Seeking Advice on Long Term Relationship Ending and Dating Again

HI H.,
You bring up an interesting dilemma in single parenting. I decided early on (as recommended by my Psychologist) not to introduce any men at all into my daughter's life unless we were ready for marriage. But then of course, you run into the problem of finding the time to get to know the BF without the kids around. It just isn't realistic to find enough childcare for that. I am in the same situation now. On the one hand, he was a wonderful father figure (her bio dad is not in the picture at all) but now I really regret allowing them to get so close because I know that it kept me with him MUCH longer.

My co-worker is the ex-boyfriend in a similar situation. They chose to let him see the kids occasionally, birthdays etc. My co-worker is a very healthy, good man and It works out really well for them.

If (and only if) the guy is a healthy person and good male role model, I don't see the harm in letting him see the kids on occasion if he has been an important part of their lives.

I know exactly how everyone feels..
Is there any interest in a single mom's group?
I'd love to meet other 20-something single mamas in the area.
K.

I recently ended a two year relationship. I joined eharmony right away, and I'm very glad that I did. I highly recommend it - you get to know people from the inside, at your own pace, and it's a very safe and positive experience. It's been two months now since I joined, and I still haven't dated anyone, but I'm enjoying meeting people on line, and learning more about myself. The kids will be happier and more at peace if you are happy.

Someone once told me it's ok for my daughter to meet a boyfriend of mine and then if things don't work out it wasn't all that horrible for her to experiance losing the relationship. She said she's going to experiance that the rest of her life, meeting people and losing people. If you think about how many friendships you've had since school age and how many friendships you've lost it's probaly ALOT! It probaly is alot harder if the boyfriend lives in the same home as the child or a bond exists that is equal to a parent/child bond. I am a single parent and my daughter is 5. I've had a few boyfriends that she has met almost from the get-go. My daughter can only remember one previous boyfriend and then my current boyfriend. I don't bring home strange men, often or switch boyfriends often so I don't think it's that bad. It's better to see mommy happy and interactig than lonely and depressed. There is absolutely NO WAY I could afford or aquire a babysitter to care for my daughter while I dated. When someone is dating me they are also including my daughter in the picture. She's a part of me that she isn't going anywhere and she is always a priority in my life. I like to see how a guy interracts with my daughter I can weed them out quicker. My last boyfriend was nice to my daughter to impress me but horrible with children and had no patience with her. That was easy choice to cut him out he wasn't marriage material in my eyes. My current boyfriend is awesome with kids and is really good with my daughter he isn't being fake or trying to impress me. Another thing I may add having a boyfriend or two in a child's life isn't that bad it's just like having a friend just the opposite sex. My daughter has met more of my girlfriends and has seen me lose girlfriends all the time due to not being "true" friends. I am careful about the amount of physical touching kissing that goes on in my daughter's presence. I don't want her to think I would kiss any ol guy. I took me a good four years to get over my daughter's father. I was miserable and depressed. I am now dating, happy and my daughter in return is happier. A happy mom makes a happy home! A sad depressed lonely mom makes a sad depressed home. Counseling is awesome I'm glad to hear you do that. I live on the border of Burnsville/Savage and would love to start a single parent's group I only find single parent groups that are mostly teen parents. I am not a teenager and would love to talk and get advise on real mature adult problems. I hope this helps! Good Luck

I've experienced this from a child's point of view. My parents divorced when I was almost a year old and my mum dated various guys until she remarried when I was eight. I think the best thing is to move on. It will only be more difficult for the kids as he moves on with his life and becomes more distant. It's probably best to keep your dating life private from your kids until you become more serious with a future man. My best friend in London went through your situation. It wasn't always easy and she dated a few guys who were toads, but she's now with with a lovely man for three years who treats her daughter as his own and my friend like a goddess. Good luck!