At Home Daycare, Mom Always Comes Late Smells like Liquor. What Should I Do?

I would call CPS. It doesn't matter if she is not drinking and driving, someone who is wasted is not going to be caring for an 18 month old. This sounds like a terrible case of child neglect.
You are doing a wonderful job caring for this child and caring for her basic needs when her parents don't. You can't care for her forever, though, and her parents need a wake up call!

Hugs! This isn't an easy situation to be in!

For one, you need a contract, including when the official pick up time is. You need to state for every 5 mins she is late, there is an extra $5 late charge or whatever you decide.

As for her coming in a tank top with it being 25 degrees out, that is child neglect. I would tell the parents that she needs to come dressed in weather appropriate clothing. I would also call cps and ask their opinion if it is something 'reportable'.

As for the rash, tell the parents she needs medication for the rash. Document all of these things.

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If your were a Doctor or Daycare worker or Teacher... they would be obligated to say something and/or report any suspected child negligence.

Maybe you should just try and talk to her? If not her then the Husband.
But they are neighbors?
So its really, a hard situation. You'd see them everyday whether or not you are babysitting their child.

You need to DOCUMENT this.

Are you telling them about their baby's raw/rash skin?
If not, then tell them.
TELL THEM... about it.
You need to tell them, about anything about their baby and give them tips on how to alleviate it.
Maybe they don't know how.
But instead of not saying anything, you need to tell them.
Tell them it can get infected etc. Or to take their baby to a Doctor.

I think you already know the answer to this question ... you call and report the behaivor. CPS needs to visit the home, and yours to see what you are seeing. Document each time of pick up and drop off. IF the mother has been drinking then call the police and have her pulled over for possbile drunk driving. There are things you can do and this child needs to be protected. Ironically the parents are paying you to protect her so DO IT!

Hi,
I have never dealt with anything like this to be honest. I know the responses you will get will be to report the parents to child services. However I think you should at least try and talk to the father first. Explain to him that your interest lies with the child. You seem to be a very caring person and I think what this baby is getting from you, it will not be receiving if they choose another caregiver or daycare. Just try to approach him gently without accusations of his wife. Just state that the baby doesn't seem to be cared for at home and that you try to give it the best care possible. In the end it is the baby that is the victim in this situation.

Oh, boy, J.... you need to get this family out of your hair and call CPS. At daycare centers, we are not allowed to let a child go with a parent in the condition you describe. What would have happened if mom got into a car accident. Add to that, you are being exploited big time. Report these parents for suspected neglect and get away from them. You do not want these adults in your house and in your life or anywhere near your children.

And find out what the actual rates are for babysitting in your area and stick with those, too. This price of $25 a day would put me off if I were looking for quality care for my child-- it is way too little.

Here's what I'd do:

1. Document everything. Every day. In the morning, is baby in clean clothes? Is she wearing the same diaper she wore to bed? Has she been bathed? Is she underweight? Bruises? What time is she dropped off and picked up? For late days have you been given any notice? What is mom/dad's physical/mental state when they arrive?

2. Continue to care for the baby in the best way you can for a few weeks while documenting activity.

3. Offer your advice (ACTUALLY SAY that baby has a rash and needs this medicine on her bottom). Try to engage parents in conversation when they arrive so as to give them the full update on the health and welfare of their child. Document what and how you told the parents about their child.

Once you've documented for a few weeks, I'd file a report with the local authorities.

In that time, perhaps the parents will become a little more engaged. And you'll know that you've helped this baby.

If this were me... I know how you feel, however you can't be there all the time. to care for this little girl. You have your own family and children to consider.

The care she is getting at home obviously is not good. If you have a good relationship with the Husband/Dad I would talk to him first. However if that does not work and he is not willing to listen then I would definitely call the authorities.

I hope she gets the help she needs to get past this problem.

Never give open ended daycare, tell them 5:30 is the end time and if something comes up someone needs to call. Tell them she needs to be dressed appropriately for the weather. You opened yourself up to this by not setting guidelines.

Hopefully if you set rules the problem will fix itself. So far as to the speculating about drinking and how often they bathe her, I would let it go because it isn't enough to get the authorities involved but is enough that if you report it you have pissed off your neighbors. Especially when you haven't even spoke to them about your concerns.

What if you charged by the hour instead? That way, the later they are, the more they have to pay.

And I would ask for AT LEAST $5/hour (which would put you at $40 for an 8-hour day). If they are both working, they should be able to afford that.

Good luck! I hope you stay involved in that little one's life. :-)

My sister operates 2 daycare centers in our area. Last week, after she had reported possible neglect to the Department of Children and Family Services, DCFS took a 10 month old baby away from her mother/grandmother. The neglect was similar to what you describe--failure to bathe the child & not taking proper care of the baby's eczema. I do believe you have enough to notify the authorities. They will not just swoop in and take away the baby. They will do a thorough investigation to determine what is in the best interests of the child. When it comes to a baby, I'd err on the side of caution and alert your state's children & family services division. Good luck to you and to that sweet girl!

Maybe she goes into a time machine and works in advertising on Madison Avenue in the 1960's?

On a serious note, it sounds like she has eczema. It can happen to dry skin specially more so during cold weather. She needs LOTS of heavy lotion or Aquaphor or something of that sort- it doesn't mean they don't bathe her, in fact, if it IS eczema, soap can make matters much worse... oh, I didn't know it is DIAPER rash... you didn't clarify that- well, soap makes THAT worse, too!

If you want to continue, you could put a formal contract in place, like many daycare providers. $5 for every 5 minutes they are late. My children's after school program has a similar structure and if the fees aren't paid you don't get your childs report card. You could state that their fee needs to be paid by the next time they drop her off. Sounds harsh but they are already getting a good deal and it does take away from your time with your family. Perhaps that might force them to get their act together.

Call the police, give them her license number and tell them that you suspect she has been drinking etc. You need to set some boundaries and tell her that you are not open for buisness anymore til whenever she wants--she needs to pick up her child by 5pm -no later or you won't continue this etc. As for the rash--have you talked to the mom? Also, alot of what you said about the child's condition is questionable and sounds like neglect-- I would make a report to CPS. You are mandated to do so as a childcare provider. This child isn't being taken care of properly and is a great risk especially if her mom is drinking and driving etc. GL

M

The child is neglected...this is awful. You are being taken advantage of, you need to charge more.

Most children are in care of a child care person about 10 hours per day. That is a regular person working 8-5, with the half hour before work and the half hour after work being the time they need to get to and from.

So if they are dropping her off around 9 am they could expect her care to continue until 7pm. That would be the normal 10 hours.

Otherwise...tell them they must pick the child up by Xpm. After that you will call the hubby to take off work.

As for the drinking. There is no law anywhere that says taking a drink is illegal. One can even take a drink and then drive. It is when they are snot faced drunk that laws take effect.

In child care if we suspect the parent is drunk we must allow them to take their child or be arrested for interference with parental rights. We can however call the police and tell them the parent of one of our kids just picked up little Susie or Johnny and they were obviously inebriated. Then give the officer and tag number and description of the vehicle.

Since they live next door I would assume she isn't driving and that would not be an issue. I don't know how I would handle it in that case. If she works 9:30am to 5:30 pm she may get off early every now and then and that is why some days she is earlier than later. If she works a full 8 hour shift she is not off work normally until later. I would have a frank discussion with her about what hours she is expecting you to work.

In Oklahoma $25 per day is about standard for a full day of child care. For most ages it is less per day as they get older, full time, about 10 hours per day.

J., so sorry for your situation. Assuming you are licensed, you are required to tell the parents of your legal responibilities as a licensed caregiver, which include reporting to CPS. Even if you're not licensed you can write these things into your contract as a way to legitimize it (not that you need to!). Just bringing up CPS or authorities could be a good wakeup call. And if it isn't, then at least A) you gave them fair warning and B) know that for sure there is an innapropriate situation that isn't being fixed.

It's tough because it sounds like it started as a pretty casual situation, which always has potential for discomfort when something goes wrong. But its no excuse to have you, your family or the little girl suffer. It's definitely your responsibility as a caregiver to report these things. Good luck.

I think you should sit down with the mom and be blunt. Tell her these are the hours that you are willing to babysit. Tell her you have smelled alcohol on her breath and while you're not judging her choices, you are not babysitting so she can go out and party and that she needs to make other arrangements if she wants to go out after work. Let her know that, just like a daycare center, you will have to call CPS if she is constantly late and comes smelling like alcohol. Also, ask her about the rash - did she notice it? What is she doing about it? Just be honest with her and then if it continues, you have only two options: call CPS and/or quit babysitting.

I would have a heart to heart with the dad. Talk to him about her sore bottom and his wife picking up the little girl drunk. Does he want you to call him or hand over the little girl to his wife? I would also ask for appropriate change of clothing to keep at your house.

Calling CPS wont solve anything here. There isn't anything they can do about her being drunk. My neighbor has been called so many times because of that. They have even been there with the police while she is literally falling down/ into the door ways, tripping and falling drunk. All they did was tell her she cant get "that" drunk with out someone else in the house to take care of the child. She has told me that she has had over 50 calls on her because of her being drunk. Nothing has been done. Maybe this isn't always the case with everyone... but sadly with her it is.

Some kids get rashes easier than others. My youngest son would break out in a rash out of no where and it would be bleeding with in a couple of hours. Seemed like it happened at least once if not twice a month and it would take at least a week to heal.

Im not trying to make light of this situation!!! I really think the best thing to do is talk to the Dad first. Then decide if you want to keep caring for the child if it stays like this. I would for sure write up an agreement after talking to the Dad and setting guidelines and having BOTH parent sign it! That way you are all on the same page from here on out on how to handle things like this.

Very tough situation and obviously you feel badly for the daughter. Does the father seem more reasonable? It seems like three issues - random pick-up times, poorly cared for child, and the mother drinking. Maybe start with one at a time in the best interest of the child. OK - you could address two at once. Set a specific pickup. Say it's cutting into time with your family. $25 is insanely cheap to me btw. Maybe make it a 5:30 pickup or you'll have to charge extra in 15 min increments. When you're discussing this, say you've noticed the bad rash and you found with your kids, xyz worked really well. And say how the little girl is often cold so she needs to be dressed warmer. Then maybe see how it goes. Start keeping track of how often the mother has been drinking and if she's been drinking a lot or just a little. Take a month and put it on paper to see if it's really bad. I think once a month is a lot! But maybe see how it goes and if it's pretty bad, talk to the father. He likely knows unless he's blind but I can't help but think of this poor little girl and if there's anyway to help, it'd be great if you can.

PLEASE contact CPS or DCFS! The safety of the little girl is key here, and if you suspect she isn't being cared for properly, even without having much written down, you need to report it to make sure she is safe!! What if she ended up getting really sick or hurt? You would probably feel horrible about that, plus, the responsibility could actually lie on you for NOT reporting neglect. Protect this child AND your family - call the authorities!!

I would report them to Child Protective Services for neglect. This can be done anonymously.

Wow J., this is tough for you. First, you are beyond sweet and kind for first and foremost caring for this girl.

I think you already know that something must be done. If it was me, I wouldn't confront her or the father directly, they are neighbors so this would be awkward forever, and honestly probably wouldn't make much difference.

Documenting might be fine, but I'm guessing you are just doing the daycare thing as a favor and for some extra money, so you aren't a licensed daycare provider. Which means you don't want social services looking into what you do (not that you are doing anything wrong, just that you don't need an extra headache).

I would absolutely make an anonymous call to CPS. Let them know that they should visit the home after 5 when mom is likely to have been drinking, or when they leave your house.

I hate making people's lives hard, and I always feel bad. But I think of it this way. If you learned that mom, dad, and/or baby were killed in an accident because mom was driving drunk, you would never forgive yourself. It's as simple as that.

Please make the call, and please let us know what happened. Good luck.