Sunday School- a Debate in My Home, What Age Is the Best Age?

My answer to them would be that anytime they have the kids for the weekend, they are welcome to take them to SS and church. Otherwise, you will be taking them to your family church. You are the role models, you are the most influential people in your children's lives on a daily basis. They will look to you for answers about any differences in the two churches, and YOUR attitudes and beliefs will be reflected in your children, not the grandparents'.

If you want YOUR children to go to YOUR church's sunday school then have husband tell his parents that as husband/wife mother/father you two have decided that the children will be going to your church's sunday school when YOU feel they are ready. Let them know that you appericate that they care so much about their grandchild's spiritual well being and that as a family you will attend an event once or twice a year at their church but that your children will be doing Sunday School at your church when you feel they are ready.

A quick background of me; I am WELS, my dad is a pastor, my husband and I are very involved in our church. We started my daughter at age 3, but I felt she was ready & she also said she wanted to go to Sunday School.

At my church Sunday School starts at age 3, BUT parents have waited till age 4, 5, 6 & 7 to have their child(ren) go to Sunday School. The parents have to make the choice, it is up to no one else.

Kindergarten is when I and my husband started Sunday school.. We had also attended Christian daycares for years. I agree it should be your church and when you feel it is the right time of reach of your children..

Do you read religious books to your children? That is another way to introduce them to your beliefs..

<<My in law's who are a great help to me and my husband. I do want to incorporate religion in our children life's but feel it is much too early for my almost three year old to attend Sunday school. Also, when the time does come for them to attend Sunday school i would want them to attend at the church we had them Baptized in>>

I think you said it best, yourself. Above is a very kind and respectful way of saying how you feel. No need to tell them, specifically, how your beliefs differ. But after you and your husband decide what is best for your children, then you should tell them, just as you told us.

Churches don't teach about homosexuality in Sunday school, so I would say not to worry about it. Your 3 year old is definitely ready, and would have a great time. There is no harm in letting your 9 month old go too, then you and hubby could have a morning off while making the Grandparents very happy.

I may look at this from a different perspective, because we've lived so far away from family for the last 8 years. My kids have been growing up with no grandparent or other familial involvement. I wish we had grandparents involved that wanted to take our kids places and do things with them.

With that said, really what's the harm? I'm sure they are motivated out of love for your children. I've never heard of a Sunday school for little ones that addressed homosexuality, so that really shouldn't be an issue at almost 3.

Your baby would basically just be babysat, so I wouldn't send him. If your toddler wants to go with them and check it out, why not let him? Or take him to your church. Many churches have really fun programs for kids. He may love it or hate it, and you can go from there.

I'm a mom that was never comfortable leaving my kids with anyone, so I waited to put my kids in any church program. I now wish I had done it sooner for my oldest. My youngest is 6 and loves "kid's church" so much she asks me to go more than just Sunday.

I don't know your situation, but it sounds like you may be more concerned that they are being overbearing and undermining your child-rearing methods? I always try to ask myself in these situations, why is this really bothering me so much? Often it's a deeper issue.

Good luck with your decision! I know family issues can be tough, but I think it's tougher with no family.

When I was little it was a fact that if I spent the wknd at Grannies I would be in Sunday school that Sunday. It never hurt me and I have great memories of all the visits. Let him attend, there are a lot worse things to worry about, and be thankful that the grandparents are Christians, period.

My oldest is 6 and has been in SS since he started K. My youngest is 3 and has not started because he gets very upset and cries and screams when we try to leave him. That being said, if my children had been ok with me leaving them at an early age, I would have started them in SS then, but since they weren't ready, we have decided to let them begin when they hit K. If your oldest wants to try SS out with his grandparents, then why not let him try it out. If he doesn't like it or isn't ready just yet, explain that you want SS to be a positive experience for him and you have decided to wait until you feel he is ready and you will let them know when that time comes. I think 9 months is too young. That is just childcare, not SS.

Well, we're trying to get our daughter signed up for this fall's sunday school and she will be 3 next week. It is a bit early, but this is also when I think they start to ask questions and learn the routine of church, so I'm kind of for it. But, I also don't think waiting another year or two is a bad thing. I do agree that you should get them going to Sunday school in your church, especially when there are such fundamental differences between the two! I think you should simply just tell your inlaws that since this is where you attend church this is where you want the boys to go, end of story. I doubt they would find that odd...you wouldn't even have to mention the other stuff, but if it comes to it, you probably should, b/c at some point, if the issues about homosexuality are something that your in-laws believe in then the topic is bound to come up at some point!

Also, I would look and see what are the ages of the other kids going to Sunday school at your church too. IF they have a class for 3-4 year olds, then maybe consider it...that way your 3 year old will be with peers and maybe learn some stuff too.

Start by bringing them to your church (find out which service is most attended by the young kids). Bring some distraction, and just try it out. Once you get more comfortable in your church maybe your in-laws can attend with you? Once your 3 year old get "attached" to your church, they might be less anxious about forcing their church. You can teach the kids now, that "we accept everyone" and let that trasnlate later on in life. Maybe your in-laws could come around to hearing the words themselves, especially from a child. Too early to let a little one see grown-ups disagreeing about which church is better :)

You can still teach your kids what you believe AND let them go to another church with their grandparents. I allow my children to attend Christian services with their friends if they sleep over, and we're pantheist UUs. It allows for interesting dinner conversation, and in no way have they ever been "converted". Of course, if they choose a Christian path, that is their choice, but they know what we believe and choose our faith b/c they agree with it. You can't force a faith on your kids, I know this, as I left Catholicism at age 14 and never looked back.

Honestly, I don't think that there's a way to do this without hurting some feelings. The key point would be to minimize hurt feelings as much as possible, while also doing both what you feel is right and maintaining your relationship with your in-laws.

I agree, I wouldn't want my little ones going to a very conservative church, even at a young age. You never know what a sermon is going to be about, and some things really stick with 3 year olds. I also wouldn't send a 3 year old to sunday school alone.

We're Jewish, and my mom's temple has a "tot shabbat" that is specifically for families with young children. Everyone's involved at the same time. You could see if your church has something like that and invite your in-laws to join you. Hopefully they'd be flattered by the invite, and pleased that you're taking your kids to church.

If there isn't a children's service at your church, you could try to skirt the issue by inviting them to come to church and then over for sunday lunch. In other words, bring them to you, and have the whole family go to church together. Yes, it will be a bit of a pain with the 9 month old, but hopefully it helps your in-laws see that you do intend to raise your children "in the church" and will back them off from insisting on either their church or sunday school.

If that doesn't work and there needs to be a more pointed conversation, no matter how close you are to your in-laws, make sure you're on the same page as your husband and make him have the conversation. You don't want to be blamed for causing a family rift, even if you're being reasonable.

Good luck.

Question 1: My little one is 3.5 yo and started in nursery (like your 9 month old), which was so that I could pay attention in church. In the 2 yo class, they do talk about God a little, have a craft and a snack. Now he is in an older class and they do more - singing and Bible stories. Basically at this age it boils down to "God loves you", "God is with you" as the basic message. He loves it. But you know your children - will the 9 month old enjoy the nursery? Will your 3 yo be okay in a Sunday School setting? If you want, then go with them and check it out for a few weeks (at either or both churches).
Question 2 is more tricky. I think they are coming from a helpful place of wanting your kids to encounter God, not trying to indoctrinate your kids to hate homosexuals. I am sure that the subject does not come up in Sunday School and rarely even in the main church service. Of course each of you prefers your own church and its doctrines. Obviously, you would like to talk to them. I think you can do that without putting down their beliefs or diminishing yours. It IS your decision to make, but I think letting them know that you have a plan and want your kids to love God also would help (they probably know that, but sometimes it helps to say it). Let them know that your really like your church and that is where you want your family to go.
It is possible that they would be happy for you and your family to attend your church, which it doesn't sound like you do much (it is hard to do with a 9 month old - I didn't go every Sunday by any means - every 3rd week if I was good LOL- my hubby took the older kids). Maybe if you have a plan for you and your family to attend your church every other week or once a month and share that with them. You can say that you would like them to get used to your church - and again, I would go to Sunday School with them (maybe one adult with one and one with the other) for the first couple of times.

Hi- My mother was very strong in her faith but not in-your-face, if you know what I mean. We went to Sunday school from kindergarten and attended nursery during the church service until we were five or six. While my in-laws are somewhat ambiguous when it comes to religion, my husband is anti-organized religion. This leads to many heated "discussions" in my home. Although my faith is not nearly as strong or defined as my mother's, I am a member of the United Methodist Church (inactive right now because we just moved to a different state). Although I agree that this is a very personal decision that my children will make when they are older, right now I feel they need a base to build on. Otherwise they won't consider it at all when they are older. My kids, now seven and nine, attended Sunday school from age five (they didn't have a program for 9mos but they did have a preschool program and a nursery room for younger than that). Of course the lessons were age-appropriate and consisted more of Christian-themed art projects and singing than anything else. Part of the reason I started them that early was to accustom them to the process. Admittedly had I not been at the church anyway (teaching or attending my own class – they would not have gone). With regards to your in-laws giving you space - that's harder. Have you talked with your husband? It may sound like a cop-out but my mother always said it was my job to discuss "issues" with her and my husband's job to discuss "issues" with his parents. Made life pretty easy because neither one of us had many issues with my mom ;-) Anyway, religion IS a very personal thing. On the one hand, it is between you and God. On the other hand, evangelism is part of Christianity. Have you discussed with your husband how best to approach them? How about his views on the issue? If he supports you it might help to show a united front. I am often amazed at the things that can come between loved ones. Maybe if you just tell them that you appreciate their concern for your children's spiritual wellbeing but that you prefer they attend Sunday school at the church you attend and that you and your husband will think about it but ultimately when and if they begin Sunday school is going to be your decision. Listen to their advice but tell them, as with all advice, there is not law that says you have to follow it. I guess that’s all kind of common sense so you’ve probably already considered it. It really depends on them and how easily they are offended. There may not be an easy or at least inoffensive way to handle it. But knowing that you were as gentle and respectful as possible might give you some measure of comfort…? Seems like I’m rambling a lot. I hope I have been of some help but either way, I hope you are able to find some way to assert your judgment without upsetting your in-law’s too much.

I think religious upbringing is the decision of you and your husband, not the grandparents. I think you should be respectful towards them, though, for the sake of peace in the family. I think they are being a bit overbearing but maybe you could soften it by saying, "Oh, thank you for worrying about our kids. Don't worry. When they are old enough for church, we will take them to ours. We love our church and they will be involved." Our church has the 3 year olds in Sunday School. A lot of it is coloring pictures, singing songs, and getting the kids used to church. It seems like they are not listening, but then after church, they do remember some of it and like it.

.

Kindergarten for both of my children... All the Sunday School Classes they've been involved in, are age appropriate... We have drama teams also, and if the kids want to participate its also broken down into age groups...

Sounds like you & your husband need to go and talk to your Mom and Dad, and even go and visit their church with you and your husband. This way, you can get a feel of what they stand for and are teaching the churchs' attendants.

Then YOU and YOUR HUSBAND, decide whether to let the kids go with the grandparents, providing you both feel comfortable with the Church, activities, etc....

Most Sunday schools start at age 3 and churches provide nurseries for the little ones. The kids get used to going if you start early. Otherwise sometimes it is difficult for them to just be thrown in when they are older. They get excited when they get to move up to the next class and look forward to all the activities. Our church has a cherub choir for the 3-7 year olds that is just adorable.

I think (I hope) once you start involving your kids in your church your in-laws will back off. They are worried that you aren't going to get them involved at all. If they try to get you to convert you can tell them that you are happy with your church and leave it at that. Getting into a religious debate is usually pointless. I have in-laws who are catholic and then my parents are very conservative. My church is Methodist and is like yours - accepts everyone. Sometimes we've had to bend our beliefs slightly to appease others. For instance if it was up to me I would have waited until the kids were older and understood what they were doing before I had them baptized, but my MIL's beliefs say that if a baby isn't baptized and then dies they won't go to heaven. That was a real fear for her, so we had them baptized as babies even though I was raised to believe it's a personal choice. And I was ok with that.

I guess my advice is, consider their feelings - they are afraid because of what they believe. If you plan on having religion in their lives, there is no reason to wait. Join the church you are happy with and leave it at that.