Babysitter Takes Nap

I was fine with it until she told you she thinks you overreacted. It makes me feel like she doesn't see how it was a big deal. Like you are looking at the potential problems that could have came up and she is only seeing they didn't so it is okay.

If I were you I would give her another chance but watch her closely.

She acted totally irresponsibly and how dare her tell you you over-reacted! Find a new sitter. What if something had happened?? It wasn't a one time thing....if she did something like that once...she will do it again.

She might think you overreacted emotionally but probably not overreacting to the entire situation. A teen with a baby, when bored, will probably sleep. Not sure it's the best choice of babysitter for you.
You've just had a red flag. You've discussed it with her. She says it wont happen again (it was a red flag for her too).
Give her a second chance if she's been good until now, if there are other issues with her, this would be the time to let her go.
jmo

Good sitters are hard to find, so if you feel you can give her another chance, do so. But make it clear that your children cannot be unsupervised. She may be saying you over-reacted as a way to minimize her guilt, but she is making an assumption that your children are capable of waking her in the face of an emergency. Notice that she did not leave her own child alone - she was with her baby. I would tell her that you are understanding of how exhausting it is to have a baby, but that your children are too young to be left unattended. Ask her if she can guarantee you that this will not happen again, that this is a condition of her continued employment. Let her know that you value her and see if you feel she is convincing in her reassurance that it will not happen again and that she understands your standards. If she hesitates, then you should take steps to find someone else, but this is going to be an adjustment for you and your kids, so think about how secure you feel with her now.

I would consider giving her another chance if you feel she truly understood the importance of her "job" which is watching your children at ALL times when she is your sitter.

The good thing is your 6 and 7 yr olds are old enough to talk to you and let you know what is going on. You don't have to ask them to rat out the sitter, just ask some basic questions within conversation and you'll get info.

When our daughter was 1 1/2-3 I had a teen sitter I loved for date night. WHen daughter was almost 3, she was talking more and she kept talking about a boy we didn't know. So we put 2 and 2 together and assumed the sitter had her boyfriend over while babysitting. We always called ahead to let her know we were on our way home. So this time, we parked just out of sight from our house but where we could see our house. I called and said we wer eon way home and my front door was open within seconds and a boy left in his car.

She denied he was there until we told her daughter kept talking about a boy and told her we saw him leave our house. I didn't use her anymore because she did not own up to the truth plus I didn't want a teen boy I didn't know around my toddler.

Trust your gut and listen to your children.

The fact is that you have hired her to supervise your children within these hours. If you napped at your office, would your boss be happy about it? I understand that she is young (and tired) but I don't think you over-reacted. You are still considering using her as a resource, when many people would not.

I was a teen sitter, too, and at no point did I ever think it was acceptable to nap (unless it was midnight and my charges were asleep) when I was taking care of children.

I wouldn't like being told you overreacted. No, you hired her because they are not old enough to be alone and she left them alone. That's a pretty big "oops". She admitted to napping in a bedroom, not on the couch or anywhere near your children.

I think that she thought she could handle her baby and your children and that's not reality. Doesn't sound like it's working out. Good sitters are hard to find, but I don't consider someone who bails on the job (like our au pair did - walked SD to school but let her run across the parking lot) a "good" sitter. Someone can be really nice and not be right for the job YOU need.

I would take issue with this too. Not only the fact that she made the decision to leave your kids unattended to take a nap with her baby, but that she felt you overreacted. I would fire her on the spot. You are not paying her to sleep, and she needs to know that.

If you want to give her another chance, tell her that you do not feel that you overreacted, and that this was a serious infraction. Make it clear that this can never happen again or she will be out of a job. If I were a teen mom, I'd be taking my job pretty seriously.

Sorry, I may be in the minority on this one, but obviously her baby and needs are coming before your kid's. You are paying her to watch/interact/care for your kids. I think it's time to look for a new sitter who doesn't come with a baby of her own. Good luck!

If you have found her responsible in the past and trust her not to do it again then give her another chance. I started babysitting as a teenager and was told I made a mistake more than once but I never made the same mistake twice. One family I was their babysitter for 6 years and I still keep in touch with them.

I can see both sides on this one. Yes, she should not be napping if your kids were awake. But remember how exhausting it was to have a small baby? When I had a small baby I dozed off so many times pumping or feeding the baby (especially when I had a baby and a toddler). Also, I don't think it is a huge deal for a school age kid to play in another room for a short time. If you were the parent of your 2 and a baby it wouldn't be a big thing for you to do the same thing as a parent (it is just different when it is a paid babysitter). We played outside in the yard unsupervised at that age. I have a 6 year old and he is old enough to play in his room or watch tv for up to an hour if he gets up super early and we aren't up yet. We are right there in the next room and I know he will come get us for anything (or nothing) that needs an adult.

I'm currently looking for a good sitter, and I would not be asking for this woman's number. I don't want a person there for my kids to "wake up" if there is an emergency. I'm looking for someone to be interactive and attentive with MY kids. I'm paying for their needs to be met, not the sitter's. I babysat a lot as a teen and would never allow myself to fall asleep on the job. I truly empathize with this young woman's need for sleep, but just not when I'm paying her to be there for my kids. I don't sleep while my kids are awake, so why would I pay someone else to?

Well, this is one of those situations where it might just not work out to your satisfaction.
She is a teen with a baby. She may be exhausted. It's possible the only way to get her baby to take a nap is to lay down with the baby to get her to sleep and nap.
She's young. She's got a baby, a 6 year old and a 7 year old to care for.
Any mom with 3 kids knows it's almost impossible to supervise all three at the same time the ENTIRE time.
Your 6 and 7 year old should be able to stay out of trouble for an hour.

I'm not condoning her sleeping if that's what she was doing. I'm really not. You are right. This is a job and she is getting paid to care for your kids. But, add a baby into the mix who likely needs nap time, and I don't know how she can get her baby down for a nap in the same room with your kids.
Maybe it's not that she did anything all that wrong, but it's a matter of her not being able to juggle the kids in a way you are comfortable with.
Maybe she can get all 3 kids on one room for rest and story time and once the baby goes to sleep the older ones can get up.
I'm not sure exactly how else she could go about all of that.

If you feel her needing to care for her baby is taking away from her caring for your kids, then this isn't the best situation for you.

Best wishes.

Not knowing how she presented her thought that you over reacted I don't know if what I'm saying would apply. I suggest giving her another chance because she did say it wouldn't happen again. If her response that you over reacted is saying she will do it again then find another sitter.

If your response was very emotional then I suggest you did over react. Your response should be matter of fact, I do not approve and this can't happen again. Sleeping is not worth the end of the world type response.

I sometime snoozed when watching my young grandchildren. I did so on the couch with them in the room. I was aware enough that if the noise level changed I was awake. We never had a problem. The one time my granddaughter did leave the house, I was awake and washing dishes. The clatter of the dishes drowned out the quietly opening door. If I'd been napping in the living room I would've known she was leaving.

One cannot control every minute. Treat this as a learning lesson and allow her another chance.

True story...... when we lived in Iowa, one time, during the winter, my hubby was outside (it was dark, and there was probably a foot of snow on the ground). He saw a young child, maybe 4 years old wandering through the snow.

He got me, and we both went and talked to her, and got her inside. It was a small town, and most people knew everyone else, but we didn't recognize her, so we got our neighbor, hoping she would recognize her.

Well, the neighbor didn't recognize her, either...... we really didn't know what to do! (Today, we would probably call the police for help, but this was about 25 years ago, in a very small town.)

Hubby got the bright idea of back-tracking her from her footprints in the snow. They led a block or so to the back of a house, to the sliding door...... they looked inside, and there was a guy asleep on the couch!

Basically, there were 2 guys living in the house (none of us knew them..... they were renting)... and one guy's girlfriend came over, with her daughter. They wanted to go out, so they left the girl with the other guy, and he fell asleep!

The little girl opened the door and went out to "find grandma".

I shudder to think what might have happened if my husband hadn't been outside at just the right time!

You did not over-react in telling her that was inappropriate...... it was extremely inappropriate for her to take a nap when the other kids were playing.

I would really hesitate whether to keep her as a babysitter, if that is how she looks at her responsibility toward your children.

Please find someone else.

In my history of nannying, once in a very blue moon I would lie down *when I was sure the kids were sleeping* and use a 20 minute timer to make sure that, if I had nodded off, I'd wake up. (I'm a very light sleeper.) To leave awake, unattended children in a separate room and fall asleep, and then act like the problem is yours is one of 'those' signs... a sign which you might look back on later and regret not acting on. She may be exhausted from being up late with her child, and while I have great sympathy, that is her problem, not yours. When I was exhausted and 5 months pregnant, I gave notice with the families I was nannying for at the time. I didn't feel like I could do the job *I* would want me to do.

I'll be honest, this sounds like bad news to me. I would have a different opinion if she'd apologized and left it at that, but to suggest that you are overreacting sounds like there are a lot of 'professional' gaps. Part of being a nanny or babysitting *is to follow the preferences and requests of the parent*. Not sleeping at work is usually an industry standard, no matter what job you have. It sounds like she doesn't take her job as seriously as most parents would wish.

Perhaps give her another chance? Maybe... but if it were me, I'd be looking for someone else. Sorry.

I wouldn't hire a sitter who brings a child, especially not a baby. She is tired, for one thing. And...when it comes down to it...her child's needs are going to come before your children's needs. Babies have A LOT of needs. If I'm paying someone, I want the needs of MY child to be the most important. That's not going to happen with her.

Time for a new sitter. No question.

Ur first sentence says it all! I use a TEEN sitter. Of course she thinks u over reacted. She's only a teen who doesn't see the bigger picture quite yet. One day shell remember that conversation and remember how dumb that comment was. Start looking for a new sitter. Good thing nothing had happened!

A teenager who is a mom with a young baby and obviously sleep deprived. Poor girl, I feel for her. I remember I felt the same when my kids were babies. It's so hard.

I wouldn't help but feeling responsible for her in that situation. And the responsible thing for me to do would be NOT to have her watch my kids.

I wouldn't go as far as saying how dared she or dared she not. I mean, she can't really be expected to be be perfect and not slip up in that situation at all.

I guess my advice is - find a new sitter for your kids.

In the end that might also benefit her too - she should find a job that fits her needs better and obviously this one does not, so it is not a good match for either of you.

You said "you told her how you felt about it". How did you do this? Cause she may well have thought you overeracted. There is not right and wrong about feelings, but what she did was wrong and if you don't feel comfortable with her you should not have her come back. Especially if she has hard feelings about you overracting, then that can backfire on you in the future, putting your kids in more harm and more poor decisions in the future. my thought is if you had to ask the question here then you have valid questions about the kind of care she will give your kids in the future and therefore should trust that mommy gut that is telling you to find someone else to watch your kids...

She felt YOU over-reacted? Just ask her to turn the tables. She pays someone to watch her baby and the babysitter lets her child sleep with her but leaves her baby to fend for themselves. Doesn't she think she might be a bit upset too? What if something happened? What is the point of her being there if she isn't watching them? I would watch her VERY closely and make sure you get full reports with your children. If you feel at all uneasy about this, find someone else. This is one of those things you don't want to mess with. Go with your gut--no matter what.

I think your in the right. When I would babysit, I did used to take naps, especially when I was pregnant and working the night shifts. BUT, when I did the kids were usually napping or were already down for the night. As long as the kids were awake, I would fight through and stay awake with them. I also agree that it's probably hard for her to keep up with three kids, one who is a young baby. You could give her another chance if you feel like you can trust her to improve with this situation, but if another problem arises when it comes to watching your kids (which is likely), I'd start looking for someone new.

She's a teenager, with a baby.... Right there you killed me in thinking she's responsible. I wouldn't let her bring her own child with her. I'd guess 80% of her attention goes to caring for her own baby. Remember when you had one. They require non stop supervision and entertaining in the first place.

So no I wouldn't let her back. She did something wrong! She left your young children alone for an hour!!!! You were paying her to watch your children and she decided she needed a nap. Who seriously thinks that is ok. Then saying you are over reacting shows even more immaturity. Who would seriously say to their boss that they are over reacting? Would you? I sure as heck wouldn't.

Get a new, good sitter. I wouldn't use her to watch my dog.

I would not personally want to have a sitter bring their own child, especially a baby. I'm a mom of 3, ages 11 months, 4 yrs and 5 yrs old. It is hard for me to care for the 3 of them on a good day! I can't imagine a teen handling it! My own parents, and my in laws have never watched the 3 kids alone. They will frequently watch the girls, or take the baby for a couple of hours.

When we had a nanny, the girls were taking daily naps, every day about 2 hours. Our nanny used to rest/nap on the couch while they napped. But it was a light rest, not fully under covers, laying down. She was extremely cautious. Once my dad was babysitting them, and fell asleep while they napped. They woke up from their naps and were shouting for him, and he didn't hear them, he was deeply asleep. Luckily they were able to go and get him, they were 3 and 4 then.

Anyways. I guess the thing is your kids should be able to deal but should not have to, a sitter is working. If I am home with my kids and the baby is napping, and I want to get a rest, I may lay on the couch with the girls, or in my bed with them, and snooze while they watch a movie. But we're in the bed/couch together!

It depends a lot, imo, how you addressed it. If it was matterfact and not mean or shouting/accusatory, then no, you didn't overreact. If you guilt-tripped her or used a loud angry voice, yes, I could see feeling that you overreacted.

Also, she's a teen and has a baby, so she may be in a more sensitive place right now and be herself overreacting to your comments (I know that as a teen I would've felt awful being chastised for something like this, at my job--I was very sensitive to criticism).

As a new (teenaged!) mom, she is probably pretty stressed, so I would say to just try to give her the benefit of the doubt.

I don't think you overreacted because that is not my call. That is how you feel and that is your right. I do not believe, though, that you need to agree with someone in order to respect and abide by their wishes. It is only her opinion that you overreacted because that is her perspective right now and I can guarantee you that will change, several times over, but it doesn't mean she can't follow your rules and really that is why we have rules like that for those that watch our children. So that no matter what their opinion might be they are handling things as we wish. If you do feel you can trust her and do have a good relationship you can definitely get past this.

I think someone might say well isn't it just common sense not to fall asleep when babysitting and to me there are too many variables to have only one answer. First she is a mom, with a baby. I know when my kids were small I basically half slept - no choice lol - so I would be aware if I was needed. I can totally trust my daughter, just turned 8, while I lay down for a bit. Maybe whatever the variables she felt it would be OK.

That's also the thing about really trusting the person we have watching our children. We are counting on them to make the right decisions while we aren't there so if you really have/had trust in this person then I would definitely keep that in mind while making a decision and go from there. A good and trustworthy babysitter is hard to find. Good luck!

I think that if your kids are older then perhaps it was okay she took a little while to be separate from the kids. When I was a nanny I was called their surrogate mom by them and the parents. Moms and dads go take a nap sometimes. I would leave it at you didn't like it and ask her to not do it again.

On the other hand, she was there in case of an emergency so it's not like she left them alone while she went shopping...she was there. Just in a different room.

I think it depends - what it a snotty teenager way of "OH, I soo think you are over reacting!" OR an adult conversation of "I felt you over reacted to this situation, although I understand and see your point I disagree with how it was handled." The way it was presented will be the defining moment for me.

I
personally don't think you overreacted

I personally think u should give her another chance. Move on, she has cared for your kids and u have been happy with her up to this point. You knew when u hired her, she had a baby and how much work they are.

Be up front with her and say that in the future, she needs to please not do it again.

I used to nap with my baby when I was a nanny...but the kids were ALL sleeping. My boss knew I would nap then and was more than okay with it. I set my alarm on my phone to get up 30 minutes before the kids were to get up, so even if the woke early, I would be up.

However, now that I am a mom, I have a different view on this. I allow my morning sitter to sleep for a bit. I don't mind if she sleeps when everyone else is sleeping, but if ANYONE is awake, she needs to be up. If she wants to sleep she can do it at home, not while I am paying her.

I will also never hire anyone with their own child to watch my kids. I know from doing it that it only brings problems. I turned down sitters who I thought would be great beacuse they wanted to bring their own kids with them. When they told me they could do it, my response was that if they were not putting their own kids first, I didn't want them watching my kids anyways, and you can't put mine and yours first. A lot of times they understood this.

Good luck.