Need Some Help and Ideas with a Very Difficult Pregnancy

Updated on September 04, 2010
G.T. asks from Canton, MA
19 answers

Hi all. I am 21 weeks along in my second pregnancy - so a long way to go.
I have a 2.9 yr old at home and I feel so sorry for her. I am the worst mom!

I am having a VERY difficult pregnancy - on crutches already due to major problems with my hips and back. I can barely walk. I can't pick her up, take her places or really play with her. UGH.

I had to cut WAY back on work which means I cannot afford day care in any which, way or form, and my family lives out of state, so I have NO help.

I am already seeing specialists who are helping me for my pain - though not a lot anyone can do. I basically have to suck it up until the pregnancy is over. My muscles in my back, hips and legs spasm all day long - which makes me yelp in pain - and scare my poor daughter. I either limp or use crutches.
I often snap at my daughter becasue I am in SO much pain.

Any advice out there at all

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answers from Providence on

hihghly recommend going to see a chiropractor.i was adjusted through both of my pregnancies and it helped tremedously.

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answers from Spokane on

Oh mama, I am so sorry you are going thru this!

You are not the worst mom ever! You are having a horrible time, that's will get better.

My only suggestion to you is to stalk up on some good movies for you and her, some coloring books and crayons, washable markers,some safety scissors, glue sticks, tape and blank pads of paper and reading books and plop your self down on your bed or the couch and have some quiet 'play' time with her. All of the above will be fun for your daughter and it requires lil' effort on your part to 'play' with her! You can mix it up and stretch this out for the rest of your prego time:) For a lil' exercise for your daughter let her go out in the yard and pick leaves to glue or rocks to color!

I also think that when you are having a 'good day' you should do some cooking/chopping/etc and some freezing/bagging...that way you will have dinner and snacks ready to just grab and go...maybe?

Hope some of this helps and I hope your pregnancy goes by FAST!

Your NOT the WORST Mommy, I promise!

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

#1-You aren't a bad Mom or you wouldn't be seeking help.

#2-Can someone in your family come help for a week or two? Leave with them and.....

#3-Can you go to your family for awhile?

#4-Ask for help from friends......any friends. You can reciprocate later.

#5-Do you have a husband? If so, ask for help from him too. Whatever he can do. Even if it spending more time with your child after work.

#6-Call the local High School and see if they have a community service program. Explain your situation and see if they can send you a responsible teen to help out a couple afternoons after school to earn hours.

#7-Call a church and ask the same as #6.

Hang in there! I'm sure you tell that 2 year old you love her.

I use herbal pain killers on occasion for my joints. I don't know whether they would help in your situation but if you wanted to send your doctor the ingredients I would be happy to forward you a link for him/her to review whether they are appropriate for a pregnant woman.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on


I am so sorry to hear you are in so much pain! Do you belong to a church or a mom's group? Both would really help! You could get some support and your child could have some playtime with other kids. I think you could really benefit from a supportive group of people to help you through this time.

Good luck- M

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

I'm so sorry you're having such a horrible time.
You are not a bad mom! You are a physically limited mom!
OK, so you can't play tackle football with her, but you can:
Read books to her, watch her favorite movies with her, color with her, dress some dolls with her, look into some computer games for her....
Are you married? can your hubby take her out after work so she can blow off steam at the local park, pool, whatever? She might not mind "down time" days if she knows she can whoop it up later with dad.
Hang in there, and remember, it's not her fault, she doesn't deserve to be snapped at. Carry a stress ball around to squeeze when you feel like screaming?
Have you tried chiropractic? Many chiros work on pregnant women and often it is covered by insurance.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Davenport on

Karma has it right. I was on bed rest for my second pregnancy (which then caused major back pain) and had a 2.5 year old at home. We had a big tub of toys/activities by my bed and a TV in the room. My daughter would crawl up and we would play, color, draw, talk, read books, watch TV (I think I have every episode of Diego memorized), etc. My husband came home from work for lunch and made sure we were ok and he would take our daughter outside when he got home at the end of the work day. It wasn't easy by any means but it had to be done. Also, we did let our daughter roam around the house on her own (put everything away we didn't want her to get into) because she did not want to spend every minute in my room which is understandable. I just explained to our daughter that I was grumpy and grouchy sometimes because I was stuck in bed or having a pain but that I would be back to normal before she knew it and she accepted the situation gracefully.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Boston on

Remember to breathe deeply when you're feeling frazzled or in pain. And when you do snap, just apologize and explain your discomfort.
Perhaps your doctor could recommend a social worker or some sort of service agency that could put you in touch w/ free/inexpensive resources to help you out.
It's hard to ask for help, but if you have a few friends or neighbors that you're comfortable with, you might be surprised by their willingness. They might be able to provide a couple of meals, play w/ your daughter, even clean your house. If you can't ask, at least accept any offers for help that you get.
Good luck!



answers from Boston on

What is your diet like? Are you taking a good quality prenantal vitamin? Sounds like you may be having inflammation from something, could be your diet. try taking out wheat sugar and dairy. Take a cal/mag supplement to calm down muscle spasms as well. Drink lots of pregnancy tea, which has needed
minerals as well. Consider going to a chiropractor who specializes in pregnancy as well. Hope that helps!



answers from Providence on

I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles with this pregancy...your daughter although you may not be able to carry her she soon will be the older sister and old enough to walk and she won't be the baby anymore.....lighten up on yourself enjoy your daughters with reading to her and focus on the things you can do...don't be afraid to ask for help from your friends or neighbors start a play the first few months after the baby is born everyone needs support.....when I was pregnant for my third child I was on crutches for several weeks and had knee surgery shortly after my daughter was born.....I had to ask people for help at times those people I did not know very well now they are some of my best friends.....good luck all my best K. d



answers from Boston on

I feel so sorry for you - but know you are not a bad mother ! This might be a stretch - but see if your local library or Red Cross has given or is about to give a babysitter course. They usually offer them for 11 years old and up. If there was a young girl who just took the course and wants to get some experience "on her resume" you might find a mother's helper who would work cheaply. If only for an hour or a half hour - and if you just paid her a few bucks - it might give your daughter someone to play with. It wouldn't solve a lot of your problems - but just a half hour a day might help you.



answers from Boston on

I was on crutches the last 2-1/2 weeks of my 2nd pregnancy due to a pinched nerve and I couldn't pick up my 2 year old either. I'm sorry to hear you are going thru this so early in your pregnancy. I got some relief from a chiropractor and having prenatal massages. Also have you tired stretching? I don't know if it will help but I've never know it to hurt (be bad for you).
As for your daughter, how about having your partner help you set things up for her to do during the day the night before. Like getting some art supplies in one area so she can - color, paint, glue, etc. They have those water paint books where you just use a little water and the color comes out on the picture. I got some peel and stick foam forms at Michael's the other day and my daughter is having a blast sticking them to some construction paper and then using markers, crayons or pencils to draw around it. Fall is coming you can have your partner and your daughter collect leaves on the weekends and you can use them for art projects. You can also find cheap crafts to do at Michaels. A good website for that kind of thing also is A lot of these things are ones you can be sitting on the couch for or on a chair and have little surpervision over your daughter with. Also try to find things that you can play with her where you don't have to move much. We have the magnetic letters and numbers. We play with these a lot. I ask her to bring me the letter 'A' so she goes and gets it. Then we talk about what color it is and then think of some words that start with that letter. As they get older you can ask them to think of words that end it that letter. With the numbers we do the same thing only we also put the numbers together and practice 'big' numbers like 31 and 56 put them the other way and you have 13 and 65. Same numbers but in a different order and they are totally different. Fun things to do and a lot of learning in it too. Don't discount reading books. My daughter and I have snuggle time before her nap. Now that she has a younger sister we all snuggle together before the 2 yr olds nap. The baby sits in my lap and I have my arm around the 2 yr old and we read books. You can elongate the store by talking about the pictures.
As for lunch and snacks, can your partner make something up that you just put on your daughter tray/plate and she eats as well as you? Leftovers, sandwiches, hummus with veg and crackers? Something already in containers that doesn't require you to do much.
Hope this helps. Good luck,
L. M



answers from Hartford on

Go to a chiropractor today! Your pain will go away. You aren't a bad mom... when I was pregnant with my second my first was also 2.5... for 6 weeks we watch Ratatouille everyday because I couldn't get off the couch:) Where do you live... perhaps I could suggest a good chiropractor.



answers from Bangor on

I, too, had a painful second pregnancy. Our daughter was just two when I got pregnant, and the sciatica kicked in about week 8 (with muscle spasms included). Not a lot of fun! A chiropractor REALLY helped, but I did need to try a few out before I found the right one. And you're right, I felt like a horrible Mom when I had to spend so much time just sprawled out on the couch. But, she is fine and she learned to be a bit more self-sufficient, which is great because after all ... it's not like you're going to have a lot of extra time to give her after the baby arrives! So, think of it as time for your first born to adjust to no longer being the center of the universe, stop kicking yourself for needing a little extra rest and rehab, and try to spend some quiet time with your daughter before all attention is diverted to the new baby. Hang in there!


answers from Detroit on

Denise P brought up what I was going to say... Chiropractic care is often covered by ins. Especially if it's referred by your OB/GYN.

I had severe sciatic nerve issues with my daughter which would make my lower back spasm and my hips feel like they're about to explode. I didn't have another little one to deal with though... That's got to be tough. But I did find that if I were on my elbows and knees, it would relieve the pain A LOT! I know in that position, I can color and draw and put puzzles together... Good luck mama! Hope you feel better soon!

OH! And those 'Thermacare' packs on my back made it feel better too.



answers from Boston on

You aren't a bad mom. It isn't like you are doing this intentionally so you didn't have to play with your daughter then you'd be a bad mom. ;)

I agree with the other posts about asking family or going to family. Also, maybe you can schedule some regular play dates so you are around but your daughter is playing with a friend.



answers from Bangor on

Hi G.,
First off you are not a horrible mother!!!!!!!!!!! You need to remind yourself of that...another thing your daughter won't remember you snapping at her, just tell her what is wrong and leave it at that.
Some of the other moms suggested a chiropratic care, which is great, another similar option is seeing a DO-osteopathic doctor. They often work in primary care so they are knowledgable about pregnancy too.
I saw one during my second pregnancy for migranes.



answers from Boston on

Have you tried acupuncture? It's safe for pregnancy, it might help calm things down a bit.



answers from Springfield on

I saw a chiropractor in my third pregnancy when I was having back and hip pain and after 3 sessions the pain was gone. My midwife's suggested the one I went to see and it was covered by my insurance.
Give it a try.
Good luck!



answers from Providence on

My only advice is don't feel guilty. With my second pregnancy I spent about 4 months either lying on the couch or on the bathroom floor I was so sick. My then 2.5yo basically had to fend for himself & was always asking if I was ok. He was worried the poor thing. Thing is, he did figure out how to entertain himself or drag his toys near the couch so I could push the trucks without moving. We also spent way too much time watching TV. I felt guilty, but in the long run it's really not that long of a span of time. He suffered no long term damage or permanent scars from it. He's fine, he loves his sister & his only recollection of that time was how much fun he had watching TV with me. Cut yourself some slack & try to just relax, she'll be fine & you can take this time to teach her about empathy. Congrats on your pregnancy & you're half way there. (I also suggest accupuncture, chiropractic care, homeopathy or hypnotherapy. All perfectly safe during pregnancy & known to be quite effective. Good luck)

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