Teachers/OTs/Parents - Need an Assessment -

I would consult a 3rd party who is an educator and not a family friend. Sometimes it can be hard for both parents and teachers who are close to the situation to be objective. Our son was also small in size and a summer birthday. Our decision was not whether to repeat kindergarten, but whether to start him in the first place. It was a difficult decision, but after much thought and consultation we chose to wait a year. It ended up to be one of the best decisions we've ever made as parents, at least for our son. We consulted his preschool teachers, his future kindergarten teacher at his elementary school and the principal at his elementary school. He was advanced academically, but lacking in some social and emotional skills. Inattentiveness and some problems with reading, although sometimes typical for kids that age, can be a really big deal in 1st grade so you might want to have someone else evaluate her for those things the teacher mentioned. Is there a social worker at your school who could help you? Talk to the principal? Good luck.

J.,

This comes from the perspective of being the youngest in my class. I always did well and kept up academically, it was never really in question. Early screening also showed me emotionally capable. It wasn't until 8th grade that I started to recognize and voice my wishing that I had been in the class under me. Even being mature and insightful for my age, the kids I liked and got along with most naturally - were in the class below me. The other big factor that came up through Jr. High and High School was that I was very involved in athletics. I was always pulled up to the highest teams so it wasn't that I didn't excel. It is that if my body had one more year to develop it would have been amazing. I could litterally feel my body change my freshman year of college. The clumziness was gone and I started being able to implement all the skills I had learned over the years. I know you aren't thinking of your dtr as a college athlete, but I know from a friendship aspect and body development (if you are a late bloomer - you are that much more behind your classmates) I just always felt like I should have been in the class under me.
Again, I did well academically and was a college athlete so things were not a disaster by any means. I just thought it would be an interesting perspective for you.
Best of luck!
M.

I'm also a parent and work at a preschool, which includes Kindergarten. So many parents are in a hurry for their children to grow up and I honestly have to ask "what's the hurry?" I would listen to your child's teacher. I've seen too many cases where teachers won't even bother to touch on sensitive subjects because they don't want to interfere or upset parents. By not saying anything, they've already 'given up on the chld. It sounds like your child's teacher is acting in the best interest of your daughter; she sees her in the school setting each day. I've never heard a parent say 'I wish we hadn't held them back/repeated Kindergarten.' However, I have heard the other 'I wish we would have...' And like one parent said- think about 10 years from now, when girls are going through puberty- it's hard enough as it is, but to be the youngest and latest to go through it, can really be difficult. I don't think you'd regret repeating Kgarten at all. Good luck

J. - are you sure that the school is appropriate for your daughter and your family. My children went to a private Christian school for most of their elementary years. But when my son was labelled as "one of those 5th grade boys" I knew it was time to leave. My daughter was often left out of everything because there were 10 girls in her grade, 9 of them were "popular" and she wasn't. (We took her out of that school after 6th grade.) This was heart breaking for me as a mom. You might want to look for a different school....

BTW - my daughter is now a sophomore at Bethel University and everyone on campus knows her and loves her! She's a bright, intelligent, caring, thoughtful person. It does get better.

All the best,

I agree with the previous posters about trusting the teacher. I taught kindergarten at a private school for many years and occasionally had a child repeat. Every single parent (even those who initially resisted) thought that it was a wonderful decision in the end. The children who repeated were never bored the second year and often rose to the leadership positions in the class with their new confidence. Another reason to trust the teacher (versus some standard assessment)is that she knows the group and the dynamics and abilities. Some years that I taught I had a very strong group of children and other years they were more average or even weaker as a whole group...a child that one year would have been a top reader might be just average if placed in a different group of kids and vice versa. Does that make sense? Hope this helps...

I can feel ya... My daughter is 8/29/01 and WAS the youngest in her class and was getting reports just like your getting. She was doing fine academically but the kids who were a year older were kicking her butt academcially and socially. She was the shortest, youngest, etc... It was like this in all the sports she played too. She was ALWAYS compared to kids a year older which is NOT FAIR.

Things were like this academically,emotionally,socially

Kindergarten-Good,some problems
1st Grade-Ok, more problems
2nd Grade-lost alot of friends, bad, horrible

My daughter never qualified for special services like title one or anything but her grades were the pits in 2nd grade. Noone would play with her hardly, she wasn't invited to birthday partys it just went down the tubes and I swear it's cause she was the YOUNGEST. She's bright she reads at a 4th grade reading level she's only 7.

So a few months ago this past January I had enough of seeing my beautiful, friendly, outgoing, bright, smart daughter struggling with her peers and always being one step behind the older kids and I yanked her out of public school(public schools don't let you hold your kid back unless they feel the need) and I enrolled in her a private school and put her back into 1st grade. She is so happy, back her to old self, has a ton of friends and doing just absolutely great. She's the same size as these kids, same maturity, has the same abilities and isn't being compared to kids a year older anymore.Best decision I have EVER made. Sure I was hesitant, my family told me not to but in my heart I had to. By switching school's noone really knows, the kids are still super young and accepting. My daughter loves this change as well.

My daughter is very mature especially around adults, she's not shy can hold a conversation with any adult. So of course my family and other adults think I was crazy to hold her back but there is a difference between being around adults and being around her peers. There is a huge difference between kids. The other girls at school were alwyas 10 feet ahead of my daughter in interets, maturity, you name it.

As much as you want to blame the teacher for not giving you what you want to hear she's probaly right about your daughter. Noone wants to ever hear anything negative about their child, trust me I've heard tons. But she's a teacher so listen to what she is saying. When my daughter was in preschool they told me DONOT send her to kindergarten and I thought the teacher was nuts and that I know my daughter better than anyone and by gosh she's ready for kindergarten and now I want to slap myself for not listening to that teacher who I thought was just picking on my daughter or didn't know her like I did.

My advise is hold her back if it's already this stressful and your already having issues. It will get harder each year she continues if you don't. Do you want a child who is one step under everyone and always catching up? Or do you want a child who confident and doesn't have to work as hard?

Here is some examples of what I'm talking about:

Kindergarten my daughter was reading at grade level, really small books and doing sight words. The Cat ran to the door. Stuff like that. NOW the older girls who were a year older some of them were reading freaking chapter books. Now my daughter wasn't behind she was at grade level but 'cmon that big of a difference in the classroom is nuts.

1st grade again my daughter was at grade level when the school year started. These other girls were literally 25 reading levels higher than my daughter and it drove my daughter nuts. She was so jealous and hated these girls. These girls got special privelages and got to read the fun books etc.Those girls were teachers pets etc. My daughter didn't have a chance. It took my daughter an entire YEAR to get to where the other girls started at. So by the end of 1st grade my daughter was where those girls started 1st grade at. Now my daughter was slightly above grade level. But those girls were now way way way past her they got even farther ahead. With summer school and mom pushing her at home I got her farther.

So my daughter started 2nd grade above grade level but those girls were like in outer space I swear. Then my daughter was a 4th grade reading level by mid 2nd grade and still nowhere near these girls abilities and never would be at this rate. I won't even get into math or science.

Sorry this is so long I just really struggled with this myself and want to let you know we went from hating school, pushing my daughter to now relaxing, enjoying school and being a kid again.