Teaching Children to Be Grateful and to Appreciate What They Have

My 5 year old is in that phase too. You could try rotating his toys with less out at once. My aunt also keeps some holiday and birthday gifts put away and gives out only a few at a time. I don't get things that day if there is whining or a tantrum (he may get a warning to try asking nicely). It hasn't totally eliminated the whining and tantrums but they are shorter and less intense as he knows I'm not going to give in. Good luck.

Kids are programmed to learn through imitation, and I have found that, especially with attitudes and everyday behaviors, when I live my values clearly and happily, the children around me will (mostly) accept those as "the way we do it."

With my own daughter, and now my grandson, we habitually use good manners, ask for favors politely, say thanks for all sorts of things; from the food on our table; to someone holding a door open for us; for a beautiful day or a needed rain shower; or even to a child who is being polite. While verbal guidance and instruction will always be valuable and necessary, it's the daily examples that make the deepest impressions.

Kids are also able to discern very early who they can 'milk' for extras. Your grandmother is one of those – she may delight in giving her great-grandchild the things she could never give her own children or have for herself. You can try, but I don't think you'll be able to talk her out of it.

But you can hold reasonable and healthy limits on how many toys your son has to play with at any one time. If he has so much stuff he's failing to value it, divide the toys into batches, and rotate the batches every couple of months. If he doesn't show interest in some of the toys for a long time, others kids will value them – donate them to toys drives.

You can also participate with him in his play once in awhile. Express admiration for the nice things he has, ask him what's special about different toys, and encourage him to take good care of his things.

A four-year-old has very little concept of the monetary value of things. Parental lectures about value and replacement cost fly right through his little brain, because he's had little-to-no practice earning, saving or spending money yet. Right now, money is this magical substance that adults have in pocket or purse for whatever they want. A quarter can seem as valuable to a child as a $20 bill. That understanding will come in good time.

Four is tough. I took my son to the toy store the other day. We are on a budget and I was looking to let him pick out some of the small 85cent dinosaurs. It was REALLY hard for him to understand that we were getting the smaller ones, not the big ones. No tears, but it sharpened my resolve to not go into toys stores with him for a while, but to just buy him what I want to when I'm alone and give it to him later.

Gratitude is hard to 'teach' per se. Some ways we can help this is to ask our children to draw a picture for a 'thank you' card, and to tell us a little thanks note which we then write verbatim into the card. This can give them a moment to reflect.

I also agree with Peg, you can lead by example. Her suggestions of rotating out toys and donating what's unused to toy drives will be great. My son's toys would run us out of his room if we didn't rotate them out. I just brought up his tinkertoys from the basement and he's so happy with them.

And stick to it with not replacing broken toys. It's one thing if another child came to his house and broke a toy, or if you accidentally did. But if he just doesn't care... then that's a reasonable response.

It is possible to get him reigned in with wanting everything. My DD just turned 4 last month, I also have a 5yr old girl & new 7yr old boy. My kids decided they want to go to Disneyworld. I told them we need to save for it so they decided to start saving. When my older 2 ask for something, whether it's dinner, pack of gum, toy, my 4 yr old will remind them that we cannot spend money because we need to save for DisneyWorld, so you can expect more from your 4 yr old.

Also Grandma needs to *do* more rather than *buy* more. Maybe you can let her know art supplies or legos would be good so she can play with him. Or let her know college is really expensive & she can put money in instead.

Some people grow up equating toys with love. Is it possible this is her situation? You may want to give grandmother a list of what she can do with him. You can couch in terms of "he was talking about going to... Or, "he just loves creating... with you." I personally value experience over stuff.

I do think, however, that wanting is wonderful. That is a teachable moment. "That is so great that you want that particular ... You really know just what you want." Then you can teach him about saving for what he really wants. This is not about bribery. This is about teaching patience, saving money, earning privileges. Wanting is motivation. If children (or ADULTS) get what they want right away, they will always expect immediate gratification. But when something is sought out, saved for and then goal met... longer lasting appreciation.

There are great ideas here, and I just want to add a couple thoughts. With our twin 4-year-olds we have a mantra: "You get what you get and you don't get upset." That might have helped with the toy machine, if he was already familiar with the chant and you got it in there before Grandma started fishing out more quarters. Another thing we do is, say we're in a museum gift shop and they want something. I tell them they can choose something as long as it costs less than $5. Then they have to look at the price tags and find the numbers, and see what qualifies. That starts teaching them that things have different values, that costs matter, etc. but also gives them some control. Good luck!

If you give them everything, they are grateful for nothing.
How goes the toast?
"May all your desires be fulfilled except for one, so you'll always have something to strive for."
I think having something to strive for is important.
You need to rein in Grandma a bit.
How much will she keep buying him if she has to keep it all at her house?
If she really wants to help plan for his future, setting some money aside for a college fund will be more important that buying up the entire stock of Toys R Us.
About when my son was that age he could look at toys anytime he wanted at the store, but I'd remind him how long it was till Christmas or his birthday instead of buying it for him on the spot.
Well, one day he'd pick one thing and next week it would be something else.
By the time the serious gift shopping came along he'd have it narrowed down to what he REALLY wanted because he had time to think about it.
A special treat once in awhile for good behavior or great school performance is fine, but if it's happening all the time there's nothing special about it anymore.

At this age, he is learning, and naturally wanting more toys. HOWEVER, how you act is what he'll learn from. I agree, have a heart to heart with Grandma and see if you can't curb her behavior. I think it needs to start there.

It is really hard when it comes to grandmas and kids. I really don't know if you can do much about grandma. She probably grew up in a time when she didn't have many toys and she wants to give him what she didn't have. You can talk to her and tell her what you see and what you want and see what she says. I started my son a savings account and he says it is for college. He is seven. He is spoiled by his dad and his grandma the most. Unfortunately, his dad is an X and does not listen to me and his mom is making up for the past. I can't really do much about it when he is over there but I can do things when he is here. I told him that he needs to go through him stuff and decide what he wants to sell in a yard sale. He realizes that he has a lot and since we are moving he can not take it. He asked me if he gets the money from selling his stuff and I told him that it goes into a fund to help the family. I think it is important for kids to learn about charities and donate some things. He can go to a nursing home where there are people that do not have family and he can learn about the importance of family and being a foster grandson.

Clothes don't really matter that much to a four year old. I'm not afraid to say "no" and I have always led by example by showing gratitude and appreciation at every age.

You sound like you already know what to do. Don't replace broken toys, keep gift giving within reason, teach him to share....... and have a real heart to heart with Grandma.

My advice to you is to do your best to teach your boy values but recognize that he has his own personality. This may just be a phase (because he is just a little guy) but sometimes we cannot control how our kids feel. Tell him about the children that don't have anything, don't spoil him and that is the best you can do.