Parents of 2 or More: Advice to Parents Expecting 2Nd

Congratulations B.! I'm expecting my 6th baby pretty soon and I'm "preparing" my 2 year old for the arrival of her sister. We pat my pregnant belly often and practice saying her name as well as watch shows of women having babies. I would say in the big picture, however, to make sure you establish a time in your day where your older child rests/naps for a set amount of time each day so that you can rest. Also, thinking through things that your older child can do to "help" with the baby so that she feels included, needed, and important. Also, have a special bag, backpack, or box that has new and special toys, books, activites she can do with minimal assistance that is only to be taken out when you feed your new baby, change the baby, or need to attend to the baby with few distractions from your daughter. (These are old memories for me becasue I have older children that can help with my 2 and 5 year old, but I remember those days.) What I'm currently thinking through, though, is a "gift" that the baby will have for each of my children. I plan to give all of my kids a special gift "from the baby" right when I arrive home from the hospital. What child wouldn't feel happy to welcome a new little person bearing gifts?! God bless your efforts and enjoy your little ones!

Congrats! I found that calling the baby by her name "baby Lina" while she was in my belly helped my son get ready. He used to kiss her (my belly). He was 2yrs 3 months when she was born so whenever he wanted to hold the baby, I always said yes, but he knew the rules: wash your hands, sit down and put a pillow on your lap. Then he would hold her for about 10 seconds with a big smile on his face and he was done. He never got the "don't touch, don't hold, don't play with her" response. He just knew the rules. Also, I told my close friends and relatives to please bring him a little "big brother" gift when they bring the baby a gift and I would have a few little things wrapped and standing by if people dropped by with gifts for the baby (or I didn't feel comfortable asking them to bring him a gift). It made him feel special for being a big brother. (This doesn't have to go on very long, just the first shocking few days so he doesn't feel left out or jealous). He did great and may have done well without all that precaution, but it went very smoothly with us. Good luck!

Hi -
We told our 2yr old too early (3 months) about a baby brother on the way. He was very upset and said "I don't want it!". So we dropped it and let him bring it up when he saw that I was getting bigger later in the pregnancy. We then read books about being a big brother. he was more excited as the date got closer. When the baby was born my parents dropped our 2 yr old off at the hospital where he stayed with us and the baby all day and every day I was in the hospital. The baby "gave" him a gift. He is still thrilled with his little brother and very protective of him.

congrats and good luck!

My second child is three weeks old and and my first is almost 3 yrs. Definitely make sure you have help from your partner. I have been the one to do most things for my son and my son is a momma's boy. So needless to say, it has been h*** o* both of us to not be there for eachother since I am taking care of the baby.

As far as preperation, it helped to have my son in preschool. The school allows me to give the new baby the one-on-one attention he needs and assures me my son is well looked after while I'm doing it. What hurt us, was not breaking my son of the family bed-it makes the sleeping situation very difficult.

One last thing, when going out with your two the first few times, make sure you have help. I made the mistake of trying to do Father's Day pics on my own today, I had the baby in a sling around my chest while dragging (litterly) my other son back into the photo studio. A mom walked by and said, "hang in there, it gets easier."

Congratulations! I totally agree with Amy, do not be holding the baby the first time Izzy sees you. I just wanted to add one thing, stay in the hospital as long as you can. I stayed in the hospital for three days and those extra days really made a difference. I felt good, baby was nursing like a champ and I didn't experience that initial exhaustion I felt with my first.

To prepare my daughter I bought a book about a little girl who's mommy has a baby and I bought the Dora video of Dora becoming a big sister, she was way into Dora at the time. I'm also a little more cautious when it comes to germs so I talked to her a lot about how babies can get sick easy so we can only touch the baby's feet unless we wash our hands. Just yesterday she got to see an 8 days-old baby and she was wonderful, only touching the baby's feet.

Again Congratulations, I hope I was able to give you some ideas.

~N.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! When I was expecting my second, my daughter denied that I was pregnant. Her standard response when asked if she was excited to be a big sister was that she wasn't going to be a big sister. No, there wasn't a baby in mommy's belly, etc. I worried about introducing them, and that she would resent the baby. I have one major recommendation regarding that initial introduction, and subsequent interactions. I suggest strongly that you don't hold your new baby upon first introduction to your daughter. Your daughter's impulse will be to run to you, and the last message you want to send her is to look worried or act like you're protecting the baby from her. You should have your hands free and be available to hold, hug, and kiss her. Then, after a while, or preferably when she asks to see the baby, you can introduce them. Some people suggest putting a little gift for her in the bassinet that is "from the baby". We did that for my daughter, and although she was way more interested in the baby, she did like her gift.

My approach during those early months after both my second and third children were born was to really let my kids hold, kiss, and pat the baby. I forced myself to relax about dirty hands, over-exuberance, etc in order to foster their relationships. I wanted to be very careful about saying things like, "Stop it, be careful, don't hurt the baby..." Not that I didn't intervene often, but I would try to say things like, "Wow, I love how you want to hold your sister. Let me help you..." Big sisters love to "help", so I always kept pacifiers in the same place. Whether I needed one or not, I could always ask my daughter to go get one for the baby, if I needed her to go away for a minute.

This is an exciting and exhausting time. I wish you all lots of luck!

I have 3 little girls and when I was pg with my second I use to bring her to the ob when I had an ulta sound to help her connect what was in mommies tummy. I read books about the baby inside and she would talk to my tummy. We went shopping together before her sister was born and she picked out a gift for her new sister. When she came to the hospital (she had just turned 2 herself) We made a big deal about that she was a big sister, and we had a gift for her from the baby. Plus we gave her a special locket which we told her you can only get when you are a big sister ( when we had #3 our first made sure we got her sister a big sister locket too) and had a big sister pary for her in the hospital room. We made her feel proud of her new position in the family. When she entered the hospital room I had my husband hold the baby so I could welcome her with big arms, and had her sit in a big chair and let her hold the baby by herself.

When I would nurse she had special toys that she could only play with when she was sitting with me and nursing, and she would sometime lift her shirt and nurse her baby doll, which was so cute. I helped to remind how lucky she was BIG and how it much more fun to be a big girl than a baby ( you get to go to the park, you get special story time, you get to eat ice cream....etc)
I told her I was proud of her when she helped me with the baby or was kind to her sister.

When you have a small toddler at home and a new baby at home we sometime forget how much attention they still need. It is important for them to still feel special and important as the baby takes some much of their time away and they want to konw they can still have their special snuggle time with Mommy.

Congrats on #2 is only gets better :)

As long as your nutrition has been good all growing up, you should have a pretty good pregnancy. Women who have not grown up eating responsibly can really hit some challenges, especially during their second. The reason why is that we were designed to be able to absorb enough nutrition during our youth to provide two healthy bodies come flood or famine during our pregnancies. After that, if you have a third or more, they generally grow from what you put into your body at that point. In our media defined, 20 pound underweight standard of beauty world, I don't think many of our women are nutritionally prepared for child bearing. Hopefully you're part of the group that escaped this problem.

A tremendoulsy valuable resource for mothers is a series of books by Betty Kamen, Ph.D., and Si Kamen. I am more familiar with their book called Total Nutrition for Breast-Feeding Mothers, but they also have one for pregnancy. She points out how, similar to vitamin C needing bioflavonoids, vitamin B best works accompanied with fiber where vitamin B naturally occurs.

In the book for nursing, they have two mothers with very different eating habits keep a journal over their pregnancies and the outcome is charted. That was fascinating reading. The book also goes into something called a "lactation nutrient reference chart" where all the vitamins and minerals are gone over, how they benefit us, what they do, and what their deficiencies cause.

Of course that is not all. The book is just great.

Anyway, that is just a little bit of info on nutrition. There are a lot of investments you can make. Your children are going to be so blessed!!!