Need Help with Babysitter Situation

You could try asking questions like, "Tell me one or two things you'd like for her to do that she doesn't do and/or one or two things you'd like for her not to do that she is doing." I might actually ask him to draw his answers to this question. I am a child therapist and I find that kids that age express things, especially things they may be afraid to talk about, much better through art and play. You could also observe his play to see if there is anything "off" about the interactions of the people/toys in his play.

THis is the age where kids start hating things they liked in the past. Unless you can come up with other evidence, your child is probably just wanting you. It has nothing to do with the sitter. He wants you to spend time with him ALWAYS, he likes you putting him to bed. Your gut feeling is probably hyped up by the media that is going on. This same thing happened to me, only I was the sitter. The little boy told his grandmother he was "afraid to go home with me" (I was picking him up and taking him home) all because he wanted to stay and watch movies and drink his milkshake and all the other fun stuff grandmas fill their kids with. You can't get any more answers out of him because there aren't any. Ask him point blank if your sitter touches him. He'll be honest. IF the answer is no, he is just suffereing for the age--he just wants you.

Hi C.,
My little guy is 4 as well and is going through a stage. He LOVES our babysitter, but lately has told me the same when I tell him she is coming over. He only want s me to put him to bed and doesn't even want daddy to put him to bed. So I get that one. He finally came out and said " I love when Sally plays with me and I hate it when she doesn't" So there it was! Sometimes she does homework and I am ok with that, but clearly he's not. It's not a phone thing.
If he like Amber and she is not playing with him, set some rules and boundaries. You are not paying her to talk on the phone.
I hope that helps

L.

Trust your feelings!!!! Put in a Nanny-cam....No harm, no foul. Thats your job..protect them until they are old enough to protect themselves... L. B

you've gotten good advice so far. another thing i've done is to use a different babysitter and then ask questions of my son comparing the two sitters.

Instead of asking questions that they can answer with "I don't know", try saying "Tell me about...". An example would be: "Tell me about the last time Amber put you to bed." "Tell me what story she read to you." "Tell me how you felt when mom and dad went out." You may still get an "I don't know" answer, however, it is usually more effective in drawing out information.

Do you have any family, friends, or neighbors that have kids? You could say our neighbor asked for Amber's number so that she could watch her litte boy, do you think he would like Amber? or something like that. Thats what i did with my 4 yr old daughter when I asked her about one of her preschool teachers ( he said she didnt like her and was going to help her with snack time, when i asked her if one of her friends wanted to help with snack she said no because her teacher would get mad. come to find out she had gotten in trouble for running on the playground and knocking some one over) it could be something simple or very serious. Maybe last time she put your son to bed she read the wrong story or did something out of order, maybe it is something serious or maybe your son just wants you to put him to bed. no matter what it is always worth investigating. Sometimes if kids are asked in another way they will feel more inclined to tell you. He can tell you why somebody else doesnt like her but he might feel as though he will get into trouble if he tells youwhy he doesnt. Good Luck

i have no ideas on how to draw out information from a four-year old, never succeeding in doing it myself. it may just be that he wants you to stay home. HOWEVER, as a mother, i'm a firm believer in listening to your gut when you think something is wrong. so listen to it.

C.,
You are getting wonderful advice on the babysitter situation. This is a wonderful resource.

I have a four year old, very energetic, and hard to talk to. We cannot ask questions of her, she needs other options to communicate, and because she is creative, we use that medium. She creates the situation, in clay, in paint, with cut up paper... it is great to see her tell the story, even if it takes a while to get. If your child has a similar passion, maybe you can adjust the medium to tell the story?
Good Luck with your situation.

If your gut is telling you that she may not be the right babysitter I would stop using her. I had a college girl that babysat for us since my son was about 6months old and once he started to need more "play time" outside and stimulation she was not the sitter for the job. She liked to sit inside. I also think she talked on the phone a lot. Easy to get away with when you are watching a baby, but once you have a toddlers you can't talk on the phone because they need your constant attention. Good luck and hope you find a new sitter that you like.