Seeking Advice About 2 Yr Old Negative Reactions to Daycare

L.,
I also am a single mom of two boys, 6 years old and 3 years old. I found when my younger son cried when I dropped him off at daycare it was because he was not getting the care or attention he needed. I tried 3 daycare places, never finding one where he was happy. He now is with a stay-at-home mom who has one child and he LOVES going over there. In fact, he's in preschool also and asks me NOT to pick him up. He wants his sitter picking him up. I KNOW by the way he behaves that this is the place he should be at and I am VERY happy that I kept going to different places until he was happy going there. My 3-year-old has loved this sitter from day one and he has felt welcome there. I know he's getting taught there too. My sitter's husband is Mexican and is teaching my son Spanish...which I appreciate very much. He has learned many new things there, manners being one of the top things (we work on this at home but he seems to do better now). I hope this helps and good luck.

My advice is to just give it a little time at the daycare. My son has been at the same daycare for 1 1/2 years since he was 6 months old. I couldn't figure out why normally he was okay when I would drop him off, and then suddenly out of the blue, he would start freaking out and not want me to leave. I finally realized that anytime this started, there had been a change in the person in the room that I left him in since we get there so early. He's like this whenever there's any kind of change. I don't think it's the actual daycare at all. It may just be that he's not used to the people yet. My son freaks out around family he's not around often. This last time it took him over a month to get used to the woman that's with him in the morning for the first 30 min. Now, he's just fine. Just give him some time to adjust. Let me know if this helps.

Hi L.,
I am a single adoptive mom as well. I agree with the people recommending in home child care. I had the same result with my son (also home at birth) until I moved him to an in home setting. After that he did go to a small Montessori preschool for 2-5 year olds and did ok but he was never as happy as in the in home setting.
I am not sure where you are located but I have an adopted daughter who is 16 mos and am now watching another adopted baby who is 13 mos and I have been doing in home child care for 6 years now. I am in South County near Telegraph and Reavis Barracks. I have a website at www.lisaslearningland.com. (I take only part-time meaning 4 days a week or less or partial days and am currently closed on Mondays). I have special rates for single moms. In home care is also MUCH less expensive which for me as a single mom was a contributing factor. I know there are some centers where the staff are superior and the caregivers are not always changing rooms but many are not this way and even the ones that are just have that "center" feeling that is harder for most children. I do have to agree now that I am an at home provider, it is easy for me to see why people choose in home care. If you haven't already you might contact the Child Day Care Association for referrals and interview some. If you are in South County, feel free to email me at lisaslearningland at yahoo.com (open to any mamasource moms!) for recommendations to centers and in home providers.
Best to you and kudos for seeing it isn't working too well for your son and putting him first :):)
L. Wilson
www.lisaslearningland.com

The only thing I can add to the comments already made, is that as a childcare provider, I've found the best way to help the child is to create a schedule - I use times and pictures for the little ones. I have the time with a picture for each event/activity throughout the day. I've found that when the children know exactly what to expect and when to expect it, they are more able to transition throughout the day and don't take as long to say goodbyes in the mornings.

B.

honestly, I have daycare in my home and I have one little 2 year old boy I watch, the advice about leaving soon after is great as long as your son can be distracted by a game or something fun soon after, the problems should decrease, if not
there may be something else going on that you would want to further investigate, hope this helps

First off, I would sit down and talk to the teachers. I would try to figure out some kind of plan for either helping him with drop offs or helping him calm down once you're gone. One thing you can try to do one morning when you have a little extra time is take him into the classroom and then tell him you're going to go bye bye but you will be back. Then walk out of the room- close the door- and wait for about 1-2 minutes. Then walk back in. Try this a couple of times but go out and wait a little longer- like 5 minutes. This might show him that you are going to return. Also, have a plan. Like when you go into the room he gets to read books with the teacher or play with his favorite toy. This might help distract him from you leaving. So in the car you might tell him "Oh boy you get to go play with the blocks." Try to get him really excited about it. One boy in my daughter's class pushes his mom out the door every morning. It's kind of a joke they have. He had a very hard time leaving her everyday so this makes fun of her leaving. Good luck. I know this can be really tough. I've heard it can take around 2 months for young kids to fully adjust.

As an assistant director of a preschool i see this almost on a daily basis. It is very common and it may take up to 6-8 weeks for him to adjust. I dont know if he is allowed to bring anything from home with him, but something with the perfume you wear or your smell on it for him to hold onto during the day might ease the transition. (ie sleep with a receiving blanket, small lovey blankie..something of that sort.) The advice they gave you about bringing him in and leaving right away may seem horrible and cruel to him, but it honestly is the best thing, just make sure you reassure him that you will be back soon, and you love him bunches!! Two is a hard age for them to accept a change such as starting daycare, but i promise you he will adjust, it's just gonna take time and patient from everyone envolved! ~T

The most important thing you can do is be consistant. Try talking with you son before you get to daycare and let him know what will be happening. "I'm going to drop you off and I will pick you up this afternoon. You are going to have a great day" and so on. I agree with the advice you need to drop him off and leave. I know it is difficult and it will be for about a week, but then you will see great improvement. The longer you allow the behavior to continue, the harder it is going to be for him. Don't worry. You're not being mean or a bad parent. Plus, he is also picking up on your reluctancy to leave him at daycare. Be firm. Give him a hug and a kiss and get out the door. But again, you have to be consistant, otherwise he won't know what to except and that feeling can be the most unsettling of all.

Of course, you can always switch providers, and this may also be an easier way to transition into a new routine.

Send him to a Babysitter not a daycare. A sitter watches much fewer children, and has the chance to give your child affection and attention. I took my son to a babysitters at 2 weeks old (that is all I was permitted off from college without losing my scholarship) I found a sitter for my son. She loved him and cared for him and was able to spend that time with him. My son is now nine yrs old. His sitter is now his "Aunt Betty" and they have a wonderful bond. Although My son no longer goeas to her since we have moved here from ohio. he still talks to her on a weekly basis. They love each other so much. I think it is wonderful.

I know an awesome babysitter in the local area. She has a 2 yr old and a 5 yr old, and loves children. She has a new home, and does not smoke around children or in the house. If you are interested let me know.

My son is the same way. He�s 2 and goes to an in-home day care. He loves it there but hates when I leave. We try to have �easy goodbyes� in the morning. When I drop him off, he wants to play but trys to pull me in with him. I usually go with him to get him settled in with a couple toys. I used to sneak out, but he didn�t react too well. It just made him feel I was abandoning him.

We sent pictures with him and they display them so when he asks where mommy and daddy are, they can take him to the picture to see us.

Before I leave, I go to him and let him know I have to go to work, but I will be back to pick him up as soon as I can. I ask for a hug and kiss then he says see you later mommy.

It just takes finding a routine that works for you. If that doesn�t work, you may want to see if it�s something about the daycare. I think that if he�s fine when you pick him up, he may just need a different drop-off routine.

Hope this helps.

My daughter was the same way at daycare. She is 2 1/2. I have her in a in-home daycare, I am not sure if that is what you have your son in , i believe they give more hands on attention to my daughter then the day care facilities. My day care provider suggested to leave right when you drop her off and she reassures my daughter that i will return and i do after work. It did take a while and every so often she still does it , but it works. She has been there for over a year now and before she goes to sleep the only thing she can talk about is going back.
It was difficult for me to leave and know she was crying, but to have them reassured that you will come back is what your day care provider should do.

hope it works better for you.

hi L., have you tried a home daycare? if you can find the right environment for your son, he should(eventually) be happy to see his caregivers and the other children and although he may not want you to leave he should (eventually) accept your absence and begin to play and enjoy himself after about 15 minutes. i would also recommend seeking out a "licensed " home day care provider so that you know that all family members as well as the caregiver have had background screens, and the health dept. has checked out the home, and the care provider has been certified in pediatric cpr & 1st aid, etc. regards, Z.

Have you considered that maybe this daycare is not the right place for him? Not saying that it is bad....but maybe it doesn't fit his personality. Maybe he would benfit from an in-home caretaker that only has a couple of kids. It is a quiter atmsophere, but he would still get to socialize with other children. That is what I do. My 2 year old started going to her caretaker when she was 8 months. There is a 4 year old that is there part time, a 7 year old after school (her kids) a boy that is a couple of months younger than mine, an 18 month old and soon a new baby. She gets the benfit of being around kids her age and older. My daughter has thrived on this situation and loves "La-La" (as she calls her). She gets together with other in-home caretakers in the area so they can have bigger playdates. It works out really nice for everyone involved. But ask for references, see what they are like, take your son there for playtimes...you will know if you find the right person your son can bond with.
Just a thought.