Should I Try for Another???

Updated on July 05, 2007
P.A. asks from Spring, TX
16 answers

I am curious to know if any one else out there is in my situation. I am 42 and have a beautiful 4 yr old son. But, I would love another child. I have had 2 miscarriages. One was two years ago and the other about 14 months ago. Both resulted in my having to have a D&C. I have since been diagnosed with hypothyoidism, which may or may not have played a part in the miscarriages. Time is running out for me. I know I am blessed to have my little boy, but I don't want him to be an only child. I am an only child and don't have a lot of family excect for my parents and husbands immediate family which is also small. I am scared to try again because of the age factor and the thyroid problem. Any thoughts or advice would be helpful.

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D.S.

answers from Houston on

You can try. Becareful because you all ready had 2 miscarriages. There is always adoption too. There are plenty of kids out there that need loving parents, don't forget about them.

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D.L.

answers from Houston on

Why risk complications for a new baby, when there are thousands out there that don't have anyone to love them and take care of them in a family setting. If it were me, I would not want to put my family and myself in that type of danger and would just try and adopt.

I am sorry about your miscarriages, maybe it's God's way of saying to try another way! Good luck in what ever decision you make. I will say a prayer for you!

1 mom found this helpful
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B.

answers from Houston on

what about adoption? You could adopt a two year old and have a nice age gap between the two of them. It might be tought in the beginning but you're giving a child a chance that might not have it without you. I know it's expensive but if you look, there are charities out there that will give you a grant to help with the adoption expense.

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D.S.

answers from Houston on

In my opinion, I would not have another child at age 42. From experience, it's tough to deal with more than one child and being an older mom makes it harder. I am 45 years old with a 7 1/2 year old and 4 year old twins. My neighbor is around age 42, has a 7 year old, and just birthed a newborn last week. More and more people these days are doing this, but I think we're pushing it. Due to stress involved in rearing children, we must take care of ourselves in the process, which alot of times we don't because we put our kids first and we end up with health issues etc. I realize I had twins after my firstborn and this is a whole different ball of wax than having just two. This could be why I frown on having more children in our 40's. I feel for you and your desires.

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C.J.

answers from Austin on

Hi P.,

I wouldn't let your age scare you as much as your health. You know if you can handle a baby at your age. I am 41 with a 4 yr old and it is all good. My mom had my little sister when she was 40. My little sis is 18 now and this was probably one of the best things that ever happen to my mom. She has so much more patience than she had with me and mom has more knowledge and resources to help her better in this crazy world.

However, your health and ability to carry a child is a big concern. I would do exactly what as another person stated, get more Dr. opinions. There is no need to risk your health. If you can't have another one yourself, possibly you can adopt or foster. You could certainly teach your son the values of humanity and love through example of adoption or fostering. There are so many beautiful children that need love and a stable home. Your family could be the saving grace for a less fortunate child and your son will have the extended family you would like for him to have.

Oh, and by the way, my kids are 5 years apart! No big deal! They love each other and help each other in many ways! They just wont ever go to the same school except when she is in kinder and he is in 5th! Oh well!

Lots-O-Luck!
Cj

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S.

answers from Houston on

I would keep trying !
A friend of mine, had the same problem, then she adopted a cute little boy, then guess what, after she adopted about a year later here comes her child !!! She was still so excited !
She kept on though.........don't get disappointed just keep at it!..........

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T.M.

answers from Houston on

I say go for it. Having a family is a beautiful thing. Don't let your age stop you, unless you don't feel you can handle it. I'm sorry about your miscarriages, and pray that your next pregnancy, if that's what you do, will be a huge success.

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K.K.

answers from Houston on

Absolutely! You have to try. With the outstanding pre-natel care by OB/GYNs, you'll be in good hands! Don't go on the rest of your life wondering if you should have tried for another. If it is meant to be, it will happen and you'll have another beautiful baby. Family (having children) is what LIFE is all about! Good luck!

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C.S.

answers from Sherman on

I dont think the hypothyroidism would be much of a factor cuz i have it and i conceived and carried my daughter just fine. Her birth was rather difficult but that was only cuz she didnt wana come out no matter how hard we tried. Miscarriages just happen. Alot of times they cannot be explained. Even if you do everything right, you can just never tell. If you have a negative rh factor that could be a reason but you would have said if you did. I would suggest to keep trying and hope for the best. These things just happen.

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K.V.

answers from Houston on

Hi P.--I am a Certified Nurse Midwife and have several clients at and over 40 with beautiful new babies. Your age puts you at risk for miscarriage, also, for a baby with Down Syndrome. Thyroid disorders also put you at risk of infertility--but if you are taking medication, that should not be a concern.

After having miscarriages, I'm sure you are hesitant, but it's possible for you to have another child. Please call for a consult appt to discuss your situation.

thanks, Kathy

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T.S.

answers from Longview on

Well speaking from being a kid to a mom what was a tad 'older' and having a sister that had kids as an 'older' mom....it is all in what you want to do.

But fwiw if you got pg again, you have to figure the kids will be 5-6 years apart. There is a big enough gap that you are practically starting over. You have to figure you will be 60 when the kid is moving on. Don't assume the minute he turns 18 he will be out the door. Also don't assume he won't.

But just think about it and decide how dedicated you are to being home room mom when you are in your 50's? My sis did it, my mom did it for awhile and then she quit. She said she had already done it with the older kids and was tired of it. My sis could have said that, but she didn't. She stayed involved all those years and I told her I really admired her for not using the excuse of being older and tired of the 'kid' stuff.

Also how does your hubby feel? Does he want to be paying for college for kids when he is in his 60's? I would not have minded but my hubby was totally against that idea. So you have to look at all angles and do what you think is right for your family and your health. ;-)

Good luck,

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T.G.

answers from Houston on

I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism early during my pregnancy (6 weeks). My OB/GYN mentioned that there was an increased risk of miscarriage when left untreated, so she started me on medication immediately and I had no problems whatsoever. So it's possible that was the problem. But, personally, I would be afraid to risk it! I think it's a difficult personal decision that only you can make!

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H.B.

answers from Houston on

I guess only you can answer this question.
But if I am to advise you I would say that you have to weigh risk versus benefit. Your child is so young to be alone in this life if God forbids something happens to you. Yes you are blessed to have him, but you got to know that there are other ways of having another baby. Serrogate mom is one and adopting a child is another. There are people out there willing to "host" your child and be a serrogate mom for a certain amount of money. And there are kids out there who need a loving home. I guess as being a teacher you'll find a lot of love to give to a child wether it is biologically yours or not.
Good luck in whatever decision you make.

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J.T.

answers from Houston on

Where's the harm in trying? If it was meant to be, it will be. When my husband and I were confronted with fertility issues after our first child was born, we began the foster to adopt procedure and turned up pregnant with baby number two! I would visit all your doctors concerned and get a green light on a pregnancy- to make sure that there is no medical reason for you not to risk becoming pregnant again and then take a deep breath and jump in with both feet. Brace yourself for disappointment. Pregnancy over the age of 40 is difficult and you may be setting yourself up for heartbreak but, nothing ventured is nothing gained. Good luck and God bless-
Jenn

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M.C.

answers from Sherman on

I am a 34 year old(almost 35) mother with a 15 year old(biological)daughter and 6 adopted children...we were foster parents and we adopted our foster children.I had a lot of complications with my pregnancy with my daughter and we have spent years trying to have another baby.We have done artificial insemination twice and we are going to try again very soon.I also have hypothyroidism and my doctor tells me it can cause miscarriage if you are not on medication.But I am not discouraged,as long as I take my medication I feel it will be ok.So if you really want more kids I would try again if I were you.Or you may consider adoption...it has been a wonderful experience for us.Best of luck!!

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A.T.

answers from Houston on

I would defintely seek a Dr's opinion. And go to a few, it doesnt hurt to get a 2nd & 3rd opinion. And then get on your knees and pray about it. You know your gut feelings about it, and go with it. I hope this helps some.

Good Luck.
A. :)

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