Separation Anxiety and Nap

He's not getting quality sleep - not at night, not at naptime. He's waking up and can't calm himself down to go back into REM sleep. You have to stop nursing him - or feeding him at all - at night. He's 16 months old and he does not need to eat at night - ask your pediatrician or lactation consultant or anyone with knowledge of children's nutrition. He's hanging on to you - literally, by the breast, and figuratively, by the crying. You must brak that cycle - he absolutely needs good sleep for brain development, so you must go through some short term torture for the long term good.

Research Ferber and sleep training. It usually takes 3 days for a child 6-12 months. Yours might take longer since he has longer habits. Have someone else deal with him at night so nursing is not an option. There's a 3-day weekend coming up - our pediatrician told us to use that as a do-or-die time to be miserable but get him to calm himself down and self-soothe. If he learns you aren't coming back in and he's not nursing, he'll give up. You'll learn how to go in at 15 minutes, then 25, then 35....no picking up, no feeding, just a little back pat and a few soothing words. "It's night time, time for sleep, see you in the morning" or whatever you choose. Be sure Dad is on the same page and uses exactly - EXACTLY - the same words. Same with Grandma or anyone else who helps out. No caving in.

It will be hell for a few days and then you will be done.

As it is, he has disrupted sleep and he's a mess. You must change this. I know it's awful but you will be happy, and so will he, when it's done.

A three-hour nap sounds like too much. Try a one-hour nap. Will make him more tired later to sleep through the night.

If he keeps waking from naps or sleep at night to nurse - he's using you as a soother.

My first went through this. My sister had suggested I nurse him to sleep. Bad idea. It's one thing if it happens now and then (infants drift off) but by your child's age, he's associating nursing with the comfort it takes to fall asleep. You are like a 'lovey'.

It took me a while to change my whole routine, but once I did, he was fine.

It's not separation anxiety so much as he honestly doesn't know what to do if he's awake in his crib.

Here's some things I tried - some with success, some with moderate success - I offered a sippy cup at night (which he quickly rejected). But he knew he wasn't getting any more milk.

I had to let him fuss (I made the mistake of letting him howl to begin with, because I didn't get how much crying was too much with the Ferber method). Eventually that worked. I also had a sitter who wouldn't feed him to sleep, so between the two of us, he learned the hard way that he wasn't getting milk to go to sleep.

Just make sure he's getting that big burp out. Gas can cause screaming - that would be my guess (or an ear infection). If you're wrestling him off the breast - is he getting that air out before laying down?

With my subsequent babies, I never got into that routine. They all went to bed without being nursed. When they did have the odd hiccup - waking in the night etc. after 6 months, I went in and did the 'shhh' method (my version of the Ferber). I never let them cry - I just let them fuss, and I rubbed their back and it went much better.

Sleep times vary for kids and so do nap times - plus they keep changing. So he might need an overhaul on his sleep times/durations. I would just let him take the lead - throw out the nap schedule and wait till he's good and sleep, make sure he's burped well and if he cries - then let him wake up. Don't struggle to get him back down. He may just be more tired for bedtime - which you might have to move up.

It will get easier. My sister (the one who told me to nurse them to sleep) - her kids were terrible sleepers because of it, but they all did eventually learn to sleep on their own.

Don't nurse him in the middle of the night. He does NOT need it. You need to allow him to learn to self-soothe. He can't learn if you're doing it for him.

Sleeping through the night is important for brain development. Filling his stomach is keeping him from learning how to put himself back to sleep. By nursing him, you're training him to wake up. It won't get better in a few weeks by continuing to nurse him.

Instead of nursing him to put him down for a nap, nurse him during times that have nothing to do with sleep or waking. Eventually he will stop putting nursing and sleep together in his head. Overtired kids do scream about going down, and that's what he has been doing. Staying awake to nurse so that he won't have to sleep. Yes, he has an attitude about not going down, but he's not old enough to drop that nap. So you have to be the mommy and demand that he has one. That means putting him down and expecting him to sleep. Feed him food first. Don't rock him and don't hold him. Put him in the crib and sit beside the crib on a very low seat so that you have your hand between the slats touching his leg. You'll need to do this for a few days until he gets used to it. Eventually stop touching his leg. Just sit there. Read a book so the time goes by easier. Don't talk to him, don't look at him. He will get bored once he realizes you will NOT do anything but sit there.

You can do this at night too. Don't see it as mean or cruel just because he cries. You are training him to sleep in a much more healthy way. And you are there - not just leaving him by himself.

Be 100% consistent while you are sleep training. Don't let a nap run longer than 1 1/2 hours. Don't let bedtime activities go on forever. And don't nurse him to sleep anymore. You aren't helping him by doing that.

One thought I had was, how much does he sleep at night and how many naps does he take? It's possible that one hour is al he needs. My sons were about 14 to 16 months old when they began taking just one nap. Some kids go down to one nap sooner, some later. If he is still taking more than one nap, you might considering making a few changes to help him transition to just one nap a day. If he is only taking one nap a day, he will probably sleep longer.

Another thing to consider is whether or not something is waking him up. Could he be hungry or thirsty? Could noises in the house be waking him? Do you have a white noise machine (or a fan - we use a fan)? That might help calm him and block out other noises.

There could be other factors affecting his sleep. It could just be that he's going through a change.

ETA - Thank you for the additional information. That really helps paint the picture. That really must be rough on you that he's waking at night. I was not able to nurse my boys that long, but they also woke up at night. I believe they wanted comfort and reassurance more than anything else. At that age they slept on a mattress on the floor in their own room. When they woke at night, they would come to our bed. We just let them. We had a king, so that helped - more room. They would come to our bed and just go back to sleep. I really think they just didn't like being alone.

I agree with Julie G that this is just a phase. As he gets older he really will be able to sleep longer without your help. For now, you just have to do what works! Your sleep is important, too.

I would stop nursing him to sleep. He is using you as a pacifier. He needs to find a different way to sooth himself.

It's a wonder period. This is perfectly normal and what you are doing is exactly what I'd recommend: go in, nurse again, and put him back down. In a few weeks he will have stopped.

With that said, you really should encourage him to sleep through the night. Sleep begets sleep.