My grandson was in daycare and is now transitioning into kindergarten and seems to be unhappy. At night he says he has a tummy ache and again in the morning which leads me to think that he is looking for an excuse to not go to school. He seems unhappy and says that his teacher is mean and does not like him. My daughter-in-law does not believe this is true, but it is of concern if he really thinks that. My daughter-in-law tries to get him to talk of what is bothering him, and every night she talks with him about his day. He always looks and feels tired and I don't think he gets enough slee, but his parents are working on that. On the weekends he has dancing and swimming and during the week karate lessons. Maybe it is too much and my daughter-in-law is thinking about taking him out of the karate program. She and my son work full time so my grandson goes to an afternoon program except for Wednesdays when we pick him up and take him to karate lessons.
Unlike day care, he now has to focus and concentrate and of course there is more work than play so I am sure it is not easy for him although he is a very bright boy. We all just want to see him happier.
We would appreciate any suggestions on how others have helped their youngsters to make an easier transition to kindergarten.
Thank you.
S.
Maybe someone is picking on him. Kids can be very mean these days. My son kept going to the nurse in the afternoon saying he was sick and in the mornings he dragged out everything trying to miss the bus and it turned out some kid was giving him a real hard time but he never said anything to me my neighbor's son actually told me.
I would go, and observe what it is like for yourself, or herself. I did, and was shocked. No wonder mine was having issues. They put them out with secondgraders with no planned activities. They had 85 kids, with three adults chitchatting. Needless to say, it was a bullying warzone. The kids were admonished for "tattling". Needless to say, within 24 hours my son was in another school. Nothing like a gut to tell you something isn't right. I had the benefit of having been in a wonderful preschool program the year before, and knew the difference. This place used discipline focused on negative (punishment) as a substitute for supervision. For five year olds, this doesn't work. My happy kid, formerly a model student, was weepy for hours after school, thinking his teacher hated him, thought he was stupid, etc. Nothing he could have said spoke to me more clearly than witnessing the mayhem that was running rampant. I met with the principal, she knew the problems, and the numbers aren't going to change, eventually, things will, but that would have been too late for my son. I am now thrilled he is somewhere else that is better, and he snapped right back into routine, and focused happy learning once he felt safe again. I don't think it has had a permanent impact, but left there for the year, it absolutely would have for my son.
I would say meet with them, and then observe, unannounced, just come in and sign in, and don't take no for an answer. If nothing else, you will know he is in a great school, and it is something else, right?
Good luck,
D.
It sounds like your grandson is having a hard time with this transition and balancing all the activities. I know if I had to be shuttled to 5 different places every week/daily (new school, 3 classes and after school program), I'd be stressed out and tired, too.
Perhaps your son and daughter-in-law need to chat first with the teacher and get an idea of what could be causing your grandson to think she doesn't like him. It could be he's just not used to the structure of school and having someone redirecting his behavior/activities all day, like teachers have to do. Perhaps, she is actually singling him out for some reason, and if so, it's important to know why so that they can help their son or reinforce what the teacher is trying to do. Perhaps there is no problem with the teacher and classroom and he's simply over-stimulated during the day, which causes him to be nervous and tense at school. As a teacher, I see many children over-scheduled and booked-up with classes/daycare/sports every day that does not allow the child to simply be a child. Usually these children are exhausted in my class and I often have to redirect their negative behavior. I also notice they do not get their work done, or are slow to finish things, didn't have time for homework and are unable to focus on their school work or group activities. It's frustrating to a teacher to see that in so many children. All of us need time to reflect and just "be"...\
With this new transition to school, not enough sleep, extra activities and after school program could be causing him to be be exhausted and unable to focus and take in the new structure and demands of school. It can cause a happy child to act out in class or not be focused if they are sleepy or anticipating something. Its a hard balance for parents in choosing what to sign their children up for, especially when children are new to the school-experience.
My advice is to first check with the teacher to see if there's any problem, adjust his bedtime to allow for more sleep, and maybe re-think the need for 3 classes in addition to the after school program. The after school program is a necessity for working families, but the classes aren't. Let's face it, we don't usually see many adults putting in a full week of work and then taking 3 classes each week...whether fun or not, it takes its toll on your spirit when you don't have the time to re-group, think, and just relax a bit. Good luck!!
He is certainly overscheduled for a child this age - he needs some down time so he is not always in a fixed program. Studies show that kids become more creative if they have time to read, build with Legos, draw or do anything free-form.
However, the first thing to do is for the parents to meet with the teacher and find out what is going on! Good teachers will not be offended to find out that a kid is having trouble adjusting, or even that the child is interpreting something she says or does as "meanness". He may not understand the rules, he may be reacting to a larger classroom after being in a smaller preschool, and so on. It could also be unrelated to the teacher even though he is blaming her - perhaps another child is bothering him, or distracting him - then when the teacher tries to get him back on task, he interprets it as a reprimand.
I would start with the teacher, and then add in the kindergarten team leader (if there is one), a school adjustment counselor, or whomever the school recommends. It would be great to hear, and be able to reassure the child, that the teacher DOES like him, thinks he's smart, etc. Maybe she would meet with him too - but not right off the bat. It could be as simple as her using a particular phrase which sets him off! This happens to many, many children, and the schools are used to it. It's in everyone's best interest to get the child acclimated and at ease.
Good luck!
It takes time for kids to transition from daycare to kindergarten....some kids more time than others. I'm sure he is exhausted by the end of the day. I know my kids were, especially when they had to go to an after school program. At daycare he probably got a nap during the day and these days they don't do that in kindergarten anymore. The school day is more structured than it is in daycare so I'm sure he's taking a little time getting used to that. It would also be a good idea for your DIL to meet with his teacher to see how he's adjusting and get a feel for her personality. It could very well be a personality conflict that makes him think that the teacher doesn't like him. It's also possible that she is singling him out for some reason to make him feel that way. I can tell you from personal experience that my youngest son (who has ADHD)from the very beginning was "labeled" as a "problem". This label stuck with him while he was in his last school. He was home sick more than either of his older siblings and always complained of stomach aches in the morning when he wasn't legitimately sick. We finally had the fortune of being able to get him into a small charter school where he is doing really well. He's not a problem child, he's just one of the crowd. This is his second year in the school and has had only 2 sick days in all that time. He actually looks forward to going to school. A huge change from the 8 years previous to this. So, with that experience my advice would be to definitely go to the school and try to get a read on the teacher and the environment and nip it in the bud sooner rather than later. They can always have him moved to a different class if she feels there is a conflict.
My son is also having a tough transition into kindergarten, but in many different ways and for seemingly different reasons. His teacher is working very hard to figure out his needs academically and socially, and trying to meet them both. I am a teacher in the same school, so I am in constant communication with her.
I think your son and daughter in law should meet with his teacher and tell her what they are seeing and hearing at home concerning his feelings about school. As I am finding out, kids can sometimes be very different at home and at school. His teacher probably doesn't even know what he's feeling.
Also, my opinion is that he's in too many structured activities- after school care and 3 extra curricular activities- yikes! No wonder the kid's exhausted! How quickly we forget that not too long ago, kindergarten was only 1/2 a day- now our kids are expected to do so much more. They need down time and free play time.
I hope kindergarten can become a comfortable place for your grandson.
I think you should at least speak with the teacher and let her know how your grandson feels. It will show you are active in his life and even if there is no truth behind his claims, she might treat him more sensitively.
