Should I Force My Son to Walk?

Updated on August 12, 2011
S.S. asks from Los Angeles, CA
18 answers

My son is just a little over 2 years old and everytime we walk more than a few feet, he wants to be carried instead. He gets a lot of physical activity running around and playing but I'm talking about just plain straight-out walking to get to wherever we need to go. My mom says I should force him to walk and that I'm spoiling him. Is she right?

UPDATE: If she's right, how do I get him to walk? Just let him have a tantrum and walk away???

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K.M.

answers from Chicago on

I made my son walk ... and yes, allowed him to have his tantrum until he was done and we walked ... if he just sat in protest then I would continue walking about 3 steps in he was up and at it.

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K..

answers from Phoenix on

He's out of needy baby territory - he needs to walk. This is the first in many power struggles & pushes to see how far he can get. So far, he is winning.

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K.K.

answers from San Diego on

Hello, I have four grown kids, and six grandkids. My thoughts were always that they weren't going to want to be babies for long. I love that children want to be held and loved. Soon, he will want to be independent and you won't be able to catch him to hold him. One of my neighbors told me that the best thing she thought I did for my third child was to have the fourth one. She thought my third one would never get off of my hip. She was 2 1/2 when my fourth child was born. I promise that you won't have to carry your son to college. Just enjoy him and do what you feel is right. You can't spoil a child by loving them too much.
Good luck with your precious little boy.
K. K.

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K.W.

answers from Seattle on

Yes, just let him have the tantrum and walk away. This behavior may go on until he's 5 or 6 if you let it.

Go on a walk. Do not bring a stroller or any other carrying device he can see. (A soft carrier, like an Ergo, hidden in a backpack is fine.) Carry him to a certain landmark (trash can, lightpost, whatever). Put him down. Say "You're heavy. It's time for you to walk now. I will carry you again at (another landmark)" Then put him down and walk away. Wait at the next landmark. These landmarks should be fairly close together. Be extremely, obviously, bored if he throws a tantrum (read a newspaper, clip your nails, whatever). Occasionally say "I'm ready to carry you whenever you're ready to come over here." When he comes over to you, say "Oh, I'm so glad you decided to come! Now I'll carry you to (next landmark). Then you will need to walk again." Do at least a couple repetitions of the walk-carry cycle.

When your son reliably walks when you ask him to, you can carry him for the J. of snuggling as much as you like.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

The tantrum part bugs me. But that's my bias. One of our oldest household rules is: You throw a fit, you DON'T get what you want AND you go on timeout.

If he was throwing a fit for not getting picked up, I wouldn't pick him up, period unless we were in the middle of the street.

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

Always give him a heads up about how it is going to go down.. when you are leaving the house.. "We will be going on a walk around the block to the park."

"I will be walking and you will be walking."

"We will take our own snacks and juice for snack.. So we will not be buying ice cream if the ice cream truck rolls up."

I will not be able to carry you, my back is not feeling well, so you will be walking on the sidewalk with me."

"Lets remember no walking in the street and you will use your ears to listen to me."

"If you throw a fit, we will leave. " "I need you to use your words. "

Have him be your big helper and have him carry something.. A bucket to collect leaves.. etc,, Have him carry an envelope that will need to be mailed.

Or let him pull or push a toy.

I literally could not carry my child once she was 22 lbs.. I have a terrible back and she knew this.. so I just would remind her.. "I can't carry you, it will hurt my back." Or, "My doctor told me I cannot carry you, because my back is too weak. "

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J.D.

answers from Dallas on

OK... I have to say this is a personal thing. Do you both have the need? If you have a need to carry your son, then do it. They are only young once and soon he will be too big to carry. Don't let other people guilt you out of something you enjoy... he is not getting spoiled.

If it is causing you issues, then make him walk... As the others have suggested, stroller or walking by himself.

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L.S.

answers from Spokane on

Walking from the car to the store? He can walk. Walking around the zoo for 3 hours? Bring a stroller. If he fusses about walking short distances, just grab his hand and go. When you get to the door or car or whatever, tell him what a great job he did walking like a big boy! Make a bit of a fuss (positive reinforcement) at first, until he stops whining about it.

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R.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

If you're talking about walking to the car he should be walking. If you're talking about a walk around the block he should be walking. But if it's longer than that put him in a stroller, since you couldn't carry him that far anyway. If he has a tantrum you definitely don't give in, because then you've reinforced his negative behavior. You tell him you can't pick him up and he needs to walk with you.

Encourage him to walk and make your arms unavailable for the times he should be walking so he builds some stamina. For some reason running around and playing a lot aren't the same as walking, I saw that with my own little guy who's 28 months and now he wants to walk everywhere, even when I want him in the stroller ; )

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J.L.

answers from San Diego on

Hi S S If he can walk he needs to walk. I have a 2 year old in my daycare that walks up to the elementry school when we go pick up one of my other daycare children, You can make games out of it like single mom suggested, by two they know how to obey mom and dad, but sometimes won't if they can get away with it. I agree with your mom, my kids are all grown but unless we were in a crowd or would be gone all day then I used a stroller, but my kids walked. J.

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D.W.

answers from Philadelphia on

Take the stroller with you, and have him walk. He is whining because he know you will give in. If you are going on a long walk then put him in the stroller but he should be able to walk to the car for example.

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B.C.

answers from Joplin on

Maybe I have babied my children, I have always enjoyed our time together
( They grow up so quickly) my two year old rarely walked in stores or parking lots etc, he was either in a cart, a stroller or being carried. He walked at home, in the park and our yard of course. He is now 4 and old enough to walk while holding a hand, I still carry him if he is tired...pretty soon those days will be behind me...

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A.H.

answers from Portland on

I would use some positive encouragement, like "I bet you can walk a little further because you are such a big boy." I don't think it hurts if he REALLY doesn't want to work to carry him instead of just forcing him to. I carry my daughter every now and then in the parking lots b/c sometimes some car revs up stupid-like and she gets a little shaken up.
Don't walk away from him when y'all are walking. I was teasing one day and did it, my daughter really freaked out and my best friend (a therapist) was telling me that it can cause a fear of abandonment when adults say bye or whatever and walk away from their kids. I've watched tons of kids just look so scared when it happens, especially if it's at a store.

If he starts getting ancy to be carried, offer your hand, then congratulate him when he walks the whole way.

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K.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

You may want to check with a pediatric podiatrist to rule out anything serious. My son was behaving the same way at age 3 and he was diagnosed with "flat foot" and he needs arch support. He is wearing little baby orthosis and is doing much better now. He was just getting too tired from walking because of the pain in his feet. Good luck!

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R.C.

answers from Boston on

Nice advice already. It might also help to frame your thinking in the positive. He positively will transport himself on his feet when you decide he will. Or you will wait until he does. You are not forcing him to walk. You are not threatening him, you are just telling him, as you are the one in charge. :) And when you decide it's ok to carry him, it's ok. It's not spoiling him unless you are carrying him when it would be better for him or for you to have him walk. Best of luck.

S.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Our three year old has been doing something like this, especially if one of us has her sister in the carrier. Personally, I feel like it's okay to occasionally pick her and hug her, maybe even take a few steps with her before I put her down and say it's her turn to walk. When she is walking, I occasionally mention how strong her legs are. We don't use a stroller very often, so that's not an option for us.

S.L.

answers from New York on

My son was overwhelmed by crowds, and loved the stroller, it was often a security thing for him rather than fatigue or lack of stamina (could be the same for your son or he could be trying to get extra mommy touches!) Try taking the stroller everywhere and make him chooses to walk or use the stroller Give him a little extra time on your lap and cuddling at other times

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D.G.

answers from Las Vegas on

Make a game of it. Start with a short distance and gradually increase by a step or two each time. And remember, he is only 2, don't expect too much.

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