Need Help with My 6 Year Old Who Is Having Trouble Sleeping at Night

Oh this story sounds so familiar. Our 2.5 year old was NOTORIOUS for coming to our bed in the middle of the night. We tried to be firm (and loving) and kept putting him in his bed - but after a week of interrupted sleep, we were exhausted and still no results. We had a gate that we used at the bottom of our stairs when he was younger and decided to put him to bed and put the gate on in his doorway - he HATED IT and cried and cried!!!! We explained to him that if he didn't stay in his own bed ALL night we were going to put up the gate - so we calmed him down, took the gate down and put him to bed. We left the gate right outside of his door - he's woken up a couple of times and starts to head into our room - but we hear him say, "no gate" and he runs back into his bed. We have to laugh b/c he's so cute when he says it. It's been a month now and he's slept in his own bed ever since. The gate is still right outside of his door - not sure how long we'll keep it there. . .but right now, we are all sleeping through the night so it'll stay for a while. . .hope this helps!

I think you need to look at what the underlying cause is. Why has this started all of a sudden when things were (I'm assuming) fine before. Maybe if you can figure out the cause you can fix that and the sleep issue will resolve itself. If there is something else going on, making her insecure, stressing her out etc, kicking her out of your bed where she feels comfortable and secure is going to make things worse. Plus- she really needs her sleep. Good Luck

Maybe she can earn sleeping in your bed? So you could tell her if she can sleep in her own bed M-F then she can sleep with you on Friday nights. Of course you may want to eliminate it all together but if you don't mind the occasional slumber party this maybe a good option.

You can also prep her throughout her day. Explain why she can't sleep with you...she has her own bed, your room and for you and daddy, that she needs a good night sleep for school, that her siblings all sleep in their own bed, etc. Also that sleeping with mommy and daddy is only okay when she is sick.

Don't know if any of that helps but best of luck!!

Hi L.,

This is not going to be your typical advice, but I picked this suggestion up a while back and it worked like a charm with my 7 yr-old who was doing the same thing. As you are getting your daughter tucked in for the night, prompt her to think of and say 10 things she is grateful for from the day. If she can't think of 10, that's okay. Have her say as many as she can think of. It can be as simple as she got to eat her favorite dinner, she gets to sleep with a stuffed animal or doll that she loves, for the hug she got from you, that she gets to sleep in a comfortable bed, anything that she can be thankful for. Try this for a couple of weeks, every night, and see what happens. It will only take a few minutes every night. I know it sounds a bit "out there", but something happens to us energetically when we are in a state of gratitude, and it may just be what she needs to sleep peacefully through the night.

Let me know what happens!

J.
www.ishinekids.com

Been here many times. A couple of suggestions. Be firm that she may not sleep in your bed, however, she is genuinely afraid and needs your comfort and support. Try having her sleep with a closet light on or hallway light (we put our hall light on a dimmer). Maybe try a sibling having a sleepover so when she wakes, she's not alone (however this tends to be habit forming as well). Calming lullabies even for an older child were helpful for us. Try the CD This is Dedicated to the One I Love by Linda Rhondstat. This CD is so calming and peaceful for babies right thru adults. You can get it on-line. Overall, be patient because it will pass. She's counting on you to make her feel safe.

try eliminating milk for 2 weeks. There was a study done in 2000 that showed that a frequent cause of night time wakings was a hidden milk allergy. There were NO other symptoms in these kids. I took my older daughter off milk when she still had not slept through the night at almost 4 yrs old. After 6 days she started sleeping solidly through. After a week of solid nights I tested the theory and overloaded her with milk, ice cream, cheese, etc. She was up 6 times that night. Took away milk and she was back to sleeping solidly.

Can't hurt to try it, it's an easy fix if it works.

My solution to this may be a bit different then others-I would go and cuddle in my child's bed until they basically fell asleep and then go back to my bed. They still get comforting but they don't get in the habit of coming into your bed which can be very difficult to break. I was scared alot in the night when I was a child and I don't think you should just ignore it or put up gates or whatever. It's pretty normal for a young child to want to have some comfort at night. The other thing is, since you have more children, could an older child sometimes bunk with her?

We had a similar problem when my stepdaughter was 6.

First, you're going to have to let her know she can't sleep in your bed anymore and you're going to have to be firm no matter what. Maybe choose to start on a Friday night because you're going to have some upsets.

When she wakes up, walk her back to her OWN bed and help her stay there. You may want to cuddle there with her or bring in a pillow and sleep on the floor next to her bed. The point is she needs to sleep in her OWN BED.

She may cry, but you're going to have to be firm but loving. We have a bedtime ritual, drink of water, turn on the music, tuck in the covers, kiss, leave the room. We repeat the ritual.

My stepdaughter took about a week to get used to sleeping in her own bed. There were upsets and tears, but we were firm. Now we have no problems getting her to sleep in her own bed.

She's allowed to sleep in grandma's bed and her mom's bed--realize that the child is NOT going to give it up on her own! Ours is seven now and has been doing the sleeping in someone else's bed thing for over a year. They don't mind so she won't give it up.

She told us she had nightmares, all kinds of stuff. Now that she knows we won't allow her in our bed the nightmares stopped (I don't believe there ever were any, I can tell the difference). We have no trouble.

Sometimes the House Fairy (http://www.housefairy.org/) visits when she's sleeping and leaves a surprise on her bed. We tell her the House Fairy won't come if she's not in her own bed. That helped as well!

Good luck!