Smart Daughter Struggling in School

I agree it's always good to rule out any medical issues. If you have - he's my experience. I have a 7 year old in 2nd grade. In K & 1st he did OK, but clearly not to his potential and he complained of being "kinda bored". He had a wonderful teacher that actually moved from teaching K to 1st so he had her for 2 years. She worked with him and eventually found that providing him with those little stress reliever balls to squeeze and the like, he was able to concentrate and perform much better. His need to be physical and move around in order to better concentrate was and still is very strong. She managed to find a way that was not disruptive to the classroom. He's actually a lot happier in school now and had learned some great tools and methods for focusing himself when he starts to feel bored, fidgety, etc.

Talk to the teacher again she is the best advice for behavior if she has seen a change. I talked to my son's teacher on one Parent/Teacher conference and found out that he was speaking very low when he talked in front of the class and was talking baby talk. He never does this at home and the teacher never told me because she did not know that he doesn't do this at home, that he speaks loud and clear at home. His daycare confirmed the same behavior and then I was able to talk to him to find out what was going on and we are working through these problems. Don't give up until you get an answer from someone even if it means maybe a session with the schools psychologist or district psychologist.

I have been an educator for over 2o years & have some suggestions for you.
Have you considered having your daughter tested for possible learning problems? Very bright children can have learning problems that make it difficult for them to concentrate, or make learning frustrating. Applying herself at school to tasks assigned by the teacher is different than being bright & inquisitive with topics of her own choosing at home. It takes a different kind of motivation.
Some children are also easily over-stimulated & have difficulty concentrating in a group environment. Girls are more commonly overlooked for possible ADD or ADHD because their symptoms are often less disruptive to the classroom. While boys tend to act out & disturb the classroom, girls with ADD are often the type who "space-out" & seem to be distracted & daydreamers. This could be misinterpreted as not applying herself, when your daughetr may, in fact, have difficulty maintaining her concentration.
Sensory Integration issues can also make it difficult for a child to concentrate in school. Ocupational therapy can have a huge effect on children with this issue in a relatively short period of time. Ask your daughter's school to do a comprehensive evaluation of her. In California the pubic school disrtict is mandated to provide these services.
The other area to consider is the amount of television your daughter watches, as well as the amount of time she spends on the computer or playing any type of video games (x-box, etc). Studies are showing a strong correlation between the total amount of "screen time" a child has and their ability to concentrate & learn effectively in school. There is a website that has more information on this. I believe it is called "Turn Off TV Week".

Hi Emily,
Really bright children are very adept at hiding their disabilities. I had a nephew that was ADHD, and had fine motor skills problems, but he was so bright that he went undetected until middle school. Once he was allowed to use a computer instead of a pencil, and was on medication, he excelled, and is now at UC Santa Cruz.
It would help to know a little more about what ways she is 'struggling'. There are so many factors that can affect a child's performance in school. Vision problems, hearing problems, fine motor skills problems, dyslexia, ADD, bullying, and even boredom can cause kids to dislike school. Ask a lot of questions.
Does she struggle with some subjects but not others?
Does she like to be read to, but dislikes reading to herself? This could indicate vision or dyslexia type issues. My daughter fell into this category. She needed glasses but neither the school nor the pediatrician detected the problem. She consequently hated to read, but loved to have me read to her.
What kind of relationship does she have with classmates and the teacher? Some kids have a hard time interpretting social cues, and consequently have problems fitting in, even with the teachers.
Is she having difficulty sitting still for the long school day? (This is more common in boys, but it can be true of girls too. It also could be an indication of ADD, but not always.)
Does she follow instructions? If she fails to follow directions it could indicate a hearing problem or an attention (ADD) problem.
Does she frequently lose focus or get distracted?
Does she struggle with written activities but answers questions verbally with ease? My husband and several of his relatives have fine motor skills problems that make it difficult to write. Their handwriting is horrible, which many elementary teachers cannot tolerate. It would slow them down so much that even math tests became difficult to complete in the time allowed.
Is she eating a good breakfast and getting enough sleep? I once tutored a girl who ate candy bars for breakfast! No wonder she couldn't pay attention! Most children today do not get enough sleep, though that is more common with teens.

Make sure you get her tested. Start with physical things, an eye exam from a real eye doctor (the pediatrician does not cover all types of vision problems), and a hearing test. Once you have eliminated those issues, push for the school to test her for disabilites. Most schools are reluctant to do the testing and you need to be her advocate.
Finally, make sure that you are not adding to the problem by making her feel like there is something wrong with her. Reward her successes.
Good luck
B. B.

you might want to check out the book "Playground Politics: Understanding the Emotional Life of the School-Age Child"
by Stanley I. Greenspan
My therapist (who has an 8 or 9 year old) suggested it to me when my daughter was driving me crazy.

It has some very different advice than the standard stuff in parenting books, and some that directly conflicted with what my mom had been suggesting.

The main tactic (for a long list of reasons you get in the book) is that both parents, individually, need to set aside 30 minutes a day for child led play on the floor. Like Barbies, and let the child direct the action. (and no therapy spelunking, either).

If your fustration is making it worse, another angle could be:
Nurtured by Love: The Classic Approach to Talent Education
by Shinichi Suzuki
With Suzuki music classes (some of the best parenting classes I have ever taken!) the home teacher learns how to be the happy camper coach, and support the child with a upbeat environment. For example, we have to tell the child what they are doing right when they practice, and stay calmer than the child (and model patience).

GOOD LUCK!

I agree that you should get a physical to make sure there aren't any problems that an MD can find. In addition, I would suggest you make a formal request to have your daughter tested for learning differences. Schools are required to respond to a request for testing and provide the testing within a reasonable time period. There are a number of learning differences that may also account for your daughters problems and they can be identified through educational testing. Children with learning differences frequently learn adapting behaviors that can get them through the first couple of years of school but then cause difficulties as more is demanded of the student. Naturally, the earlier these differences can be identified, the better it is for the child. I have a sample of a letter that can be sent to the district requesting testing. Send me an email if you would like a copy. ____@____.com I wish you the best of luck in helping your child.

As someone has said "Highly intelligent people struggled in school, like Albert Einstein. He was deemed a failure, but his mother never gave up." Einstein was Dyslexic. After you have talked with the teacher and seen the pediatrition and still cant find the reason then request that your daughter be tested for a learning disability in writing to the principal. Most schools will drag their feet on testing unless you put it in writing. They have to test within 30 days of a writen request. My son and I are both dyslexic. My son's test came back with an average IQ of 115 with many of the catagories in the mid to high 120's and one being 131. The average IQ is between 80 and 110. His phonemic awarness was at 80. This did not get him an IEP for special services but it did get him a 504 for classroom accomodations. The testing will not diagnose but it will tell you where to look. 1 in 5 people have some degree of dyslexia. With the correct teaching methods they can learn to read, write and spell as well as anyone. I just finished my Doctorate Degree and did terrible in public school becuase they don't teach the way dyslexics learn. Language is processed in a different part of the brain then they average person.

Good luck. I hope you find out what is going on and how to help her. The earlier the better.

Felecia M.

Hi Emily ~
I know your frustration. My son is very smart and all through Kinder and First grade, the other children were reading, coloring, etc. I couldn't understand why he couldn't read simple words like: dog, cat, red, blue. One day he said "Mom, my words 'DANCE'!!" I felt horrible! At that time I found a specialist for eye therapy. After the first exam, I found out that he had the muscles of a 2 year old (in his eyes)! By the end of one year of therapy (weekly), he had the muscular vision of an 8 year old! Maybe you should have her eyes examined. We did this for a couple of years just to get him caught up to the 'basics'. He is currently in the eight grade and is doing very well. It was a lot of work, but so worth it! P.S. Reading is not his favorite 'subject' unless it's related to 'games' for his Nintendo or Wii ~ but my feeling is as long as he's concentrating on what he's reading, he's making an attempt to do so and this is helping because he has to figure out how to maneuver the games. Good Luck to you ~ it's a long road; but if your daughter likes what she's reading, I'd say go for it. Good Luck!!
Lucy B.

Melissa has some good ideas about finding the cause.
If you rule out outside influences and causes look for internal causes, such as the brain. If her brain isn't working right then she won't work right, and the harder she tries the worse it'll get. If it is determined or highly suspected that it's a brain issue (such as ADD for example) then you will want to see a specialist on the subject.

What does your daughter say is the reason? Is she not interested? find it boring? feel tired? Preoccupied/worried about something else? Also, what did the teacher say/observe? I'm thinking you may want to pinpoint the cause and then talk to her pediatrician.

Highly intelligent people struggled in school, like Albert Einstein. He was deemed a failure, but his mother never gave up.

Find out why she's not engaging. Sometimes really bright children find doing the mundane worksheet of 30 problems a bore. Yes, she could probably whip it out in a few minutes, but it may not be stimulating enough. Compromise.

As a teacher, I do a lot of that. When Little Joey can show me he can do 5 or 6 of the problems I select accurately, he is done. Sometimes, Little Joey ends up doing 10 or 12 problems, but he has shown mastery and can move on.

Talk with the teacher about what he/she is seeing in the classroom.

Eliminate any health issues. My 1st grade daughter was not doing her best in school, so I took her in for a physical. She was fine. I had her eyes checked. She was fine. Accidentally, we found out her allergy medicine was making her brain feel "sleepy," as she put it. A yr ago, we added a new medication for an unknown allergy that was causing skin and respiratory issues. When we took her off all meds at Christmas to have a full assessment done, we found we had a vibrant, lively, creative, chatter box again. (We thought she was going through a quiet, introspective stage) Then it clicked. She didn't get tested and isn't on any meds. I have a thinker and problem solver now who is engaged at school and doing well. My 4 yr old reader went underground, but came out again at 6 as a chapter book reader.

Make sure she's healthy on all fronts and talk to the teacher.

When I make arrangements as I did with Little Joey, I have parents and children present to make the agreements all will live by at school and at home.

Are you sure it is because she is not applying herself? Many disabilities aren't seen until this age. I noticed my very bright son falling behind in school about the same age and after much testing we found out he has a sensory processing disorder which is now being corrected. If you believe your daughter might have something amiss, the school will test her for free, if you submit a letter in writing saying you would like her tested for disabilities. Then there are always the private expense of Lindamood Bell and others who will find your daugther's strengths and weaknesses academically. HOpe this helps a bit. N.

Hi Emily,
Wow, I'm reading your story and see me! I had the same problem with my son about the same age. It started in 2nd grade, he's a very smart kid, very bright but his problem was he couldn't stay focus/interested in class/teacher. I had this problem with him since he started Kindergarten and the teachers and I finally had enough. His grades were dropping and he was going to be retained in the 2nd grade. We finally had him tested in school/home/doctor........he is ADHD. Too much energy not enough patience. His mind was/is running a mile a minute and if something was too boring/slow then he wants to move on to the next thing which was, talking, walking around, drawing, etc. The doctors, teachers and I kept a close eye on when his attention span ran short as well as his attitude, class ethics and his attitude toward other classmates. It's a long process but the doctor and I worked on his med's cautiously and started with the lowest dose of medication. We now have it dosed perfectly to work with him thoughout the day. He is now 11 and still on Concerta. He does very well, the only thing I don't like about the medication is that his appitite is not there until the medication wears off at the end of the day.
There are pro's and con's to this method of treatment so I would talk to your daughters teachers and pediatrician about this.
I have come across a lot of parents who have asked me about this medication and the first thing I ask is...does he/she sit and watch T.V. for long periods of time? Can they sit and play video games without changing games for along period of time? If they can, they aren't ADHD......If they continuously change games after ten to fifteen minutes of playing, then that means they are bored and want to move on. Same with T.V...
Doctors say they will grow out of it, I hope so, but all we can do is help them as much as possible.

Good luck,
I.
San Jose, CA

Hi Emily,

I am in Morgan Hill also with a 7 year old daughter in 2nd grade at Jackson. She did very well in K and 1st and loved school but within the first two weeks of 2nd grade we started having similar issues that you described.

I started talking to my daughter about her class, her teacher, her experiences and found out that her teacher is the type who motivates by fear. "If you don't learn this, you won't see the 3rd grade" and lots of pressure about the STAR testing (which started today). They have been laying on the pressure all year long about this darn testing and it does not motivate my daughter but has the opposite effect.

I had several calls with the teacher and principal and the teacher agreed to try and lighten up on the fear tactics. That is her style though and she seems to always revert back to that. I have had lots of conversation with my daughter throughout the school year and it really helped to ease her fears. She has had an excellent school year in spite of this anxiety.

I sent her to school this morning to start the STAR testing with a "do your best and that's the best you can do" attitude and told her not to pay much attention to the pressure she is getting. The whole point (and a big lesson I learned this year) is that things often go on in the classroom that children never even think of telling us. It's an adult so it must just all be ok. They don't necessarily think to tell us about things teachers say that worry them or make them uncomfortable. I know I didn't when I was a child.

All of the other suggestions and ideas you got are great too. Consider talking to her about the teacher and other kids in the class in a non-judgemental way to find out what is being said that may be causing anxiety. I learned from my daughter that her teacher gets "mad" at them and of course children are worried and afraid when the adult in charge seems angry. She worried that if she didn't meet her teacher's expectations then her teacher would be mad at her. The talks with her teacher and the principal were not easy but we eventually came to an understanding and I did remind the teacher a few times that she needed to reassure my daughter that she was doing well. Sorry so long, I hope this helps.

L.

p.s. I also did some volunteer work in the classroom to get a feel for this teacher's style. She is very "high strung" and her expectations are very high. She even got mad at me when I didn't do something the way she wanted it done. I felt a little intimidated myself...