Should I Have a 4Th Baby?

I would adopt! I'm 31 and want to have a 5th, but I won't have one after 35 just because of potential problems (and since we'll ideally already have 5 or 6 healthy ones). BUT I would love to adopt a 7th.

The hardest part about having a baby is...the pregnancy (fatigue, etc. while chasing little ones)! Adoption is very appealing, and I've longed to do it for a long time.

I haven't gone through all the responses yet, so if this is a repeat anything everyone else has said, I'm sorry.
Let me pose this question for you, if you didn't try for another baby, would you regret it in 3 years, or 4 years, or even 10 years? If you feel like you might, then Go For It! If the only reason you are thinking you shouldn't is because you might be tired, then I still say go for it.
If you might be looking for a reason to not have another baby, then you probably shouldn't.

We can't tell you what to do, this is something personal between you and your hubby.

As for me, my family was complete at 1 and my daughter does not miss out on anything. I am thankful for her, the stability and security (emotionally and financially) we can give her.

I have family members pregnant now with #4 and #5 and I can't grasp the "why" of it because of my feelings of parental obligation to the children brought into the world. I know these children will be loved but there is a huge financial responsibility as well.

You can't guarantee that you would have a girl so are you going to be upset if this baby is not a boy and possible twin boys? You can't guarantee that siblings will get along and be best friends forever either.

Sounds to me like you have a happy family now. At age 43, I would not enter into a potentially difficult pregnancy to try for a girl. I would be thankful for the family I have and that they are all happy and well adjusted.

My parents had me, so that my sister would have one. We were never close as children, and still aren't. Nothing against her, we just have nothing in common but dna. I did give my mom a horrible pregnancy. I added to their financil difficulties. What I'm saying, is your reason is very short-sighted. I personally would never have a child, for the other one. I think it's a lame reason, if I'm being frank. Your daughter doesn't need a sister. She does need her parent's time, clothing, food, shelter, an education, and security. How would another child effect those things? How would a child now effect your financial security, retirement, savings, and provision? What if you had complications with this pregnancy, or your child was born with special needs? Could your family and marriage deal with that? Those are the real life things that should be considered. Not, that you think it would neat for her to have a sister.

I would never have wanted a baby at 44, and I really don't think your reason is good enough to have a baby at any age, but especially so at your age. The risks of birth defects are high, the chances of twins if you even conceive at all are high, you have no guarantee of a sister or if they'll be close, and while a baby sounds great, do you really want to do first grade as a 50 year old mom, and be over 60 teaching a kid to drive and waiting up for them after prom? Maybe you do! Just consider everything carefully.

If your only reason for doing it is because you want your daughter to have a sister, then I would say no.

If you always envisioned yourself with four kids and really don't feel like your family is complete, I'd at least go see your doctor and get his/her opinion. Do you have the time, energy, money, resources, and room in your house for a 4th child? Can you give it your all?

How will you feel if it's a boy? While i have no doubt you will love the child just as much, will you feel a bit of regret or resentment at having to start over with another newborn?

What does your husband think? How badly does your daughter want a sister? How upset will she be if she ends up with a third brother?

Ha I think your crazy! Your just starting to get your life back with a 4 year old. Now you guys can do a lot more as a family without having to worry about the crazy schedule of a newborn. Do you want to go through the 2s and 3s again? Maybe your kids were easy - does not mean this one will be. :)
Of course that is me and this is you, so good luck with whatever you decide. :)

I worked with a woman who had 3 kids - the first when she was 36, the 2nd at 40 and the 3rd at 43. At 43 she still felt like she had all the energy in the world. At 47, she was really struggling to keep up with the 4-year-old, as well as the other kids, now 7 and 10. You might feel great about it now, but 5 years from now? Not trying to be a Debbie Downer, but just something to think about. And like you said, nothing says you will have another girl. Another friend of ours had 2 boys, and they wanted to try for a girl - she ended up with twin boys. How it will it work out if you end up with multiples, or a child with special needs? Down Syndrome, etc.?

I'm in agreement with those who are questioning your reasons for wanting another - it's only to try to give your daughter a sister, I don't think that's good enough. Who says your daughter would be happy about having a sister anyway? And what if it isn't what you are hoping for? Or they grow up and end up hating each other?

Is this just to giver your daughter a sister??? Is this fourth baby for you? IT sounds like your daughter has siblings.

Ask yourself those questions first. Is this for your daughter or for you??

No one actually "says" they wish they didn't have another child because that is completely taboo. But what if your child is difficult or special needs? Plus the reason you say you want another child is for your daughter to have a sister. What if it's a boy or they just don't get along no matter what the gender. Personally, I would never have 4 children. I would be spreading myself way too thin, especially if I was over 40.

It sounds to me like you have a wonderful complete family already.

I always wanted a girl. I got two boys. My husband seems to make boys. I couldn't deal with the idea of 3 of them. I decided that my little girl will be in my dreams and that maybe one day I'll get a granddaughter.

I didn't want to be 40 and pregnant - I hated being pregnant and was in bed from week 24 on with my first pregnancy. The thought of being on complete bedrest with multiples? Egads.

Now one son is in college and the other is in high school. I'm in my 50's and very glad that I don't have an elementary schooler or middle schooler. Adding up college tuition for two of them is daunting enough...

I know some people have kids in their 40's - I just can't imagine being one of them!

Best of luck in your decision~
Dawn

If you're serious and healthy and can afford it, go for it. You already know what it'll take. But of course this will be more on you because of your age but it doesn't mean it's a negative. You'd probably enjoy it more because your more mature and ready to really appreciate it in a whole new way. My daughter has a 14mo old and is older and she really can't believe how much more energy it takes but she wouldn't trade her little one for the world. Babies are sent from above, do what you think you're led to do.
Blessings on you all

Don't let everyones negative answers sway your decision. If that's what you and your husband really want, then have a 4th baby. I think everything happens for a reason, so if you successfully get pregnant while trying for a 4th, then its meant to be.

Personally, I would not even consider having a baby at 43, but that's me. I wouldn't ever consider having four either. I was one and done. But again, that's just me.

If you both want a baby and have the means to support another one, amd you ob says she thinks you can do so safely, go for it.

I am in awe of the fact that you and your OB seem so confident that you will get pregnant at 43! I have been in the fertility assistance world for a couple of years now, and I'm a month shy of turning 38. My OB, and the fertility docs I have worked with, have always talked about how much harder it is to get pregnant and stay pregnant over 40. Sure, it is done all the time I suppose, and yes, these doctors can be fatalistic by the nature of their jobs, but everything I have learned, researched, and lived points to how this may not be the easiest thing in the world, even if you have had other kids effortlessly. This doesn't address your question of whether or not to have a fourth, it's just something to think about as you decide. Only you and your husband know how many kids are best for you and your family. Good luck!

Several of my friends have had babies after turning 40. Each of these additions were planned.

One friend has MS too. She had been married unhappily for many years to an abusive man. Her sons were teens when she was finally able to leave him and get a divorce. She married a man who had not had any children. They decided to try. She was able to have another son then a daughter. She is nearly 60 now and her younger children are 11 and 13. Her older sons have their own children.

One mom and dad joined the LDS church after having their sons. They decided to increase the size of their family and had 2 more children. She was in her 40's and her son's were in their teens.

One of my friends had her 7th child a few years ago, she was in her early 40's. Her oldest daughter was pregnant at the same time. She gave her parents their 40th grandchild. The daughter gave her mom and dad their first grandchild a month later.

Many many many people have children in their 40's and some even in their 50's. It is not all that uncommon anymore.

If you want another child then have another child. It is not that big of a deal. If it would make you feel any better then make an appointment to talk to the doc.

I think large families are wonderful and wish I could have had more children. But later in life. I sucked as a parent with my daughter. I do better now with my grand kids.

If you are asking for my vote then I say yes! I would think if you are asking this, but there are a lot of pluses going for you and you are probably already tired, then why not another one? You don't need us to help you with this you need to head somewhere with your husband! I wanted more children, couldn't have anymore and it was totally and sadly solved when I got uterine cancer a couple of years ago. And now, according to the world I really am not supposed to have anymore. Too old and the bucket has been removed. Good luck with your decision.

My answer is in no way meant to sound negative, but trying to have a child so your daughter can have a sister is maybe not the best reason to try and have another! Although you know they say men over 30 are more likely to produce girls, so that's in your favor. I would only have another if you really want another, we have four and I love it-I love our "large" family. I only had one sibling and we used to be really close and now we've grown apart and I don't really have anyone to be close with like that. I think my kids really enjoy our family size as well.

If your kids were teenagers or grown, I would say no. Because you would almost be finished raising kids and it would be like youre starting all over again. Your kids are really young, so why not? If you are a healthy person, I say..GO FOR IT!

Well, I had my last baby the year I turned 42. And I have met many wonderful Mama's who have babies at your age, due to us being the 'older' moms at school.

Since you are right in the mode of having had 3 children back to back, having another should go pretty well. You body memory will kick in and know what to do. If it had been 10 years and you were considering this, then there would be a lot of unknowns.

GL with what you and family decide!

As a person who spent years of my childhood wishing that I DIDN'T have a little sister (but got along great with both of my brothers), I don't think it's a good reason to have another baby. But if you and your husband really want to do this for yourselves, go for it.

I have decide long ago that after I turned 32 if I have had 1 or many or none that I will not become pregnant.That was a personal decision I didn't want to increase the chances of an unhealthy baby,also hubby is 6 hrs older than I.Now i'm 32 I have 4,last July I was considering Essure but gave myself a few weeks to dwell on it and if I became pregnant again then i'll be happy and after wards have the Essure,well I did become pregnant with our 4th before Essure was scheduled now a year later she is 4 months I just had Essure done and feel that this is what was best for us and myself I do have bladder issues including prolasped bladder that isn't bad that I would go to surgical measures to repair right now, the intercistital cystitus is more of a concern.I fyour wanting to go for baby then go for it but for me and my thoughts I wouldn't want a baby at 43 i'll get there too but really consider the risks involved having a baby later in life,and your husbands age.

If your body, hubby & OB are in then I say go for it.... Perhaps it is unusual to get pregnant to give your daughter a sister... But I couldn't imagine not having my own sister in my life so about 5 years ago my then 4 year old daughter asked for a sister (we already had 2 boys) I felt the 50/50 was a gamble worth taking besides another boy is also a blessing. So I got pregnant with our 4th. We now have 2 boys & 2 girls our family is definitely complete now. Good luck!

I can't say that I know many families who say, "Oh, I wish I hadn't had that last baby." :) If your OB is on board, and you and your hubby are, go for it!!

My best friend's parents had a bonus baby when they were in their mid-40s. My friend had been the baby of the family for 14 years before her little brother came along. Yes, her parents report being more tired with the new baby, but they also felt like it was easier overall. This kid is now 16 yrs old, and the parents say that having him has actually helped keep them feeling young. When other couples their age are slowing down and pulling back, they are more involved than ever with their son's life and extracurriculars. In addition, their oldest child died 7 years ago, in a tragic Navy accident. The baby of the family helped pull the parents through the hardest times. Not a day of regret that they had another baby.

well this is completely your choice, and a very important one. I know, you know kids are not pets. They dont need companions. I would first look at your finances. Are you going to have the money to send them to college? are you going to have time, and energy for another baby? does your husband want one? It will take about 2 more years for your 4 year old to even play with the new child, by then they may not like each other. Completely your ball field. IF you want one, and you are sure you can handle it, then do it.

Bless your energy Mama.
I am 38yrs with 2 kids. We are rethinking having a 3rd as we are exhausted even at the thought of it lol
Best of luck with your decision.

B. k

If it is something you want, I say go for it! But I'm 40 and pregnant with my third. ;-) It is exhausting, but I am so excited!

They do have this wonderful new blood test for Down Syndrome and the trisomies. It's diagnostic, and you can do it at 10 weeks. It's 99% accurate. I am taking it this week, though abortion isn't in my future. I just need to know if I'm going to Chicago or Detriot.

Only you know what you need to look back on your life and know you lived it to your fullest. My grandmother had my dad at 44. A good friend of mine's mom was 44. This was back in the late 30s and 60s. It is very much doable if you want it to be. Just be prepared for twins!

If you guys want another one go ahead, plus your husband is all for it. I know that my sister-in-law had her kids late in life too. Both girls healthy, but at 45 she doesn't have the patience or the energy at all. Luckily, she married a man 7 years younger and seems to be doing all the work.