Seeking Moms Who Can Help with a Emotional 6 Yr Old Little Girl

Vanessia,
I am not sure that I have any words of wisdom, but I thought I would let you know that my 6yr old little princess is doing the same thing. I have also noticed that a lot of the little girl's in her Kindergarten class and in the neighborhood are acting the same way. I think it is just another one of those stages that little girls go through. I think they are striving to find their places in the various social groups that they have been introduced to in the past year, and also struggling with the fact that they are no longer a baby. As a parent we expect more from our 6yr old than our 3 or 4yr old.

I think that spending one on one time is perfect! Of course if she is hitting or kicking or using sassy language twards you I would then take her away from the situation and put her in a thinking chair for 6 minutes. When her time is exhausted approach her and discuss why she is on the thinking chair. Make her apologize to you and don't forget to tell her you forgive her and give her a big hug and kiss.

You are doing a great job. I am amazed that you find the time for one on one time with anyone seeing that your children are so young and there are 4 of them. I also have a large family, and I struggle to find time for even myself.

W.

I really don't have advice but if you find some will you send it to me? i have a nearly 7 year old that is doing the same thing. i want to pull out my hair or someone elses at times. Thanks so much.

I'm sure she's seen these fits are pretty affective for the younger siblings and figures, "hey if it works for them then it will work for me."

I'd start with choices. You get down to her level, look her in the eye and say, "listen, you have a choice, you can go play and have fun or you can choose to continue this fit and lose (something)" like TV priviledges, favorite activity, toys, etc. Start a list. The most prized things go on top of the list.

To get them back she has to be good for 6 hours in a row.

Now be realistic about the things that set her off. If you decided not to go to McDonald's after school when that's your usual routine well then you've brought on the explosion and you're going to have to endure it. So break it down into 3 lists.

1. The things that she absolutely has to do and even if she throws a fit about it, well she's still going to have to do it no choices and no exceptions. These are usually personal safety issues and physical agression.

Second there's the stuff that you know she knows better but she's just not going to do willingly the first time. That's when you just give her the choice. And stress if she makes a bad choice she has to pay the price.

Third theres's the stuff you would love to see her do, like say please and thank you, excuse me and ask for things from her siblings instead of throwing a fit and demanding it. That's when you need to give her the choice more than once and then tell her you'll decide for her and you'll choose to just take something away from her.

ALSO make sure that you have at least 20 minutes alone with her every day. No baby, no older siblings. This is when she reads to you or you read to her depending on her abilities. It has to be every day. Spend 5 minutes of it letting her dictate what is going to happen. pick out 2 activities she likes set them on her bed and tell her this is your special time, she can chose one thing to do for the next 5 minutes. if she gets up from the bed or coffee table you can't play with her and if she throws a fit about anything -special time is over, period. During this time you cannot ask questions, criticize or give instructions. You should describe her every move, praise her choices and actions. copy her good actions and choices, and be enthusiastic about it. When those 5 minutes are over you tell her you are putting the toys away. She doesn't have to help but the toy is going to be put away so you two or daddy and she can read.

You and i are in the same boat! My 8 year old daughter is very emotional also, and everything seems to hurt her feelings. She has been lying to her teacher and telling her that her work was finished, when it wasn't then when the teacher tries to talk to her about it she clams up, climbs under her desk and won't come out. She did get a spanking when she got home, but that made matters worse. She started yelling that nobody listens to her and went to her room slamming the door and crying, if you find a good solution let me know! I also have a 9 year old that does this, only she is a smart mouth and it takes her hours to do a few pages of homework.

It drives me up a wall when my 5 year old girl starts throwing fits for not getting what she wants. I just tell her I don't want to hear it and she should throw the fit in her room. IF she does run to her room crying, she doesn't stay long because she misses the attention.

Good Luck
J.

Hi Vanessia, I wished I could help you. My 6 yr old son is doing the same thing. He'll ask for something or something doesn't go his way, he will throw a fit. He throws stuff, hits people, kicks stuff, and screams NOOOO at the top of his lungs. I'm not sure how to deal with this either, I've tried a lot of different approaches, and it hasn't gotten any better. My son was born almost completely deaf. He's on his second set of tubes and in speech therapy. But still displays the same behavior he did, when he was deaf. I wish you the best of luck, and I'm praying for you. S.

I just wanted to let you know I'm keeping up with your responses because I like you have tried everything and am looking for help. This week my 11 year old son did something he was told not to do. I spanked him, put soap in his mouth (because he lied & said he didn't do it) and sent him to his room. He turned around the very next day and did the same thing. When asked why he claims he forgets the rules I set. He's 11 years old and I have to supervise everything he does. He is a real dramaqueen and doesn't ever take blame for anything he does. I have tried writing sentences, I've written down everything he does wrong everyday hoping for a good day to reward him. I have taken away tv, phone & playstation privileges. He plays every sport and I have taken away practices & games. Nothing seems to work. I will say when he has spent some time in his room he does seem to calm down and do some good like reading or be more appreciative but it doesn't keep him from breaking rules again. I'm now going to explain to him in writing privileges (tv, playstation, phone) and make him earn money by doing chores to buy these privileges. I'm about all out of ideas.

My daughter is almost 5 and she is doing the same thing. It drives me up the wall. When she starts doing it with me, the thing that works for her is ignoring her. Her counselor calls it active ignoring. You go about doing what you are doing but still pay enough attention to her. It has seemed to help a lot. Hope it works for you or you can find something that does!!!

J.

Vanessia,
Hi, I have a 6 year old son, he was been throwing his fits, and mouthing really bad. I have to agree I think a lot of it is age. I too have tried many many things to get this to stop because not only does it drive me nuts, but it also is a little embrassing at times. I did make a chart and put it on the livingroom wall. first spot is a warning, next is a time out for 3 mins. next is time out 5 mins. and next is bed time. I set a timer so he knows how long it is while he is sitting there, and if he throws a fit while in time out the timer starts all over. It usually calms him down pretty quick. I have been doing this for a bout a month and so far he has only had to go to bed once, and time out twice. It seems to do the trick. Just keep what ever you do consitate and make sure you follow through with what ever you tell her you are going to do. Because kids are smart and they know if your threats are going to happen or not going to happen. So if you threating bed time if they dont behave, then that is what you need to do, is give them the bed time. I wish you the best of luck in this situation.
L.

I feel your pain. I got to the point where nothing was working and I found that I was more frustrated and that only fueled the fire. I decided to take my daughter to a thera pist for help in finding a solution. What I got was a "reason" she acts this way. She has over-focused ADD with bipolar tendencies. We are just begining the process of therapy so I don't have a happy ending yet. But if you are at your wits end and find that nothing is working, you may seek the help of a professional. If nothing else, for behavior modification.

Hi, Vanessa.

I am new to this goup. I have a 7 year old who has had the same type of poblems but his may be worse. I would suggest you get her evaluated for some sort of chemical imbalance becuase they may be a poblem. My son started out the same way but he just kept getting worse to the point where he was huting himself and othes. He almost got expelled from school. If she does have a chemical imbalance nothing you do will work. I tried everything from taking things away, spanking, timeouts, no snacks, and etc. but nothing worked. It doesn't hurt to have her evaluated and just to make sure that it is nothing more than tantums.

My 7 year went and still somewhat is going thru it one thing that is helped is I advised her that everytime sh does inappropiate things or behavior that I will take a toy of her's and donate it to a child who will appreciate it and all that is done.. My daughter has straightened up quite a bit since losing a few of her favorite things granted she still haves some slip ups but for the most part she has changed the way she acts