Need Some Advice - Bryantown,MD

Why not compromise and get a pack and play type of playpen? The baby can nap there when it visits, but the playpen can be stored under a bed or in a closet when not in use. That's what my mom used when my kids came over because she didn't have room to keep a crib out all the time.
K.

K.,

I would suggest a pack and play. You can get them used on Craigs list and so many of them have a bassinett now. That is what we use at my parents and laws house because of the whole "crib" and "spending the night" thing. That way when the baby leaves, the pack and play can be broken down. After the new step-grandfather sees the baby, love will be there. Just give it time.

Good luck.

K., your husband is being very selfish. Your are going to have your first grandbaby and that's exciting! He probably doesn't want the baby to spend a night, in fear that the baby may get more attention then him. I hope your husband changes his mind once the baby is born. The bottom line is that your son and your grandbaby need you in their lives. Life is too short for unneccesary drama.

I would not think you would need a crib in your house for overnight stays unless your son and his girlfriend are planning on overnight stays at your house. Your husband may feel like you are past the night-time parenting phase and might be more excited about being a part of the baby's life if he doesn't need to parent. As a grandma you might consider offering to watch the baby for short periods during the day so that you can promote the mother-child relationship especially breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is a small thing that can go a long way towards a healthier, happier baby. Too many women give up too soon because of a lack of support from their partner and extended family. I think encouraging and supporting her in that way would be more significant than keeping the baby overnight.

I know u have a millon responses but I am responding b/c I feel I may have some insite from the grown-up childrens point of view about to start their own family.I have had a difficult relationship with my mother-in-law due to a lot of miss communication through out the years.First make sure you sit down and talk to them both about what the expectations will be,throughout the process.Right now they may think they don't need help or want anyone to know they need it.But when the baby comes and they realize how much work it is and what a blessing it is to have family they will come around.Try to remane open to their feelings and give them they oppertunity to find a way to start their new family.Don't take offence if they want to do things on their own,it's hard addjusting to the reality of being an adult with a husband and or wife and having your first baby.Be the Grandma that you want to be,and let everyone else figure out what role they want to play in this baby's life.As for your husband, he really has no choice but to become a Grandfather but he can choose what he want's to be called,PopPop,Pappy,G-Funk if he wants to stay feeling young!Whatever he feels,as soon as see's that baby girl and makes his own bond with her over time things will fall into place.Woman have a gift,as soon as we here their is a baby on the was we love it already!Men have to work on it through daily bonding and interaction.Do what you feel you want to do for this baby always keeping her parents wishes in mind.If you have to second guess wether it would offend them then that's your answer,don't do it.Or ask them first.Having a strong,respectful and healthy relationship between your son and his wife will give you the best relationship you could ever want with your Granddaughter!
CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL OF YOU!
R. F.

You will be surprised to see how fast he changes his mind once the baby arrives.
He will probably be the best Papa ever.

May I suggest a pack&play? It can be easily stored when the baby's not there and many of them have mobiles or music makers on them so those extras wouldn't be needed. We use ours mainly for travel. My in-laws recently got one and it's great so we don't have to think about packing that one more thing into the car. Best wishes.

I can see how being a grandparent at a younger-than-usual-age-these-days could be stressing so perhaps that is where your husband's reservations come from. When my mom became a grandma in her 40's she just kept saying she was too young to be called Grandma (despite her excitement for the baby). The only thing I thought of, when reading your post, is to make sure your son and his girlfriend's wishes include having you care for their child sometimes. I remember my MIL saying she was going to set up a crib, buy a car seat, etc. all for her own use when, in fact, we had no intention of her keeping our children at her house and/or driving them anywhere. If there was ever a need, she would stay at our house and use our car. But she never even thought to ask what OUR wishes were as parents; she only focused on what she wanted to do. I would just suggest that you have an open dialogue and make sure you are doing what the parents want (and of course your husband too). And don't be offended if your son has a totally different way of raising his child. You had your chance to raise children and now it is their time. Congrats on the new addition and good luck!

age has nothing to do with if he's ready to be a step-grandfather or not. point is, your son is having a child, your grandchild and your husband shouldnt put rules on how you spend time with your first childchild. he should be happy for you.

my husband and I had our first child when we were not ready (I became pregnant the summer after we graduated high school) my husband's mother and step dad werent too excited at first (my mother in law was just surprised... as was I... but she was excited to become a grandmother), and my husband and his step dad do not have the best relationship. but they are the BEST grandparents to my boys. my oldest will be 5 in April and he LOVES my mother in law and her husband. They had a place for my son to sleep, diapers, wipes, bottles, etc in their house for whenever they had my son.

we moved away from where they live because my husband joined the Navy, but my in laws still have all kinds of things for my boys for when we visit. and my oldest spent 3 weeks with them this past summer (longest 3 weeks of my life though! lol) my mother in law didnt care what her husband thought about having things for the baby in the house, she did it because thats what she wanted. he just gave in because he knew if one of his boys had a baby he would probably want to spend as much time with that baby as he could.

the best advice I can give you is to talk to your husband and stand up for what you want. if you want a crib, you should be able to have a crib. tell him how you feel about it all and I am sure you'll be able to come to an agreement. and chances are, it would be months till the baby spends a full night at your house. (my son was about 8 months old the first time he slept at my in law's house a full night)

Hi K., I seems like maybe he's a little jealous,but that's OK the attention you are showing now even before the baby arrives maybe sending him a signal that you will be giving all your time and attention your grandchild and he will be left out. Assure him that, that is not the case and although you love him you also are going to love your grandchild and he should be expected to stay over and spend the night or some other time with is grandparents sometime. If he does not understand the extended family concept than maybe he needs to wear the pampers.

my mom kept a pack and play at her house that way it was there but could be put in a closet when not in use. My duaghter is 8 now and my parents have 1 of those clear containers on wheels w/3 drawers for my daughters clothes and have more toys and things to keep her happy than when my sisters and I were kids.

My grandparents were young when my brother and I were born and three out of four wanted us to call them by their first name. Then as time went by they wanted us to suddenly start calling them "Grandma" etc. But it was too late. And of course they all fell in love with us and stoped worrying about the "age" thing. My point, once he sees the little bundle of love he'll change his mind. Just give it time. There's no rush for a crib.

You might want to point out to your husband that this baby will not know that he is not her "natural" grandpa, nor will she care--ever. My mother's husband is the best Papa ever, and while my kids have a vague concept that Grandma wasn't married to Papa at first, and that Papa is not my Dad, they could care less. Papa is one of their favorite people on the planet. Age, blood relation really don't matter in the end, every baby needs as many individuals to love and care about them as possible.
Also, the relationship of your son and this child's mother is very important, and the two of you giving them some alone time, will ensure that your new grand-daughter has the solid two parents that she needs.

I know you got plenty of advice about what to do, I just wanted to add that you should ignore those posts about overstepping your bounds by getting a crib and some toys. Those people must be first time parents or have other issues with their in-laws. Even if the kids NEVER spend the night (which they will), it is sooo helpful not to have to lug around all that junk when you visit. I breastfed both of my kids, and it was very helpful to have a quiet place to feed and then put them down for a nap. They nap so often that you can't really go anwhere without them needing to nap. Then, once they are older, you will be called upon to babysit. My kids ALWAYS slept better in a crib than in a pack and play- though they will sleep in them. I live 500 miles away from my MIL, but I always manage to con a few hours of babysitting out of her when we visit. To me, having you nearby will be a dream come true! And my MIL is remarried as well, and her husband is the best poppy. I don't know how he adjusted at the beginning, since mine wasn't the first, but I do know that they have a very special bond. Your kids are so lucky to have you!

Your husband needs to understand that this is an incredible time in your life, to be a grandmother for the first time. I don't understand why he wouldn't be happy for you because he loves you. You should be able to share this with him. I am sorry for your situation. Children ALWAYS come first.

Well, first have you spoken with your husband to see what his problem is? Does he have kids of his own? He might just be nervous. Hopefully, when he meets the baby, he'll fall right in love. Do you and your son/daughter in law treat him as though he is the Grandpa. He might feel odd as a 'Step'grandparent. It can be a funny role where boundaries are concerned.

K., I'm with Claire. Once the baby is born, he'll feel differently. I don't think you want this to be one of the isssues you need to fight for your rights over - it'll happen naturally and you won't have to make any grand statements. There are lots of ways to make this less threatening for him. I am also in my second marriage with kids from the first and in this marriage I am less likely to fight and more likely to just do whatever I want to do, avoiding his upset as much as I can. Don't get a crib - get one of those beds that folds away - the baby is not taking over the house! And you'll need something for naps, anyway. He is excited about the baby, and that's a great start. It'll be fine, I'm sure.

Give him lots of time to get used to the idea. First he has to meet the baby. It will be a while before the baby or parents are ready to spend the night apart. A portable fold up crib that you can stash won't take up living space or be a visible reminder of an extended family. People who haven't had kids need to be broken in gently, they aren't used to giving up the control they think they have over their environment!

Even men can't resist an adorable, sweet newborn. Maybe he'll change his tune after he sees his new grand-daughter (even if she isn't a blood relative).

Congratulations!! I have two sons. My oldest is soon to be 19 and my youngest is 15. I was remarried in May. I am 37 & my husband is 38. He never had children of his own. I often wonder how he will react we become grandparents. I agree with the one mom who said you need to encourage the mom to bond with the child but I don't think that's what you were implying at all. I took your message as preparing for when she is old enough which I'm certain would be a couple of months to spend the night. I too, am planning on having a crib here and possibly a room for my grandchildren. Some of my fondest memories as a child are of staying the night with my grandparents. I am certain that as the pregnancy progresses and especially when your grand daughter is born, that your husband will be wanting to have that special time with her too. Congratulations again, and best of luck to you :)

He probably needs some time - esp if he does not have his own kids - it probably seems crazy to him. Plus is he that close to your son? I bet he will come around more once the baby gets here. He may be freaking out at the idea of you being a grandma and what that might mean to your relationship. But once he sees that baby and how excited it makes you - I bet he will get into it!

p.s. - I would recommend getting a pack n play. It will take up much less space and can also be used as a playyard when baby comes to visit.

Hi K.:

First congratulations!

My comment is off topic a bit, but, just wondering - does your son and DIL want the baby to spend the night? Just asking since this will be their first baby, they might want to be comfortable with your ideas and expectations, too.