer had to nag him and remind him what else he had to get done.

Good luck.

Kim

Hi J.,
It is not too early to start just remember that they are little.I still struggle with my 5 year old but the 71/2 year old is finally is getting it and is able to do more all the time.Don't back down you are doing a good job.

P.

My kids are 15 girl,13 boy, 10 girl and I have to say the whining never stops. I constantly feel I am nagging even now. I am happy that I have always made them clean up and do there part because when they move out they will have the skills they need to keep their house clean and they know if they make a mess they will in the end be responsible for cleaning it up. Stay strong they are testing you to see if you will cave if they make it h*** o* you. If you give in now they will always be testing to see if they can get away with it the next time. Good luck and it will get easier. Mine still whine some but it is better than when they were littler.

Keep it up!! You are doing the right thing!! I had a friend over this summer and her 2 and 3 year old didn't ever pick up after themselves and my 18 mth old did the cleaning up with my older dapughter. I kept thinking she would notice that my little girl was capable of cleaning and then make her kids help...but no. I also put my daughter in time out for throwing things to show her that her kids were old enough for discipline but that didn't work either. The point is you are making the right decision and doing your best to raise responsible children, which unfortunately is rare these days. Try to keep it as positive as possible, I do a happy dance for my daughter when she finishes her "job"....(nobody can see me :)

Hope this helps!!!
-B

Hello J.!\''/

First off, I have to say "Right On Michele!" You are absolutely right!!!

Beings that the girls are 3 years old, they do need to be reminded every single day, even if you get sick of hearing yourself PLUS being "hands on" involved with them.

The kids (all kids actually) need to learn house rules and there are rules everywhere you go in society.......there are some type of rules to follow. So, when your daughters' start going to school, they will need to learn how to listen to their teacher and learn to follow their rules. That's good for them. So, communication is extremely important between you and your daughters'. Don't forget, they are only 3 and you have to really come down to their level because they only know so much. Like I said, hands on and really communicate and explain things to them, tell them why "WE" are putting all of the toys away. Maybe something like....."It's almost time for dinner and we need to start putting the toys away in the box." But that when you need to initiate in helping them so that they will learn from you. If they have a favorite song, then, maybe that should be the time to put on THEIR tunes, then that'll encourage them to put their toys away, or what ever needs to be put up or cleaned. Make it interesting for them. I don't know them, but it should be fun for you and the girls.

Good Luck
M.

Hi J., I have a 10 year old daughter and I babysit 3 little ones. They are now 3 1/2, 3 1/2 and 1 1/2. (I have watched them all since they were just infants and their mothers went back to work after their maternity leaves). With all four kids, mine and the ones I babysit, I have always had them start picking up their own things ever since they could walk and understand it was time to clean up and what they are suppose to do. Of course, at first I would help them but now the 3 1/2 year olds clean up all by themselves when I tell them it's time to clean up. All I do is hold their toy bag. :) Even the 1 1/2 year old will start helping to clean up when I'm having one of the other kids clean u p their toys. If the girls are giving you grief about cleaning up, make a game out of it and see who can clean up their area the fastest. Maybe offer some fun treat or reward for the winner. (An extra hug, getting to do something first, etc.) I had to use this 'trick' at times and it worked nicely. Good luck!!

Good for you! I don't think I started early enough and now my kids are older and resisting. Sometimes it just seems easier to do it ourselves, than to have to listen to the whining and complaining.
But you are teaching them habits for a lifetime here. People all should clean up after themselves...and I can tell you living in a house with teenagers who do not do this is no fun at all!
Keep it up...don't give up! And I agree with giving them a small reward for doing it, rather than a punishment for not. Positive reinforcement feels better for all involved.

Honestly 3 years old is a great age in my opinion to get things cleaned up. I have a 3 year old and a 21 month old and I bought 2 wicker baskets at wallmart (3$ each) lined them (with left over fabric) and tell them when it is time to clean up they have there own basket and they need to fill it up. I find that as long as you don't have more toys out at a time that fill the baskets it works great. Then while they are cleaning I talk about how easy it is too clean up after yourself and when they are done I tell them how incredible it is and how beautiful it is and everything. It has gotten to the point where when they get really excited and say stuff like "I can't believe how beautiful it is" Try it!

J.,
I feel that you are expecting too much. At 3yrs they are experimenting with a lot of different things and helping out isn't one of those things. Playing and making a mess is what kids do. Our two boys are finally getting into cleaning up and taking care of things. Yes, we have done the taking toys away, discipline and the lot, but they don't care because they don't understand. Our youngest is now 5yrs and he helps a lot. He knows that if he wants the dog to sleep in the house, she has to be bathed. He helps. The house has to be free of any small toys in site of the dog and the carpet has to be vacuumned. Our oldest is very enthusiastic to clean up too. He has learned the value of helping out even when he doesn't want to. Both of our boys work together to clean and put things away because they have the capacity to understand the rewards they will receive.

Have lots of fun with your girls and try not to expect too much of them right now.