Talking Back from a 3 Year Old

You can be tough and ignore her or send her away to her room. Or you can do something that is effective but doesn't put you against her. Use a simple "try again" or "nice voice please". You can do it with humor and she would react with humor and now both of you are in a loving frame of mind and she still is learning how to talk appropriately.

Glimpse of the future: it's a developmental milestone when kids around the 4 year mark start using threats and ultimatums. Your rephrasing it and turning it into 'normal' talk gives her the experiences to learn how to talk more appropriately without you needing to be the 'bad guy'. This lets you keep family ties growing instead of battling.

my daughter also has a 'sassy mouth' that I'm not quite sure what to do about! I had been doing the same as you and sending her to her room until she could speak nicely. I think my daughter doesn't even realize she is doing it half the time, she always insists she 'didn't mean to' and as a result I have recently made a slight variation to dealing with her sassiness. We had a calm talk about how we have different voices we can use, and that sometimes I don't appreciate the voice she uses. We discussed how we can change the voice that's coming out of our mouths by changing our facial expressions (tricking the voice into sounding happy and nice by putting a smile on your face, etc.) Then I told her that we could work together to stop the sassiness. When she speaks in a tone I don't like, I say 'could you rephrase that, please?' that is her cue that she needs to check herself and focus on how she is saying what she is saying. It has been working out quite well for us. After she rephrases, we talk about how much nicer THAT sounded and what better results she got from the second choice of words, etc., and then an exaggerated (and usually giggly) 'WHEW! THAT was a close call of being sent to the room!!' She still gets sent to her room occasionally, but spends a LOT less time there.

Hi DM,
I too have a 3 year old girl who can have a bit of a diva or sassy attitude at times. My situation is a bit different in that usually her sass comes when she is asking me a question or needs something from me. I tell her that she needs to speak kindly to me and make her say it until it is of an acceptable tone. She does not use naughty or inappropriate words either so I too do not have that problem. It seems to work for her. Sometimes I can even give her the mom "look" with the arched eyebrow and she knows to repeat it in a friendlier way. Good luck!
T.

I used to simply say "ouch", and that was my daughter's clue to think about what she said and how she said it, and to try it again.

what I do--
when I say no and my dd says I shouldn't say that it hurts her feelings (Yup, exact scenario! I totally related) I say to her, the reason I am telling you no is...and I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings, but the answer is still no.
why she often asks, I return with why do you think, I don't know she says, well come back and talk to me when you have and idea of why
my daughter loves to do chores so I haven't had that specific one--but I would say well we all have to do extra jobs in this family, you have 2 choices, you can complain about it and end up taking your time getting the table cleared and lose your play time before bed, or you can do it quickly now and have that 20 minutes still. the choice is up to you
more complaining: if I do it for you, you will lose a privilege, I'm thinking no (some favorite activity) tomorrow.
I've really had to get my thinking cap on with my daughter, she's very smart which is great but man can she come up with interesting reasoning for stuff...
lately when she wants or needs something she come ups to me and says mom, sit down please, we need to talk.
or she'll say, so here's the plan...hows that is that a good idea?
its cute--I have to remind myself when I just want to throw my hands up and scream that its good she is learning to communicate and I don't want to shut that down.

Hello!

Whatever you do, do it quickly! I have an almost ten year old daughter that I did not sit on. I thought she would outgrow it. I didn't have anyone to ask advice from so I just did what I thought I should have, which was not effective. It is far more difficult to deal with a sassy mouth when the child gets older. It has become who my daughter is and it is very difficult to help and encourage her to not speak with the tone that she does.

As for my other two (5 and 7), I was able to get past the sassy tone by not letting it slide. My 5 year old still speaks that way occasionally. I get down on her level and say "You may NOT talk to me that way. That is not how we talk to a Mommy or any else". She says "sooooooorrrrrryyyy" and changes her tone and moves on. I don't put her in time out because once I say something, firmly, it's done with.

I have to say that it probably also has a lot to do with the child's personality as well. My two younger girls are very shy and have a more calm attitude. My older daughter has an energetic and spunky attitude. She is just extreme on ALL levels. She is great at school, very outgoing, in student council, and is always the first to raise her hand in class. Very confident in herself and has no fear of anything. So the sassy attitude, while not acceptable, makes sense being that she's "over the top" in all areas of her life.

You may just have a strong willed child on your hands and the best thing you can do is get it under control so that you can point her in the right direction.

Best wishes and tons of hugs!!