Sleep All Night/in Own Bed!

I have used the Baby Whisperer method for both of my kids (still working through it a bit with my 6 month old but he's catching on!). It inovlves letting them cry but only for shorter periods of time. I can't remember the exact method but it's basically where you let them cry for 30 seconds and then go in there and soothe them without picking them up. Then you walk out (or at least get out of their sight - I sometimes sit on my son's floor so he can't see me) and if they start crying again, let it go for 60 seconds then go back in and soothe the baby again without picking him or her up - try rubbing the belly or giving them a pacifier and holding their hand for a little while gently whispering something like "it's OK, mommy's here, it's time to go to sleep now" - I know it sounds silly to say that to a baby but it seems to work! Each time you have to go back in, wait an additional 30 seconds (so wait 30 seconds the first time, 60 seconds the 2nd time, then 90 seconds, etc). But this only works if you put them to bed before they are overly tired (you don't want to try this with a screaming, out of control tired child). With an older child, you may have to go back in quite a few times but (at least for me) the effort is worth the results! I've only had to do this a handful of times and my son seems to be learning to self-soothe. It does involve letting them cry some but not for extensive periods of time.

Kudos to you for choosing to parent your baby even through the night:) I used to spend alot of time trying to figure out what caused one child to sleep earlier or through the night or whatever and have realized, that it is just that kid. There is nothing I did or didn't do. All kids have different needs and are wired differently. Some have the need for more skin to skin contact and others are able to sleep soundly without it. They are as unique as us. I am sure you will find a solution that works for you and your baby. Good job mom!

Hi S.,

I finally got my daughter to start sleeping through the night at 14-months-old. Everyone told me to let her cry but I wouldn't and couldn't do it. First I had to night wean her as she was still nursing, I wouldn't have done this any earlier than 14 months, though. I started worrying about her teeth which was my real push to stop nursing her at night. After that she actually started sleeping better but would still wake up 1-2 times. I found that if I went in and quietly "shushed" her and rubbed or patted her back, she would go back to sleep. If she really started crying, I woould pick her up but then it was all over so I would take her to bed with me and try the next night. It took about 3 nights but it worked. I can't say she sleeps through the night every single night but definitely more often than not. I also found that if I kept her really busy and took her outside to get some fresh air throughout the day, she would also sleep better...but with 3 other kids in the house I would say your little ones get plenty of activity. Good luck to you!

for his nap time does he sleep in his crib at all. I would try that. To get him in the crib more during the day, so to him it isn't scary at all.

Another thing if you have a night light, that you can put just outside his room. So there is some light in the room, and that might help him.

I wouldn't say to let him cry it out, as i couldn't do that to my daughter either. BUT i did take a minute or two to get to her room. he is still learning how to self sooth himself back to sleep. As he becomes more comfortable in the crib, sometime the cries may be him just walking for a minute, and then being able to go back to sleep on his own.

My daughter's room was downstairs, so it always took me time to get to her and that helped her out.

It sounds like God gave you the gift of one good sleeper, S.! Your other nighttime adventures are quite common to families with small children. Good for you for having the compassion not to let him scream. This is such a developmental thing, and the time table is different for every child and every situation. I'd say do whatever you need to do, between yourself and your husband, so that everyone can get some sleep and be open to growth and change as you go along. One day this will all be a dim memory! Rest if you can during the day, maybe lying down with the younger ones with a story then resting together. This too shall pass!

Do whatever it takes for you to get a good nights sleep. If that means sleeping with him, than do it. Try again putting him in the crib in a few months. You need your sleep, especially with 4 kids! ; )

I am having a similar problem, so I would also appreciate any advice

Sleep research makes this clear: the Western idea of 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep is a historic and world-wide abberation. People, across the world, of all ages and throughout history have *not* thought 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep was 'normal.' Just a piece of information few people have.

I wrote a series of articles about babies and sleep --I make no money from you viewing these (only clicking on ads, so please don't because I don't want to seem to be selling anything). You may find them helpful.

http://parentingmethods.suite101.com/article.cfm/getting_...

http://infantstoddlers.suite101.com/article.cfm/baby_slee...

http://infantstoddlers.suite101.com/article.cfm/getting_b...

I hate to say it but you're going to have to be tough. DON'T bring him to bed with you. Not for 5 minutes even. It will be tough for a few days and you'll likely get even less sleep sitting in his room with him until he stops crying. Eventually though, he'll realize that no amount of crying is going to get him OUT of his crib. DO NOT PICK HIM UP and DO NOT TAKE HIM TO YOUR BED. Stand/sit by his crib, sing to him, rub his back, do anything you can to calm him without picking him up. It'll be tough, it'll try your patience, it'll be loud. It will work though, I promise. Don't let him "cry it out" alone... be there for him. Let him know that you are there and you love him but that your bed is not an option anymore. Your husband may have to switch with you periodically so your patience doesn't get tried too much. :)

Another suggestion... with my daughter I had a crib music thing that I used every time she went to bed. After a while, if she woke up in the night, I'd just go in there and turn it on (it had a 15 minute timer where it would turn off automatically) and she'd know it was time to close her eyes and go back to sleep. :)

Once it's been allowed, the headache to break the habit is in your corner. You allowed him to sleep with you, now it's up to you and hubby to break it and you are not going to like it. This is disciplining yourselves just as you would the kids.
Son STAYS in his crib. If he gets out and comes in to your bed, one of you takes him back as many times as it takes for him to stay there. The couch is not acceptible either.
If you don't like the crying it out method, think of what you're doing asking for advice. The same thing, basically. Why? Because it's a behavior that's interrupting sound sleep. And it gets frustrating. So I really think you need to get past the fact that a child will cry when he/she doesn't get his/her way. Of course. But it's up to you to set the proper guidelines. It'll take a few tears, but consistency will win. Be firm, be strong. Give in and you will be dealing with this for a long time. And you have to ask if it's worth it to go years without proper sleep. Nip it in the bud now, despite your issues about crying, and it will resolve itself.

None of my children have slept through the night before 15 months. They did sleep in thier own beds by about 3 months. When they would wake up I would go in and nurse them for a couple of min and then put them back to bed. I found Elizabeth Pantly's book The No Cry Sleep Solution to be very helpful. I do not agree with the the Cry it Out method either, but it is ok to let them cry for a few min. Sometimes my kids would go back to sleep on thier own after only crying for 3 or 4 min. I would watch the clock and never let them cry for more than 5 min. I also would listen to the type of cry.
Blessings, K.

wow! there are some real strong opinions out there about babies & sleeping! it's funny how people think only their way is the right way!

well let me share what "my way" was...not that it's the best or right thing - just worked for our family! oh - and i don't think anyone sleeps all through the night...everyone wakes up multiple times, but learns how to self sooth and just go back to sleep w/o any help...

i put my daughter in her crib when she was still awake, but sleepy, and let her fall asleep...if she cried - i would wait 1 minute (watching the clock & pacing :) and go in and try to soothe her (rubbing back, singing, whatever) and go out again...if crying continues wait just a bit longer (2 min about) and go back in...if the crying got real bad i would pick her up and rock...but i would never leave her room or turn on a light...i would just keep trying until eventually she'd fall asleep...

i would never let her go longer than 5 min of crying...it was too much for me to handle!! but i never slept in my bed w/ her because i was afraid to smother her (i'm a roller and mess w/ blankets way too much for a baby)...

also, when she wakes at night...i wait just a minute before going in...to see if she'd just fall back asleep - and sometime she did! i wouldn't run into the room for every sneeze or little sound...but she knew mommy was there for her when it was important!

good luck to you! it may take longer to retrain your child because you've already developed certain habits...if it's not working out for you try a change! check out books from the library or read the internet (harvey karp or that baby whisperer, etc..) and just try different methods until you find the right one for your family!

I do not understand why parents allow their children to sleep with them in the first place. How does this happen? I am thinking it is something that you started and now are telling your children "sorry that's it" I am the mother of 2 children and I have never had that problem. Of course there are times when they will come and lay down in our bed but they go right back to their own beds. I understand not wanting them to cry it out. There was a time when my kids would have a hard time going to sleep and I would lay down in their room until they fell asleep. Maybe you could try this for a while. It may be hard in the middle of the night, but you may only have to do it for a few nights.
I don't mean to sound harsh but sometimes I think we, as parents, are selfish. By that I mean when are children are infants we want to be near them as much as possible and then it is almost like we finally get our fill of holding them and cuddling them and now we want time for ourselves
but they don't understand that. Good luck with this. I have friends with a 10 year old who still sleeps with her parents almost every night.

Hi S.! I have to tell you-I think the cry it out method is not beneficial or humane either. I had co-sleepers, but when it is effecting your sleep and health it is understandable to look for other answers. I don't have a fool proof way to do anything, nor have I ever used any "method" that someone has written a book about, but instead I have picked a time when I knew I would possibly be able to catch some extra winks in the afternoon for that week or so and tried to be persistant at night with rocking and putting in crib. If they wake, laying down and patting the back until they are calm. After a while, this will taper down hopefully until they wake less and sleep better themselves (then hopefully so will you!) Good Luck!