Preparing for New Baby/hospital Stay

Sorry to say but sounds like you have spoiled her a little to much. First start by leaving her with grandma and grandpa while you run errand thus she gets used to you leaving her with them. Then a week or two after that try leaving her there for a weekend. your going to have to force her to get used to someone else putting her to bed. tough love now will mean less trouble down the line when it is time for school.

Maybe she will be a little more comfortable if someone stays at your house with the kids while you are in the hospital, as opposed to her going somewhere else? At least she would have her own bed and other stuff. We had my sister-in-law come to our house when I delivered in the middle of the night. With our 2nd, 3rd and 4th kids, my husband didn't stay overnight at the hospital with me. He was home more with the other kids. He was there for the delivery of course, but took care of things at home more. I treasured my quiet time in the hospital with the new baby. Congrats to you!

I see this problem on here a lot. A mom has enabled a child for bed and nap times so extremely that they cannot go to bed without her. Then she has another baby and, surprise, she no longer has the time or energy to continue the extreme bed/nap time ritual with the older child every time. The answer is simple. Starting now and at least every other night, let her dad or her grandparents (or whoever will be helping to care for her while you are caring for the new baby) put her to bed. Be sure they know the basic routine, and then stay out of it. Leave the house if necessary. She is so old now that it will probably be very hard for her to adjust, and that is your fault, but the worst thing you can do is wait for the baby to come and take this away from her because then she will blame the baby, not you. Good luck.

Do you have any circumstances that will make you stay the night in the hospital? With my second birth, I gave birth at 2pm and was home by 7pm. With my third I decided to spend the night and by about midnight completely regretted it. I hate staying in the hospital. I had not left my first when my second was born, and my second only spent the night at Grandma's once before the third was born. Another option is to stay at grandma's a few times with her before she tries it on her own. Have you done that? I mostly wanted to say that it is not abnormal, nor are you doing your child a disservice because she has not left you yet at 4. A secure child in the long run is more independent than one who is forced out before they are ready. I wish you luck, it is always hard, but we always find a way, right?

K.

The first thing you need to do is to start having your husband put her to bed. Otherwise, it will be much harder for your parents to. Also, it probably wouldnt be a bad idea to have a test stay, so that the first time she's away from you isnt the day you have the baby. Otherwise she'll associate nights away from mommy with huge, lifechanging events. Good luck!

We had the same problem so my husband ended up having to stay home with the kids. I was alone with the baby in the hospital at night. It was not that hard really since I had great nurses helping me. You'll probably just have to bite the bullet and either leave her with your husband or the grandparents. The only other option is to keep her in the hospital too but that could be really overwhelming.

Beth had a good idea of someone staying at your house, but sometimes that just isn't feasible. I would also suggest that you start that girl on some sleepovers ASAP! Even if your parents have to sweeten the deal just a little by giving her ice cream or pizza or candy or letting her watch a special video or something...whatever will make grandma and grandpas that much more exciting. As far as going to bed...I do feel your pain on that. I agree that bedtime isn't negotiable, and all that, but my daugther is very mommy-centric as well and most of the time, I'm so tired by the end of the day, that I just end up avoiding the drama and putting her to bed myself. BUT...I do go out occassionally and when I'm out my husband puts her to bed without much fuss, so maybe you should start going for coffee or shopping or something at bedtime to get her used to you not being there! It is hard, but start something now and keep with it b/c April isn't that far away!

I hear you! I was very concerned about that with our 2 1/2 yr old DD when our newest DD was born in November. It was taking us about 2 hours every night to get our toddler to bed, and I had to be there. We did two trial runs of her staying at the grandparents a few weeks before I delivered. The first did NOT go well. She didn't go to sleep until after midnight and was up again at 5am. My poor parents! The second was better, but still not great. I had a C-section so was really worried about her reaction to not being able to sit on my lap, etc. and seeing me hooked up to all the tubes in the hospital. She actually did really well with that part. And bedtime was torture the first couple of nights I was back home, but because I couldn't go up the stairs to her room, there wasn't an option of me putting her to bed. She finally got used to it. After I could go upstairs, we kept the system going by saying Mommy does morning stuff and Daddy does nighttime routine. She will fuss sometimes still, but is MUCH better. We now only take about 20 minutes to get her to bed. She might stay up and play for a bit, but at least she's no longer screaming. Necessity may solve your problems. Good luck!!

I suggest having your parents stay at your house with your kids. I assume your hubby will be staying with you which is why you need to find someone to take care of them for a few days? What about having a girlfriend stay at your house with your daughter and have your son to go the grandparents? She can make it a huge deal about how she and your daughter are having a few days together? Or what about having her stay at a friend's house who has kids her age?

It may not be easy but she will eventually go to sleep no matter where she is. She may end up exhausted and off her routine with the arrival of a new baby anyways!!

I have a 2week old and a 3yo. We talked all the time to our son about his baby brother coming and his brother even "talked" to him from inside my tummy. I let him draw his brother pictures on my tummy w/ his markers and everything. We wanted him to feel very at ease and be excited about having a new baby in the family. He has been a wonderful big brother to his baby brother.
He too wasn't very good at spending the night places. He had spent the night twice before at grandmas. The first time he did great, the second time, not so great, so it had been about a year since he's stayed. About two weeks before babys arrival we started telling him he's going to spend the night at grammas one night and his cousins the next night. He helped pack his own suitcase and was excited. We packed a book we read before bed alot so he would have some familiarity w/ him. When grandma picked him up from the hospital to take him back to spend the night, he kind of threw a fit(mostly I think because he was tired)but once he got back to grammas, he did just fine. He's been talking about spending the night again, ever since!
By night two, WE were the ones who missed HIM, and instead of staying the 2nd night at his cousins, we just had him stay in our hospital room and snuggle with daddy in his bed. Even though we missed him, we also thought how fun it would be for him to sleep in a hospital room w/ mommy, daddy and baby brother! He had fun w/ all of us and meeting all the Dr.s and nurses. Another thing we did was, we had a present ready for him from his baby brother and that also helped him alot. Good luck!

I have an idea. Why don't you have a few nites/weekends that she stays at your parents. You and your husband can have a nite together and enjoy this time. I like the idea of someone coming to the house too. But maybe your parents & you could swap houses for the weekend or you & your husband could get a hotel for a special nite while you try it. I think you need to try this before the new sibling is here. Make it fun for her. Maybe G & G could get pizza & watch movies or so something special. Just a thought

My mom came and stayed at our house while I was in the hospital. It made life so much easier, not having to pack up my daughter and haul her and her stuff across town. Do you think your parents could come to your house?

When we came home from the hospital, she was able to take in her new brother on "her turf" and the transition went so smoothly. They are best friends to this day.

The biggest mistake I made was leaving the hospital too early! The doctor had cleared me for another day, and I decided to go home. How I wish I would have had another day to just snuggle with my new baby and have the nurses take care of me!! Stay and enjoy as long as you can!!

Good luck and I hope you have a smooth, safe delivery!

first thing i would insist she learn to go to bed without fuss, regardless of who puts her there. bedtime isn't a negotiation. S. i would make sure she spends some time with someone besides you. you're not doing her any favors. only making it harder on everyone when you're not available. what if, god forbid, you are in an accident and can't be tied to her 24/7? a healthy 4 year old should be just fine visiting grandma, or at least one or two trusted people outside her immediate family. i would start getting her used to the idea now, better than when her little world gets turned all upside down from having a new baby. by allowing her to "refuse" to spend the night anywhere else, you've now put yourself in a position where there will be a huge amount of unnecessary stress on the entire family no matter what you do. you can either start helping her get past this now, or just spring it on her at the same time that she is suddenly ousted from the "baby" position in the family.