Overwhelmed

I think this is just the way it is when you have small kids. As you can see, it looks like none of us is super-neat right now. I have a 3-year-old and a 5-month-old and it's all I can do to keep clean underwear in the drawers and clean forks in the kitchen.

I think of laundry as a constantly revolving chore, not something that is ever "done." I try to stick a load in the washer each evening after dinner, while my son has a little tv time before bed.

I just keep telling myself every day over and over again that they won't be little for long, they won't be little for long, they won't be little for long. There will be a light out there somewhere at the end of the tunnel.

I saw someone mentioned the Flylady already. The website is flylady.net, not .com. I started using it about a year ago and I can't tell you the difference it made, not only in the cleanliness of my house, but in my general happiness.

I also have had thyroiditis after both my kids and it made me a lot more tired than I should have been, so that is also something to consider.

I totally know the feeling. I end up feeling guilty if I actually take any "me" time. I work full time, have two small children 19 months and 3 1/2 yrs, and am working to start my own business. I've tried to develop a plan for tackling chores. I first created a list of all things I wanted to have done around the house, associated timelines... I would be happy if this got done once a week, month, year, etc, then created a chart. This way I felt I could manage all that needed to be done in a day. Since today is Wednesday I will tackle dishes, sweeping the kitchen floor, one load of laundry, and cleaning the bathrooms. After that, the time is mine (and my kids, husbands, and guests that I have over tonight)!

Good luck finding order. It has been a difficult and frustrating road for me. But I found that the above technique worked for me. In "my" time I tend to try to tackle other organizational wants that I have, but once again... I try to do it one day at a time.

My children, i have 3, are very close in age. All three were in diapers and your e-mail hits very close to home. One thing to remember is that your children feel and pick up whatever type of energy you are giving off. I've learned the hard way that my irritability had rubbed off so much on them, that they started to treat each other in that same negative way.

Your house will never be clean they way you want it...trust me..i've learned to just make sure that the bathrooms are clean and that the dishes are out of the sink. Start small..one room a day. Have the kids help you. They need to see mommy smile and have fun. I dance with my kids, slide on the floors with my socks...not easy because we are always supposed to be the mature one. We still can be...have the kids help you. Give them a cleaning wipe and let them wipe the doorknobs for you. Your 5 yr old can unload the dishwasher and help you load them...that's bonding time, too.

Your kids need their mommy to lean on...it's tough now; but, they are sooooo worth it. Will you have days that you just want to stay in bed...sure...we all have them; but, when they see your determination, that will give them something to look up too. Do little things with them...if it's nice out go to the playground. Your kids are at such a special stage...they still welcome your hugs, kisses, and cuddles...not so much when they get older. Things will get better, they always do.

Make time to get up 15mins early (sigh...i know...it's tough); but, meditate and just be still. Be thankful for all the blessings around you. Take time to hear the birds. We've actually simulated a power outage during dinner just to have quiet. That's another biggie...have meals with your children..at least once a day..no distractions. Talk to them about what they are thankful for and the happy and sad moments that they experienced that day. Priceless. Wish i could've done that when my angels were little.

I heard something so profound the other day, "what good is a mom who is always miserable. We moms make or break he temperature in the home." another life changing moment for me was when i realized that i have the opportunity to impact not just my children's lives; but, other lives for the next generations. Whatever seeds you plant into your children's lives now, they will sow as they get older.

Take care and remember that you are not alone in your journey. I've traveled that route and with a very sick 1yr old, too. You are incredibly blessed..we all are...beyond what we can ever truly comprehend.

I completely know how you feel right now. My kids are 6 and 3. After my second daughter was born it seemed as though I could not get it together. Everything was a logistical nightmare. Laundry everywhere, late to everything, no energy at all. I used to be a neat freak and very organized in my pre-mom days, so this new 'lifestyle' was upsetting to me. OK here is how I coped: I did my best to make sure the bathrooms, kitchen and kids were clean. I washed clothes whenever possible and just gave up feeling like I needed to catch up on laundry because that is just impossible. I tried to get a little more sleep vs. staying up to put everything away. That helped tons with my energy and happiness. Playing with my kids is WAY more important than keeping a perfect house. Bree Hodge I am not. Give yourself a break and realize that they will be grown and in school full time before you know it. You will have plenty of time to clean and organize then. Just be.

It is NEVER clean with two small children...I promise! Mine are now 6 and 3, and our house is still hard to keep in order. You get one area clean, and 5 minutes later, return to find it the way it was prior. But I remember feeling like you did after we had our second. It is normal to feel so tired and overwhelmed with the littlest of tasks. I read this saying once (from where I no longer remember): Cleaning the house with children, is like trying to shovel the driveway while it is still snowing. It is very true! What helped me when I was at the stage you are at, is I had read this article about women feeling the same way. The author suggested pinpointing what was important to you in your house to keep clean. For example, some women are really picky about their bathroom being spotless, others, the kitchen. Think about whatever drives you crazy, and you feel like you have to keep clean. Then make sure to get that done every day, and everything else...work on it short spurts...10-15 minutes here, 10 minutes there. And if it doesn't all get done, the house wont fall apart! For me, it was the kitchen. Why? I have no idea, I don't even like cooking. But every morning, I spent a bit of time doing dishes, cleaning countertops...and then I had my clean kitchen for the day. And doing that truly helped me feel better about the mess that was everywhere else. Hope this helps some!
K.

You sound just like me. My boys are 16mo and 6yo. I think part of it is the transition from one child to two, and part of it is the big age gap. Switching back to baby gear after your first had already become somewhat self-reliant can be tough.

In my house there are always three loads of laundry in some form of completion until the weekend when I get caught up since the hubs is home and can run interference with the kids. I also have to clear out at least one and more often two loads of dishes every day. The floor always has something on it. I sweep every day, but it never seems any better for any appreciable amount of time. My 6yo's room is almost always a disaster, my room is always full of stacks of folded laundry that needs to be put away, and there's always a rotating pile of things on the stairs that got brought down by the boys that I need to find the time to put away back upstairs. In between homeschooling, activities, sports and the usual, I almost never get any time for myself. So believe me, I feel your pain.

I look at it this way though. A house with a little dust is the home of a well loved child. As long as the toilets, clothes and dishes are clean...the dust (and clutter) can wait. Their childhood can't. Once my boys are asleep for the night and hubby and I have spent a little time together, he goes to bed and I get whatever I can done before 11pm, then I get an hour to myself in a silent house, then I go to bed.

You just need to get into a solid routine with a little "you time" carved into the end of it every day. Once you're doing these chores as a schedule thing, eventually you'll barely notice you're doing them at all and all of a sudden you will feel like you have some time to spare during the day.

My mom had a cross-stitch-type thing on the wall when we were growing up -- it said:

Cleaning & scrubbing can wait till tomorrow,
for babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep...
I'm rocking my baby & babies don't keep.

I have no idea how clean a house "should" be w/ 2 kids, but I can tell you mine stays messy - and I only have 1! As long as the bathrooms & floors & kitchen are clean, in my opinion, the rest can wait. I would rather get down on the floor & "pway caws" (play cars) with my little one than make sure the room is spotless. Clean but cluttered is a way of life w/ little ones, I think.
Don't be so h*** o* yourself, get some vitamins (especially vitamin D), stay hydrated, PRAY, and enjoy your kids while they are little.

(I am also a WAH mom, so I feel your pain -- we don't get 2 15 mins breaks & an hour for lunch like moms who work outside the home. BUT we are blessed enough to be the ones taking care of our kids & I think a lot of moms would trade places with us in a heartbeat if they could - regardless of how messy our home is!)

My frieds and I often say we're buried in toys, dishes and laundry :) It just comes with the territory. I'd rather play with my kids than do chores all day. The laundry can be worn straight out of the basket anytime, but the kids are growing up so fast and I don't want to miss this time to play.
I do treat myself to a housekeeper twice a month so I can see my carpets at least every other Thursday!! It also helps to keep a large plastic bin in each room for quick toy cleanup. You'll feel like the house looks better and you'll still have time to play.
Try to relax and enjoy. I know it's difficult sometimes. I'm headed out to enjoy this beautiful day and then I won't see the mess inside :)

Yes, I think everyone goes through this - especially with babies/toddlers. They need constant attention and it's hard to keep things organized because 'new people' have just moved in! :) Just think - tomorrow! Time heals everything, so don't let one day overwhelm you - just do what you can when you can - if you have a burst of energy do what you can, and then when you are tired...just do a little and give yourself some rest!
Also - organization really is key - I also have piles of folded laundry on my coffee table almost every day - but I have the kids take up their own laundry and make my husband take his when he feels like it haha...I take mine but it always stays on my closet floor for a few days....but if company comes over, they will never see it!
When i was first married, I would mop the floors probably 4 times a week....I was anal retentive! I was not used to kids or being in charge of a whole house and we lived in a beach house with all vinyl floors, so I felt like they were always dirty....It would get to me and I would cry all the time and be very frustrated with all the cooking/cleaning/mothering I had to do...now that I have eased up on myself, I don't have to mop every day - plus we moved into a different house with more carpet, so that helps (even simple additions like rugs or organization bins to hold storage items/toys, etc help...figure out what items need to get organized and get something that will fix it)....I now have a swiffer that does the job in between moppings and is super fast and easy...I will use clorox wipes if the cats have a hairball or something and not feel like I have to mop the entire floor for one spot.
I have the kids on a schedule so they are on autopilot most of the time (easier now they are older, but trust me, they won't stay young FOREVER!) and this allows me to concentrate on dinner, laundry, etc. I do a load or two of laundry every day - so you're not alone there either! But it helps to stay on top of it - sometimes when my husband comes home from long trips, it will pile up again, but I will take a weekend and try to catch up...maybe watch some tv in between loads...and don't forget DH! He can help - give him one dinner night he can be responsible for. I delegate if I tend to not like something. I HATE dusting, so maybe once every two months I will do a thorough dusting, but twice a week I will have my DSD do her 'dusting.' She is not that thorough, but it does the trick in between....your 5 year old could definitely pick up a swiffer duster or put her clothes away/help you carry them upstairs. You could even make a game out of it. She can also help play with her sister and give you a little break.
You could also have a little 'picnic' night - so the family can watch a cartoon movie together and you can make pizzas as a family (Giant has pizza ingredients all together, very easy to pick up - even wheat crusts) or just make little sandwiches that are easy, instead of cooking all the time...and then lay a tablecloth in the floor (to create ambiance as well as protecting your floor from a mess!) and let the kids eat watching the movie...that is a fun way to spend time as a family, plus it will take your cooking and cleaning times way down! I also hated planning new dinner items, so I would ask each person in the family to choose one dinner a week...so DSD would have a night she got to choose, etc and I would make a healthy version of whatever they wanted, so I didn't have to make the whole grocery list myself...it gave me ideas and eased my mind knowing that is what they wanted to eat. Sometimes they would surprise me! I would have them pick the main course, side dish and veggie...and try to make it as balanced as possible.
I know it's very hard to work from home because your priorities are split - it was a nightmare for me because of my OCD, I wanted to clean, but needed to work, and then felt torn between the two - and never had enough time for either - but if I got overwhelmed, I would take the kids outside and go for a walk or play sports/games...that got my mind off of the house and cleaning and allowed me to get some fresh air and enjoy the kids. I would also make allowances on Wednesday nights to go out to McD's or ChickFilA before church so we would have time....I don't advocate too much fast food, but they do have apple dippers, etc that are healthier options and then the cleaning is on McD's and they even have a playland at both restaurants, so the kids would burn energy there and then I could go to church - the kids would go to their separate classes/nursery, and the adults could talk and relax...refocus.
Your house should not be perfect - you have a family now and they will take its toll....but don't forget that you only have them young once...instill in them chores and discipline, so they will be a big help to you once they get a bit older...and don't feel guilty for it - kids like to help out! Plus, you are being a good parent by teaching them how to have responsibility. Pick something you don't like and ask your DH to do - mine does the trash and he will do the dishes if I cook and vice versa. I also have DSS do the recycling, and if I feel like the whole house needs to be vacuumed, before we do anything fun on a Saturday, I will say to the family we need to do this, this, this, and this and then we can have fun doing this...and we all chip in and get it done faster. :)

LQ,

I know how you feel. Some days I just don't want to do things. Others I get so much done that there is nothing to do the rest of the week. For me what works is to have a schedule that I like. I get up at 5:30 am to start my day with a workout on the Wii Fit and Bible Study. I have found that working out and having a Bible study are really helpful to my day. I get my daughter off to school and then I have time with my 2 year old son. He loves to help me do laundry, the dishes, and other cleaning duties. On the days I don't feel like doing things are days when my husband is off work and my schedule is thrown off. The other time is when I'm sick (which is not very often). Right now we're going through a time where my husband is looking for a job, so he is home all the time. Nothing gets done the way I like it and then we all got sick so nothing really got done. You're not alone. Just find what works for you and stick to that schedule. Find something that is fun just for you and it can help you focus on the those chores that get frustrating because they are always needing to be done. I do Tae Kwon Do and scrapbooking. They are things that are just for me. They make me feel accomplished and then the tornado that seems to find its way into my house during the week doesn't seem so bad. Hope this helps. God Bless.

Hi. It is definitely overwhelming. I have 2 kids (3 & 6) and I work part time. I dream for a clean home and certainly can't afford a maid (which it seems so many people have these days). I concentrate on the obvious daily needs first: dishes and laundry. I run the dishwasher each night (empty it in the morning) and run a load of laundry each day. It's much easier to do a little at a time, instead of letting it pile up and doing 4-5 loads in one day! The clothes always stay in folded piles. They rarely make it back into closets! Everyone knows to go find their things there. As far as the nitty gritty stuff like bathrooms, floors, dusting. I'm lucky if I get to swipe a lysol wipe. I know it's hard to not let it get to you. I'm the same way. Enjoy your kids and step over the piles now and then :) We've all got them!

I agree with all of the moms out there. I was a stay at home mom for about three years. I found the housework overwhelming. I used to tackle one big chore and two or three small ones, then my son and I would go for a walk, to the pool, to the mall to walk around etc. The important thing was that we were out of the house and not thinking about all that had to get done!! Once my son turned three, I started working a little bit (2 days a week), then I increased my hours and my kids (3 of them)activities increased and the housework got pushed to the end. I keep a huge canister of Lysol wipes and toilet wand cleaners in each of the bathrooms, the kids don't mind using a wipe to clean the sink etc. It isn't perfect but at least once a week it gets done.

When I was in high school, a friend's mom, sitting down with her family and a glass of wine, made a comment that has stuck with me for all of these years (I am in my 40's). She said that people come to my house to see me, not my house and if they don't like my house the way it is, then they don't need to come back!! I loved that comment and it has stuck with me all of these years. Life is short, take time to enjoy it. You should double check the exhaustion but I bet that once you stop worrying about the household chores, things will get better. Your kids are only young for a few short years, take time to ENJOY them. Mine are 14 10 and 6 now and I long for the days that I can be at home with them again!!

Good luck. You are not alone in this and I guarantee you, most houses are more like yours than not.

I just wanted to agree with the other helpful posts. My MIL told me a phrase that I often repeat to myself, and that's to keep your house 'clean enough to be healthy, messy enough to be happy'. It is so easy to think about the 'shoulds' when we're moms, and for me I know being a SAHM and going to school part time has been difficult with two kids 16 months apart. There are just going to be things that have to wait - play with those kids and turn a blind eye to the dust. It will still be there when you're done enjoying your kids, but the kids are growing and will leave one day...rethink your priorities and have fun!

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

Phyllis Diller

keep this mind...

I totally understand your feelings! I heard a great saying once: "Cleaning the house while the kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk while it's still snowing!" I don't know what your standard for "clean" is but I know that the standard for a clean house when two small kids live there is on another plain! Don't be so h*** o* yourself. I think you will just need to accept the fact that everything will never be "done" until the kids are gone. That being said, I find that if I can take one day and really pick up good and do the general cleaning, it's easier to keep it clean through the week. My kids are 4 and 2 and they help put away things and even help with dusting! My four year old loves to takes his laundry to laundry room! Find ways to get your kids involved! I also recommend this book that has helped me get more organized and in turn keep things a little cleaner is Emilie Barne's 15 minute Home and Family Organizer. It helps you get things a little more "together" in 15 minutes a day! And remember, dirt was here before us and will be here long after us, but your kids are only with you for a short time! Enjoy them!

I don't really know what to tell you about the getting out of bed, my guess is it's because you're just really tired, I am with one (3yr old boy). As for the house, you house has to be clean enough to be healthy, picked up enough to not be dangerous and messy enough to enjoy. Remember when you're kids look back at their childhood they won't remember your pristine house, they'll remember the times you played with them before vacuuming or picking up. I started a movie night once a week or every 2 wks because I needed a night off, my 3 year old loves it, he and I make popcorn on the stove and watch a disney movie, he talks about that "family night" and asks for it, I've stopped feeling bad about the things I'm not getting done and enjoy my family. Also remember as they get older it won't be so bad, they'll be able to pick up and help out more, so you can get more cleaning done faster, but don't expect too much from your 5 yr old, she can pick up a mess she would make by herself, but it's a little too overwhelming and much to expect her to pick up a mess she and a little sister make. Best of luck and try to enjoy these special times, they grow up too fast as it is!!

Honey, I am OCD about my house. I have a 5,3 and 7 month old. I realized that I will never win the battle with laundry, if the beds get made, it's a really good day!!! haha
I've come to the conclusion that when I'm 70, I'm not going to remember the piles of laundry or dishes, but making memories with my babies!!! I'll clean when they're all in school (when the house is too quiet). Don't worry, you're not the only mom with a messy house who wishes it wasn't!!! Don't be too h*** o* yourself!! :)Maybe you can ask for a cleaning lady for your next birthday gift???

Hi,

That sounds totally normal for anyone with 2 kids. I was only working 4 days a week and I had similar problems. Try to not put yourself down so much, wait and see as your 13 month old gets older it will get easier. You might try assigning tasks to certian days as well.

Rodhelle

Welcome to Motherhood! You are normal. I used to have a plaque that said, "God Bless this Mess" AF

Hi!

First, please know that you are not alone! I have a 5 yo, 4 yo, and 19 month old twins and my house is crazy!!! I was feeling the same way you are and getting really down about it. Realistically, your house is not going to be perfect, not clean neat, usually down right a mess. I have some to the conclusion that that is just the way it is right now! :) I can't spend my days and nights cleaning, it's not fair all around. What I find that works for me is picking one thing to do each day. Like clean up the kitchen or the laundry or the bathrooms. I find if I set small goals for myself I feel a lot better about getting those done rather than looking at everything I haven't gotten done! Cheer up!

Did you hear what I was thinking as I was mopping my floors at 9pm last night? I work full-time, so I have accepted stepping over toys most days, laundry being piled up, and not sparkling bathrooms are the new normal course of things. The acceptance level waxes and wanes, but, this is kind of what we signed up for when we gave birth also. BTW, I have a 20 month old and a 4 year old. Reading that book or playing trains or school, or taking a walk with those kids is so much more valuable than a spotless house with everything in its place.

Hello, The house will always be there...the children will not..Phyllis Diller said: cleaning your house when you have children is like shoveling snow while it is still snowing...MOST IMPORTANT...take time to recharge, you are the only one who knows how to do that...its ok to be a little selfish...change is the only constant, flow with it...good luck...:)

I completely agree with the other two mom's who responded. Give yourself a break and really, make sure you are getting enough sleep-so important! My house is never tip top, but in the morning I unload the dishwasher and I throw a load of clothes in. Granted, the clothes I take out sit on my bed most of the day until I fold them- but they do get folded at the end of the day. There is never NO clothes waiting to be done. I do get my son, also 5 1/2 to help, to him it's one on one time with Mom. He's a great laundry sorter and picker upper, not to mention dinner table clearer. Find help where you can and take if friends or family offer. It's easy to get 'mired' in your life when you work and play in the same place, so get out once in a while too, even if it's just to take a walk or drive the kids to the park.

I have not read any of the other responses. I come from a very diverse family, my mother, her mother and one of my aunts are/were anal about a spotless house. On the other side of the family my grandmothers resopnse was "If you don't like the way my house looks, don't come over." I personally, while I really like a clean house, I agree with my Dad's mom. But I have some extras, the kids will be young for a short time, the dirt will always be there, and if you have such an issue with the way my looks, you are more than welcome to help me clean it.
One of the the ways that I help keep the disaster under control, I divide things up and work on one room a day. I run laundry every day, at least one load. The 5 1/2 year old is old enough to start helping around the house. My 6yo daughter's favorite thing is to clean the bathrooms. So on friday afternoons she gets to clean at least one bathroom. My other suggestion is to make it agame with your daughter to see who can find the most dust bunnies and put them away.
As long as you can find the floors every now and then and there's nothing dangerous to hurt the kids, don't worry too much about. There will be plenty of time to keep the house spotless later.
As far as tired, take a good vitamin. I use Melaleuca's vitamins, they are proven to be the most readily absorbed of all of the vitamins available today.

Dear L Q,

I am expecting another child in a few months and have a 16 month old to keep up with. I, personally, don't mind washing and folding laundry, but the part where we have to bring it upstairs and putting it away that gets behind at times. It's not easy at times, but you are doing what works best for your family for the time being. Unless you are a super schedule-oriented person(so NOT me, by the way), it's just going to be that way for a short time. I am certainly not "Susie The Homemaker" either. Once your toddler gets a little older, things will get better. I just wanted you to know you're not the only mommy that feels that way.

Here are a few suggestions that may work:

1. Don't be so h*** o* yourself.

2. Make a daily TO DO List and prioritize them.

3. If you really want to stay on task and need reminders, try signing up with Flylady.net.

4. Communicate this to your spouse and ask your spouse to help out in any little or small way possible.

5. Try getting your daughter to help put away her stuff by offering a positive reinforcement/reward. I'm sure you know what she likes; get her a small inexpensive reward or praise her for helping out each time. Change it up once the reward isn't working.

6. If you're doing all the cooking in the household, organize and set time aside for one day of make ahead meals that can freeze or store meals in the fridge for a week.

I hope this helps in some way.

Good luck, and God bless!

Wow, I don't know how you do it. I have tried working from home with my kids and I spend most of my time breaking up fights over toys and batting their little hands away from my keyboard. All the time spent cooking and cleaning and trying to keep them from accidentally hurting each other and themselves just leaves about 2 hours (naptime) for work when I tried that route. The only thing I can reccomend is getting a babysitter. I know it sounds simple, but if you can either drop the kids off with a friend for a few hours (they might like the change of scenery) or have a friend come over and keep them occupied for a little while so you can work, that would be great. I have gone both routes and they have been GREAT. It's better to have a friend over because you can still monitor your kids if you need to, plus you don't have to pay a friend (unless you've arranged to do so in the beginning). Do you know other moms with same-age kids? Or someone who works at home or has a free day every once in a while and would be willing to spend a few hours with you one day a week to help you manage? Any family around? If so, call on these people and don't be afraid to ask for help. Unfortunately I live really far from you, otherwise I'd offer to help you out!! I have a few more ideas up my sleeve -- to many to post. Send me a private message if you need some more ideas. :-) Keep your chin up! This too will pass...

Please remember that they are only little for a very short time. Enjoy them. There is plenty of time to clean house later - like when they go off to college.

Just because you are a SAHM doesn't mean that your house will be clean. It means that you are destined to have a messy house. Working moms clean their houses and everyone leaves. Their homes stay relatively neat because no one is there to mess it up.

Enjoy your kids. Clean the bathrooms. Put the dishes in the dishwasher. Wash the clothes - do 2 loads a day if you can. And don't sweat the rest. If you want to let the children help, that's great - Vacuuming is a great chore for children. But, it's not going to be perfect.

I have one room that is always neat - the formal living room. If people show up unexpectedly, they get brought in there unless they are close friends - close friends don't care what your house looks like.

YMMV
LBC

i feel like this too. go see your dr and see if you have a thyroid problem or low iron. these two things can cause tiredness.

GO EASY ON YOURSELF!!! Being a stay at home mom, you will always find things around your home are not complete, finished, in it's place. Which is why I find it good to get out of the house every now and then. For me, when I return, it's like okay, just do this countertop here, that will be my accomplishment for the day. Even though you did 50 other things, you can look at that counter and say, whew. :-) I have 3 boys 10, twin 7yr olds and also do child care. My home is not Ethan Allen, but it's 'home'. Laundry, sheesh, that never gets caught up, sorry to burst your bubble. Even if it were, only for a few hours. Please be easy on yourself, enjoy your children and yourself. They will be older and independent before you know it! :-(
M.

AMEN!!!!! Honey, you are not alone, I only have one and I feel exactly the same way. It never ends. Hang in there, I think most of us are in the same boat!

Hello

I have one small boy and another on the way. and i like my house spick and span so i know how you feel.

this is how i handle it. pick a day that your hubby/partner is around get up take yourself to the gym for an hour come home and then get them up and send them out for daddy day. he can cope with two out and about.

in the mean time you concentrate on what you want done like work on one room at a time. untill it is all done.
i usually wash and dry all my laundry during the day and then once the kid has gone to bed i will fold the laundry (sometimes the hubby helps) i then take it upstairs when i go to bed a spend a few mins putting it away. there all done now.

also right before dinner i have my hubby and my 2.5 year old clean up all his toys from the day. this helps him learn to clean up.

now when it comes time to the cooking thing. if you dont have one invest in a crock pot. they are great. put it on in the am (this means you need to plan ahead) and then just cook the rice or pasta or what ever and then serve it all together. the other thing i recomend you do is when you cook meals cook enough for left overs or enough for a whole other meal that you can freeze. also just because it is winter time dosent mean you cant go out side and grill a couple of burgers.

Just take one room at a time and try and cook enough for two meals then when those days come around you just cant cook you have a great meal in the freezer and you just have to warm it up.

hope this helps

It is always hard with kids. I have 3 and I homeschool. What works well for me is tidying up a bit at night but really only cleaning on Saturdays. That might mean doing the bathrooms really well (a must, as I see it), a quick dusting in half the rooms and a quick vacuum all over. The next week I tackle the other rooms that need dusting. I do laundry twice a week and do my best to have them folded and put away before the next laundry day. My two oldest are 10 and 8 and they put away their own clothes, not well, mind you, but it is good enough to buy me some time. They also take out the trash at night and pick up after themselves pretty well. My two year old is a complete mess but he is still little. Sometimes I am too tired to even get it done on Saturdays but by limiting most of the work to one day, I am not over stressed all week. I just think, well, I will do it on Saturday. If something is really bad I have to break down right then and do it but that doesn't happen very often. I know people who only spend 15 minutes tackling one area and that is it. That might be a good strategy for you. Does your husband help? That can make all the difference if he is willing. Try to get sleep when you can and remember you are only human. Deep cleansing breaths:)

Oh boy...I felt the same way as you last year! I don't have a 5 year old...I have a 17 year old and a toddler! but I found that I could NOT clean my house the way that I did before the baby came along. YOU have every right to be tired! give yourself a break. First thing I did was hire someone to clean. I know you are going oh...great! but it really helped! and she was cheap! however as the economy changed my wallet changed! So I took up some great advice from a friend and checked out flylady.com. However she has way too many posts/emails! more work for a tired mom! But I did adapt ONE policy from her! 15 minutes a day I dedicate to cleaning a section of my house. I only do ONE load of laundry a day. at first that may seem extreme! but in time it all evens out! I now have a schedule where I do one room a day and rotate other chores. I cannot allow myself to deviate from my "chore calendar" or else I will miss all that gret time with my little girl! hope that helps! and remember...soon they will be older and your house will be clean! enjoy these days!

I understand feeling overwhelmed with the house and children. I think your feelings are normal, though you may want to get a check-up from your doctor just to rule out anemia or any other medical issue that might leave you feeling exhausted.

I like what a previous post said about "clean enough to be healthy,..." What has helped me a lot is a website http://www.flylady.net particularly her ideas about letting go of perfectionism and the idea that every thing you do to take care of your home, no matter how small, blesses your family. You might want to check it out. Good luck!

You are normal. It's not your imagination. There is a lot of work to being a SAHM, particularly when you have an infant (toddler/preschooler). And because your oldest child is only 5 1/2, you probably do feel like you're doing everything because you are. If she's in school, you probably visit the school, chaperone field trips, or volunteer in some other capacity. You probably also are the one who does the majority of the housework, management, chores, and healthcare management. That's a lot. What I would suggest is choose to limit your errands to just two weekdays per week. (Most parents are automatically out of the house on Saturday and Sunday, anyway, which means your running four days a week!) If your schedule is such that you are out of the house everyday, that is draining. You're also probably sleep deprived if you are still waking in the middle of the night to tend to your children for flu or any other health ailment that arises. Just be kind to yourself and learn to pace yourself. Be honest about the time you exert each day. I counted once, and found that I actually work 18 hours per day as a SAHM, compared to the 12 when I worked out of the home. I arise at 4:30 am for prayer time, grooming & light exercise 5:30, then housework (bills, organizing papers, etc.) until 7. Kids arise and it's time to manage their grooming, breakfast, room straightening, etc. It's then time for school (we homeschool), and we're working until 1, and then it's off for some type of class or fitness activity. Although school is technically finished, there's still lunch, cleanup, etc. that must be done. We're finished the school day like most schools by 3 or 4 (depending on traffic). So, then it's time for dinner... get the picture? It goes on all the way until bedtime, when we read a story. So, don't be surprised if you're tired. Serving someone for 18 hours is a lot of work. So, try looking at your time a little differently and make adjustments. Instead of dumping all laundry on one day, try doing laundry over two or three days (girls' clothes on day one and parents' on day two, linens on last day). Do not start new batch until you've folded and put them away. Your 5 1/2-year-old can help put dishes away (silverware at least) and can put away her own clothes (though it won't be perfect). She can also dust with a dry cloth and help make breakfast and lunch. She can also help sort dirty laundry, load washer and put powder in machine. At this age, she'll enjoy being a helper and it's teaching her math skills (categorization & sequencing) and builds upper body strength. Oh, and let's not forget she's learning how to manage her own home someday, plus eldest child responsibility. Make sure it's fun for all of you. Put on the Wiggles or some other child friendly singer and have a blast! Exercise by taking girls on a very short walk after school (weather permitting). If it's cold, exercise when you go to the grocery store by parking a little farther away than you ordinarily would. Take your multivitamins. And, remember to rest when the children rest. At that age, everyone can benefit from an hour of quiet time, daily, and mandatory siesta for mom at some point during the weekend when Dad is home. I love Sundays! We all rest! Sabbath is beautiful. Anyway, even with all of these suggestions, you'll still be a little tired. But, pace yourself. After all, Rome wasn't built in a day so you might have things left undone. But, as each milestone passes with your 13 month old, you'll notice you won't be nearly as fatigued. Sometimes, you won't see progress with your own energy level until your youngest child is about 6 years old. My baby just turned 5 and I'm now getting a glimpse of paradise! Just remember to enjoy every minute of it. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It all goes by so fast and there's something to learn from every minute of it.

In addition to all the other posters, consider taking care of yourself - make sure to take a multivitamin and consider FlaxSeed or FishOil. Low Omega-3s have been linked to depression (at the time my doctor recommended it for me, I was constantly having really sad dreams and nightmares, but I wouldn't have said I was depressed). If you are nursing, your babe is sucking all the happy minerals right out of you, so definitely work on replenishing yourself. I know when I don't take my vitamins & flax seed, I get very stressed and sad about the ongoing chaos that is life with kids. Good luck and big hugs to you!

Oh, I know that feeling. When my son was about 1.5 years old I was running myself ragged trying to do it all. I remember going to Dr for an annual physical and mentioned being a bit tired, and she said something about me needing to get more organized. I blew up at her and went on to describe a typical day in 15 min increments from 4am to 10pm at night and then asked her how the heck I could get more organized when I'd already organized every blinking minute already. That's when they put me on an anti-depressant for a little while. I was trying to do WAY too much and just could not see it. I learned the difference between what needed to be done and to let go of the would be nice to get done list. I have some great pictures from when my son dived into a box full of packing peanuts and rolled around in them giggling and laughing. Children grow up way too fast, and you'll be missing them being little sometime when they are bigger and in school. Take the time now to just play sometime and have some fun. You deserve it and so do your kids. Take out food works fine sometimes. Your 5.5 yr old can start doing some small chores (making her bed - it doesn't have to be perfect) and be Mommy's little helper. You'll be fine!

omg - i thought i wrote that lol..i have three boys 9, 6 and 2 and am so overwhelmed that i do give up some days. I know eventually it will get better and i'm starting to give the boys some of the responsiblity to help me out...we just have to keep plugging along each day and do what we can. good luck to you

Hi, take it one day at a time, one task at a time. You are not alone with the never ending laundry cycle. It sounds like you never have time away from your children. As a stay at home mom myself of 4 small children, you need some time away from the kids every now and then. When they are with the grandparents or godparents or whomever you trust, then you can catch your breath and then get some things done without interruptions. As far as the cleanliness of your house, your house is your home, your sanctuary and your family's sanctuary. What do you want to teach your children about cleanliness? No house should always be spotless, with small children, but if you'd be embarassed for someone to come over, you might want to check that.

Dear LQ,
I'm sorry you are overwhelmed. I only have one child, but I can definitely tell you that the house is not nearly as clean as it used to be, and I definitely feel like I spend a lot of my time doing chores. Is there anyway you can get someone to help? Either ask your husband to do some chores or have someone (like a family member) watch the kids for a little while so you can do some things around the house and not be interrupted?

I was one of three children growing up, and I definitely remember our house as being somewhat messy, yet my Mom's house is very clean now. I think that is just the way it is when you have kids.

My suggestion would be to let the house go a little bit (there are no awards for a clean house), enjoy your kids, maybe figure out meals that are easier to cook yet still healthy (I did this and it freed up a lot of time) so you have more time with your kids. Pick one or two evenings a week where you just relax instead of doing things around the house when the kids go to bed.

If you are feeling like you can't face another day, then I would suggest getting some help. It would be worth it so you feel better.

When your kids are older, they can help put laundry away, dust, etc., so you'll have less work to do yourself. In the meantime, I hope things get better for you.

I hear you!!! I found energy and strength in following the steps encouraged by the web site "Fly Lady". There are others like it if Flylady.com doesn't fit for you, but they are FREE. They sell stuff, but to get what you want, you just be a member (membership is free) and use what works for you. Have fun!

Being a stay at home mom is a full time job. Some things just never get done. Check out www.flylady.net. It's a website for getting control of your house and more importantly yourself. You'll soon discover you're not alone. Enjoy your children, don't try to keep the house perfectly- let it be good enough to be healthy.

Have you been to the doctor about this exhaustion? I would definitely mention it to your doctor, because you could be anemic or suffering from post partem depression. Both conditions are medically fixable. On the other hand, what you are feeling is, unfortunately, pretty normal -- it IS overwhelming to have a baby and another youngster and try to keep house the way you used to. This is a GREAT time to ask for help! Your daughter is old enough to clean her own room and maybe help you put away the laundry. If you make it a game, and sing a special song while you do it, she might even look forward to it as something special that she does with Mom. Also, ask your husband to help in the evening so that your workload isn't keeping you up too late. Good luck! These days will definitely pass!

Youre feelings are normal....it important to tell yourself, this will not last forever. One day youre baby will be grown and you will wish for these days again! Im praying for you!

Girl, you need to give yourself a break!! Enjoy your baby and take care of yourself! I know it's very very hard, but don't stress out about the house being clean and laundry. Only put things in the laundry that really need to be clean. Sometimes towels and sheets can be washed less often, hey it's true.

I vacuum once a week and clean up the kitchen after dinner, but I don't really clean clean but twice a year (sorry ladies who are super clean). I have 3 boys, ages 2, 3, 4. If there isn't marker on the walls, or someone crying, it's a great day! :)

Try to do something for yourself at the beginning or end of the day. I take a bath as soon as my kids go to bed and read a magazine, to relax and have time alone.

These little children will be grown and helping you clean before you know it, enjoy them while they are little, and rest. Being a Mom is your focus now, so give yourself a break. Don't run yourself ragged! Also, try to keep meals easy. We eat spaghetti with tysons breaded chicken breasts (melt some mozz cheese on it) and you have easy chick parm.

God bless!

L Q,
Have you talked to your docotr about having post pardum depression? I was diagnosed with it after my son who will be 4 in June and have been taking meds since. They help so much, I still have days that are tough but I am able to get through them easier and not feel so overwhelmed and stressed, and yes my house is still messy! But I do have 5 children 4 of them that are 6 and under and they keep me busy. As for being tired you may have a low iron count, this needs to be checked by a dr. and cant be helped with an iron tablet and eating foods high in iron, green veggies are a big one, salads, spinach and many others. Good luck, I knoe exactly how you feel and it is no fun!