Seeking Advice - Gilroy,CA

My son was 5lbs 15 ozs at birth. He was also on the bottle in the hospital for weight gain. Breastfeeding was crucial and still is at six weeks. I use the bottle and he is still fussy when he doesn't get it fast enough. When feeding him afterwards keep him up for as long as he can stay up. Try a bath with lavender washcloths and lotion and see if that works.

Hi S., I don't know about the whole sleeping thing, but it seems to be normal for babies to sleep at all the "unhelpful" hours. Their clock will eventually straighten out and then you can put them on a schedule.

For the breastfeeding, my sister had one HELL of a time trying to feed her son and was so frustrated that she wanted to give up. She produced plenty of milk (took fenugreek capsules) but the baby just wouldn't latch long enough to nurse! Solution- the baby has to be fed right, and you want him to have breast milk, right- so get a pump. Pump on a regular schedule (yes, you can do this when you go back to work, too- my nephew was fed breast milk for 9.5 months before being weened to formula) and use those mother's milk freezer bags for any excess. My sister in law, with twin boys, did this too. I know my sister said she felt like she had failed, but the only failure is to NOT feed your child. HOlding them, massaging them, and loving on them while you feed them your milk through a bottle is the next best thing, and I say praise the Lord for the ability to pump.
I just want to encourage you to do whatever it takes to feed him and keep him healthy. You can see a lactation specialist from the hospital- they might have some really great tips on how to get everything functional, but if all else fails, pump.
Last thing, if and when you do switch to formula, there are some that are stinkier than others. My sister bought the enfamil lipil premium, and let me say that the odor was minimal. And it desolved better, etc. I have smelled babies who use the cheaper formulas, like carnation good start, and while they are healthy, man they smell bad! It is chunky, it is stinky, it is extra sticky, and their poops- I had to tuck a dryer sheet into my shirt and against my nose.
So- that tangent being said, see a lactation specialist, if that doesn't work, pump, and if you have to use formula, a few more dollars per container is better all around.
Good luck- and don't give up!
-E.

Have you tried a shield to help with the transition? It might have a more familiar feel.

Not to give up. Mother's milk is the best for your son. Just pratice more and relax and he will eventually get it. I was like you before. My son is now going to be a year old in 2 weeks. Why is he freaking out? wrong position maybe?

S.,

Please get the help of a Lactation Consultant. If you can not fit this into your budget, please contact the LLL! They are very, very helpful. I'm sorry you encountered medical professionals that lead you astray! I would be very frustrated. My advice at this point would be to stage a nurse-in. Forget that it's day, night, Monday, Wednesday, whatever. Don't look at the clock! Get a case of bottled water or make sure your partner sets you up with as many containers as water as you might need before going to work. Make or buy some high quality oatmeal cookies (they've been shown to improve milk supply) and enjoy them. Snuggle and love on your baby no matter when he wants to nurse. It may seem hard, but you need to just cut out the bottles altogether. It may take a day or two to get things moving, balanced, but it will happen! Milk come based on demand. At 6 weeks he's ready to go through a big growth spurt and will want to eat constantly. Station yourself in your favorite chair, in bed if you can side lie, on the sofa, etc. And just relax. Some babies nurse better when they have their hands pinned under a swaddled blanket--otherwise they push away and flail.

Once you get nursing figured/straightened out, you can work on his internal clock. This can be done by letting him sleep two hours at a time, then waking him up and putting him in a place where it'll be sunny and/or breezy: on a blanket in the yard or next to an open window with high exposure. Chat with him. Play games--like running a piece of fabric over his skin while making eye contact and making big facial expressions and sounds. You need to keep him from being cozy, but not make him uncomfortable. It's really about teaching him about wakeful time. Then counterbalancing that with completely quiet, as-dark-as-can-be nursing in the middle of the night. Since you've having a hard time with nursing now, I imagine it's less than peaceful--there's chatter, frustration, lights, etc. Once you get all the nursing stuff figured out, you can make your night time nursing sessions much different than your day time ones. It'll fall into place!

I'm sure you've heard this before, but I'll say it again. This, too, shall pass!

Good Luck!

Please call LLL or e-mail me personally if you're needing support in any way!

Hi S.,

I can completely relate to the difficulties of breastfeeding as my son and I had a tumultuous first 3 months. I found a breastfeeding group at my hospital that was run by a lactation consultant. It was held once a week for 3 hours during which time you could come and go when you wanted. The support from the other women there and the assistance of the lactation consultant was my key to success. I now have a healthy 14 month old who is still nursing. I'd HIGHLY recommend looking for a group in your area either through La Leche League or your hospital. It's amazing the difference it can make. GOOD LUCK!

M.

I had the same issues. My son was 9 and a half weeks early and weighed 3lb 15oz at birth. I know it is hard. I pumped for two months, feeding him with a bottle until I got him to nurse. It just takes alot of patience. But oddly enough what actually helped was my Mother in Law telling me that it was alright if I could not do it. She gave me permission to stop and it gave me the boost I needed to stick it out. Don't be so h*** o* yourself.
To fix the day and night thing I held him alot during the day even when he was asleep. I know it is temping to just let him sleep so you can get some rest. It should keep him from sleeping so deeply during the day so he can sleep at night. I hope you get everything worked out soon.
D.

A friend of mine told me that WIC has lactation consultants who will see you even if you are NOT on WIC. She called and scheduled an appointment and they spent 90 minutes with her and were a HUGE help. Also call your local La Leche League - some folks think they are a little too militant about breastfeeding, but the leaders I have met have been nothing but supportive and helpful.

Breastfeeding does get easier, so I hope you are able to stick with it! Get a high quality pump and bottle feed if you have to, and keep offering the breast when the baby is not frantically hungry - babies have been known to suddenly "click" with breastfeeding and never look back!

For the day/night confusion - that is absolutely normal. Try putting a red light bulb wherever you interact with the baby at night (we put it into her room 'cos that's where I took her to nurse and change, even though she was sleeping in our room) to help emphasize the difference between night and day. And expose the baby to bright light or sunlight during the day when he's awake to continue this emphasis.

Good luck - you are working hard and doing your best and taking good care of your precious little one. It's overwhelming at times but you can get through it!

I had the "dream" of nursing.....but it just wasn't for my first son....I went through a type of guilt because I wasn't able to satisfy him (so to speak).....I got over it, and everyone else was happy to be a part of the feeding when we began the bottle.

Also, my first son was born "nocturnal", too. I had to do everything I could to wake him and try to keep him awake during the day, so he would sleep at night. Depending on how diligent you are, it could take about a week, or so, to get him to "switch his clock".

All you can do, is the best you can do.........so try not to put too much pressure on yourself.

Congratualtions on being a new Mommy! What you are dealing with is all part of adjusting to mommy-hood = exhaustion :O)

~N. :O)

I feel your pain. My daughter was definetely not as little as your baby but the nurse tried to give her the bottle and I practically yelled at her. My first rule when it comes to my children and hospitals is that they do not leave my sight. Unfortunately, they prey upon new Moms and I think it's highly immoral. I understand he was very little, but some babies are already sucking on thumbs in the womb, so they can't tell me it's not worth trying. Now, as for the switching, I would work with a lactation consultant regularly. They will come to your home and the hospital should provide one, or you can call the Le Leche League. I also know someone who can help, is finishing certification as a lactation consultant. I would also try my hardest to keep up with breastfeeding, and avoid the bottle as much as possible. The more you give in and give the bottle, the less likely he will not feed on the breast. I'm sure you already know this. Finally, the sleep schedule. This all may very well have to do with the breastfeeding, as it releases certain stimulants that make both baby and Mom relaxed. Pumping and bottlefeeding, or even worse, formula, will not release the necessary hormones, nor will it tire the baby out...suckling is hard work! Breastfeeding at night to get baby to sleep would be a start (if you don't already do this). I know of some babies who seem to think day is night and vice versa. It will pass so long as you try to keep him awake, with naps of course, during the day. Don't allow a nap longer than 3-4 hours during the day. Gently wake up baby and stimulate him. Hope this helps.

S.-

Just wanted to throw in some quick encouragement on the breastfeeding issue. My twins, one was 4lbs 14oz, the other was 6lbs 2oz. Neither of them breastfed at all for the first 8 weeks. Then I had one pumped bottle and two hungry children, well, I gave the smaller one the bottle and put the other to the breast and she finally took it and was fine. My first twin never breastfed, I pumped for her and nursed the other. So if you continue pumping, it just may be right for her, otherwise, she may finally take the breast. Either way, it is okay, don't be discouraged.

On the sleeping issue, although it is rough right now, you'll get through it, all 5 of mine did this at some time or another as a newborn.

Take care!
D.

Hi S.,
I highly recommend "On Becoming Babywise" by Gary Ezzo. He covers both of these issues in an easy to understand way (even for sleep-deprived new moms! =)

The gist of the book is this. You need to get the baby onto an acceptable eat-wake-sleep schedule. For instance, if his first feeding is at 6am, he would stay awake until 8:30 or 9am, and then you would put him down, drowsy but still awake, in his crib. He sleeps until 10am, when he wakes up hungry and you feed him a big, full meal. Then he stays awake until noon, when he takes another nap until 2ish. He wakes up hungry, you feed him a big, full meal, and the cycle continues. But here's the thing! Put him down SUPER EARLY for the night - like 6-6:30pm! (Sounds crazy, but totally works.) Again, he should be awake but drowsy. If he fusses a bit as he is falling asleep, that's ok and normal. This is not the same as "crying it out" but rather just the baby getting rid of some stress and settling himself down in order to sleep. Also, if he wakes up at night, that's ok too. Unless he is absolutely wailing, leave him be. He may fall back asleep on his own. Sometimes babies aren't actually awake - they do fuss in a half-awake state sometimes, and can fall back asleep if you leave them alone. The trick is, watch the clock for 5 minutes. It will seem like a long time but you'll be surprised, he may fall back asleep in that time.

Part of your breastfeeding issues might be that you're trying to feed him too often. I know that sounds weird because all the baby classes and books try to tell you to pick up the baby every time they fuss, feed them whenever they cry, etc, but in my experience that didn't work very well. Scheduling the feedings led to more successful feedings - I found my babies would eat more and be happier about it if they were HUNGRY when I fed them. If I fed them every time they cried, they'd "snack" for 5 minutes and then cry, because of course the problem was not hunger. And then because they'd snacked, they wouldn't eat a full meal, and would only get the watery foremilk, which isn't filling for them, which would cause them to wake up mid-nap, and be cranky, and on and on.

I know that's just a brief overview, but if it sounds like those are your issues, then I would highly recommend the BabyWise book. It's a very quick read, and it absolutely saved me when I was a new mom!

And about the breastfeeding... look, if it's not working for you, there is no harm at all in bottle feeding. Or, pump and give him breastmilk in a bottle. I have a cousin who did that when her son was a baby for the same reasons as you - her son had been in the NICU. He's now perfectly healthy and 9 years old! Don't feel guilty about it - the important thing is that you're holding him and feeding him. It doesn't matter if it comes from bottle or breast.

Hang in there, mama, you're doing a great job!

I don't know much about switching from bottle to breast, however I did have a baby with her time mixed up. It was horrible to be up all night! I just started with setting up a daytime routine of feeding every three-ish hours even if that meant I had to wake her up. After being up all night it is hard to wake a sleeping baby, but I knew that it would only take a few days if I stuck with it. I also stopped changing diapers for night time feeds unless she was poopy. I would go in with no lights and nurse her as quietly as possible and put her right back down. Sure enough, in 4 days she was sleeping two five hour stretches at night! I've never been so grateful for only 5 hours of sleep. :O)
Since it is a good idea to sleep when your baby sleeps for the first few months, make sure you set an alarm to wake you during the day. My cell phone has an alarm, so that was really convenient.

Just think of this as your first adventure in 'mommy knows best'!

Good Sam has lactation nurses that can help for free. BUT don't beat yourself up if you go to the bottle. my son was early and little so also started with formula in the hospital. i nursed and supplemented when i needed, but the goal is to keep the baby's weight up. if you can breast feed great, but if you can't, that is ok too.

As far as his schedule being switched, try to increase his awake time little by little. when he wakes, keep him up for about an hour, then let him nap 1-2 hours, then keep him awake 1-2 hours and then let him have a 3rd nap and then up for another hour or 2 until bedtime. 6.5 weeks is young to have on a schedule. my son slept about 20 hours a day for the first 8 weeks or so.

i know it sounds hard to keep a baby awake when they want to sleep. my mother-in-law was the first to show me. i was so busy cooking, cleaning, pumping etc etc that i didn't sit and enjoy my baby. play as often as you can. the chores can wait. it will stimulate your baby and help you enjoy him more as well. good luck!