Support Group for Secondary Fertility Issues

Updated on July 16, 2008
A.D. asks from New York, NY
8 answers

Hello. I am looking for a support group for those experiencing secondary fertility issues in New York City. My husband and I have been trying to conceive our second child for a year now and so far nothing.

I am so upset and angry and it is starting to affect our marriage to the point where I sometimes think a divorce would be the best option.

I appreciate any information or guidance you can provide.

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answers from New York on

I can't tell you where to find a support group but I can offer a bit of advice myself.
My husband and I have also have a 2 1/2 year old and have been trying to conceive our second child for about a year. I think I know why we have been having problems. My husband has just been very sick and was in the hospital for over a month. Probably the months leading up to his hospitalization his body was not working properly. I also am a little happy we did not conceive because if anything happened to that child my husband would have a lot of guilt.
I have been trying to keep a very zen attitude to our approach. I believe we are so lucky to have our healthy beautiful little girl when there are so many people who struggle to have one child. I think in time when it is right we will become pregnant again. In the meantime I am enjoying every moment of time with the child I have. I know once that second child comes around it will change our family forever and these precious moments I have with my child will change too.
Hope this Helps!

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answers from New York on

Hi A.,

My big girl is 11 and will be 12 in October. My huband and I began trying when she was nine. We got pregnant and lost a baby as soon as we began and than nothing.

I am curious why are you so angry?
You're not the first or the last woman who has been trying to have a child and at least we both have children.
Some people never have the first.

Also are you saying if you don't get what you want your huband is out the door?
What about your responsibility to the child you already have?
If this wasn't an issue would you want to get rid of your daughter's father?

Are you caught up in the fast food nation.
I want it my way and I want it now?
I don't know, I don't know you.

My husband, my daugher and I are still a family.
We are having more children.
In the meantime I will live in the garden of eden and not be tempted to blow up the sea, because I can't enjoy the valley.



answers from New York on

try resolve. google they used to have monthly meetings but now only online but can be a good source.



answers from New York on

Dear A.,

There is an organization called Resolve which can definitely help you. They have support groups as well as therapists who specialize in this area. They also have tons of info.

Their website is

I hope everything works out for you! Hang in there!




answers from New York on

Hi A.-
I am in the same boat you are. I have a 2 1/2 year old son who I would love to give a sibling to. I've had two invitro procedures and two IUI procedures. I know exactly how you feel. Right now I'm trying to decide what my next move is going to be.
I know how frustrated you feel believe me I feel the same way. I spent many days and nights trying to figure out why I couldn't become pregnant. One day I started speaking to someone who had a friend who was trying to get pregnant for 5 years. The couple are now 40,000 dollars in debt from trying all kinds of medical procedures (most of them are not covered by insurance)to no avail. I decided right then and there to not put so much emphasis on becoming pregnant. I am truly thankful for the son I have. I decided to excercise more, eat better, and focus on other issues. I firmly believe the more relaxed you are the better the chances are of conceiving. You hear stories of women who try to become pregnant for years that they decide to adopt, as soon as they adopt they end up becoming pregnant. The reason is all the stress and worrying is no longer a factor because they resolved the fertility problem by choosing an alternative solution.
As far as your husband, I'm sure he feels the same way you do. I know my husband is angry and frustrated. Men handle things differently than women. Men tend to hold all their feelings in because they have trouble expressing themselves. They don't want to upset us by saying anything, but we take their silence as indifference which isn't the case.
If you feel the need to "talk" you can e-mail me at I hope this helps.



answers from New York on

Hi A.,
I had my son at age 45 and started trying for another when he was 6 months old. My son was a freeze dried reconstituted baby conceived thru IUI, injections and clomid. I believe though that I conceived because my husband was out of the country and there was less stress. We never had #2 and we are getting divorced--not because we didn't have the baby but we didn't have the baby probably because we needed to get divorced.
So my suggestion to you is shelve the baby making for now and work on your marriage/relationship with hubby. When things are calm and you feel intimacy with him, your body will know it is safe to get pregnant.
I am also speaking as a physical therapist who has worked with dozens of women with challenged fertility. You need to feel peace and calm--stress brings on the Fight or Flight reaction and your fertility shuts down.
Many blessings--
PS--bugger Resolve--I don't like the energy among the doctors involved. Just a personal pet peeve.



answers from New York on

Please buy the ov watch and take the stress if there are no medical issues you may just not be hitting the right days. i would also recommend acupuncture to regulate your body's systems. i am 42 and got pregnant very quickly using these 2 methods. Also remember why you married your husband to feel the love again and try to have fun together. good luck



answers from New York on

Hi A.,
I have 2 1/2 year old girl and we have been trying to get pregnant for 7 months now after having a m/c at 11 weeks.
It's tough and it is a big dissapointment every month it doesn't happen. I am trying to just relax and hope for the best and enjoy my beautiful daughter.

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