Once Great Sleeper Turned Impossible at Night!

Hi C.!

I don't have a magic answer to your problem, but I wanted to share some insight from my own experience as a mom.

When my dd was almost 8 months old, her sleep patterns became horrible. She was waking up all the time (every 1.5 to 2 hours) and would vacillate from just babbling and laughing to crying/screaming. My husband and I were going crazy. She co-slept with us, by the way, and she still did all of this!!

I went online and posted my situation (this was on a different board). I got a ton of responses from other moms saying that 7/8 months is a time when many babies go through a rough sleep pattern - one even gave me a link to a great article. I tried to find the article for you, but I couldn't. If I do, I'll definitely send it to you.

The bottom line was this was normal behavior and it usually only lasted 2 to 6 weeks. My DD went back to her old sleep patterns after about 3 weeks of this.

The reasons given were that most babies at this age are going through three HUGE developmental milestones:

1. Physical Development - At this age, they can suddenly crawl or move themselves around, they can pull themselves up, etc. This not only excites them and causes them to want to practice all the time, it can also cause their muscles to ache at night.

2. Introduction of Solids - around this age, most babies began to take in a significant amount of their calories from solid foods. This not only can cause physical pain - such as constipation, gas, and so on - but it is also incredibly exciting and stimulating.

3. Cognitive Development - 8 months is a classic age for Separation Anxiety. This will pop up in various forms as she gets older, but 8 months is traditionally the first big hurdle. She has started to get the idea that she is a separate being and this is both exciting and terrifying.

So, my advice would be to first rule out any possible physical problem. Is it possible she's suffering from gas or constipation? Is it possible she could have an ear infection? Just to be safe, have her checked out - better safe than sorry.

If she's otherwise completely healthy and you don't want to try CIO (I never have, but I know a lot of people swear by it), try not to lie down with her or nurse her (unless you want to) as that could easily become a pattern that won't end.

Instead, bring a chair into her room and sit next to her - hold her hand or perhaps sing to her. Do something to let her know you're there. I sometimes would just hold my dd (not rock her, not nurse her, just hold her while I sat down) and let her CIO in my arms. For some reason, this worked really well with her, although she would cry very hard for a while.

Take turns with your husband and know that this may take a few weeks. Buy some strong coffee : )

Sorry I don't have an easy answer for you! But I hope this lets you know you're not alone and that you beautiful little girl is very normal!

'K looks like you've got the diet, teething, cognitive advices already ;)

And it's obviously not growth-spurt hunger, since you've tried nursing (although I have to say that with the first two I sometimes comfort-nursed them into too-full tummyaches that kept them awake ... but then they barf, so I usually figured that out ;) )

These are the two things I didn't see, glancing through your responses:

1) chiropractic--if her back is out of whack, she may be experiencing pain/discomfort, and she is old enough now that she would be able to 'not notice' it when she is busy during the day, but when enough sensory stimulation is taken away (at bedtime) or a new physical position is introduced (laying down), she can't think about anything except the pain/discomfort.
I've been seeing chiropractors since I was 8 (I played sports as a kid), but I was nervous to take my baby in ... we'd had a car accident, it wasn't like I could really choose NOT to take her in ... but baby-chiropractic is super gentle (babies being far more flexible and less set in their ways, ya ;)? ).

2) your daughter may need Daddy instead of Mommy. I figured this out WAY too late (and as part of my divorce, ARGH!) ... there is a type of security boys can only get from females (and are 'supposed' to get from their Mom), there is a type of security girls can only get from males (and are 'supposed' to get from their Dad) ... and the other gender parent CANNOT PROVIDE IT. (I figured this out because I recognized my own unmet need ... and then saw that the emotional need my daughters were continually asking ME (the source of all emotional life, natch) to fulfill but which I just couldn't, and which was very much frustrating them and me, was *the same need*. Also because the divorce heightened enormously my son's need for me.)

I tried to protect ... a lot of things, but my husband's sleep schedule was a top stated reason ... by being The Parent who went to comfort crying kids and babies. Also, I was nursing, so it *seemed* obvious. And for a variety of reasons, even though we coslept for each first year or so, we rarely had the baby between us, usually the baby was on 'my side.' I can see now how my husband and my social upbringing made those seem logical and good choices ... but I can also see how much of a mistake me being a 'supermom' and him not having the opportunity to be a 'superdad' was. (I am not sure if he would have lived up to the opportunity, but for sure we didn't really make the opportunity happen.)

And interestingly, as he becomes more emotionally responsive to the children, my oldest daughter has, increasingly every year thank goodness(!!!!), less scary-level crushes at school. Dunno if/when she'll "recover," and of course while she's young it's highly dependent on her Daddy's emotional life, but at least things are improving. I have been very conscious (since my realization) to make sure she is relying on Ex for everything he is capable of giving her emotionally ...

Hi C. -

This is not uncommon behavior for an infant your daughter's age. It is a natural developmental stage called separation anxiety. Babies go through so many changes the first couple of years, most children go through times when they wake up more at night. What your little one needs is for you to comfort her to sleep, but the trouble is that she doesn't settle well when you try this because she's been trained to fall asleep on her own. She may be resisting
laying down with you because she needs motion to fall asleep. Also, if you've recently tried CIO, she may have a hightened level of anxiety associated with falling asleep. I would recommend that you try nursing her to sleep or rocking her to sleep. Using motion to settle infants is usually very soothing, especially if you've incorporated other calming activities before bedtime like bath & books. I'm a big fan of co-sleeping, so if I were you, I would bring her to bed with me (I love co-sleeping because I can more easily help my children back to sleep when they wake--they are easier to settle when they haven't fully woken up yet, and I don't have to get up to help them). It may take a week or two for you and her to settle into a new routine that makes her feel secure, but once she is confident that she can trust you to be there for her, it will probably get better.

By the way, nursing a baby to sleep will end eventually. Just because you choose a certain bedtime routine for now, doesn't mean your child will always have that routine, nor does it mean you're creating a "bad habit". Just as we wean our children from breastfeeding or a bottle or a pacifier, they can also be weaned from co-sleeping and nursing to sleep.

For other ideas that don't involve CIO, check out the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Pantley and/or "The Baby Sleep Book" by Sears...

Blessings to you and your little one,
J. (mom of 5)

Did her diet change? Did your diet change (if you're breastfeeding?) Also, baby's rhythms change throughout growing up - so that may be part of it as well. Make sure she's eating enough at night before going to bed. Give her more mushed up solid foods - mush up bananas, carrots (not together)LOL. Mush up your own foods that you are eating and give it to her. This is much better for her than processed baby food. KitchenAid has an attachment where you can grind food. Maybe you should try making nap time shorter. Babies are changing all the time. Sleep needs change constantly. All 3 of mine were different - and sometimes it's baffling what it could be. I don't believe in CIO. I got post traumatic stress disorder because my parents did it to me. It makes the baby feel abandoned, lost and alone and can drive them to depression and hopelessness. The child will lose faith and trust in you. NEVER do this - except for short periods like 20 minutes or 1/2 hour.

I love that you are "wrapped around her cute little finger". There is no bond like mother and baby. God bless you, you will get through this, and keep experimenting till you find the right answer.

She's becoming more aware of her surroundings, has more to 'think' and dream about. I was never a big proponent of CIO and never let it happen. Crying is the only means of communicating a baby has until they can express their emotions in words. Picking her up, nursing her, cuddling her lays the foundation of trust between you and her. She's learning that she can depend upon you. It's a good thing. She's too young to be independent yet. Those times will come all too soon. Yes, it's inconvienent at times to be at her beck and call, but that's what kids are all about. They'll learn how to be there for you and others because of your example. Snuggle her up. Talk with her, play with her... you and your husband both. Dad needs to be just as hands on as Mom.

hi there,
i am having the same problem w/ my twin 7 month old boys only the've never slept through the night but once each....so i am no help. wondering though, how did you get your little girl to sleep through the night before?
sorry i'm of no help.
s

I don't have any advice, but I want you to know you are not alone. I have a 7 1/2 month old who is going through the same thing. He was sleeping fairly well for several months, then recently started waking/crying out throughout the night, almost always hard-crying. If I don't nurse him back to sleep, he will cry hard for several minutes and completely wake himself up. We co-sleep, which makes the resettling much easier, but we feel exhausted from the interrupted sleep. We wish we could figure out what was wrong so we could fix it, but babies are just not that easy to figure out. I feel encouraged to hear that this stage will pass, whatever is the problem, and I feel confident that meeting his needs when he is crying, through nursing or comforting or whatever means, is the right thing to do.

Hey there-
My little girl was born the day after your little girl, and I know exactly what you are going through!
Although mine never slept quite as well as you are explaining yours did..that must have been wonderful!
About 3 weeks or so ago, my little one did the same thing. It's separation anxiety. It is a stage she will get past, but it takes time.
I go with nearly crying it out... I make sure she has a full belly and then I wait until she is really ready for bed, and then put her to bed. She screams as soon as we get to the bedroom door. But she goes down anyway. I listen to her for a while and shoosh her once in necessary, but it usually isn't. (She's my 4th, CIO, stopped making me feel bad at the 2nd one!)
Maybe your little girl is growing again and is super hungry, try filling her belly just before bed and see if that helps. But I'm willing to bet, it's just the seperation anxiety, which is a pain, but it does eventually get better... Until it strikes again at about 1 1/2!
Good luck!

Have her teeth come in yet? If not, it could still be teething. The first time is a real humdingdinger!

Also I would increase her activity level--perhaps with swimming lessons--yes they do have them for moma and me, six month old.

Make sure she spends enough time sitting upright in a bouncy chair that hangs from the ceiling. (lots of exercise for those legs).

And outside air. Even in winter, everybody needs outside air.

Then gradually remove yourself from her sleeping routine. Very important to do it. Even if you have to do it CIO.

HI there-
Sounds like I might be a bit late and you got a lot of great advice. I don't really have any advice, just reassurance that it is probably just a normal phase and she will outgrow it. My daughter did the exact same thing around 8 months and I finally narrowed it down to milestones. There was nothing else it could possible be for us. I took her to the doctor to make sure it wasn't her ears or acid reflux and she was totally fine. Mine lasted until she was about 14 months old. I felt like I had a newborn again. I guess all I can say is be consistent with how you want bed time to go and eventually it will all click. I never really did the CIO method either. It was just not for me, but that is not to say that I didn't let her fuss a little bit. I think it is ok to let them go a little bit. My daughter tended to get past the point of soothing if I let her go to long and that made things worse for us. My daughter is now 2 and I would say a good sleeper about 90% of the time. Some times she regresses and fights going to bed and I still will hold her for a bit, but I set limits which she understands (like, mommy will hold you for 5 mins and then bed time.)
So, all in all, I think it is kind of normal for this to happen. Rule out that she is not having an ear infection/acid reflux etc. If she is fine, tighten up the belt a little and stick to what you want to do. You don't have to follow what others think you should do, do what works for you. That has been my motto since day one - however I still love getting advice from other mothers. And remember, any mom that tells you they have the perfect sleeping child and never has problems isn't telling the truth! LOL...

Hi there! There might be a few issues. Has she gotten teeth yet? Our son had a rough time sleeping at night when his teeth started coming in. Also, is she getting enough to eat at dinner? If she's on solids, maybe you could make sure she has a nice filling dinner, but not too late, and then maybe a snack (like cereal or a piece of bread) before bed time. The other thing that works really well with our boys is having a good night time routine. Play time, bath, then light play, a few books, and then lights off. Even though she's only 7 months old she's probably looking for a bit more activity and interaction. She's not so much a "baby" anymore, she's probably going to start showing some independence soon! Good luck!

OH I can sooooo sympathize with you. My son was a great sleeper until about 8 months old. Then he started waking up all night long. 4 and 5 times every night. And I don't say this to scare you, it didn't end until he was 3 years old. At two we put him in a regular twin size bed. He is very, very large for his age. Of the charts large, so we thought maybe he was feeling confined in the crib. It did help a little. We went from 5 times a night to 3 and then 2. Finally at 3 years old he was sleeping through the night on his own. It was pure torture! Nothing we did worked. He would go to sleep on his own fine but then wake up crying and screaming all night long. I am completely again the cry it out method but tried it a couple of times out of desperation. He just cried until he threw up and then cried some more. Needless to say we didn't do that again, ever!

I am sorry that I don't have any real advice for you. Just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone!

Good Luck!

Hi C.,

I feel for you, I really do. My son, who is two now, stopped sleeping well at 5 months and he woke about 8 times a night. As parents we want so much to figure it out and sometimes it's just so hard--or it's just impossible.

I just want to reassure you that, in many ways, this is normal. Babies do not have the same sleep cycles as adults. She's growing and developing and waking in the night comes with teething and new developmental milestones (sitting up, crawling, pulling up, etc). She's not trying to manipulate or push you, it's just that she needs something and you don't know what it is--she probably doesn't either, she just needs you. It's okay to be wrapped around her cute little finger--that's what being the parent of an infant is mostly about. You care about her and you want her to be happy (and sleeping ;)) not crying and alone.

As for going to bed at night, if she has been taking two naps, she may be transitioning to one, more midday, nap. So instead of the 10 am and 2 pm-ish naps she might do well with a 12-ish nap and a 7:30 bedtime. Maybe you've tried this already.

Rest assured that as soon as you figure it out, it'll change again!! Keep to your routines and eventually it'll work itself out. Try not to go crazy in the mean time :)

Good luck.

C.,
I wonder if she is teething?
Mary

Hi C.,

What a difficult time you must be going through. And since you've had such an easy sleeper so far, it must seem very confusing and disappointing to see such a dramatic change. From reading your post, here are a couple things I'm wondering:

Are her ears bothering her at all? Have you gone to see a pediatrician?

Is your daughter needing you more now for some reason? (I don't really know, and this question isn't meant to make you feel guilty. It's just a question to ask.)

Is your daughter on the cusp of practicing a new skill? Babies who are getting ready to sit up, scoot or crawl often wake up several times at night and even "practice" in their sleep.

Is your daughter on a growth spurt? Sometimes children have very real 'growing pains'...if her appetite is up, that might be it.

And one more: teething can be a culprit. My son is 20 months and I know he's teething, even when I can't "see" it, when he's attached to the boob every chance he gets.

Don't let anyone make you feel badly for not wanting to let your daughter cry it out or for tending to her needs. If she's screaming, she's obviously upset. Children at this age do not understand the "how to manipulate" people behavior that older children sometimes employ. Trust that something is upsetting/hurting her.

For what it's worth, if you feel like you can accomodate a "family bed" for a while, it's worth a try. This will help you be able to see if your daughter is wanting you/to nurse, or if there might be some other thing troubling her at night.

Keep in mind, too, that it's not uncommon for children to wake at night until they are about three. Your child is very, very normal.

If your sleep issues don't resolve, I'd recommend having your pediatrician give her a once-over just to be safe. Another path to try would be naturopathic medicine or craniosacral therapy with a pediatric chiropracter. She may have some bones out of alignment. Our son goes to see the baby chiro once a month and there is a noticable positive change with him after his visits. So there are options out there.

Take care, and try to get some rest. This will resolve!