Strategies ONLY!! Help Toddler Cope W/extreme Bedtime Anxiety W/no Pacifier

Does she have a favorite animal? Blanket? My kids didn't really take to any animals that were given to them, but then I took them to pick out "special friends" that they could do anything with. My 4 year old is autistic and seemed to like the idea that he could talk to, throw, sleep with, or just play with his Zillow. They each picked their own animals and when they weren't playing with them I walked around with them in my shirt to put my scent on them. My second son, 3, really responded to that. They just need that safety item. My boys take their Zillow and Ibs with them when we travel and that helps with anxieties of new places as well.

Hope that helps! Good luck, this stage of the game is tricky and my heart goes out to you

I wouldn't have taken the pacifier away since she was only using it at bedtime and for naps. So, I'd give it back. She will let it go when she's ready.

All 3 of my grandchildren let go of their pacifiers by the time they were 3. I suggest it was because their Mom didn't make a big deal of whether or not they used it. And their dentist said it wasn't a problem.

It helped that they let the pacifier fall out of their mouth once they were asleep. I might feel differently about it's use if they had sucked it all night long. If a child sucked it all night long, I'd try removing it once they were asleep as a way of weaning it away from them.

You just took away the one thing that made her feel secure. She now needs to learn another way to be comforted.

I agree to not let her cry it out for longer than 10 minutes. In fact, I wouldn't let her cry it out at all. I'd stay with her until she fell asleep for a couple of weeks and see if she would regain a sense of security with you there and not need you anymore.

You may be trying too many things. Choose one thing, say a really soft stuffy, and stay with her until she falls asleep for a couple of weeks and see if that works.

I would not stay. That part of the routine will linger for years. The actual routine will get better with time. Keep it consistent. Books, blanket, water whatever, but u don't want to be laying in her bed when she's six.

Her pack was a comfort to her. She misses it. What was the problem with her having it at bedtime. I will be the only one to say this, but good gracious let her have her pack. Trust me she will not go to college with it. My daughter took a small bottle of water to bed with her until she was three. She grew up happy and healthy.

Just read responses. I am not alone. Give her back her paci!!!!!!

You took her means of comforting herself away now wonder why she doesn't go to sleep easily.

I think I'm in the minority here, but there's nothing wrong with staying with her until she falls asleep. If it makes her feel safe and actually able to fall asleep, why not? It might take awhile for her to fall asleep the first couple of nights (she might keep opening her eyes to make sure you're still there), but once she knows you're not going to leave her (until she's asleep) she'll probably fall asleep much faster. I sit with our 4 year old at bed time. He's just so squirrelly, that he sometimes has trouble settling down. But most nights it takes about 10 minutes and he's out like a light.

I'm always so surprised to hear parents think it's so bad to be there for their kids at bedtime or go to their kids in the middle of the night. Children do not magically not need their parents between 8pm and 7am. Parenting is 24/7. If she needs you, she needs you. Be there for her.

ween her from one thing at a time. Stay with her for now, and then after a few weeks you can start weening her off needing you as a replacement for her paci.

I would just stay with her until she falls asleep. Give her that comfort. In a few weeks, you can transition into leaving before she's asleep.

Once she's comfortable, you can start leaving (tell her you need to go the bathroom or something) and promise to come right back. Always come right back, but lengthen the time you are gone. Before long, she will be asleep before you get back. Then you can start leaving before she's asleep and not have to come back.

Just give her some time. And really, what's wrong with staying in her room until she's asleep?

DON'T give back her paci!! You made it a week. Take her shopping and pick out a "lovey" that is all hers to sleep with. My older son had a stuffed koala bear. He slept with it until he was in middle school, and then it sat at the foot of his bed until he went to college. To my surprise, he took it to college with him and it sits on his chest of drawers. My younger son's lovies were a Pickachu and a purple bunny. We carried all 3 of these loveys with us when we went somewhere overnight.

THIS is an acceptable substitute for a pacifier. Paci's cause trouble with teeth alignment. You think about how much braces 12 years from now will cost you, Ami. You have a chance to not have that issue if you don't give in to that paci.

In a week, tell her that she needs to start going to sleep and not calling out to you anymore. Cut 5 minutes a night off of the bedtime routine until you get to the manageable point you want to be. Get a little hard-nose about it by then. Bedtime is bedtime. That's it. In a week, just walk out and tell her to go to sleep. Don't put up with her drama. She'll eventually accept her lovey as YOUR substitute.

bottom line - either you let her cry and don't go back in, OR you keep going back in and this situation continues. there is no magic answer.

i am with Marda, i would never have taken it to begin with. i am firmly against this method, especially on such a small child. you took away her comfort item - hence she is now insecure and having trouble going to sleep. but you made that decision and you're asking what to do now. the answer is, you ride it out. you created this situation. you decided she would not be allowed to have it anymore. since you are not going to give it back at this point, then you must deal with her being insecure and unhappy. hopefully she will adjust soon. i'm sorry she hasn't yet. kids are resilient though, she'll figure it out eventually. but NOT if you keep going in there and reinforcing her insecure behavior. if what you want is for her to lay down and go to sleep within 10 minutes, you're not going to achieve that, repeatedly going in to comfort her. she's missing that comfort. you're replacing the pacifier with yourself. so you're really not helping her "get over it", if that's your goal. make sense?

One of us stays with our daughter until she is asleep almost every night. She is 7. Once in a while I tell her to go lay down and close her eyes and I will be there to check on her.

Is all this really worth it? What is the problem with a child of two using a pacifier to sleep? I have never really understood the rush to take away a pacifier at some arbitrary predetermined age. I am assuming from your post that the bedtime drama began when you took the paci away and that she was going to bed easily before. So I ask again, is this all really worth it?

I think you know how to diffuse her anxiety.

We took away my youngest's when she was about 2 1/2 b/c her teeth started to crowd around the orthodontic nuk. It was hell for about the first week and we got no sleep, but just like we did w/her older sister when we took away her bottle, we had to go thru it. Stay strong & you'll be thankful you did. Once you do, you'll realize that it wasn't the worst thing in the world you'll have to do. Good luck!

we took our daughters pacifier away for the same reason. now she bites her fingernails. i hope the lovey idea works.

anyway, i just wanted to pass this along: my daughter had a cross-bite and the pediatric dentist was talking about doing a palate expander when she turned 4. that did not sound pleasant. we moved and the new dentist said that sometimes their palate fixes itself as they grow and to just wait and see. luckily her palate straightened itself out. but of course my youngest is a thumb-sucker and will probably need braces.