I'm 25yo, single mom to a handsome 15mo little boy. I work 2 jobs (1 FT, 1 PT, about 55-60hrs/wk), just finished my AS in Entrepreneurship, and in the next few months my son and I will be moving out of my parents' home and into our own. After that happens, I plan to start my dream of owning my own photography studio, most likely out of my home at first.
I was watching a sappy chick flick tonight and got to thinking about getting back in the dating world. I go out every now and then with groups of friends, but many of them are married, and the single guys are either no more than friends or they are only looking for a good time. I'm trying to figure out how and when I am supposed to meet someone. I don't really like meeting guys in bars, never really worked out for me. I'm a pretty confident young woman, but I am not one to go up to a guy and strike up a conversation. Do guys even really like that? It's been over 3 years since I was in the "dating scene." I feel extremely out of the loop, which is a new feeling for me.
My parents and grandparents are really good about watching my son if I want to go out, so that's not the problem. Its more of how do I go about meeting guys that aren't going to feed me lines or run away when they find out I have a son? And it's not like I'm looking for a father for him, he has plenty of positive male influence from my dad, grandpa and brother. (Well, of course, the ideal man would have to have all the qualities I would want my son's father to have. Just clarifying that I'm not one of those women that are ONLY out to find a daddy figure.) I just feel like I'm ready to have a companion and partner again. Someone to make me feel wanted instead of needed. Plus I'm a little tired of my family asking me when I'm going to get married, haha.
Any advice/tips? Experience with online dating? Anything would be helpful :)
In my opinion, the right time to start dating is when your child is grown. Just my opinion. It's not fair to introduce one (or many) man/men into his life that will not be a permanent fixture. The only way to do it, if you INSIST on dating, is not to have your son meet your boyfriend until you are engaged and have made SOLID wedding plans.
Just my opinion.
I think you should put your son first and focus on him, your budding career and being independent outside of your parents house.
Things will fill into place over time. Your son is ony 15 months old once.
Don't fall for the pressures from other people to do something you may or may not be ready to do. Let things take place naturally, your litttle boy will grow up WAY too fast and you don't want to miss a moment of that!!
Good luck
I know several people who have had good experiences with online dating, several of them have been married for many years and have started families. At the very least, it helps you kind of relearn how to communicate with men again. But you still have to be very picky and careful with who you talk to, and what you reveal, especially when meeting up.. always meet in a public place, b/c some people are real creepers! I've have heard some scary stories, some people don't reveal their crazy side until you think you really know them.
As for me, I would join groups of things that interest you. On meetup.com there are plenty of groups for single adults. Photography, foodies, movie goers, runners, career groups, hobby groups, religious studies, book clubs... You are in college, you can join a student union or club that is in your field or area of interest. Get to know someone while in their element that has a common interest.
I met my husband at church. Do you have a church group or subscribe to any particular faith or philosophy? That is usually a very good place to meet people with like minded goals and morals.
Just remember to take. it. very. slowly... you are a busy momma, so put your son first time wise, and a good man won't try and compete with his time. Don't try to force it or find someone, enjoy your child's toddler years as long as you can. As for letting people know you have a son, that is part of who you are. No need to hide it or feel weird about revealing it.
This may seem odd, but my husband and I, on our very first date, we told each other some of our background and also our 5 year plans, just a nice and casual conversation, we talked about our views on religion, family values, being financially smart, our parent's relationships... everything that shaped who we were, and we were only 22 at the time. Too many people date and never even bring that kind of stuff up until they are worried about marriage, or even after they are married. You don't need to be pushy or all emotional, but just a casual conversation about where you see your career, where you see your family and life heading in the next 5 years or so is a good thing to share. I would be wary of a guy who didn't have any goals or aspirations, or a plan on how to get there.
Hi, I just wanted to compliment you on your self-confidence and balance, you seem to have a good head on your shoulders, you have clear goals and you know how to turn them into reality, you also have a supportive family which is truely awesome... your life is good, girl! I bet you'll meet many people through your work and, in any case, as you probably know, love comes in the most unexpected ways, so just wait to be surprised. Having a child is absolutely a PRO for you, as it is a natural deterrent to players and ill-natured or immature men, so you should not consider it as a con. I have been single for a while (I also have a son) and, being self sufficient and confident as you has made it a little harder for me to find a companion, my standards are very high ;-) BUT I am pretty sure when he'll come along I will recognize him and he'll be the right (and hopefully the last) man for me and my son. I think the same will happen for you. You may want to try e-harmony (or similar) in order to take baby steps into re-entering the dating scene, i didn't find anyone but I found it useful and safe and comforting...it could be a good "exercise" before dealing with the real dating stuff and, you never know, you may actually meet someone awesome there. There's really no rule, I think, except putting your and your son's best interest first, the rest will follow. What's not to love about a woman as successful as you? Good luck!
Just wait. When you force these things they never happen. This does not even sound like good timing from what you have described. Don't look for them, they will find you in the most unsuspecting places. Watch behavior VERY carefully. It will be the best indicator of a good man. Listen to how they speak of others and to you. Keep looking and listening for a long time. You have alot at stake to make another mistake at your son's expense.
