We Think We Want Another Baby....

HI K., I think the worse thing in life is to have regrets. Having kids is one of those things you can't do forever! I am 41 and have 2 kids. I had them at ages 32 and 35. I wanted to have another, but finances, age, weight and an unhappy marriage made me decide not too. I'm getting married next year and would love to have another with my new husband, but probably won't. I always wanted to have 4-6 kids and that will probably be my biggest regret was that I only have 2 and one step daughter. But I also know many women cannot have children at all so I am truly blessed with the children I have been given. So if you can manage finacially and physically, I say DO IT NOW! Good luck to you in whatever decision you make!

Hi K.
I had 2 m/c between my first daughter and my 2nd daughter. It took about 2 years to finally hold our 2nd daughter in our arms. Along with the m/c worries we went into preterm labor with our first at 22 weeks. So after we got past the m/c "time frame" we were worried about preterm labor. But in the end all the worries were sooo worth it. She was preterm but not to much. And at 33 years old we went for number 3, uneventful pregnancy..smooth as could be! I just could not imagine my life with out my 3 beautiful children.

Even though my little guy was an uneventful pregnancy the worries were still there, I dont think that is something that ever goes away fully after suffering miscarriages but you have to decide if the fear is going to hold you back from something you want. If I let the fear over take me (which I almost did) I would not have my 7 years old...sweetest little girl ever everyone says she has an old soul :) and my almost 3 year old son who bring so much goofiness into the house :)lol

Good Luck with whatever you decide, miscarriage is a hard thing to try to look past but if you really want another baby you will find a way to see through the fear and reach for your goal.

If you and hubby have it on your hearts to have another child, I would say, "Yes, go for it". I too had a heart-breaking miscarriage, the next pregnancies had me on pins and needles. My doctor totally understood and allowed for me to come in to hear the heartbeat whenever I wanted to the first 4-5months, that helped. It's amazing how much love your heart can hold for each child and then expand to allow for more. Best wishes in your decision.

Hi K.-
If you really wish for another baby with all your heart, it will come. I had my first and only child at 33, and have never regreted a thing. Go for it:-) Accept that when the correct body matches with th correct spirit, you will be able to complete the pregnancy. I did go to bedrest for the first three months or so of pregnancy, and avoided stress, since I always lost the babies during that interval.

That all said, I did have 5 micarriages, and was thrown into a major tailspin by the last one before the pregnancy which 'stuck'- it ended at exactly three months. Looking back, though, things weren't always right at the time- I tend to be a nervy sort, which can interfere with all sorts of things. Be happy, look for joy, and have your baby. Allow no negative thoughts in :-) Hope it helps - S.

I think your age is the least of your worries. I had my first at 35 and second 4 days after I turned 40. My sister was 36 when she had her first and 39 when she had her second. Good luck with your decision.

Growing a family is such a life changing experience, and each family goes about it in different ways. There are several options if a pregnancy isn't an option or you choose not to be pregnant for any reason. Serogates, domestic adoption, foster adopt, international adopt and others that I didn't explore.

I had several miscarriages, but I was able to carry 3 boys to term. My first and second pregnancies were nightmares and my second son was so early he spent years with specalists and was finally released when he was 10 1/2 years old. But my third pregnancy my dr kept trying to convince me to have a late term abortion and I was in a Catholic hospital. Turns out he was healthy and it worked out perfectly.

I had to have a hysterectomy afterwards but my heart just knew my family wasn't complete so I adopted my incredible daugther. I'll be the first to tell you adoption is a long hard emotional roller coaster, but it is an incredible journey and the result is unbelievable! Yes, there are children in the world that need mommies and mommies that need children, and for us, ours was a match made in heaven.

Look at all your options, and find out what works best for you and your family. And what ever you decide I wish you the best.

I just had my first baby at 35, so age isn't an issue at all. Genetic problems do tend to show up more in older mom's, but 34 isn't old at all. If you were 40, you could think about worrying maybe. As to your other concerns, if you think you can handle it, go for it! It's the intelligent, thoughtful people who should be populating this world. And you two seem to be that if you are giving this so much of your attention. And I too had a miscarriage, so I understand that and it is always a possibility. But that is just the chance you have to take if you want it.

I can totally understand what you are going through. I had 6yrs of miscarrages befor I had my first. I was blessed at the age of 34 to have him. Yes the whole pregnancy was not real until he was actually born than I could breath easy. It is a hard delema we are facing the same decision right now (do we try for #2). I look at it this way if it is ment to be It will happen. I am soooo blessed to have one and I thank god everyday for bringing him into our lives.

We too, always wanted 3. We were very happy with 2 and things were going great until a surprise came along. I'm now 13 weeks pregnant with our 3rd. We couldn't be happier, even though the 3 kids will be very close in age.
I'm 30. Not 34, but not so far from it either.
I've never had a miscarriage, but I can understand your fear. I was a terrible wreck till I saw this baby's heartbeat. I think it's just something moms to be go through. I can't imagine that intense worry amplified by past miscarriages!
But if it is something you want to you, you have to take the risks. Or you could always adopt. That's what we decided 2 weeks before we found out we were pregnant.
Adoption doesn't have to be expensive. There are lots of tax breaks and it's a great way to add to your family without having to deal with the emotional termoil of miscarriages and pregnancy itself.

Oh I can't thank you enough for your post...we're going through the same thing right now and it's just nice to not feel so alone ya know?
First I must say that you're daughter is still awfully young, you've got some time to think about it still. My mom had my sister when she was 42...everything you hear now seems to push 'old' as being 45 in the pregnancy world.
It is so so scary to think about what might happen if you got pregnant again - I totally agree after major problems with all 3 of my boys, plus one miscarriage and terrible issues with epidurals. Our youngest is almost 3, and we're going to wait to decide either way until the new hospital is open out here...so we've got a while. But I must say, after not planning any of our current kids, it is exciting just to think of having another :)
Adoption is always a great option, totally agree with whoever said that! Kudos to you!

I can only speak to the age question, and would say that if your doctors see no problems and you are healthy and taking care of your self already with good nutrition and at least some excercise, your age should not be a concern, really.
There are many new moms out there and here on Mamasource who had children way past 34. I had my first when I was 37 and am about due with the 2nd now. So, really, that should not be a stopping point if you want to go for another one.

All the best for which ever way you decide : )
D.

K.
I completely understand your hesitance of going through the miscarriage experience again. I went through 8 before being blessed with my two amazing sons. My only question for you to think about is Is you fear greater than your desire? I found myself unable to have a third due to circumstances beyond my control. If you are healthy and there is no structural reason for you not to be able to conceive and carry than I see no reason for you not to go after you family dreams. Food for thought, my grandmother had a couple of miscarriages before her second child and then went on to have three. The best bet is to discuss the situation with your Dr. and make sure there is nothing preventing you and then go from there.
My very best hopes for you,
Rie