Soon-to-be Full Time Working Mom Wondering How to Get It All Done

I work full time and have a 2 1/2 year old son. It can be really hard sometimes. I try to get laundry done during the week and maybe a little in between cleaning so as not to have too much on the weekends. I cannot afford a house clenaer either. If something goes by so be it, it's better to have the time with the family.
We rarely eat out and we mostly make lunches to bring to work. We do try to use the slow cooker and some things make really good leftovers. I am also a fan of some of Trader Joe's frozen things for the nights you just don't have time to cook.
It's tough in the beginning, but you figure out a schedule and make it work. My husbands great with our son, but he rarely helps with the house chores.
All the best.

I've had to work f/t with both of my pregnancies and completely sympathize with your situation. Pumping was the biggest challenge! I was fortunate to have a supportive manager when my first was born and did a regular pumping schedule of every 2-3 hours. Eventually, though, I had to supplement with formula. It wasn't ideal, but I took comfort in the fact that I was still able to nourish my daughter in more than one way.

This is a good time to evaluate what's essential and non-essential in your life. What do you want to spend your money on, and what is low on the priority list? For example, we eat at home far more than going out. For those nights that we come home late, we have some good cheese and/or yogurt, bread, a veg or a fruit, and call it dinner. There's no law saying that you have to create three course healthy meals every single day. I also use the slow cooker extensively for soups, stews, and braises. Bring your lunch. I like hot foods for lunch, so I invested in an insulated Thermos jar for soups and a bento box type container for other foods.

Make a plan for ongoing cleaning, rather than saving it all for the weekend. I know it's a little harder with an eight month old. What I used to do was put the babies in the high chair or an exersaucer or even carry them in a sling. Real Simple magazine is a good resource for breaking down cleaning tasks so that they're not so overwhelming. The info should be available on its website, www.realsimple.com.

Do either you or your husband have access to free financial planning through work? Some large companies offer this as a benefit. A financial planner will help you develop a budget and set goals for you so eventually you will be able to own your own home.

Good luck!

Hi!
I always wonder that too!
But a couple of thoughts: make sure your husband makes half the work at home, and if he doesn't, skip doing it. You can't have the same level as when you are home full time. Let go, let it be a bit messy, clean once a week, and let that be it.
Good luck!
A.

Hi C.,

I am a 36 yr old mother of 3 (18 mths, 3 and 7). My 18 mth old came unexpectedly and while I was on the pill (so I had my tubes tied right after his birth). I was very worried like you, but my family said they would help me get through it as long as I kept the baby (which I would have never given up). It turns out my family does not help me with my kids and my husband works long hours and weekends and travels (as do I sometimes). I am like a single mom with 3. However it is amazing how things always seem to work out. People are always amazed at how I juggle life - I keep my house immaculate, work 40-45 hours a week (my husband works about 60 hours a week), run, get my daughter to soccer and acting classes and cook dinner most nights. I am very neurotic about cleaning and especially organization. I don't get a lot of sleep, but I eat healthy and take vitamins. I get everything ready at night (after the kids go to bed) such as laying out their outfits, making lunches, cleaning up dinner, doing laundry, etc. I also cook dinners I know they like and will want in their lunch the next day (this is very helpful). Sometimes I make large dinners and freeze some of the left overs.

You will be amazed at how it will work out. I have a great daycare that is still on the very low end, and my other two children in Montessori and private school. My children are very happy and we are lucky to have great jobs, but we still have to carefully watch money. You find as you go that you will become resourceful and creative.

Although I never have time to run, I will get up at 5am and run before work, or leave work a little early some days and run before I pick up the kids and on weekends get up at 7 while my husband is still home (and not at work) and run. If I don't run, I become extremely cranky as this has become the one thing that I need to do for myself and by myself (plus the release of endorphins helps me get through the day).

I am always amazed about how I juggle life, but it always works out. Good luck!

How do you do it? I don't think anybody has the answer, but here's a few things that were helpful for me:

1. Figure out what's the most important thing... for me that's spending time with my family and making sure the bills are paid
2. Prioritize chores and errands... i.e. washing the bottles that I pump milk in is was WAAAYYY more important to me than mopping the kitchen floor.
3. Take one thing at a time... do the most important chores first... if you run out of time - so, what... the world's not going to stop.
4. Lower your standards a little bit... I realized that I wasn't so stressed about getting (or not being able to get) everything done, when I didn't expect it of myself.
5. Work with your husband to agree upon these new rules/standards so that you guys don't argue about things - that stress and tension will get in the way of enjoyable family time.

Trust me it can all be done - you just have to redefine what "doing it all" means. I'm a full-time, working, married mother of a 19 year old with only one income; my husband's in graduate school. I pumped until my daughter was a year old and stopped nursing altogether when she was 16 months old. My daughter goes to a family daycare (which is cheaper than most daycare centers); the owner is so kind and treats my daughter as though she were her own and she's SOOOOO helpful. I don't have family in the area either, so I found that a really supportive and flexible daycare is crucial.

First of all, there's absolutely no need to freak out! Moms have been multi-taskers for over a hundred years and will continue to be in the future! :)

As for you going back to work, congratulations! Not many are able to go back to work after some time. I will warn you though, that in the beginning, you will miss your baby. :( Don't feel like you're abandoning him, think of it as you contributing to his growth and future. Times are tough right now and you're having to do what's right for you and your family.

If you have time after work, before you pick up your baby from day care (it that's the route you're leaning towards), try to go to the grocery store and get supplies for the week. On another night, do the laundry, on another night, try to see if you can cook as much food that will last a week, then freeze or refrigerate it, picking up around the house was always tricky for me, but I learned to do it as I went in the course of my day. This will leave you with a couple of weeknights and all weekend long to spend time w/ your family. If you have opposite shifts, one parent can do 1/2 the chores in the morning and the other at night. This will leave you with more time together since chores will get done faster.

No one will judge you if your house is not picked up! As long as your family is cared for, that's what should matter most. Remember, you added into your family, so make sure you're pacing yourself. Don't overwhelm your head with worries that have simple solutions. Once you're immersed in your routine, everything will fall into place and you will get a rhythm for what works for you.

As for excersice, I bought The Firm and they have express workouts that you can do in about 1/2 hr. If you can wake up 1/2 hr earlier, you can do your workout, then get ready for your day. It's tough to do, especially with a baby. I didn't get around to it until my daughter was 3! :)

You're going to do really well, just relax and give yourself a break! :)

I am not sure how I do it but eventually you just get used to he whole routine. I am a 36 yr. old single mother of two (10 and 3) and I have worked full-time from the day my daughter was 2 1/2 mos. old. After my second, I also went back to work when she was only 2 mos. old and breast fed her for 6 months during that time.

If you and your husband have the option of telecommuting then I would reccommend finding out about that. I used to be able to do it 2 days/month but now I get to do it every Friday which gives me more time with my girls and allows me to take my older daughter to school (rather than daycare) and pick her up too.

Of course my older one is terrible at picking up after herself but she can definitely help me. My 3 yr. old gets very involved in the cleaning projects. I know you are not there yet as your son is still young. It might take 20 minutes for me to get 4 dishes cleaned but I get time to move really quickly on the rest of the house. Also, sometimes I will have motivation for them like after the house is clean and lunches are made, etc. if we have time (that means start now) then we will do arts and crafts projects or watch a show together. Then they start moving pretty quickly because that is our family time.

Those are just a few things that have helped me. The breatpumping at work was hard b/c I had to go into the handicapped stall at work to do it and they had no room for me but I believe it is illlegal not to provide something for a nursing mother.

Anyhow, I get my workout just from running around all the time with my kids (gardening, cleaning, going on walks together with their bikes or skates, etc.) I get to get out and go running once in a blue moon, not like I used to, but at least you have a husband who can watch your son while you workout and then he can go after that.

I remember so many days just crying my eyes out b/c it seemed soooo hard but I got used to it and wouldn't have it any other way. The love for my kids is my drive to keep on going.

I don't have a lot of advice on the bills and daycare. I am also able to save a little money on daycare by telecommuting once a week and we struggled for a little while but recently moved into a 3 bed/3 bath upstairs and downstairs house and we love it. We went from a 2 bed. 1 bath (very small house). I got rid of the all the cable and phone perks that these companies have to offer so have saved money on that and basically I just cut out little things that add up like washing the car myself or gardening so that I don't have to hire someone (I get my workout and save money), etc.

Hope I have helped a little or have at least provided a little hope for you. :)

Ahhh! the delimma of every working mother! I found that there simply is not enough hours in the day to do it all - take care of your baby, your husband, work full time, clean, etc. I finally just decided that it was okay to spend time with my family and let some of the housework wait. the dirt isn't going anywhere and quality time with your family is rare and precious. So, for one day of the weekend, leave the housework alone and go out with your family. the house won't fall down and I think you'll be happy that you did it!

Do not obsess over a perfectly clean house. If you want to spend all of your down time cleaning and cooking you will be able to get it all done by bedtime. Or, you can spend the down time with your family and pick one day a week for a big clean. The other days simply pick up and straighten.

I hope your husband knows that he will need to clean and cook as much as you do. If he is not a big help around the house when you go back to work read the book, The Second Shift.

You will do it. If it gets to be too much you may think about moving closer to family where cost of living is reasonable.

Hi C.- I just entered my question on Mama Source 2 minutes ago, pretty much asking the opposite questioned you logged. I just put my two weeks notice after working a full time job. My son is now two, so I did it for almost two years. It was a mix of balancing, being tired, and not having any clean cloths to wear to work. I am proud i did it and now we are budgeting so I can have more bonding time. I guess I would say try to organize as much as possible the night before work while your son is sleeping. Keep some emergency paper plates for the day you come home and there is no way you have any energy to do dishes. When you are about to buy another stuff toy buy a shirt on sale for you. It will make you feel so good and confident when you go to work. Try to do an hour a week of time of stuff just for you. Even if it 10 minutes here five minute bath. I did notice this week when I had time alone at our house that most of the light bulbs were out. When I changed them all, my husband said the house was too bright. He was use to a dark house, we did not even have time to notice those type of things, but I'd rather spend time with my family in a dark home then spend my time trying to keep up everything.

Hi C.,

Congratulations! It's wonderful that you were able to spend so much time with your wonderful boy for his first 8 months. First, do NOT beat yourself up about not being able to keep up with everything. Nobody can. The secret, for those who either can't afford to hire someone or don't want to for other reasons, is to acknowledge that you're not going to be able to do it all and figure out what you're willing to let go of and let slide a little.

For instance, if having a home cooked meal every night is not a top priority for you, there are a number of services out there that are not that expensive that will deliver as many meals a week as you want or you can pick up pre-cooked/made meals at a lot of the grocery stores. Another trick is to learn how to use and then actually use a crock pot. You can do a lot of great meals with a crock pot and it doesn't take a lot of prep time and everything is ready when you get home in the evening! Also remember that even if you are cooking for your family every night, it doesn't have to be a gourmet meal. Keep it simple.

As for cleaning, are you okay with not vaccuming every day? Does everything have to be put just so? If not, then relax about the cleaning. But, you can get some cute "baskets" and boxes of all sorts at The Container Store for neatly storing toys, mail, clothes, baby items, almost anything. If you spend just 10-15 minutes a day straightening up or cleaning, then you actually get a lot done and go a long way towards keeping your house neat and clean without having to spend a lot of time.

Try to exercise with your baby - get a jogging stroller and go for a jog with him. Do floor exercises with him -- he can lay on the floor looking up at you while you do push ups and make a game out of it. You can also lay on your back and hold him around his sides as you lift him up until your arms are straight and lower him down and repeat - again, make a game of it. Use him as your weights for doing lunges, crunches, and any number of exercises. Alternatively, get up early in the morning and do your workout before everyone else gets up - I am at the gym when it opens at 5:30 and do 30 minutes of cardio M,W,& F and then I do my own one hour workout on Tuesdays and an hour Pilates class on Thursdays. You can also go in the evenings after dinner and after your son is in bed, assuming he goes to bed around 7/7:30.

One final thought - what else can your husband do that he isn't doing now? Maybe your husband already does a lot to help out both in caring for the baby and keeping the house in order, but most do not. If he falls into the latter category, push him to help. So it doesn't sound like nagging, try saying, "Hon, if you help me clean the kitchen, it will be done in half the time and we can spend more time together doing something fun with each other and with our son. Plus, we'll be spending time together while we're cleaning the kitchen!" Or something like that.

Good luck. You'll be fine. Just relax and really think about what you're willing to live with in terms of what needs to get done versus what would be nice to be able to get done around the house.

N.

Hi Cristie, I just returned to work full time three weeks ago. I have a 4 month old baby son and a 4 1/2 yr old daughter. I saw your email and had the same feelings & still feel the same! I hope people make their responses public as I would love to see them and learn any tricks as well. I got to stay home with my older daughter until she was three years old but then we bought a home in a good school district which requires both my husband & I to work. The only tricks I have (which aren't many) are: 1. I make laundry a game w/the kids; 2. I exercise on my lunch break (I'm fortunate to have a gym at work) but you could go walking; 3. I did hire a cleaning lady to come once every two weeks; 4. Take care of personal things at work when you have time: pay bills, make grocery lists - menu for the week, etc.; 5. Lastly, I bust my *ss once the kids are asleep and I get to bed too late!! Most of my "fun" with the kids happens on the weekends now.
Please share any good information you receive! Good Luck with your return. It's a struggle for all moms!

Hi C., I am the mother of a 14 mth baby and I just started working full time also and had all your same worries. I was a stay-home mom for the first year and really enjoyed it but in order to survive and buy a house then I had to start working full time. So now my husband and I split the house chores and my #1 biggest time saver is my crock-pot!!! I love that thing, I set it up in the morning and when we come home dinner is ready, just throw in a side salad or some veggies from the freezer and voila!!! This allows me to spend more time with my baby. We also use our dishwasher every other day since we don't fill it up at once. If in the morning we don't have time to make the bed, we leave it as is...sometimes we need to ask what is more important, and for us its spending as much time together with our little one. She's adjusted quite well and so have we. The most important is that your husband is willing to help out. Then it will all balance out! Good Luck!

Hi C.,
I know this is probably not the advice you want to hear, but my advice is to let some of these items go. Straighten up less frequently, find quick recipes on epicurious.com or quick meal cookbooks like Rachel Ray's -- some of the recipes are actually decent. Whenever you cook, make much more than you need and freeze a bunch. And try to be okay that your house will not look the same. Definitely choose playing over cleaning. It's okay. One idea that is supposed to help (I need to remember this myself!) is to put something away right after you use it. Is you husband doing his share of the housework, shopping, and cooking? If not, have a chat with him! As for exercise, the only exercise I got for quite some time was pushing my son's stroller up and down the hills of SF. Maybe you can find an old stationary bike or stepper on craigslist. How to find time and energy to use it? No idea. All I know is that I cannot get it all done, and I had to decide which items were lower priority and let them go. I'm a working mom, and I like being one (not just for the paycheck), but I have been able to switch to part-time. If you are a happier mom working outside the house, I totally understand. I need a balance of both myself. However, if for any reason you are ambivilant about working outside the home, you might want to look at what expenses would disappear if you stopped working (e.g., daycare costs could be reduced to a sitter or mother's helper once or twice a week for a few hours) and really make sure that, after taxes, your income does make the difference between living in the area and having to move. Again, though, I totally understand if you want to work outside the home for non-financial reasons as well. Luckily, we bought into the housing market in the mid '90s (we thought it was crazy then!) and would be okay w/out my salary. However, at least for now, I prefer to have a job outside the home -- totally not judging you or anyone else; just don't know how much you're working because you want to vs. because you need to, and I've heard that when many couples actually look at the net of both of them working (looking at all the costs they incur by having both parents at work), sometimes they are better off financially if one of them stays home (could be dad!). You're prolly already doing things like laying out your clothes and your babies clothes the night before, etc. Can you set up any bills with electronic bill pay? Also, keep in mind that you'll become more efficient with practice. Again, though, I don't get it all done, and I've learned to be okay with that. It was that or lose my mind!
K.