Parents and Ex-Spouses

So sorry. Always a difficult situation. It's hard to know much for sure without knowing the math. How long have you 2 been together? How long have you been married? Do you have any children together? How long was he with her? How much time in between the 2 relationships? I can see how this info may not seem important but it is. These answers effect the actions to be taken and when. If your relationship is not as long as theirs was then you will need to be together for 4 or more years and have at least one child together before certain resistant personalities begin to give you legitamacy. If you have been together longer than them then you still need a child together to so called 'trump' her. I know this sounds rediculous but some people truly think this way. Whatever you do don't act like a wall flower when at gatherings. If they want to act weird then thats on them. You need to stand strong and appear comfident and secure. You only need to wait for their approval as long as enough to be polite about their position and standing. Other than that you don't need their approval. You should be able to share your feelings with your husband. Tread carefully if he doesn't see the problem at first. Don't make him defensive of his mom. It is his support and team work that you need. He can fix this where you may not be able to. It may take a while but once he expresses to you that he truly sees and understands the situation then wait a little bit and let him get sick of it. You be nice and be on his team. He has to be on your team or you lose. After a little bit longer you should be able to expect that he will defend you to his family and lay down the law. You are his wife and that other woman is not. You are in the family and that other woman is not. You are the one that makes him happy and if that other woman made him happy she wouldn't be his ex. On the other hand if she dumped your husband then why does his mother even like her at all. Your husband should have issue with this relationship between his mother and her either way. They are not allowed to be nasty or snide or anything less than wonderful to you or they simply won't receive visits from any of you. This needs to eventually be his stance to defend his family unit(him, you, and the kids). If the two of you do not a child together and will not be having one then the problem is a generation gap ideology issue and will be difficult to change because mom will not be changing her opinion that her son should be with his child's mother. But she should still be treating you well and he should insist upon it.
My husband dated the same girl from high school for 6 years. They had a child. My presence simply wasn't acceptable. Those 2 spoke all the time. He and I talked about it and his initial responses were understanding of his mom's behavior because they had known each other for so long and were close then. His mom had a big picture of my husband and his ex in her den. My husband honestly didn't think about it because it had been there for years. I never said anything about the picture. We had pictures made at about 1 year of marriage. We were listing how many we needed to give out and when he mentioned his mother I said I did not want my picture hanging in her house with his ex's. If he wanted to give her a picture of just him then that was his business. He just sort of sat there blank. He said he hadn't thought about it and agreed with me. We were having dinner with her at her house and he brought the pictures. She was all smiley and was claiming one of us together for her to keep. He told her that she could not have one until she threw away that peice of trash that is hanging in the den. She tried to defend her stance at first saying how that was such a good picture of the 2 of them (and it was), and how it reminded her of when he was younger. Basically, he made it clear that yes he was younger and obviously stupid or he wouldn't have been with her. Anyway the condition still stood that if she wanted a picture of us she had to throw the other one away. She did throw it away and now our picture is there on the wall.
Anyway, be patient, love you husband and be a team. Men don't see these women relationship things because men don't interact that way.
God Bless

No I don't think they're justified AT ALL. I think as independent adults they are totally allowed to be friends with the ex if they want, but the fact that they have Her pic up and not yours is really crappy. At the very least they should have up your wedding pics, I wonder if the ex is still harboring feelings for your husband and they are encouraging it...
In any case I can sympathize, I too am forced to see my husband's ex far too often d/t the fabulous custody arrangement she concocted. My husband only has the right to supervised visitation (and guess who has always done the supervising) so there she is at family gatherings, my daughter's birthday, etc...
Don't have any advice on how to fix the problem though, just know that yes, their behavior is ugly, but you're probably stuck with it so I hope you're able to find satisfaction (as I try to do) with the fact that your husband is at least on your side.

Try changing your perspective, and they might change theirs. Why look at this as a negative thing? This type of arrangemnt seems to work better for the children. It allows them to be surrounded by love and see positive interactions with Mommy and Daddy's family. Would you rather them be hateful to her and the children see that? As an adult you can and should be tolerant of this, as the children should be the first priority, over your own jealousy. I know this suggestion is probably a long shot, but why don't you try to get to know her. The fact is she won't be going away, and you can't control your in-laws relationships, regardless of how they know the person. I've seen and been in situations where the ex's and current spouses were friendly, even to the point of everyone coming together for holidays and special occassions so that everyone could be together and the kids wouldn't have to split their holidays and only see one parent. Think about the children, and hopefully your perspective will clear. Just remember, your husband is with you for a reason, and their each others ex for a reason. You shouldn't feel intimidated, show your confidence. He's your man, and ultimately there is nothing anyone can do to change it.

I'm so very sorry that you're going through this difficult time with your In-laws. I known it is painful for you I been in your shoes. What is important is that you & husband stand as one. Do your best to keep show and keep love in your heart along with a positive attitude.
What important is your family (kids,husband & you.) Your husband is caught in the middle. But as a mother Lioness do not given in.
Just know that the storms of life will come and go. But while you are riding through the storm of life. Know this! "Jesus holds you in His arms while you're rinding in the storm.

The has been my Rock.
Doll
God is just a pray away.

Get over it! I have the same thing here, but they have stoped talking to my husband--their OWN child. They stay at her home and visit the grandchildren on her visitation weekends with her. WE have custody. It is more confortable for them not to get to know their OWN childs new family. I brought three children with me and we had one together TWO years ago. They do not pay much attention to the four children here, they just do not like to share. I have to be ok with that. They want what they had before me and will not see it any other way. Talking to my family HAS made matters worse not better. My husband and I went through a class at church and the study was with a book called the Smart Step-Family. Great book and a must read for those in your shoes. If it gets better - PTL if not - PTL. Love your husband and the family you have. Get over the pictures and all that other stuff. It is a control issue but not with you. LOVE YOUR HUSBAND. They are missing out and so are you BUT you cannot change them. Only time will tell. Some never get it!

Read the book. It helps you change YOUR expectations.

Don't get mad, Grow up!!

You will always have the other mother involved!!!!For as long as you both shall live!! As long as there is more than one mommy or daddy have "family functions" get along with each other and spouses. My current husband and ex have the same thing with their children and their families.

Being upset, whiny, and jealous will get you no where.

You are only as uncomfortable as you let yourself feel.

This is not high school, this is the new age life!!!

I had a similiar situation, but the EX is the one that made it clear that she would rather just visit us when my son, her EX was not there. They did get along fine, but she had enough respect that she would only visit at certain times. We would let her know if he intended to be there and she would schedule her visits accordingly. If she wanted to visit with the other members of the family, she would get in touch with them and arrange her visits with them. This was our schedule until her death from cancer.