I have been friends with a woman for two years now- our first grade sons attend the same school and play with each other. She is divorced and is very bitter towards her ex. She recently told me that she received a DWII. She said that she did drink alcohol with a new medication (and wasn't aware that there would be an effect) - she doesn't remember being pulled over. She has several large dogs in her small home & urine spots are everywhere. She is consistently unemployed. She has a boyfriend out of town and has told me that she intends to take her son for long trips this summer to see him (the boyfriend). I know for a fact that her ex would like perm. custody & would in my opinion take better care of their son. I have spent so much time around her son and have finallly faced the fact that although she is my friend- she is not taking the best care of him. I have this nagging feeling that I should notify someone of the situation (I do not wish to be identified to anyone)- any thoughts would be so appreciated. Thank you.
I don't understand why everyone always wants to "start stuff", so to speak, but then remain annonymous.
If you are going to start a fire, then have the decency to stand up and let them know who threw the match????
We all have rough patches. If you are her friend you will talk to her and give her a chance to correct her downward spiral (with your help) before contacting CPS. Friends don't call the authorities on their friends without atleast trying to lend a helping hand. To me she sounds very depressed. You need to confront her and be honest. Tell her that you are worried about her neglectful behavior and you are worried for her child. If I was going through a rough time and my parenting was in question by a friend I would OBVIOUSLY rather my friend be straight with me rather than go behind my back. I know that you are trying to do what is right, but like I said, if she is your friend she deserves the warning. I am sure that once CPS is involved then things would be even worse for her. Unless the child is in danger then calling CPS should not be your first choice.
Mother have different parenting styles. Some houses are a mess, some are immaculate. Some mothers have a few beers, some never do.
That said, if she is doing something illegal, using illegal drugs, drinking & driving, leaving him unsupervised alone at home, contact the police.
Although she doesn't sound like Mother of The Year to me either, pee on the carpet, large dogs in a small home, previous DWI, vacations with the son to see a boyfriend and unemployment aren't illegal actions and I don't think you have grounds to call CPS. But it is anonymous if you do.
My husband left town on business last Monday and today is Thursday. If this is any indication of what it's like to be a single mom, then I feel for your friend.
I'm wiped out. I have dirty dishes in my sink. My dog threw up on the carpet (leaving a lovely mark), the laundry has piled up and I don't think I'd have the energy for a boyfriend right now.
My kids, on the other hand, have completed their homework with my help, just ate a meal and we are going to play a game together later. Should I use that game time to do the dishes? Maybe. Maybe I'll wait until they are in bed, or maybe I'll go to bed when they do.
In other words, my home somewhat matches what you have described on the outside. On the inside, under the piles of laundry, there is love and support for my kids. If someone came to my door and decided to call CFS, I would be furious.
If someone came to my door and offered to fold the laundry, I think I'd cry!! Don't be too quick to judge based soley on the outside. Get inside and try to HELP her first. Then, if your instincts are correct, take action, but not until then.
This is a tough situation, and I'm honestly leaning on the side of not intervening without direct proof of an true reason to begin an invasive process that can have a significant impact on many lives. At the same time, I'd hate to see her son be affected by something because no one reported it.
Unless you have concrete proof of something, I'd advise not to get involved at this point. There may be a reason that she has custody over their son vs. the father.
As a friend, I'd focus more on helping her get her life on a good track. I'd be honest with her that if she doesn't start stepping-up and being responsible as a mother, someone may report her to CPS, and she could lose him.
I've not personally had to make a judgment call in a situation like this, so I apologize for not having more direction.
If it were my friend, I'd get in there and help her.
Pls don't do anything thats going to make her life even harder to deal with.
Everyone needs a hand every now and then.
If you have the gut feeling that moms get definately do something. There is no reason to make this child live like that. They will keep it quiet as to who reported her, and they will investigate to see if the situation is unsuitable for a child. You would never forgive yourself if you did not do anything. Especially if she was to be drinking and driving with her son in the car and has a serious/fatal accident. I hope you make the best choice for her son, and best of luck to you!
You can call CPS and anonymously report this fact. It's important for the safety of that 6/7 yr old to feel safe and secure. That way, they can step in and help dad secure custody till mom gets her life in order. Thats what I have had to do before. It's all anonymous, so there is no way to be identified.
Friends or not, you do what is right for the child. He needs an advocate and right now that is you. You need to call CPS and tell them your concerns. You also need to tell them you think it is best that this little boy live with his dad. Just imagine if something were to happen to this little boy and you said nothing.
It sounds to me like this women needs time to put her life back on track. That is not always easy when you are trying to raise a child.
Do what you know is right.
If you feel her child is being neglected, you can make an anonymous call to CPS and they can check it out.
Definitely notify DFCS and/or CPS.
I suggest that you call Child Protective Services and give them the information. They will decide, based on your information, if there is cause to open and investigation.
You can report anonymously or you can ask that your name to be kept confidential.
I would not talk with the father at this point because CPS often hesitates to get involved if custody is an issue. Once their investigation is complete you can talk with the father. CPS may also talk with him.
This is horribly sad. I agree completely with what Marda P said. Give the information you have anonymously and allow CPS to make their decision and/or investigation. My concern would be if she is driving under the influence WITH her son in the car. Sounds like she is making poor choices and it will most likely put your mind at ease if you say something. I understand it is very difficult to sit back and watch and I would be just as concerned as you. My opinion would be to do what your gut tells you and at the same time what is in the best interest of this innocent child. Best of luck to you!
I guess i read more between the lines than most of your responders. Your freind sounds depressed to me. I agree it sounds like she is making a series of bad choices and that is a red flag to me. Not that the house is messy but the fact that she doesn't seem to care.AND that she is getting DWi's and i really don't like the whole boyfriend thing, If there is someone else he ought to be helping build her up to be better able to not be drinking and not to be dragging the kid all over tarnation to be with the boyfriend.
I don't know who to call or how to handle it but i do see it more serious than some of your other responses.
