Nephew

Don't give up. Keep reading to him, but books that he might be able to read himself. Ask the school if they have a special reading program to help him catch up. There are great books for boys his age. Take him to the public library or the school one if his school has one. It may take a while to find something that sparks his interest, even comic books can be a great start.

You might consider taking him to a reading circle at the library. When someone else reads and uses expressive voices, it often triggers the imagination. Then give him the opportunity to get his own library card and find a book that will "carry him to a safer place."

My nephew had real problems getting into reading just like my son. My solution was comic books. My son had no comphension... he wasn't interested in the material so it was just a bunch of words. I went to the local swap meet and bought a handful of comics and suddenly my son got it!!! He was more interested in books than TV for a long time. Then my nephew had the same problem. For his B-Day I bought him a bunch of comics about subjects he liked or should I say characters, and now he likes reading too!!! Good luck

It's so fantastic that you are stepping up to help your nephew. Having explored foster parenting, I know how difficult it can be to care for a child who has gone through a lot of trauma.

As far as the reading goes, some people feel second grade is young to be reading on their own. I know the Waldorf School's don't teach reading until, I think, third grade (I have friends who send their daughter there.) Have you tried reading chapter books to him? One chapter a night from a book where he would enjoy the topic may get him to love reading. And spending the time with you, feeling loved and cuddled, will only be a positive experience. And a regular trip to the library where he can select the books is a fun way to get kids interested.

Good luck with your nephew. You are doing a wonderful thing.

Perhaps you could just read to him for now. As a teacher I know how important it is to get a child to read before they hit that critical third grade year. But, if he is feeling pressure on top of all he has had to deal with personally, he may not be up to the challenge. Sometimes kids get so beat down. They know they are not doing well in some area... and then they are forced to keep facing something that is troubling them. It can be negative reinforcement. If possible, for now, just read to him. Have him pick out books that he likes and build up his interest in reading. Get him to enjoy it and that will work as a great motivator. I hope this helps in some small way.

K.

I have taught 1st grade and seen this with many kids. Ty 1st reading to him, and make sure if you do want him to start reading that the books are easy so he doesn't feel too intimidated. Dr Seuss books are great, especially the basic ones. Lots of repetition of key words to know. But the main thing is structure for this little guy. If he feels safe and knows his daily routine, he will be more likely to try new things.

Hi, there. I know that it is easy to feel like second grade is too late for a child to start reading, but really it is still within the normal age range. If there has been prior trauma, that is definitely going to slow things down a bit.

The moms who are telling you don't worry about the reading, just read to him are right on. The most important thing is that children don't develop a resistance to reading. My oldest daughter didn't begin to read until she was eight and a half--luckily she attends a school with a reading program that is developmentally appropriate and more concerned with having a language-rich environment than the "decoding" part of reading. When she began to read, she started at a fourth grade reading level--she had the comprehension and vocabulary from being read to for years (everything from baby books to Harry Potter--I read the entire Harry Potter series outloud to both my girls and my husband--it was great family time) and from being involved in family conversation--once the decoding piece fell into place for her, it all came together.

Research shows that as long as children are reading in third grade, their proficiency reaches the same levels as any other child. If you force a child to read before they are ready, it often slows their development. Also, there is some solid research on the need for children to make those cross-lateral brain connections. Physical therapy that has children coordinating across their bodies, and handwork like knitting, can really improve reading skills. Good luck.

My daughter is in 2nd grade too. Her brothers love to read all the time and they are good at it. Jaida is not, she actually claims up when I try to get her to read to me. The pschycoligist (spelling?) said to snuggle up and read as a fun time. Do not pressure her to read, just make it a fun safe time to connect. She is doing much better now that I quit panicing and pressuring her. I hope my experience helps you, good luck.
R.

I would guess (because i have a step son who was adopted by my husband before we met) that your nephew has a lot of emotional stuff going on...i would vote on not pushing him to read...when you feel like he is ready-if you have a very solid and comfortable relationship i suggest learning the phonetic alphabet which is using the sound of the letter instead of the name...for instance a would be ah, b would be buh, c-cuh and so on. kids who memorize these sounds when they see the letter symbol can put together easy words like cat, dog, dig, etc.

i suggest if he's got a bunch of emotional baggage and your relationship is not 100% solid, to take him to someone other than yourself to tutor him...

it's great that you've chosen to help this little guy and i'm sure it will all work out in the end...

Most kids, even 2nd grade boys like to be hugged and cuddled. Maybe you could try snuggling on the sofa, or if he is small enough holding him on your lap and reading to him. Let him pick the story. Make it a story of interest to little booys, and use allo the strange sounds and voices necessary to make the story fun. Most kids learn a love of reading as a result of being read to before they can read themselves. He may not be able to read for himself yet. If he has been through a lot, he may not have learned that in school. Kids will learn to love reading if it is fun and interesting. And it sounds like you nephew could use lots of lovin'
Good luck and thank you for caring about a child. MOstly he needs love.

Try talking with the teacher and suggesting the teacher make a contract with him about how many pages a day he should be reading. The kids have a tendency to stick with a contract if it's with the teacher instead of the parents! Keep in touch with the teacher, too. Good luck.

My name is Sylvia Walters and I am a reading teacher. The best way to teach him is to get him interested in books... and the best way to do that is to get lots of different books. Go to any 2nd hand store, they always have a good variety. Then, just read to him... have him sit next to you with a cookie (some snack he likes) and read with gusto.
Give him time to look at the pictures, ask him questions (why did...? what do you think will happen next?, etc) choose the book(s) he wants to hear and read. At some point, you might say it is your turn to eat a cookie, and could he please read to you. As he reads, you can focus on the story (not his reading), and ENJOY the story! BE PATIENT.
If he doesn't want to read, make a deal: 15 min of reading = so much time of something he loves to do (this worked for my son!). Good luck!

Hi J.. If your nephew is hurting emotionally he will not be able to focus at school. Ask if there is a school counselor for him to talk to. Then ask the teacher what method they are using to teach him to read. Some children excell using phonics others using memorization of the whole word and others find a combination to be best. His teacher may be able to find which modality suits him best. Reading to him every night does wonders! He will get the warm fuzzies he needs to fill his little emotional well and be exposed to a wide variety of reading skills.

Good luck. I'm glad he is with you and that you are so concerned and committed to him. He is a lucky little boy.

Take him to a book store with a lot of books geared for his reading level. encourange him to pick out a book and buy it, and tell him that you will read it with him. every so often, have him read a word or two. right now, He needs some special attention. so You sitting and reading with him will give him that special time and will build a bond with him. He will fight it at first but he will finally love to read. also have his Eyes checked and make sure that he can see!

If the problem is that he can't read or doesn't read well (I wasn't sure from your question) I have found an amazing book called "Teach your child to read in 100 easy lessons". You can find it online. It uses the Distar reading method and is a program set up for parents and children to use in the home. You don't need any other tools than the book. Anyway I used it to teach my children to read before they got into Kindergarten and love it. But it can also be used for older children who need to improve reading skills. If the problem is just not wanting to read, the only suggestion I have is keep trying different media (comic books, etc.) to catch his interest. And don't forget to read to him. I found with my children when they were learning to read that the constant pressure of having to read was making them forget that books are really enjoyable. By me reading to them it helped remind them how much fun books can be.

I just finished reading a GREAT book that would totally help you. It's called the Read-Aloud Handbook and it's by Jim Trelease. Some of the key points that I would recommend for you to try would be first of all to find something that really interests your nephew (trains, cars, bugs, sports, whatever) and then try to read with him. Try not to push him to read himself at first, maybe he needs some extra attention and will respond after he sees that you are willing to spend some one-on-one time with him. Anyway, the book was really good and full of advice and even a list of good books to read aloud. I know the Tempe Public Library has a copy. Good luck!

What is his school doing to help him ? You could try reading to him too. Sometimes that helps . What sort of trama was it may i ask that he dosent want to read? Ill he may need is your love and understanding just be there for him let him know your there. Ask his teacher if theres some sort of reading program he could get in . My olderson got into a reading program when he was in 2rd. I hope this had helped . L. a sahm

First off, talk with your nephew's teacher. The more you can involve what they are doing in school to what you are doing at home the better, plus they may have ideas for you to try.

Second, don't push it. If he has been through a lot of trauma, it may make him feel like he's "not good enough" if you try to force it and he can't.

Third, limit television watching A LOT. Spend time reading with him instead. If you do let him watch tv, try to choose shows with a lot of letters or reading in them. If you let him play video games, choose the educational kind that help him with words and letters.

Play puzzles. Build things with blocks. Play pattern games. These types of games actually help build pre-reading skills...because what is a word accept a bunch of shapes put together in a sequence? If he can learn what a sequence is and what a pattern is, he can learn to read. And if he doesn't think you are pushing reading on him, he might be more willing to play these other things with you.

But mostly spend as much time as possible with YOU reading to him. Read the same books over and over again. Go to the library with him. Let him choose the books. Eventually he will start to see words and they will click. Even if he won't sit next to you, go ahead and read out loud often. Some children are auditory learners and learn how to read by hearing patterns in sound and eventually linking that up to the visual. Some children are visual learners and need to see the book to learn to read. Some children are kinesthetic learners so hands on is best (pointing at pictures, having them turn the page, etc.). Most are a mixture of 2 or more of these.

I am not an expert, but I am a foster mother so I have had some experience with troubled kids. If he has been neglected, what he needs now is to know that you care about him. Don't make him try to read. Completely drop the subject of him learning to read until he brings it up (he doesn't need to know that the games are to help him learn to read). Just spend time with him. Find out his interests. SUBTLY incorporate words and reading into his interests, but don't push it. If he starts to get frustrated, back off. But in my experience, once a child knows that you care about HIM and not about what he is unable to do, they are more likely to want to try to do their best.

Also, make sure you praise him for the things he does well. Give him a lot of encouragement. Get him excited about learning by showing him how excited you get when he tells you something new he's learned. Don't compare him to what other kids his age can do...remember Einstein was slow in language development and look what he became! Have fun with him...reading will come.

Good luck!!!

You might try the school social worker. They should be able to work with the school psychol to give you suggestions on how to make the situation feel more secure and hopefully your nephew will be more willing. I would expect that part of the reason he does not want to read, is he is still in survival mode. Reading is a skill that is not necessary for survival and he may not be interested.

You can try easy to read comic books. I would also read to him some nonfiction books about cars, animals, insects, machines, you know boy stuff. He may have problems decoding, so try some phonics activities. Talk to his teacher and see what you can do at home to help him.

Read to him... and lots! Make it a cuddle time where he can see the words with you (maybe even trace along with your finger as if you're doing it for yourself), but where there's no pressure on him to read himself. This way kids can get hooked on books that are above their own reading level, but high interest; and it encourages them to want to read. His teacher, school counselor and public librarian should have lots of good suggestions, along with publications that can help you with tips as a care provider. You mention he's been through a lot of trauma... reading difficulties are often directly linked. It's worth getting him in for regular sessions with his school counselor or a good community agency play therapist. Thanks for being there for him.

Hi J.,
No matter what: any child will be more open to reading if the adults in their lives read to them: every day. Read him comics from the paper, short books, tell him silly stories: whatever.

If nothing else, he will "benefit" from the closeness of being near you and hearing your voice.

Best wishes.
T

Does your school have an AR program? If not you may want to start your own reward system, for each book read (of his level of course) he earns points or stickers that can be traded in for a trip to the movies with Auntie, his choice? I did this with my step son and it helped, not to mention we got to spend some quality 1 on 1 time. My husband had it rough as a kid, so he turned to comic books. Granted, it is not a novel, but it is reading and it allowed my husband to escape. Atomic comics hosts different events and has many of the writers and Artists do special signings every so often. Many of the movies out now are based upon a comic book, so if he has a favorite movie, comic books would allow him to research into the character more. What ever you do, stick to it! The best of luck to both of you!

First of all, I admire you for stepping up to help your nephew. I wish more kids had family like that!

I have a 3rd grader who has also been a slow reader. First, I'd talk to his teacher to see if she has any suggestions or might know if there's a learning problem. Then, take him to the library as often as possible and let him pick out books he likes. Ask the librarian for suggestions on books that boys his age would like. Good luck and hang in there, it's worth it!

If he will play video games, find games with some text in the games, and if you do adventure type games, for example, then after a few game plays, find books at the library with similar themes, and leave them by the game station. He'll look through them...the need to read will cause him to come to you for more help, but good kids' books show the pictures that describes the words...learning to read becomes intuitive...and there are books specifically designed to help kids read that are a lot of fun...ask the librarian for help

Find out what his interests are. Try and find books about his interest. Take him to the book store and have him pick out a book. If it is what he is interested in it, he may have more of an interest in reading. I also agree with the other responses about reading to him. As a former teacher, it is important for him to be around reading even if he is not the one doing.

Poor little guy...I suggest that you take a deep breath and relax. His little world has been lousy and he is angry and afraid and very sad. I suggest that you establish peaceful routines that includes a very predictable schedule for him. Include some sweet reading time...with you reading to him. Have a good time, show him reading is fun. Perhaps you can also include one of his books and offer to read it with him, at the same time...at a reasonable rate. Let him experience success without pressure.

I had the son of a student living here for his second grade year (Mom was here for three weeks but couldn't follow rules....and left happily without him...)(I am a college professor with 3 adult kids)a few years ago. I just kept it very peaceful and predictable. He did not miss one day of school and was, eventually, very happy. It took some time, so relax and just love the little guy.

OH, and very important, do not say anything against the child's parents...tempting as that is. That child needs to feel that his parent is worthy, even if you can see that she or he is not and you feel very angry. It is mean to share that anger with that helpless, sad boy.

Comic Books. They did wonders for my son.

I imagine it's probably a little bit of both reasons - that he doesn't care and doesn't want to try. Trauma can change not only one's life, but it can also physically change one's brain. I was a behavior therapist for children your nephew's age. I would suggest getting him some counseling. There are plenty of state funded programs for youngsters with emotional trauma. His school may have some suggestions. As for the reading, it's important to encourage him by offering some child-choice reading materials. Join the library in your neighborhood, or visit a book store and encourage him to pick-out somethings to read and enjoy. If he has any issues trusting adults, he may be refusing to do what any of them tell him, despite if they mean well. All you can do is provide a safe home for him to learn to face life again. If you feel comfortable, show him you love him at least once a day - hugs, words, affection. Read together.

Fundations is a great program for helping kids learn to read. See if the school has it.

Also, he might have some vision issues and not want it discovered - the school can check that out.

Third, if he has fundations at school, has no vision problem - he could have a reading issue call Irlen Syndrom. Go to www.irlen.com to see if any of that fits his nature.

My son has Irlen and it was a simple fix, colored overlays for his reading. He went from not being able to read 1 sentence to reading books litterally overnight!

All the other suggestions are great to get him interested too!

Best to you!

I applaud you for taking in your nephew. Whatever he has been through, that you are willing to help him and provide a loving stable home is wonderful. You did not mention what kind of "trauma" he's been through in the process of coming under your care, but there is no telling what associations he has at this point that are disruptive to him deciding to try to read. Is he being treated for the trauma you referred to? If not, certainly seeking some kind of counseling to help him work through it all might help. Play therapy might be an option that would remove the pressure of speaking to someone and still provide valuable feedback that might help you break through. Certainly patience and kindness would be a place to start. No one learns when they are afraid or feel threatened, and whatever he has been through, it will take time for him to feel safe and begin to explore again, including through reading. Hang in there. You and he have my prayers.

Dear J.,
First, give yourself a big hug and pat on the back for taking your nephew in. What an honorable and emotionally charged event this must be for ALL.

I've raised 5 children, 2 are siblings I rescued from our parents and 3 of my own. They are ALL big readers, and very gifted.

Here are my suggestions for a boy:

1. Find topics he's interested in. Boys tend to love non-fiction stories, books about trains, planes, automobiles, science, nature, hurricanes, boats, etc. If you don't know yet what interests him, then plan a trip with him to the library or any bookstore and peruse the children's shelves. Let him pick out a couple of books.

2. Set up a comfortable, safe place in your home where you both can read together. I would think for the first several weeks you would need to read TO him. After re-reading some of his favorites for the umpteenth time, stop at the end of sentences and let him fill in the ending. This works really well with rhyming books...anything by Shel Silverstein would work well here, because he's mature enough to understand the humor.

3. I still read Dr. Seus and Eric Carle books to my youngest, ages 6 & 9. They're just loads of fun and we stop to practice the tongue twisters, when there not tired of course. Which brings up an important issue of time. Evening reading after dinner before bed is really about relaxing. I tend to do ALL the reading at this time of day. If I want their input, then it probably won't happen then.

4. Also, each of my children behaves differently to reading. The boys tend to fidget more, look around, but believe me, they are listening. The girls seem to sit more quietly, one insists on being right in my lap, one will ask lots of questions, one will know if I changed even one word in the story.

5. We also play Scrabble and Boggle together a lot, with our own rules, mainly we can put the words anywhere, move them anytime to accommodate more words. Even our kindergartner plays this. We just take turns and help each other out with their letters. Since spelling and sounding out is such an integral part of reading, this will undoubtedly augment his interest in reading.

Most importantly, be relaxed about it. Correct their mistakes by speaking the misspoken correctly, if that makes sense. I never berate, belittle, or say "no" that's wrong. Just say the words correctly and move on. Their little brains are taking so much in and if your little guy has experienced trauma in his early years, it will take him a bit longer to adjust. Give him time and plenty of reassurance.

If you would like specific titles of books, let me know.
Best of luck!
Jennifer

I met a lady who is a wonderful tutor. She is a SAHM with a masters in education. SHe started tutoring to stay home with her baby. Anyway, she is very resonable with price and has a lot of tricks/fun games to help the kids learn at their pace. She will even come to your home which is really easy. I would recommend contacting her. Her name is Nancy and her email is ____@____.com luck!
C.

Sometimes, reading is scary b/c they don't know how, aren't interested in what you're interested in, or haven't "caught the reading bug." May I suggest that you get something that is completely BOYISH - something that speaks to his Y chromosome. Something that is a little ridiculous and lots of fun: Captain Underpants.

You can buy the series or just check them out from the library. Have "reading time" where there is no other option for that part of the day, no tv, no friends, no food, just reading time. Maybe 15 minutes. Let him decide if he'd like to read by himself, or have you read to him. Stick to your guns, and you'll find that he can seek comfort in a good book as well.

I'd start with the first book, but feel free to point out that there is also: Captain Underpants and the Big, Bad Battle of the Bionic Booger Boy, Part I:The Night of the Nasty Nostril Nuggets
(Pilkey, Dav - author )

Even a kid needs a guided tour around Disneyland, so too, do kids need a great introduction to books. There is something out there for him, he just needs the tour. The big bookstores have awesome kid's sections. Will it take your time, and maybe some of your moolah? Well, sure, but you'll be so pleased with your initial investment. :D

Good luck!

Hi
Try playing a game with the child! You read a word and he reads a word then go to 2 each then 3 each. I did this with my granddaughter many years ago with books from the dollar store(broken series from those set from the grocery store) Dr Suess books will work. It paid off! she got a award for her reading and loves to read now she didn't have to take the AIMS test this year and is a A student. It was timely but this time spent with the child may be quality time as well and give him confidence. When he goes it alone ask him to tell you about the book he just read, of course you must know if he is really reading it, helps comperhension also
Hope this works for you
B

My son is just finishing up first grade and can't read. I recommend going back to the basics. Try to get a tutor, and you can work with him on easy books that he can read. Go to the schools office and ask if they can refer a tutor. I really want my son to read, but I sure don't know how to teach him!

Because of the trauma he's experienced, he just may not be ready to read right now. You said you took him in recently, he is going to need time to adjust and begin to recover from the things he's experienced. You may already know about Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. According to Maslow, people need to have basic needs (safety, security) met before they can work on higher needs (this includes intellectual stuff). If he's not already in some kind of counseling, it would probably be helpful for him to work through stuff and the counselor can give you guidance on how to encourage his academic pursuits without overwhelming him. Talk with his teacher too. He/she may have some insight on how to help your nephew. Good luck. I hope he is on the road to recovery and ready for learning soon.

My son was having a hard time reading, we just kept working with him. We worked closely with his teacher and she started something called literacy club 30 mins before school, where she works w/a group of them on their reading. Really try to tap into the resources that the school has to offer! Good luck! Poor baby!!!

Kudos for taking him in. Don't try to get him to read. Just read to him make it fun and loving. You also might want to try some gentle education or right brain education. Tweedlewink has a phonics video in right brain format. It is very gentle and relaxing. You also might want to contact them for advice. They have experience dealing with developmentally delayed children. Pamela is very loving and understanding. You can contact her through rightbrainkids.com there is a great sample on YouTube at http://youtube.com/watch?v=sEeLcrv_S8w. I also tried hooked on phonics. But you might want to farm out the intensive reading instruction to someone else. I think he might need lots of love and hugs from you.

A Beka phonics is the best program I have ever seen to teach kids to read and develop an interest in it. I would also talk to his teachers, school counselor, social worker, and therapist/counselor. I assume that since you took him you have a whole gamut of beaurocracy involved. If everyone works together, maybe some solutions can be developed to help him get on an emotional even keel which will be reflected in his academics.