I really don't know why, usually, that days with my daughter can't be smoother for us both. It seems like it's a constant battle from one thing to the next. She's going to be 4 in November and she insists that when she's home she doesn't need a nap. Even if she thinks she doesn't need one, I need a break and some quiet time. She has breakdowns (tantrums) when she has to do something like that that she doesn't want to do. I have tried to warn her, when she gets up that day I tell her that she's going to take a nap that afternoon, throughout the morning I remind her that she's going to be taking a nap that afternoon, if I let her watch something on TV before nap I remind her numerous times that she will be taking a nap after it's over. But when it's over and I tell her it's time to get ready for the nap she throws a huge fit. My husband says that it gets out of control and wonders what I can do to make sure it doesn't get like that.
I am usually the one who is with her, plays with her, gets her stuff, etc. whenever she is home. So her father and her half siblings rarely help out. My husband goes to school fulltime and then has some part time contract work too. So understandibly he's busy. When he is home he's researching the next job or doing homework... The other kids are all older (14 and up) and so therefore are doing their own thing. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with her attitude and how she is behaving that I try to do the Mommy Timeout. But that never works as she won't stay in one area or let me stay in my room so I can get things under control. If I lock my door or whatever, she kicks it. I am not out of control all the time, (please don't think I am). I would like to think I am a good Mom and that most moms do go through this time of thing.
Does anyone have any good advice? Maybe even free support groups in the Roseville area? Thanks in Advance for whatever help you are able to give.
Thank You,
Thank you everyone for your words of wisdom. As for telling her about the upcoming nap, I did that because I have read in a bunch of different places that you need to "warn your child" of an upcoming event so that it doesn't come as a "surprise" and start a fit. Sorry if it was overwhelming. I am going to check out a Mom's Group in Roseville and I also got a book that hopefully will help with disciplining without yelling or arguing etc.
Thanks Again.
My kids never napped when they were 3. I used to put on a Disney movie for them. Thats a time out for mom! You are a good mom. She is done with naps. Take her outside for playtime, feed her lunch, then a movie. Nothing like fresh air for a child.
First of all, I just want to commend you for reaching out for support. That's great because some parents don't realize how frustrated they are until it's too late and something traumatic has happened. You should contact local churches and see if there's a support group, mom's group, or even a "Mother's Day Out" program which is usually very inexpensive and helps give you a break for a few hours a week. Also, make sure to take her outside to get lots of exercise. If she's just watching TV before nap time, she's probably genuinely rested and not in need of a formal nap. I was a pre-school teacher and often used this trick: we'd have recess and "race" around the playground a few times to see who was fastest. Well, the kids loved the competition and sure enough it tired them all out, just in time for nap! Anyways, GOOD LUCK MOMMA!!! And remember, it won't be like this for long, look at those half siblings of hers and realize that one day she'll be 14 and have her own things to do and "mommy & me" time will be a thing of the past. There's this really great song with lyrics like "you're gonna miss this, you're gonna want this back, you're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast, these are some good times so take a good look around YOU MAY NOT KNOW IT NOW, but you're gonna miss this" :)
You are a great mom. My daughter, my perfect daughter, began morphing into some kind of wild creature child when she turned 18 months. Each year it was different things that I had a hard time handling. The twos were rough. The threes were just as bad. The fours weren't any better. Now, she is 4 1/2 and she is wonderful. She is back to being the sweet little thing I had in the very beginning. I used to wonder what I was doing wrong. But, it wasn't me...it was just a part of her growing up. I'm not saying your daughter will get better at 4 1/2 as it could be after or even before (hopefully) but she will get better and things will get easier for you. Just know you aren't alone and that this is normal for most moms and their kids. They are trying times but there is a light at the end of the tunnel....just hang in there!!!! :-)
Hey, I'm reading your post, and it sounds like you are nagging you daughter about naps, her whole morning is focused on her afternoon nap. At 4 my kids were no longer napping. You can put a Disney in and rest while she is watching her movie. Although I don't think a parent should ever allow a child to insist on no complying with the rules in your home, and if nap time is a rule, then discipline needs to come in if she does not comply. Time outs in my opinion are ridiculous and I have been a mom for 27 years, and never used one time out, we did not punish, we disciplined. I don't think you are out of control, i think you are doing the work of 2 people, I don't care if your husband works and goes to school, he also has a responsibility in helping to take care of your daughter, ok, if the other kids are 14 and up why can't one of them take her for a walk or intertain her in the house so you can have time for yourself. My husband was in the Military, but on Saturdays he intertained the kids for a couple hours so i could go shopping have coffee with a friend what ever it was I needed at the time.I hope this helps even a little. If you would like to talk further you can e-mail me at ____@____.com J.
I was always honest with my child. "Mommy needs a nap today". You can nap with me, or you can nap in your room.
Or Mommy needs a nap, so you can play quietly in your room till I wake up, or you can come and take a nap with me..
She Knew I needed a nap. If not I was grumpy and would get upset easier.. She was really good about making the choice herself and allowing me to sleep. Sometimes, I would pop in a Disney movie and she would play quietly while it played..
She would sometimes ask, what time are you going to take your nap? I loved it..
I am not sure I am adding anything new, but here goes anyway ...
There are three different issues here:
1. You need some time to your self.
2. Your daughter needs to listen to your directions (discipline); and you need to decide when to pick your battles.
3. Does she really need a nap, and are you nagging her?
Yes, you need time to yourself (we all do). It sounds like you might be nagging, and that she may not need a nap.
So, you cannot force someone to sleep, but you can require her to stay in her room, or a particular space. However, you are going to have to "fight" this to establish this rule. 3-4 years olds are testing limits and testing their independence -- that's life.
We have very few rules in my house -- probably too few, but one firm rule that both my children know, and do not fight with me about is: "go to your room." My kids are 10 and 5 and it took work on my part to teach them this, and that disobeying this comand was going to result in something they didn't like. Throwing away a favorite toy, lose of TV or computer time, cancelling a play date -- serious stuff. I had this rule down when they were little and it is the best thing I have ever done.
I picked this one rule to make a stand about because of advice from my Mom, who had five children. She told me that I need to teach them this when they were little, if I was going to every dream of being able to send them to their room when they are teenagers. She also said I needed to pick one or two things, to make firm rules, so that I could establish my authority when they were little, or I would have way too little influence when they are teenagers. I don't know yet if she was right, but it certainly worked for her, so I am giving it a try.
I hope this helps.
Sadly, it sounds like she's ready to give up her nap. My oldest gave hers up at 2.5. I replaced her afternoon nap with quiet time. Like others have said, I put in a movie for her to watch, or cartoons on PBS. It gives me an hour or so of quiet and she gets a little rest. I think if you substitute the actual nap with a little downtime, you'll save yourself a lot of frustration.
As far as the not listening..is it just about the naps or is it other things in general? It sounds like you need to find a discipline strategy and stick with it. After her warning does she go in time out? Or is there a similar consequence? Time outs didn't work for us. As much as I hate to say it, sometimes a firm swat on the behind gets the trick done. (One swat. Not a full on spanking).
When she's throwing a fit, look at her and say "Mommy can't understand you when talk to me like that. Go to your room and calm down, then come back and tell me what the problem is." Then IGNORE HER! Don't feed into the negative behavior. Go to your room. If she kicks the door IGNORE HER. If she screams, IGNORE HER. Eventually she's going to get the hint that you're not going to feed into her tantrums. When she calms down you can look at her and say "Thank you for calming down. Now, what is it you wanted to talk to me about?"
It might not work all the time, but with consistency, it will help. Good luck to you!
From the Mom of a very very stubborn 3.5 year old :)
Years ago I belonged to the Roseville Mom's Club. It saved my sanity. Check out: http://sites.google.com/site/momsclubofrosevillewest/home and see if its something you're interested in. Sometimes having another mother going through the same age-stage as you makes everything easier.
Best of luck to you.
No disrespect, V., but after reading the first half of your post I was sick of hearing about the upcoming nap! I was ready to throw a fit! lol
Start putting her in a room with a DVD and a pillow and blanket and tell her she needs some quiet time and it will be over when the movie is over.
I agree that it sounds like the naps are over--give this time a new name (Chill Time, Quiet Time, Mom's Sanity Hour--whatever) and a new twist. Set an alarm clock for an hour and a half and let her color, look at books, watch a movie or something.
