Need Help Coping with Daycare

Hi C.,

Alright take a deep breath. This is hard. I have two babies that I stayed home with up until the beginning of this year. The working issue had come up and come up and I finally had to bite the bullet. Our society is both pro-mom at work and anti-mom at work (confusing??).

My son has a communication disorder so I was terrified that the first day they would call me and say they couldn't take it. But no phone call and when I went running back the moment I was done I found two very happy, well-fed toddlers running around. They didn't nap, but they did a quiet time for the daycare gal. I found as the days went on it was really me and not them having a hard time.

One thing some daycares have is monitoring systems - you may want to ask about this - where they have a video camera on at all times and you can go to a website they have set up to see how your baby is doing. If they don't have this you are allowed to call and ask how everything is going (I don't recommend talking to your baby as this can cause tantrums).

The other thing to remember is that daycares are USED to children ranging from very easy to extremely difficult. They have had training if they've gone through the state for certification (you might want to ask this as well - it means background checks have been done, only healthy snacks are provided, etc.). So they will know how to deal with tantrums and so on. I found that my kiddos behaved better at daycare than they did for me!!

It will be hard for the first few weeks, but you'll find others at work who have their kids in daycare, and you'll know that it's going to be ok. As long as you've done your research on the daycare (beyond just knowing the director - it's good to know if the daycare itself is a good fit for your baby) you will find that it really just takes time to ease into this new experience.

What your child needs from you is the security of knowing she is loved just for being, and getting her basic physical needs met, like a home and regular meals and rest. Mommies around the world have to work, many while their children are infants, and that's just life.

And many (probably most) kids find the input of additional caring adults to be intellectually and emotionally enriching, resulting in greater imagination and resiliency. If you feel confident in the care you will be offering your child, you are doing all a good parent can be expected to do.

There may be a brief "adjustment period" each morning as you drop her off. Don't let that freak you out; it's totally normal, and for most kids stops as soon as mommy or daddy are out of sight. (As she gets older and learns to play, she may surprise you by not wanting to leave when you come to pick her up.)

It's fine to consider the not-necessarily-wise attitudes of "our society today." But society gets hooked on fads and fashions, and those are not always realistic or kind to those of us who have no other option than to work.

Just be sure to let your beautiful baby know you love her without limit, and she will be fine. And so will you.

My daughter started going to daycare (which I loved) around 7 months as well. It was VERY hard and I too was concerned about the nap time and one-on-one attention.

It has actually worked out very well, and the teachers were great! My daughter is now 4 and still goes 3 days per week. If she misses a day, she gets pouty. She loves the social interaction, games, learning, etc.

Children are very flexible and will generally adapt well to a positive environment. Just make sure you are active in her care, checking in with the teachers and stopping by to visit if possible during the day.

I can assure you that my daughter is very well behaved,smart, secure and happy little girl. Even stay at home moms need someone to watch their children on occasion (maybe even weekly by grandma or a relative) . . does that make them less of a mother? No.

i have a two and four year old who have both been in daycare since they were younger then your baby. I have always had to work, so they have always been in full time, 5 days a week. They love it. They both really enjoy being able to go and play with there friends every day and because there's not so much one on one, they have to learn to be more independent, which they really like. I wouldn't say your little one necessarily (spl?) thrives on one on one time, i would just say that's what she is used to. the first week or two will be an adjustment period for her, but i'm sure she will grow to love the independence and play time with other kids. I can almost guarentee, this will be harder for you then for her. Maybe to make things easier for you, you can ask the teachers to write up brief progress reports each day or just give you a rundown when you pick her up, so you can see how well she's adjusting to the change. good luck.

I started my son at daycare 10 hours a week at 8 months and he really, really loves it. I cried a lot at first after dropping him off, but was very careful to not cry in front of him and make it a big deal to leave him. I pick him up and he's really happy to see me, but when I drop him off and we would crawl over to a toy or a friend and get going with his day.

He is an extremely happy, playful and loving little boy--I don't know how I got over feeling guilty or awkward about leaving him, but his enjoyment at daycare made me realize that what I was feeling was related the expectations that I had for myself that had been set up by many others around me and weren't actually a reflection of how my son felt about being left. That has helped. I might feel bad leaving him, but it's not because him going to daycare is a bad thing. Good luck. I bet you'll be surprised how well it goes (but give it a week for everyone to get used to the new schedule!)

Hi C.,
I am personally a huge fan of GOOD daycare centers. My mom worked when I was little and both my brother and I did well. Our 2-year-old has been going to day care since he was 15 months old and he loves it! I even kept him in during the summer (I'm a teacher) because he has more fun with his friends. He also naps and eats better (they provide excellent meals-I tend to offer him a cheese stick). Anyway, kids are very adaptable and I think your daughter will be fine. It's always harder on the parents. Good luck!

I was just like you. I never wanted to take my son to daycare (although I knew I would eventually have to). He started going to daycare when he was 9 months old and still nursing. It was harder on me than it was for him. I did not know the provider (the first one was in-home). The first day, from work, I kept hearing him screaming for me...to nurse...for whatever else. When I went to pick him up, things were just fine...he did GREAT! Same thing happened to me a couple more days, but as I got more and more used to the idea, I calmed down. The only way I can really describe it is that post partum, I would have walking nightmares of my baby falling over the side in the mall from the second floor to the first..it was like a lesser version of that kind of. Anyway, he loved daycare. The problem was with me...I just couldn't get used to not having my baby. The more I did it, the easier it got. After a week or two, I was great! I am glad that I have him in daycare now. He has the opportunity to grow with and learn with/from other kids his age. He is learning how to deal with stress and other people. His teachers taught him how to drink out of a cup at school where I didn't have to worry about the mess on the carpet and a few other things that I would not have done at hte appropriate age because I wasn't emotionally ready to do so (or admit that my baby was growing up...one of the two! LOL). Anyway, he is 4 now. At age 2 he started going to a daycare where they speek Korean (I moved and they would take a 2 year old) and it turned out to be the best daycare in the world for him. He loves it! AND, now, he is bilingual too! It is so nice to have the support of all of his teachers and the directors of the daycare. Especially during challenging times like potty training or anything else. They are very encouraging, hopeful and helpful. The best part of it is, that my son LOVES it there. I had to change daycares a few times to find the one that was "perfect", but I really wasn't trying to do that...I was changing due to my own circumstances and it sort of just happened that way. Just one thing to remember is that even though you personally know the director of the daycare, if you feel that your child is not thriving at this daycare, or that it isn't the one for her, you are the one paying for it and you can always take her to a different one! I have talked to lots of moms who have had various problems with their daycare that for some reason it didn't occur to them to change daycares. Anyway, that's my 2 cents! Daycares deal with all kinds of kids, so they are used to the kind that sleep all the time, the ones that don't like to, they know that they need one on one (I believe the requirement for adults to children at 7 months is one adult per 3 children). She will be fine. A lot of daycares will let you bring her for a time before the first day while you are there with her, so you both can get used to it. Perhaps that is an option that will make you feel a little more comfortable?

I thinking finding a center you trust is the most important! Im going through the same thing right now, Ive been a stay at home mom for 6 yrs, and now all of a sudden i got to put kids in daycare, and its soooo hard! But both of my kids (who are big mommas boys) are doing very well and look forward to school. My youngest is in the care of a relative hes 9 months, on wait list though.
ALso i love the web monitoring, can check out what my sons doing at that moment. big peace of mind for me.

Mama... I'm so with you. My daughter is going this morning for the FIRST time to stay with someone that is not family as I go back to work just 2 days a week and I'm in shambles about it. I've cried all week :(
I would love to know what daycare you're using? I"m not comfortable with anything just yet... so we're still looking. :( I've gotta run this morning... but I'd love to chat some? Email me if you like! ____@____.com!!
K.

I feel your pain! You sound a lot like I have felt at times.
One thing that could possable make you feel like you are less of a mother for sending your child to daycare is peer presure.
I have both sent my child to day care and have also used a nanny.
Both have pros and cons.
I have now chosen to use day care instead of a nanny because my daughter needs an atmosphere that has other children her age around her. Not only that but many times when there is a public atmosphere you do not have to worry so much as to how your child is being treated.
I believe in day cares. My first daughter went to daycare and is in the top of her class, not to mentioned very loved by her two working parents. You should not feel guilty. I choose to work because I think I actually get more quality time with my kids when I am working. Trust your instinct and do not let society make you feel guilty for giving one hundred percent!