Separation Anxiety - Leavenworth, KS

Updated on August 21, 2008
A.D. asks from West River, MD
8 answers

Hi all! Wow...I thought we were in the clear since my daughter used to spend some time with a sitter before I stopped working 4 months ago and she did fine. She's now almost 15 months old. Today, I left her with "watch-care" in a "toddler room" while I attended an activity for 2 hours, and when I went to pick her up, the girls were holding her and she was just crying and crying. They told me she had cried the entire time (she wasn't crying when I dropped her off)and was very sad the whole time. The minute they gave her back to me, she stopped crying and waved "bye bye" to them!
This is going to be a weekly meeting...and later this week, I HAVE to leave her for 4 hours while I go to a function with my husband in the evening (required). This is new to me...this separation anxiety. She doesn't even like to stay with her Dad anymore. It's mommy ONLY! Any tips or experience. I feel heartbroken to leave her, but I know I have to sometimes and I know it is good for her to learn to be with other people.
Please help!

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S.B.

answers from Kansas City on

Did you prep her for this? I have a 15 month old, and any time we stray from the regular routine, my husband and I start talking about what is going to happen about a week ahead of time. We have had tremendous results with this. When we travel, get her hair cut, anything out of the norm, we always prep her verbally about it.

They will just go through this sometimes too. My daughter has been going to FT daycare since 1 month old, and once in a while, she'll get whiney when I leave. No logic about it. I think some days they may need more cuddling than others; kind of like us adults.

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G.S.

answers from Wichita on

I feel for you, and I've been there. I went to the store and got my son one of those stuffed animal gift card holders then I printed out a picture of our family and slid the picture in the card slot. He takes it with him every day and he is just fine. Good luck to you.

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E.M.

answers from Lawrence on

It goes in phases, and 15-18 months is a peak time for seperation anxiety. The best thing to do is to not linger when droping her off, and the best thing for the person watching her is distraction. Food always worked for my oldest. I also watched a couple of kids at this age over the last couple of years. One of them stopped crying almost as soon as her mom left, and the other one cried and cried until he got a snack. Then he was fine.
Good luck. Its hard for everyone involved, but you'll get through it.

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C.B.

answers from Kansas City on

let her take a picture of you and your husband and a snuggly, something familiar.
She'll get used to it eventually, she just has to see that you WILL come back each time. She knows you'll pick her up from the sitter becuase she's there everyday and it has been very consistant that you get her. When you're consistant with picking her up, she'll stop being so stressed.

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L.M.

answers from St. Louis on

When you leave, be sure to tell her the same thing every time..."Mommy ALWAYS comes back." I said that to my son because he too had separation anxiety. It became our little mantra :) One day when he was about 3 I said, "Eric, Mommy ALWAYS..." and then I paused so he could finish the sentence, and he said, "...goes to work." He was being silly (but it was true! LOL)

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A.K.

answers from St. Louis on

My niece goes through this with her daughter pretty often. She is a teacher and her daughter goes to a sitter and is fine, but during Christmas break and summer break, she only wants mom, not even dad.

It is good for her to learn to be with other people and it's understandable for her to want mom all the time if she's been having mom all the time. But, it is also important for mom to learn to be with other people too.

You may have to find out some details about what goes on in this watch care. I would think they could have come up with some distractions for a child this young for 2 hours.

You also may want to consider that this may not be separation anxiety by attention deficit - she thought she wasnt' getting all your attention.

S.L.

answers from Kansas City on

I remember being left with my Aunt in another state when I was little. I don't think it was a need of my parents. It was just my Aunt wanting to be close to me. I was very homesick the whole time. But if anything it has always helped me because I understand what it is like for my daycare kids to be scared the first days with us.

My own daughters never had to be left alone often because I chose to do daycare. But at times we would put them in a church nursery that was new and unfamiliar to them. They all had their moments of crying and hating it. Later on they also went on to be very sweet towards the daycare kids when they were new.

Just keep in mind that she will grow out of this soon and as she gets more experience with being left she will come to understand that you will be coming back and that she is ok.

It will NOT help for her to sense you are feeling bad about it. So please for her sake make sure you are very positive with her about the experience. Tell her she will have fun, drop her off quickly and do what you have to do.

Suzi

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K.W.

answers from Kansas City on

I completely know how you feel. My son was the same way. Plus, every time I would try to leave him at PDO or even in the kid room at the gym he would wind up with an ear infection or something. Finally, I stopped trying. I just either took him with me or stayed home. He turned 2 on Saturday, and now he is much better about it (no permanent damage). Maybe I spoiled him, but they're only little once, and I'd rather have him healthy and happy.

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