Noisy Neighbors and Unfair Advantage They Use on Us Because They Are Gay.

Updated on October 19, 2010
J.F. asks from South San Francisco, CA
18 answers

This might not be as easy to explain but this is my situations.For the last five years we have a gay tenants that lived on the bottom half of the building.They have always have problems with other neighbors and our old roommates.Finally none of our roommates can stand them and moved out!So it's left with me and my husband to have to deal with them.We are never home but when we are ,they will slamed doors and fight.Did I mention that they both have no jobs for the past 2 to 3 years.Well the problems that I have now is that they constantly pulled this card of being gay and they always threatened us and the other neighbors all the time.Two of the cross neighbors moved out and no one else around here want to deal with them.Recently they got into a fight with the landlord from the cross street and we are friends with that landlord.They told us to not talk to our friend and saying all sorts of things that I can't believe my ears.Now they are accusing us of letting our friend landlord know about their health situations. Which we never did say.Our friend did said something in a form of assuming that he knew about it before and we might have replied not thinking that he didn't know.It was all a misunderstanding but now it is out of control and we are so sick of living in this double standard situation.What are the right things to do when you no longer want to deal with the neighbor and not because of them being gay but because they are not being fair?I thought about moving and time is hard right now for every one in this country and that including us.We worked 12 to 13 hours every day and we no longer have enough energy to deal with loud and annoying neighbors.Even when we do they always seem to try to use this excuse of being gay and they have rights which we know since half of our friends are gays but they have never behave like this.We have never pull this cards of being a bi racial couples that paying tax to support their unemployed butts. But I am at the end of my wits and my dogs are always in danger of them being mean by intentioanlly leaving the gates open when they knew we let our pets run around when we get home after 10 pm.Also our landlord are not much of a help because he is afraid of getting sued and we don't want to have any more problem either.THanks and hope that you guys can give me some good advice.

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So What Happened?

Well we spoke to them this morning and half of it they denied. but half of them they are willing to work with us. We were not in any way making this more aggrevated and we kept it PROFESSIONAL like some of the suggestion on here.We mentioned that they always fight around 2 to 3 in the morning and that the door slaming always woke us up and they appologized about that but still thinking that we made it up.They said the fight will be less but they think that it 's none of our business anyway.Whatever with that one (start to give up on that)When we mentioned about the dogs needs time in the back yard is like 10 minutes and we do walked our dogs every morning and night.I see that a lot of you are also thinking that we don't but we do.We have dogs walker that come to the house to take them to the dogspark 2 hours every day.We are not irresponsible people and we always watched the gate if it's close but there are days that they left it open.The gate issue was mention because they also parked in the back and they constantly moved their car in and out.THey repected that one so they will keep it close tight every time they use it.We have tried MOST of the suggestion on here and after the talked.My husband and I agreed that it will be best for our sanity if we move once we have money since we no longer have roommates and we are paying rent on our own for the past year.A lot of things I realized can be talk and discussed like some of mamas on here suggested but it's doesn't look like half of it will be met.By the way WOW some of a response is a bit harsh with a lot of judgement and critism.But it's ok I see that I didn't put much info and once I read it again I can understand why it sounds like we are a biggest bigot ever.But we are not so whatever but thanks most of you for giving kind words and good suggestion.Hope next time I can return the favor.

Featured Answers

S.B.

answers from Topeka on

Just because they are gay does not give them the RIGHT to disrupt the public. This is a good reason to get the cops involved. They are disrupting the peace and should be punished for it, gay or not.

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C.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

Well first off they are NOT considerate neighors. Second I would move because it sounds like a stressful situation.
I would try to find a peaceful solution because with vanditive neighors are always going to be one step ahead of you in the sneaky inconsiderate area.
Go somewhere where its a joy to hang out and you will find some peace.

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S.T.

answers from New York on

document, document, document. Can you go to a radio shack or a bestbuy and purchase a recording device? they have reasonably priced digital recorders that you can download to your computer. Transcribe the digital recording, with a date and time and keep a week or two of records. Then burn the recordings to a CD and bring them to your landlord with the transcripts. Either that or move. These people are causing you a lot of stress and they are not going anywhere. So decide if you want to live the way you're living or not. Even if evicted, the eviction process can take up to a year (in NY anyway) so your landlord could serve an eviction notice and they could still be there 6-9 months from now.
Pray about this situation. God does care about the details of your life.

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I don't see how being gay or biracial has anything to do with ANY of the issues you have with your neighbors.
Move. The sooner the better.

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

.

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E.R.

answers from Chicago on

Personally, I don't see what their being gay or your race has to do with being a noisy neighbor. Also, your comments about your taxes paying for them- just sound like you do have a personal bias against them. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's kind of how it sounds.

In the heat of the moment, they may have said things about being gay BECAUSE they think from your words or actions that you are bigoted. Even though you are not a bigot, in the heat of the moment, YOU may have said things you wouldn't normally say, just out of frustration. The situation just escalates and gets worse for everyone- but it sounds to me like both sides are at least a little responsible here.

First I would talk to your landlord and ask him to call a meeting of all the tenants in the building who are affected by this situation. Everyone needs to agree ahead of time to be POLITE to each other, no matter what, and write down what SPECIFIC things they are unhappy about (arguing and door slamming after 10 PM , or dogs running loose in the yard at night, etc) whatever it is.

Each issue needs to be discussed and see if you can come to some kind of agreement. For example- at what hour do you think it needs to be quiet? Most places say around 10 pm, but everyone in the building needs to agree to a specific time. If you just take on each complaint or issue one at a time and go through them, you may find that EVERYONE could stand to make a few changes that will benefit the entire building. You may still feel that you have done nothing wrong- but you need to at least admit that everyone in the building gets a say for this to work.

Have your landlord make up a document with everything that you all agree on as 'building rules' and you all have to sign it. If anyone breaks the rule, the landlord can decide if they pay a fine or get kicked out or what.

I think you should just ignore the aspect of their personal lifestyle and focus on the actual issue, which is noise. Whatever the neighbors themselves say, it is easy to document noise at inappropriate hours.

If you have this meeting and it doesn't work or your landlord just won't do it, then start documenting everytime they behave inappropriately or are too noisy. Write it down and CALL THE COPS. If you call the police enough - and if you have a valid complaint - the cops will warn them and eventually they will write them a citation and they will have to go to court and pay a fine. Being gay or not gay will not enter into the discussion with the cops or the judge- it will be a noise complaint, period.

We had some noisy neighbors renting the house next door last year and it was a very touchy situation. But we just kept complaining to the police about the noise and finally after having to pay a fine, they moved out.

But you had better make sure that you and your husband are also following the rules and being good tenants and good neighbors. I am not saying you are in the wrong here- but your tone in this message just sounds really bitter and angry and that is not going to work in your favor. Be reasonable and professional about this, even when they are not. If your landlord won't work with you, then he isn't a very good landlord and you should consider moving, even if it would be a hassle for you. Good luck!

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M.B.

answers from Sacramento on

I'm sure it's not because they are gay but more because they are rude tenants.
Just document everything that happens.
Don't LOOK to cause any more issues/confrontations.
Speak to the landlord and possibly send written documentation to landlord.
Protect your dogs: stay outside w/them at night so there is no chance of them hurting your dogs or them leaving the gate open in the event your dogs run out. Make sure your dogs have collars w/tags w/your ph# and like I said......don't let them outside w/o staying outside w/them while they pee etc.
I know it's a pain but for now protect your animals.
If you can't move now b/c of the economy, wait it out and try to lay low so they don't do something crazy.
Don't worry about if they are on unemployment or what have you because their situation won't continue forever. Just protect your pets and yourself
and hope they move.
Maybe you'll be able to move when you things are better economically.

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R.D.

answers from Kansas City on

Could you try reasoning with them? Let them know you don't like it FIRST by being as polite and unconfrontational as possible. You are supposed to get more bees with honey than vinegar, right?

If this doesn't work and your landlord will not handle it, then call the police when they are being too loud. It is called "Disturbing the Peace!" The first time will be a warning. If you do it enough, A) the neighbors will get the hint that you will no longer be putting up with this and B) the police will get to know the situation and get tired of coming over and eventually arrest them. This will likely make the situation worse. Good luck!

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

My only suggestion would be to put your complaints in writing to your landlord. After so many written complaints from neighbors, he should be able to evict them and have documentation that it was due to complaints from other tenants and not motivated by discrimination.

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G.T.

answers from Bakersfield on

In your lease it should have a clause that reads "Tenants have the right to peaceful enjoyment of their rented property" or something like that. We all have that right while living in a multi family complex. I would copy that part of the lease along with a written complaint with times and dates that the noise occurs. At my complex extra noise like vacuuming, hammering and such cannot go on between the hours of 8pm thru 8am. Now if these people are slamming doors during the day, there isnt much that can be done about that, but if they play loud music or loud tv than hinders your enjoyment in your unit the landlord should let them know that they need to turn down the decible level. If for some reason you cannot get your landlord on board to help you you can also personally sue these people for being annoying, however you must bring enough proof with you to court for the judge to make that decision in your favor. It is very unfortunate that there are people in this world that do not respect others, but it's a fact and it wont go away.
It doesnt matter whether they are gay or not, that doesn not allow them to be noisy neighbors. I would record the noise, or figure out a way to avoid it maybe by using ear phones in your own unit. If you have not yet exhausted attempts to get to know your bottom floor neighbors yet, maybe you should. I have lots of my tenants talk to each other and even do tests about music levels and tv volumes so that they come to an agreement and know what is tolerable and what isnt. Some neighbors dont want to work things out with each other and want management to fix it for them, but the manager also has to have solid proof that these occurences are happening and are legitimate before he/she can approach the accused tenant and write them violations for what you are complaining about. It cant go by "he said, she said" only, you have to show proof.
Being Gay is a protected class, but they are not protected for being noisy, so I would just leave Gay out of it, it has nothing to do with your issue.
I hope this helps. Start logging, start complaining to management in writing, keep copies of all of your correspondences with your manager. Find out who the property owner is or the management company and let them know your landlord is not following through... let your manager know that you don't want to go above their head but you will if they dont do something about this.
LIke I said earlier, you can personally sue your neighbor too if you want, but get all of your ducks in a row first.
Hope this helps.

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M.T.

answers from New York on

They don't have the right to disturb the peace or to make any more noise or do anything more dangerous than any other neighbors. A landlord may not be able to discriminate against them but if they are making an excess of noise, you should report this. The question is, how noisy are they? Is it to a level or at an hour when it is against the law? Them being unemployed does not factor into this situation at all and your pets are YOUR responsibility, you need to check the gate yourself if you are letting your pets out to run free and unleased.

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C.H.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Well... there are two ways you can go about this - you can call the police when they are fighting and slamming doors for domestic disturbance, or you can make friends with them, get close, so that when they fight you can ask "Hey we heard you guys fighting, are you okay?" It might be enough to open their eyes to the fact that they have neighbors.

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C.R.

answers from Dallas on

Gay or not, this is not a situation that anyone should live with. Home should be base and not a war zone. Tell your landlord to handle the situation or you will move. If your waiting for them to change their tune and magically become nice your wrong, it's not going to happen. If those in the situation won't change anything then you have to become proactive and do something yourself. Is there a Tenants association in your area? They might could advise you on what your rights are.
Best Regards,
C.

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D.H.

answers from Salt Lake City on

It is unfair of them to throw the gay card out. Document every disruption (and give copies to landlord), have previous tenanats write letters to your landlord letting him know that they left because of the disruption, write letters your self. Call cops when appropriate. I understand your hesitation but remember, anyone who throws a "I am gay/black/purple/have 5 arms/etc" card on the table to protect their poor behavior is doing so because they are scared because they know you are right. Don't let them intimidate you. Get your facts, and do what you need to do. Good luck!

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P.C.

answers from San Francisco on

I would move, no matter how hard it is.
Good luck.
P

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D.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Greetings J., I have not read the other responses so may be repeating someof it. I am blessed to have family that owns several rental units, and family that is gay so from the experts in our family circle I frame my answer. I suggest that you have a tape recorder handy and tape the noise, give a copy to your ndighbor and to the landlord. This way you have covered your self with your complaint. Keep records of the things said to you and done to you as well as what you have tried to do resoved it. The landlord will then have the ability to use it if he is sued and the couple will be laughed out of court y those who are gay in the same town and will find this unacceptable behavior. You might wish to call the police and have them break up the fights as well. Then it's documented as well.
When people are ill, or out of work and the fear factor is high believe me many times the heat of the moment gets hotter. They may not hear themselves as you do. They made it your business when they made so many rude situations. When you share a living space lots of compromises must be made and its not easy. I think its great that you have pets in an apt. setting becasue I don't think I could do it. Just becasue the people are gay is meaningless unless it's a couple that are useing it to show and tell and radical for all the wrong reasons. The fact that they are rude and fighting and being unpleasent is unacceptable. The men I know who have the relationships that are long lasting also choose to have self respect and are not having to prove themselves to others. I am sorry that you are having this problem and hope that you will be able to loose them and not a place that you enjoy living in. They sound most unpleasent, and a shame upon all the education others are trying to give. I know that these same men are also willing to hear both sides of an issue and not have to fight and defend it.

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R.M.

answers from Topeka on

Look into the local ordinances as far as noise and if they are breaking the law...don't confront them yourself, call the police...let them try to pull the "gay card" on the police and see how far it gets them!!! I think all of us have "cards" we can try and play....(I joke that I am going to pull the "overweight grandma with glasses card...lol) I think that ALL of us need to learn to be kinder and easier to get along with...more considerate of others.
Inconsideration, rudeness, threats, is the same no matter what the color of your skin, the amount of education you have or who you sleep with when the bedroom door is closed!!!
As to your dogs...it is YOUR responsibility to make sure that they are properly enclosed in the yard when you let them out....if it is a shared yard, then you should be out there with them, or they should be on a leash or a chain of some sort when they are outside. It behooves you to be as considerate of your neighbors as you want them to be of you. Why would you think that they "intentionally" leave the gate open just to be "mean" to your pets...don't look for insult and injury where none exist.
Good luck...

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

Look into Neighborhood Mediation. Good luck – neighbors can be so difficult to live next to.

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