Quinceanera Etiquette Advice - & Questions

It could be maybe this person did not speak great English?

Being invited to a Quincinera is considered an honor..

Your daughter is not required to attend the church service, but it is the reason for the party. Just like a wedding, the main focus of the day is the ceremony.

Be sure your daughter is covered if she attends the church services,, Meaning, no bare shoulders or heavy cleavage. Even though I am sure there will be some crazy relative dressed like a hoochie..

The gift is usually anywhere from $40. to a $100. .

Anyway. It is a very interesting custom. But lots of fun.. I hope your daughter has a great time. I remember very fondly attending a ton when I was this age. I did not want one, but loved attending them.

We didn't do them but I had a friend who had lupus and wanted to give outstanding quinceaneras to her 3 daughters because she felt she wouldn't live to see them marry, sadly, she was right. But I saw the work she put into them (I helped) and know that some people were invited last minute because time got away from them, as well-planned as they were.

As Laurie said, it is an honor to be invited. Mom may not speak English well, be overwhelmed with details she needs to tend to...the gown, the flowers, the cake, etc., or it might not have been mom but another relative you spoke with. I wouldn't read too much into it.

I would have my daughter attend the church service, properly dressed for church, and not just show up for "the party." A gift of about $50 would be appropriate from what I've observed.

"My guess was that this is primarily a family party and maybe at the last minute, the family hadn't met the minimum requirement for the hotel so the birthday girl invited some friends (I'm not sure of this)."

Don't assume. You have RSVP'd on behalf of your daughter, probably to an older sibling, nonetheless, have your daughter attend the church service and have her stay at the party as long as you see fit. Give a gift in your price range and don't concern yourself with what the parents are spending for this party-they are most likely trying to make a memory for their child and enlisting the help of a teenager to manage the guest list-shocking, at best.

Hi Cookingmom :)

Quinceaneras can be a lot of fun, but I have definitely been in your boat before with being invited (I'm a middle school teacher, so I often get invites from my former students) and not really understanding what was expected of me.

First of all, try not to be offended by the mother nor assume she didn't want to talk to you. It's possible that English is not her first language or that it's not one she's comfortable making small talk in.

The short notice could be because of a number of factors, most of which probably have to do with a 15 year old girl handling invite distribution and a 13 year old girl handling passing that information off to you.

On the language note, if you're not Catholic and don't speak Spanish, I'd skip the mass (church service). You aren't EXPECTED to go, it's geographically inconvenient, and it may just add to your feelings of exclusion because you won't know what's going on or be able to participate (can't take Communion etc.

Money in a nice card will be appropriate as a gift. Give whatever you are comfortable with. Quinces are a big deal, and expensive, but there is no way that every teenaged girl in attendance is doing the "gift equal to the cost of my plate" thing. Just give what you think is nice. This is like a cross between a Sweet 16, Debutant Ball and Bat Mitzva in terms of the level of pageantry and expense.

I hope your daughter has a great time! If nothing else it will be a new, memorable cultural experience.

T.

First, have you considered that the mother's first language wasn't English? Maybe you overwhelmed her a bit. Most of my friends are hispanic, and while some of the men speak fairly good English, most of the women speak NADA. I'm not stereotyping anyone, either...this is just my experience. The last quincenera I attended had family, friends, church members, and more, and that girl's mother speaks no English.

At the last one I attended, I went to the church service but NOT the party, but these are people I go to church with and I don't actually know their daughter very well and my children are much younger. The church service MAY be more for family, I'm not sure, but she would be expected for the party for sure!

Use your own discretion for the gift. In their culture, this is a girl's transition to womanhood, and it IS like a wedding...just wait until you see pictures of this event. Thousands and thousands of dollars are being spent on this party, I can assure you. However, that doesn't dictate that you need to spend a huge amount on a gift. If your daughter wants to give her money, then give her money. That's up to you.

Daughter needs to be dressed to the nines.

(Want to second what Momof2 had to say, and it's CERTAINLY not racist. Every invitation I've ever received to a Mexican party...birthday, wedding, anything...has been given the day before the event or the day OF. I swear, my neighbor invited me to her baby shower 2 hours before it was supposed to happen, and I had to run out and buy a gift! You shouldn't take offense.)

My husband's family isMexican. I've been to two.The service is entirely up to you. It's definitely not mandatory and no one would think anything of it if you did not go. A lot of the family may not go as well. Plus it may be in Spanish so just keep that in mind. As far as gifts go whatever you can afford or feel comfortae giving is fine. Just your daughter was I invited so don't feel like you need to spend a fortune. As for the invite and RSVP situation. How do I put this, and I m not trying to be rude or racist. But they are Mexican. Invitations are usually not very prompt and quite frankly 90% of the family probably didn't RSVP nor were they expected to so who ever answered the phone may have been a little thrown off by your call. But go have fun. It's quite an experience. The birthday girl will be wearing something similar to a wedding dress and has a "court" kind of thing. Good luck.

The major thing I see wrong is the short notice for the invitation.

I'm not familiar with quinceanera etiquette, but I know that Bar or Bat Mitzvah invitations are not handled so lightly.

There may be a language barrier, in which case you should talk to the party girl directly.

Some may not agree with me, but being invited last minute is not okay with me. Mom may have been overwhelmed with all the planning, but to give one day to RSVP is not exactly polite, in my opinion.

I know what it's like to be overwhelmed with such an occassion, but I also know that you should have someone who can answer questions of your invited guests.

Some may hate me for this, but I would send a gift card and thoughtful best wishes and bow out on this one.

Just my opinion.
No offense to anyone.

A Quinceanera is just like a wedding, only for a 15-year old. There are many lovely customs associated with them as well, and they are usually just as lavish as a wedding.

I have found Latino moms to be very curt. I think it's just because they don't speak good English, and they are just very A to B. I have learned not to be offended by the ones who are. They also aren't as involved in their children's lives, and probably don't even know any of her daughter's friends. I'm not trying to be rude, it's just what I've noticed. They are not helicopter moms, and they are not chatty. But they love their daughters and their families and are wonderful ladies. I'm generalizing, not ALL of them are like that (just most of the ones I know).

Your daughter can attend the church service, but she will probably be bored. It's as long as a wedding. If I were you, I'd have your daughter get together with some of the girls who were invited and all go to the reception together. A gift of money is certainly appropriate, give what you can afford.

It will probably be lavish, and it will probably be lots of fun!

Call back and ask to talk to the birthday girl herself.