Only Child - Amarillo,TX

We have an only child and we do not regret our decision at all. I knew soon after having her that my family was complete.

She is turning 13 in December, has always been very strong willed. She is turning into a very nice young lady (now ask me that in a half hour and I might have a different answer, HA) Of course there are ups and downs, we just deal with that the best we can. We are going through the hormonal stage right now and it gets downright scary.

I know people say she is spoiled and I will admit that there is nothing she does without. We realize that she needs a lot of interaction from different people. Some people would never know I have an only child because I usually have 2-3 girls at my house on a regular basis. I encourage her interactions (good and bad) with her friends so she can grow and mature.

We've talked to her about a sibling and our choice to have only one child. She is quick to say she likes things the way they are. She comes home from sleepovers where siblings are around and she tells us she is glad she does not have to deal with siblings. I realize most of those with siblings cannot imagine being without them. She can't imagine having them.

Everyone is different. Health reasons were also a part of why we stopped with 1 child. Good luck and enjoy your son everyday. My "baby" is growing up way to fast. She is already talking college and excited about it. I am excited for her as she starts that part of her life.

Susan

I am a single mom, so not quite your situation, but here is my take. I realize I may never remarry which means my 6yr oldson will be an only child, no my ex-husband is not in the picture so no half siblings. I think that gives him all my attention, more money for me to put on him and his education and things. Also, we have more one on one special memories to make. Basically, for every reason I may want another child I have two for having only one child. Just be happy to have very special memories with the one you have!!! There are plenty of only children that are happy!!!

DeDe,

I know exactly how you feel! I'm one of six, and the baby, actually of 8. I couldn't imagine not having my siblings, and it was so important to me that my DS had a sibling. Granted with six (eight) siblings, means tons of cousins - but none close to his age! Two of my siblings have no children, and the rest of my siblings have at least two kids. I still wanted one more and hoped to have one by the time I turned 36, which was my cut-off. Sure I could have more, but my DH has some health issues so I'm thinking LONG term. With one child he will have all of our attention.

Oh, I should add that my DH only has one brother and would have preferred to have been an only child. I just can't imagine! So he was totally fine with having only one child.
I have adjusted and accepted to only having one child. I hope our son feels the same way in the future. Actually, I hope we give him enough love, and all that he needs so that it never even crosses his mind.

Thanks for posting this so we know we're not alone.

I think that you treasure your siblings so much you can't imagine not having them. But, you son won't miss something he never had. He will be fine. I hear so many people pregnant with number 2 saying they feel bad for number 1 that he will be jealous, not get as much attention anymore, not be number 1 anymore, etc. So, there are positives and negatives to both senarios.

I feel your pain. My daughter is 3 1/2 well rounded and full of life and love.

I always wanted to have two children and thought that after she turned 3 I would have another - but her father and I are no longer together and I find myself not having the time to worry about a relationship, which ultimately means the possibility of no other children.... but growing up right next door to her cousins and surrounded by friends and family who love her unconditionally I do not think she is missing out on anything. In another year or so when we are a bit more financially stable I was thinking of opening the middle bedroom to a foster child.... that might be something for you to consider as well.....

Hi DeDe, I am tearing up after reading all of these sweet and from the heart responses! I too have an only child who is adopted. We tried for 9 years to get pregnant and were blessed with our Son as soon as we let go of trying to conceive one of our own. Due to my inability to maintain a pregnancy and just where we are in life(our Son is now 5) we are so content or "One and Done" as my husband likes to say LOL! I have had guilt off and on but can tell you that with friends and sports, activities and cousins, he never lacks for a playmate and actually enjoys his alone time which isn't often. If God decides to bless us with another adopted child then that will all change but we are so grateful to have him! I think that you must be an amazing Mom and your Son will learn so much from you and never be without lots of love! SO I agree, write " No more guilt" on a small piece of paper, roll it up and place it inside a balloon, inflate the balloon and then go to a park and let that go for good! Blessings, J.

I had an amniotic fluid embolism when my son was born, & I ended up having an emergency hysterectomy. Adoption is not something we want, & surrogacy is not something we should or want to try.

I've had a lot of emotions over what happened to me & my son, & I've wrestled with him being an only child. In the end, I see a lot of positives with having 1.

We are able to do more fun things with more money.

I can buy him more & better clothes.

We will be able to pay for his college & other things like that.

I have a little more time to myself & with my DH.

He is able to take classes.

We have also been taking vacations & going to shows. My friends are so jealous of me because they are starting over in the baby phase while we're well into the toddler phase. I don't feel like I'm starting over again.

I understand your feelings completely! I too have a four year old boy. Since he was two I have had two miscarriages-both resulting in DNC's. I also hav found out recently that I have some health issues that also may prevent me (along with my age) from having any more children. I am an only child, and I always swore that I would never hav e just one. Now, I have mixed emotions about it. I had a great childhood- growing up with family and close friends until I was 12( so I never felt like I was an only child then). Then we were transferred to Texas. It was terrible!! -- very lonely! I feel as though I have had it both ways! My husband has one brother who has children but they live in Oregon. So, I am planning on making sure that they grow up KNowing each other so he has that extended family. Also, I have many friends who have just one child- so he won't be the only one in that situation that he knows. Sometimes friends can be more family to you than true blood relatives!! I am still open to adoption- my husband not so much. It would be hard with one biolo9gical and one adopted child I think. You have to remember as I am trying to, that we are not in charge -ultimately it is God's decision. Also, about the guilt, don't we moms always feel guilty about something.??? I know I do. Give yourself a break - put everything in God's hands and what it meant to be will. I tell myself all the time that just because you have siblings doesn't mean that they will be close anyway. It is sad that I know many people who have no real relationships with their siblings. So you just never are sure if it is a good thing or bad. Remember we are blessed to have the chldren that we have as sooo many have none. Enjoy your beautiful little boy and try not to feel guilty!! Good luck!

Hi De De,
I understand how you feel. That's tough one because you never know how a child will grow up to feel about it.
My husband was an only child and hated it. He wanted a sibling so bad. But my niece is fine with being the only child and really never cared to have a brother or sister. I think if you love you son, as it sounds as if you really do for posting this question. He'll be fine.
We decided to adopt another baby because we really wanted our children to have a common thread of both being adopted. We have no biological children of our own and felt that it help them to share a similar story. We are blessed because they are VERY close and have been since our youngest was placed in my arms.
Bottom line, I think your a great mom for even thinking about this. Don't live with any guilt about it. Not everyone has more than one child! :)
C.

Yes - I have massive guilt. I too have a 4 year old, and due to health, think he will also be an only. I had 3 sisters, and really want to give him a sibling...but it doesn't look to be in the cards.

My husband was an only child - but his parents were really close with some other parents and they kinda raised their kids together - he knows they're not his siblings, obviously, but they gave him a childhood that had the semblance of siblings...so that is what we are trying to do with our son - keep him in close contact with some cousins, and also with friends' kids, so that he has memories of a bunch of people. Maybe you could do something similar.

My daughter is seven and an only child. I had a hysterectomy when she was only one. I've often thought of using a surrogate to have another child or of adopting. I am a single Mom, so I only dated men that had kids, because I didn't want to feel like I was depriving the guy of the chance to have a natural born child.

I finally just realized that I'm a great Mom and my daughter is a blessing and if I gain a stepchild or adopt or use a surrogate that if it was meant to be it will happen and not to stress over it. And I set up lots of play dates and social activities for my daughter so she doesn't feel alone. But, because she is an only child she is content being alone. She can sit in her room and draw and color with no problem. My friends are amazed by this. And I guess it's beacuse it's what she's used to and what she know.

DeDe,
I have 2 sisters and can't even imagine what being an only child would be like. I am recently divorced and have a son, who at this point will be an only child. I am having a hard time with it too. I have a hard time dealing with the fact that I am not in control, God is. Someday you will be able toexplain to him why you were not able to give him a sibling. He knows you love him and that's all that matters.
L.