Sleeping Arangement

Yes, it's not good for a marriage to have a child sleeping with you. It isn't good for the child either. He has to learn to be independent. You should put him in his own room, in a toddler bed. Put him in about 7PM and sit and read to him and then play a some relaxing music to him, to get him to go to sleep. He will get used to the routine and it will become easier.

I am hoping you get some good advice as my lil girl turns one tomorrow and does the same thing. Naps are perfect and goes right down. my husband thought it was easier to just alow her to sleep with us,but know he is really feeling it. I allow her to fall asleep in our bed then transfer her to her crib.most night i get 4 hrs in and then she stands up and says hi mum lol i have tried the CIO method and hubby hated it and couldn't stand his lil one crying,but she really wasn't it was all fake.I would say maybe lay with him or sit next to his bed and hold his hand. it is very hard to break once they are use to being next to you.I think you should keep trying you may just end up with your 2 lil ones right with you lol i do feel for you. I can't remember the last time i got to even lay next to my husband all i hear when i try is my daughter say My Dad.

My son is 21 months old, and there's just no way on earth he'd get the concept of being a 'big brother'. Your son's whole world is about to be rocked, for the better of course, but still...he's no longer going to be the baby or the focus of all your attention. I say leave his nights as they are now...total upheaval day and night will not lead to a happy almost-2 year old. In a few months when he's adjusted to life with a baby in the house, *then* start transitioning him to a toddler bed in your room, and then to his own bed in his own room.

Our oldest was 3 when our second was born and he was cosleeping. Rather than pull the rug out from under him, we took one side off the crib and turned it into a sidecar and that's where the baby slept. After a few months, he moved to the toddler bed and the baby moved into the bed. He let us know when he was ready for his own room a few months later and transitioned painlessly and peacefully. We did the same with our daughter, and she was in her own bed by the time she turned 3.

I get so tired of all the "oh my goodness, how could you allow such a terrible thing to happen?" posts. Cosleeping can be a wonderful thing, and I know that it's one of the aspects of babyhood and toddlerhood that I'll miss the most. We had no sleepless nights, no nightmares, no covering our ears and hardening our hearts against the cries of our babies.

So, in short, I say buy a cosleeper and leave him where he is for right now. Put yourself in his little shoes and ask yourself what he's going to need from you in order to make this transition that's ahead of him.

M.

If your son is in a big boy bed, I would try sleeping with him in his bed. My children are 22 months apart and I had the same problem. My husband and I would lay down with my daughter until she fell asleep and then we would get in our own bed. Then, slowly fade that away. There were still times when she would wake up in the middle of the night to get in bed with us, but they eventually decreased. Good Luck!

W. H.

actually now is the PERFECT time to really work on this - make a REALLY big deal about how he is goign to be a "BIG BROTHER" and how he needs to show his baby sister where/how to sleep like a big kid - really build it up. Also maybe (if you can afford it) let him pick out a new "BIG BROTHER" pillow that can ONLY be used if he sleeps like a big boy in his bed

also- reward him probably start with a 3 tiered system: 1pt for if he falls asleep in his bed; 1pt for if he stays in his bed all night; 1pt if he wakes up in his bed then work your way down.... does that make sense? and what/'how you reward him may vary - it can be monetary or non monetary.

another suggestion is to let him start out sleeping with you - but move him - that way he can see that he can sleep there all night

and/or you may want to (at the beginning) start calling "night time/bed time" our "night time nap" something like that - since he seems to be ok wiht the term" nap" in his own bed....

can't wait to hear - email me if you want more ideas: ____@____.com

S. w

wow, you should have broken this habit last year at the latest. If I were you I would bite the bullet and plan on a long sleepless weekend and put him in his own bed. You might have a bit of a fight on your hands as he learns to sleep at night on his own. You might want to put a radio and nightlight in his room for comfort. But your best bet is to do like the Nanny on Nanny 911 does. Put him in bed and leave the room. If he comes out do not talk to him, just quietly and firmly put him back in his bed. Do the same thing as many times as it takes until he falls asleep. It should only take a couple of nights to manage this if you stick to your guns. You really should do this before the baby comes and you should explain to him that he is a big boy now and needs to sleep in his own room. Don't bring the baby into the conversation at all and do it before you bring the baby home or he will blame the baby for taking you away from him. Also, fyi, when you come home from the hospital let dad carry baby into the house and you greet your son first. Also make sure you take at least 5 - 10 minuets each and every day with him without the baby. Daddy too. This will really help him get through that first bit of baby took Mom & Dad away stuff. My oldest was exactly 2 when I brought home #2...and this worked great for us. Good luck and congrats on the baby!!

we re-arranged our bedrooms before my 3rd kid was born (we needed the crib). We moved the crib out of my son's room and into ours...at the same time, he got a new "big boy" bed in his room.

We also started calling the crib and new baby's bed and his the was the "big boy" bed. He eventually figured out he wasn't getting his baby bed back...he didn't need it any more.

He doesn't always sleep in the bed...sometimes he sleeps under it, sometimes he sleeps on the floor...but he's not in our room...I usually give him a choice...does it really matter where he sleeps in his room, as long as it's not in my room? It seems to have worked...my daughter is now 4 months old and sleeping in our room just fine and our son is sleeping in his new room.

Good luck!

L. B

I think it's a great idea to wait until after the baby is born. One new thing at a time. I've got a 6 year old and a 2 1/2 year old in our family bed and I am amazed at how sweet so much of our bedtime times are-- plus they cuddle up to eachother when I get back up after putting them to bed. I think it is adding an extra dimension to their sibling connection.
My sister and I shared a bedroom for most of our growing up, and for many years we shared a bed. She's still my best friend- I think our closeness may have its roots in all those hours spent together.

I was in your same situation over a little over a year ago before the birth of my second child. I handled it by sleeping with my 3 year old daughter in her room and placing her new born baby brother in a bassinette by the bed I shared with my daughter. After a few months I transitioned my son into his crib in his own room and continued to sleep next door with my daughter. I then transitioned myself out of her room by falling asleep with her when I put her to bed and then moving to my own room after my son woke me up for his first feeding. The whole transition took several months, and I'm not sure if this is the best method for everyone, but it worked for us, no one cried and we are all happy and good sleepers. I think the key is to find what works for you and be patient because it won't happen overnight. I also think that you should completely ignore any criticism you have received amongst these responses. This is supposed to be a supportive network and there is absolutely nothing wrong with co-sleeping. In most cultures it is perfectly normal for children to sleep with their parents and doing so does not hinder independence. I wish you luck with the transitions and with your newborn.

If your son is able to understand the concept of rewards for certain behaviors, I would give it a try. My oldest son has had sleep issues since we moved when he was three, now he is 7. What works for us ususally, is to reward him somehow if he stays in his own bed all night. When he was young we would give him a dollar store treat if he could go, say, 5 days in a row without ending up in my room. Lately, I have been putting three dimes in his doorway. Everytime he crosses over the doorway and leaves his room at night I take a dime. Whatever is left in the morning is his to keep and then we go spend it together at the dollar store. You can put your own variation on this concept to suite your own needs and the age level of your child. This way the act of staying in his own bed is HIS accomplishment and at the same time you are creating a whole new GOOD habit.

By the way...we never allowed our children to sleep with us in bed due to the fact that my husband makes phone calls for work in the middle of the night. My point here is that regardless if your child has ever slept in your bed or not, you can STILL have sleep issues so don't feel like you've made a mistake allowing him to be in there with you. Our pediatrician told us that there is no right or wrong answer to the question as to whether or not children should sleep in your bed. He said that it is a personal choice but whatever choice that you make be prepared to live with that decision for a LONG time. I have used this advice in ALL aspects of child rearing and it has helped me out of a few jams!
Good Luck!

When my son was born, my daughter was 2. She always slept with my husband and me. I tried to do all four of us in one bed, but there was not enough room. So, my husband co-slept with my daughter in the guest room for about a year. That worked. Now we are playing musical beds.

my daughter was 23 months (just last month) when i decided that sleeping in my bed was no longer a good idea. my daughter loves loves loves finding nemo. so i let me watch it in her room until she fell asleep. now just one month later she falls asleep with out it. before this she was 100% against her crib. she wouldn't go near it. at first she was call me just to make sure that i was near. i would peek in a few times just to let her know that i was near. now she feels fine sleeping alone. i'm still shocked that she is in the crib because she completely hated it.

I'm not a fan of the Family Bed. I believe children need to learn how to be independent. And I agree with the person who said now is a bad time to make major changes. An new baby is a big enough change as it is. When I was having a difficult time with my son sleeping at night and going to bed on his own my doctor gave me this method. Do you nightly routine. Ours is getting jammies on eating a little snack and brushing teeth, at the same time EVERY night. Once we out him up to bed if he started crying we would go up every ten minutes for an hour (only if he was crying) and stand in the doorway where he could see us but not where he'd think we were going to pick him...just enough to reassure him that we were still around and he was ok and firmly tell him it was bed time. Then each day we would go in less frequently until we stopped going in altogether. Now the only time I let him sleep in my bed is if he is sick. We had no problem transitioning from his crib to his big boy bed. It REALLY worked for us. Good Luck and congrats on the new baby!

With a new baby coming so soon it unfortunately is not a good time to make a major change to sleeping arrangements--your son my think the baby caused the change, and resent the baby.

You could try transitioning your son slowly. My first daughter was 20 months old when my second came. We first put her in her crib in our room. We lowered the drop down side to the floor (took the bottom part of that side off the tracks) so that the drop down side served as a guard to keep her from rolling out more than a barrier to keep her in. Then she felt that if she needed to, she could still come snuggle with us. Most of the night she stayed in her own bed. We moved to a new house 6 months later, and at that house we set up a double bed mattress on the floor in our daughters' room, as well as a double bed with frame. My husband and I slept on the bed with the frame, and our daughters both slept together on the double bed mattress. I imagine they would have done just fine sleeping like that without my husband and I in the room--but we had our bed in there because we wanted to remodel our bedroom before putting our furniture in it. They are 7 & 9 now and have great sleep habits--they sleep in their own beds although they do still share a room.

So anyway...my point is...you may be able to transition your son to a separate bed within your room for now, and then move him to a shared bed with his sibling in 6 months or so (even if the sibling is a girl--our third child is a boy, and when we were ready to transition him out of our bed, we put him in with his sisters. 4th child was a boy, so the boys now share a room with bunk beds).

I am in the exact same situation, only due in 7 weeks and had a head start on you. My son, also 23 months, has been sleeping on a twin mattress on the floor in our room since he was a little over 1 (before that he was in our bed). But he knew he could come in our bed whenever he wanted. He would fall asleep in our bed then we would move him down to his. The first few nights were rough, he cried every time he woke up and I would have to go lie with him. It was like he wanted to make sure he was not alone. But then it was great. Some nights he would stay there all night, some he would come into our bed. Usually, he would want me to go down and lie with him until he fell back asleep, then would come in our bed on his own at around 6am. It was perfect. Last week, we decided to move him into his own room so that the baby and he wouldn't wake one another up and we didnt want him to feel displaced, so we did it early. He has bunk beds in his room which we de-bunked and put side by side so he effectively has a queen bed that he wouldn't fall off of (oh at first in the Twin on the floor, he would roll off every night and wake up uncomfortable, eventually he learned the boundries of the bed, but still would fall off once in a while). So when we moved him, he helped us set up the room and we explained he was going to start sleeping in his room. The first night, he played for 3 hours in the dark (since our room had no toys, this was a novelty). I have been sleeping with him for the last week for a transition so I just dozed on and off on the bed while he played and he eventually came to me and said he wanted to go to bed in mommy and daddy's room. I reexplained that he and I were going to sleep in his room and he got upset, but fell asleep soon after but woke up several times to check for me and played for about 3 hours in the middle of the night again. The next night, right away he got upset, but again fell asleep pretty quick. The third night, he went right into his room when it was bed time. He is still playing for a while before he falls asleep, but that should soon wear off I think (hope). I am planning on putting a monitor in the room with him and sleeping upstairs in our room tonight (yes, that is one dilema, he is downstairs and we are up) so we will see how that goes. But, I would highly recomend doing it before the new baby comes so he doesn't feel resentment, and just start him off on a mattress on the floor in your room, maybe let him pick out his own sheets and everything too, we have realized that they really understand EVERYTHING now and need to have things explained to them even if they are not talking much yet. Sorry for the long-winded explaination, but good luck with your little guy and your delivery. Feel free to contact me with any questions.

i've read all of the responses and have been through almost all the same situations. My first daughter was in her crib at one week.. slept like a champ.. through the night at 3 weeks.. has always been a good sleeper... ( she's 13 ) my second daughter slept with us in our bed for 9 months.. while the cuddling was great she was a constant nurser and that was not soo much fun for me.. then we went the nursing to sleep route and putting to bed asleep.. ( naps again were no problem just night time ) she would wake up and we'd bring her to our bed.. again another sleepless night for mommy.. while i loved to nurse it became bothersome after the 9 month mark to be used as a human pacifier.. anyway.. we had to ferber her.. and no for all the militant mommies out there it's not just throwing them in the room and holding the door shut.. Most of the mom's that i met through play group and such really recommended it. after over 2 years of sleeping with her in our bed i was ready to be a big girl and sleep! they said it could be a long 3 days..
it took 2.. the first night it was bath book nightnight.. and i came up every 5 minutes for 20 minutes then every 10 for 30 minutes and every 15.. i never said anything just put my hand on her back.. she was already asleep by the time i got to the second set of 10 minutes.. but came up anyway.. she slept great and so did i.. the second night it took 15 minutes total of me coming to her room.. the third night she was asleep by the time i came up the first time.. now she's a champ!! we cuddle and hug in her bed.. we use teddy tadpole and i press the 3 minutes till night night and then she knows it's time for mommy/daddy to leave the room and sleep. my youngest is 10 months and she's been in her bed since she was 9 weeks old. i asked my doc and he said it was up to me and my husband what we wanted to do.. same with you ultimately anyway.. she was soo small.. ( my smallest at 6 lbs) she didnt fit into the sleep positioner ane we put her in a snugglenest in our bed.. this one was not an all night nurser she wants to nurse only when she's hungry. at 9 weeks i had bathed her, changed and fed her read a book BUT i had to go to the bathroom and my husband was out.. so i put her in her bed in her positioner and let her cry so i could go to the bathroom! when i came upstairs she was asleep. ( maybe 5 minutes later ) she flipped herself out of the positioner and onto her tummy.. out like a light . i kept checking her every30 minutes and looking at her on the moniter she was out! has been sleeping thru the night since!
I do not "harden my heart" to her cries but if she cries for 5 minutes after i put her down she's fine.. and she's asleep for a few hours.

good luck to you .. again you're due soon so maybe now is not the time to try it.. but maybe it will work foryou .. sorry about the novel!!

good luck and congratulations!