Nudity and the 4 Year Old, What's Appropriate with Dad

I think that you are making a big deal out of nothing. I doubt he stood right in front of them and peed. Kids are smart she probably looked around and didn't see any tp. I would have been livid if my child came home and said while we were at the park daddy left us alone while he went to the bathroom. He did the right thing by taking the girls with him. My oldest is 8 and if I have to go to the bathroom he goes into the restroom w/ me. He doesn't go in the stall anymore but he must keep his feet where I can see them his little brother is 3 and he goes in the stall with me. Too many creeps out there especially at places where you will find lots of little kids.

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I think that you are making a big deal out of nothing. I doubt he stood right in front of them and peed. Kids are smart she probably looked around and didn't see any tp. I would have been livid if my child came home and said while we were at the park daddy left us alone while he went to the bathroom. He did the right thing by taking the girls with him. My oldest is 8 and if I have to go to the bathroom he goes into the restroom w/ me. He doesn't go in the stall anymore but he must keep his feet where I can see them his little brother is 3 and he goes in the stall with me. Too many creeps out there especially at places where you will find lots of little kids.

I doubt any man would just whip it out and pee full on in front of his daughter! She was probably thinking "how can he pee when there's no toilet paper around?"

Aren't there toilets or port a potties at the park? Sheesh.

Not a big deal for me. I guess I don't understand how her realizing that he did not wiped turned into "him standing next to her and it hanging out." He probably felt that he needed to keep an eye on the girls while he went (I think he's right) and he probably did it quickly with back turned and she knew he didn't wipe, period.

I would have been much more upset if she came home and said, Daddy left us alone on the park while he went to the bathroom.

Good luck,
K.

Wow - some of the responses.....

I would just mention it to the dad "hey, btw last time....so you might want to have her turn around next time" and leave it at that. She's going to notice differences and ask questions. It's how they learn. I wouldn't worry about it anymore than that.

Just my opinion, but I don't think there is anything wrong with it. If she seems uncomfortable, that you could tell her its ok to turn around until he is done if it makes her feel better about it. She is still really young- I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Molly

My 4 yr old has seen her dad pee. It isn't a big deal in our house.

I think that it is more than okay for you to talk to dad and let him know that you prefer your daughter not to see him pee. I would assume his back was turned or that he even did it outside (as males love to do) and she just knew there wasn't toliet paper around. But don't hesitate to ask them both if you need to know exactly how things played out.

At 4 she should understand and remember if you gave her instructions along the lines of "if any other adult except for me and babysitter needs to use the bathroom, you need to give them privacy and that means looking the other way while they pee." That could help for future playdates with dad. While our house is very open about nudity and not closing doors to use the bathroom, my 4 yr old knows when other friends come to play that she doesn't follow them into the bathroom b/c they need privacy.

Hope this helps!

I can't tell you what to do, but I'll speak from my own experience. Up until I was about 7 and a half, our family always took showers together. My sister and I loved it, and nudity was not a big deal. That summer my folks divorced and we began visitation. When I was about eight was about the time I think we both felt a little odd--it just happened that one day we (my sis,dad and I) were sharing the bathroom. I never said anything to him, and he (I believe, with good discretion and intuition) never mentioned it to me, but it never happened again.

Now that my son is nearly 3 and a half, I like a little privacy in the bathroom sometimes, but if my son is hanging out, he sees what he sees. I think that this will be fine until one or the other of us gets awkward about it.

For what it's worth, if they were at the park, he mightn't have felt he had other options. At home, one can ask for privacy or close the door. Since he's caring for her in a public place, he might have felt it was safer for her to be in the bathroom, even if she saw him using the toilet. I'm also guessing (because, as a nanny, I too have been in this situation) that he might have chosen not to ask her to turn around because it calls more attention to what's going on than not. Kids pick up on our cues, and if we get secretive about something, it usually results in their being more curious. I only ask the kids to close their eyes if I am trying to keep them from seeing something terrible, because it does draw attention to whatever it is we don't want them to see.

If you do feel strongly about this, I would bring it up as a "head's up" to your ex, and not even mention the incident your daughter described. A simple "It seems that our little girl is becoming more aware of bodies and privacy." See what he has to say about it. Whether or not you are both living together, you are still coparenting and good communication is important. It's a tough one, huh? I hope you are both able to find some common ground in this area.

Ask her how she felt about it. Don't dramatize or put words in her mouth, just ask. If she's able to tell you she wants her own privacy, she can probably tell you if this situation made her feel uncomfortable.

Since she sees her dad only occasionally, it may have seemed awkward for her. Since it's her daddy, it's possible she was okay with it. But privacy should begin whenever any involved party wants it. For some famillies or individuals, that will be as toddlers; for others, much older. As long as feelings are being respected, it's all good.

I don't think it is traumatizing for her to see him pee at 4. My dad peed around us our whole life when he absolutely had to go, and would turn around. I would though, talk to her dad, tell him he should start making sure he can't be seen. That doing this to early, rather than to late is better.

In my sister's and my family (sister has 3 girls) the "rule" is family can be nude around each other. This lets everyone see bodies of people they are comfortable and safe with and ask questions as well as be practical and change clothes or use the toilet. This has worked well for my sister whose girls are older than my kids. They feel it's wierder to have the dad cover up when the daughter doesn't cover up. There will come an age when it's kind of unspoken that it's not done, but I think that is more around age 10, pre-pubescent.

Best wishes! I hope things work out well for you all with the dad being more involved.

Our nuclear family lives together. We have an 8-year-old girl and an almost 4-year-old boy and, honestly, we all see each other naked quite a lot. We're not nudists or anything, but we don't take special care to cover up after showers or when getting dressed in the morning. For sure it can be awkward to have your same or opposite sex child take an interest in your private areas, but it's so natural and really not a big deal. If you suspected that he was somehow behaving inappropriately that would be another story, but it sounds like he just brought them into the bathroom with him so he could keep an eye on them.

Could it be possible that he moved his back to her and "it" wasn't right there at her eye level? I'm only saying because I grew up around all males and there are ways of them peeing without exposing too much (they way they stand at the toilet/urinal, how they hold it, etc). Maybe she just caught that he didn't reach for the toilet paper?
I would say have a talk with her. See how she feels about what happened. Also, talk with the dad. Ask him when he thinks he should have more privacy around the girls (don't make a big deal out of it, just casually bring it up). I don't know your situation but maybe he doesn't know about her recent privacy demand and he needs to be aware of it.
Honestly, and this is just my opinion, it's not a big deal. If it were my daughter and boyfriend, I probably would laugh about it with her. Just take a deep breath, you'll get it all figured out. Good Luck =)

My guess he was turned. She probably was wondering why no tp was around. He was either outside or it was a stand up pee thing ( I for the life of me can not think of that word) He obviously had to take her with him to go to the bathroom. I would be real happy he did that! Even thou I do not like the idea of little girls in the bath room but really what is he suppose to do. He may have asked her to turn around, she could have peeked as kids will do. I would have the privacy talk with dad and just tell him the funny little story she told you about him not wiping. Its just and easy way to bring it up.

If he was a part of their lives, he'd probably be going to the washroom with the doors open all the time. I had a three-and-a-half-year-old son and two one-year-olds and it's not like I can close the door when I go to the washroom! No privacy until the little ones can be trusted not to put their fingers into electrical sockets and such and until I can trust the older one not to strangle his little brothers when they take his toys... Such is life as a parent. :-)

Yeah, you might want to talk to him about parenting & what's appropriate & the mindset he needs to be in while he is around them. Otherwise he might need supervised visits.

I agree with you, a four year old does NOT need to see an adult use the bathroom.

I understand that he needed to use the bathroom and that he needed the children to go in with him so that they were not left alone somewhere. BUT
You are correct, he needs to start asking them to turn around and close their eyes.

Talk to him and explain it to him.
I hope he doesn't argue with you about this.

I wish you the best.

At this age, I think he should have told her to turn around but being that he isn't a parent 24/7, he doesn't think like you and I do as parents. I would tell him your daughter mentioned he didn't wipe, she's too old to see him use the restroom and ask that he has her turn around next time.

My husband HAS NEVER been nude or urinating around my daughter. I think its weird...HE thinks its weird. I stated my husbands thoughts in another post. He says that HIS daughter will NEVER be in a mens restroom. Maybe we are old school. My husband says that when they are out DD can pee in the grass before going to a mens urinal. Thats his take on it...have to say...kind of mine too. Little girls dont belong in the mens room. Its not a predator/sexual thing...it just is....

The reason he took her with him is because it would have been very unsafe to have left her and her baby sister alone in the park.

Yes he could have had her turn away from him. However that might not have been his first thought when he got to the toilet.

Well I have been repeatedly molested by my own father from when i was really really young and there is a possible of chance he was doing this to me when I was just a baby because my mind can only go back so far before I even entered school. So my thoughts might be different from others? I say no, close all the doors so to speak) leaving no room for any temptations you just never know. But their maybe other opinions like " men just don't think..." but all in all we all are not left without wisdom. Above all get wisdom and understanding we know automatically what's bad or good behavior. Another thing it wouldn't be so wise because something innocent could turn out disastrous and next thing you know you have cps at your front door and they are ripping your children away from you, and for you to never see your child again. I am speaking from experience with cps. There is a high Alert Statewide about the legal kidnapping being done from cps. For every child they adopt out the Federal Government receives Bonus monies. There is much to educate you on this for i am gathering a group in Hawaii to fight to stop the fraudulent reporting of cps workers etc. Anyway's to encourage you just use wisdom for we are living in evil times. Aloha Candy Safeguarding our kids is the best thing we can do to these kids...

Updated

Well I have been repeatedly molested by my own father from when i was really really young and there is a possible of chance he was doing this to me when I was just a baby because my mind can only go back so far before I even entered school. So my thoughts might be different from others? I say no, close all the doors so to speak) leaving no room for any temptations you just never know. But their maybe other opinions like " men just don't think..." but all in all we all are not left without wisdom. Above all get wisdom and understanding we know automatically what's bad or good behavior. Another thing it wouldn't be so wise because something innocent could turn out disastrous and next thing you know you have cps at your front door and they are ripping your children away from you, and for you to never see your child again. I am speaking from experience with cps. There is a high Alert Statewide about the legal kidnapping being done from cps. For every child they adopt out the Federal Government receives Bonus monies. There is much to educate you on this for i am gathering a group in Hawaii to fight to stop the fraudulent reporting of cps workers etc. Anyway's to encourage you just use wisdom for we are living in evil times. Aloha Candy Safeguarding our kids is the best thing we can do to these kids...

Updated

Well I have been repeatedly molested by my own father from when i was really really young and there is a possible of chance he was doing this to me when I was just a baby because my mind can only go back so far before I even entered school. So my thoughts might be different from others? I say no, close all the doors so to speak) leaving no room for any temptations you just never know. But their maybe other opinions like " men just don't think..." but all in all we all are not left without wisdom. Above all get wisdom and understanding we know automatically what's bad or good behavior. Another thing it wouldn't be so wise because something innocent could turn out disastrous and next thing you know you have cps at your front door and they are ripping your children away from you, and for you to never see your child again. I am speaking from experience with cps. There is a high Alert Statewide about the legal kidnapping being done from cps. For every child they adopt out the Federal Government receives Bonus monies. There is much to educate you on this for i am gathering a group in Hawaii to fight to stop the fraudulent reporting of cps workers etc. Anyway's to encourage you just use wisdom for we are living in evil times. Aloha Candy Safeguarding our kids is the best thing we can do to these kids...