Sleep Schedule and Issues for Almost 2 Year Old

I know how hard it is to leave a baby crying in their bed. You just want to make it all better. But the longer you keep doing this, the harder it will be to stop. You have a great bedtime routine. You just have to tell her that when it's bed time, there's no more crying. And if she cries you cannot and will not come back and get her. She needs to sleep in her own bed. Right now she knows she's got you - all she has to do is cry and she knows you'll come and get her. You can't get into the rocking thing, because it will never end. I know it's going to be hard to reverse all this, but you have to do it! Good luck!

My kids are master manipulators. Kids learn early that if they can get their little toe in a door, they can push it wide open, so to speak. I love the line in Little Mermaid: You give them and inch, they walk all over you.
My husband is the push-over also. The boys have him wrapped around their little fingers, and while I love that he will do just about anything for them, it has caused a lot of bed time problems. We have found that when we are consistent and do not give in, things work out much better. It makes for some rough nights sometimes, but it's worth it.
Communicate to Addison what is expected of her. Tell her that at bedtime we eat, we bathe, we get dressed then we dance, then we read then we brush and go to bed. Make a picture chart if you need to so she can see all the steps. Then, right before she goes to bed, tell her it is night-night time and she needs to go to sleep. No more rocking- just sleep. Tell her you love her and you'll check on her, and then go out. If you need to go back in, wait at least 20 minutes and then tell her you love her and you'll check on her again.
We just got over a rough patch with our 2yo, but he is back to going to sleep really well on his own and sleeping through the night. Just make sure you do not make little concessions. Stick to your guns. Good luck!
Good luck!

Everyone else has said very smart things, I just add one more book possibility to the mix: "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. I found this book to offer a whole range of options for teaching your kid how to sleep well, depending on your comfort level and your family's needs. You're doing a great job. Good luck!

I have two children, a three year old and a five year old. With the five year old I listened to my mother and all the other people telling me how I needed to be firm about bedtime and he needed "to learn" how to put himself asleep. I struggled and fretted and worked myself all up over doing it wrong but kept at it, feeling like a utter failure that I couldn't get him to go to sleep on his own. Then, around age 3.5, he was able to put himself asleep and stay in bed and follow a bed-time routine shich he has ever since.

With my three year old, I decided to listen to my heart and I did what I wanted to. I didn't struggle (much) and I enjoyed my night-time rocks and snuggles with him and bedtimes were so much more pleasant and less guilt-ridden. No... he didn't go to bed at exactly the same time every night. No... I didn't get much laundry or dishes done, and yes... my house looked like a tornado at times, but I wouldn't give up those times for anything.

And low and behold, by just past age 3 he was putting himself to bed on his own without needing, or even wanting to rock with me. I still feel disappointed when I'll ask, Gabe do you want to do rock-a-by with me and he'll say "no" and go up to his bed on his own.

You can't force a child to sleep. You can only create the environment most conducive to sleep. And yes, you can lock the child in her room and listen to her scream for hours until she quits. And sooner or later, she'll realize that it won't work and just go to sleep. But why do you want to put both of you through that if you don't have to?

And this will probably make other Moms/Dads roll their eyes at my ignorance, but I refuse to believe that a 2 year old child has the ability and cognitive power to be manipulative in a manner to get a parent to cave in to their wishes. I think it has more to do with a 2 year old being 2 and trying to communicate her feelings and wants and the parent needing to be firm when it is important but also being wise enough to pick the battles that are important.

You do what you feel your daughter needs and give yourself leave from feeling any guilt.

I am a 33 and have a son who just turned 3 in Dec. We also had a hard time getting him to bed and sometimes a hard time to stay asleep. I found that if I let him take a toy(s) to bed with him and maybe plug in a small(dimmer the better, I found a bright night light keeps them up more) night light he feels better and safe with his toys. He doesn't get out of the bed because he has the night light to see and he falls asleep with the toy. Yes, sometimes he does cry and I usually let him cry for about 5-10 min. before I get up. My advice to you is to maybe if they do have a favorite toy let they sleep with it. If they are scared of the dark put in a small night light in the bedroom. Don't worry, this will pass. I thought my son would never stop and just sleep thru the night. I went thru exactly what you are going thru up until he was 2 1/2. Quick note, I found the if they take a nap around 11:30 vs 12:30 they fall alseep better at 7:30...I also put my son down still at 7:30. Hoped this helped!

I cannot say enough good things about "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." My son has always been a great sleeper thanks to this book.

S.,
I love the part about you crying too - isn't it hard? :) That being said, if you want your little Addison to learn to go to sleep on her own, there's no better time to start than now. Otherwise, you may end up with a 5 year old needing you to lay down with her every night (it's not uncommon). If that's fine with you, so be it. If not, then why not try a gradual exit from her bedtime/falling asleep routine? I know crying it out can be rough, and when they're 2, they're going to cry it out for much longer (and with much sadder and more dramatic cries) than when they're 6 months. But maybe if you follow a sort of "Ferber" method, you could work your way out of the room before she falls asleep, and she'll learn to soothe herself to sleep. For instance, go through your normal bedtime routine (sounds great by the way), rock with her in the rocking chair as normal, then put her down in her crib while she's awake. Kiss her and say "night night," then leave the room. Set your kitchen timer for 10 minutes. This is necessary, as you seem to have heartstrings attached to your wailing daughter. MAKE yourself wait the 10 minutes (it will seem like a lifetime). If she's still crying (which she probably will be) go back in, lay her back down (don't take her out of the crib - that's what she wants), give her a kiss, say "night night" and leave the room. Repeat procedure, this time putting a little more time on the timer (say 12 or 15 minutes). Keep repeating until either you have completely lost it or she has finally given in. The thing with this, S., is that you really have to give this whole method a go for about a week to start seeing results. It's all about consistency with kids, as I'm sure you know, and your Addison needs to know you mean business over the course of several days.

I know you said you don't want to "cry it out" and I totally understand that, but I'm telling you, her sleep issues WILL get worse before they get better on their own. However, know that you will most likely NOT have a 13 year old needing you to sleep on the floor with her! If you can keep that up for several more years now, then I'm sure she'll be happy! :)

Best of luck S.,
Amy K

p.s. How does she do with naptime? If she's in day care at the time, ask them how they're doing it!

S.,
You need to do what works best for you and your family. If it works best to get her back into a routine then you should. Something that I did with our son is that we go into his room, read 2 books that he picks out, then we rock and talk about his day, his room, whatever he wants to talk about. We then talk briefly about what is going to happen the next day (he doesn't like to go out of routine so he needs to be prepped if that is going to happen) and then I put him in his bed (toddler bed) and tuck him in counting the blankets or something like that and then give him and his 3 stuffed animals all hugs and kisses and rub his back and then tell him good night and that I will see him in the morning. He does a great job with this. He does on occassion cry and I too have a hard time with this, my husband does more than I do though. I then go in and lay him down again and rub his back and remind him that he needs to get sleep for tomorrow. Hope this really long winded answer helps. Good luck and do what is best for you and your family.

No, you are not doing anything wrong! Please take a few minutes to go to www.askdrsears.com and read a little about attachment parenting. By responding to her when she is upset - you are showing her that she can depend on you and trust you. That makes for a GREAT father! Attachment parenting teaches you to respond to your instincts - there is some really great info at that site or Sear's "The Baby Book."
M.

You have gotten some great (and some not so great) responses so far but I thought I'd put my 2 cents in as well. What a great dad you are- you know that something isn't quite right for both of you. Women tend to listen to our intuition much easier than men, who are more likely just to follow facts. Dr. Sears is one of my favorites, as has already been mentioned. What are you going to remember in 10 years...the amount of laundry you got done after she went to sleep or the extra time at night you got to spend cuddling with her (or whatever it takes) to get her to feel secure going to sleep on her own. My daughter (also an Addyson) is almost 2 and has started to ask me to cuddle with her at night so I am reminded to put down my computer and focus on my daughter. That's never a bad thing. Good luck!

We use the book Good Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West. She is known as the Sleep Lady. The book is broken up into sections of age, routine busters, medical conditions. It is a life saver. And the book goes all the way up to age five. I think if you keep going to the way you are going it will get harder and harder to break that habit. But the book is great in that you won't have to let her cry it out. You should be able to read what you need to in about an hour and get to work even this evening. It has worked great with our two kids and can't recommend it enough! Good luck.

Dear S.,
Cosleeping is a wonderful practice. My husband and I coslept with our two children when they were babies and it's true, you do have to tweak the method here and there to fit each child's needs--so it can be inconvenient--but we now have secure sleepers and have for years. I think if you are feeling some attachment anxiety this really could help you both start getting some good solid sleep nightly...and you can transition her into a 'big girl bed' (can even be a little futon on the floor with memory foam under the bottom sheet for extra comfort) in a matter of days. I think the trick will be for you to let her fall asleep in your arms in her big girl bed in her room, and then once she is asleep, turn on the monitor so you can hear her from your bedroom if she wakes, and if she does, take her back into her bed and let her fall asleep in your arms. Check out the Dr. Sears website, it's easy to find, if you haven't already. I don't think you need to be a firmer Dad at all. I just think you feel that way because you are possibly not trusting your natural instincts. It's okay to be a big softie!! Good luck, I hope this helps.

You sound like a marvelous Dad! There is no right and wrong way to sleep as a family. I've slept with my daughter most nights since she was born and most of my friends sleep with their children. Our U.S. culture is one of the few in the world that insists babies sleep alone. Most people in the world sleep with their babies and young children. You being there for her leads to her feeling safe and that leads to healthy attachment. Most children will on their own find a time that they want to sleep in their own beds. Relax and enjoy your daughter and bedtime. She will grow up so fast.

Sticking to a routine is the best thing you can do. The only question I have about your routine is the dancing: is it slow, holding her, while swaying, or is it fast dancing? If it's fast that may be getting her all wound up again just before bedtime.

I would try to lay it out for her step by step thru the whole routine: "After bath we're going to get our jammies on and brush our teeth." "Now that we've brushed our teeth we're going to read our story, then we're going to rock for 5 min." (while you're rocking) "After we rock you're going to bed. It's nite nite time."

You get the idea. That way EVERY nite she knows what expected of her and pretty soon the routine will become second nature. Good luck!