Infant in Day Care Issues

Updated on January 27, 2010
B.C. asks from Billerica, MA
16 answers

I am a new mom to a 16 week year old. I went back to work 4 weeks ago, and have been trying to adjust to leaving my baby in a corporate run day care 3 days a week. I feel like he is not getting enough attention and being held enough. He's the smallest so I think they keep him in the swing most of the day. He's too small to be on the floor with the other infants. Yesterday, I picked him up from day care and he's crying in swing. At home he never cries. I guess he was hungry and they were warming the bottle. At home if he's hungry to the point where he is about to cry, we will give it to him cold. He's not picky. It breaks my heart to hear him cry. I feel like a bad mom leaving him in day care when he cries. Sometimes when I call to check on him he is crying too. If they picked him up, he would stop crying. I feel like they have something against holding the babies. He is never being held when I go to pick him up. I try to say things gently because I don't want to be "that mom" who's always complaining. And I don't want any ill feeling between me and the teachers. I know they have a lot of infants to juggle ( 7 to every 2 teachers), but I still want him to be held when he cries. I don't know how to approach these issues with the day care. Any advise? I'm ready to quit my job and stay home with him..if only we could afford to I would.

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.X.

answers from Boston on

From my experience, babies usually do much better in a warm and loving home daycare where there are 3 or 4 children only including the baby. I am so glad I found a great daycare provider in Brookline for my baby and he stayed there until 18 months which was when he was switched over to a daycare center...by then the larger group made more sense and he could also learn to be more independent.

I would really suggest finding a home daycare provider who you feel comfortable with.

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.P.

answers from Boston on

You're both adjusting...sometime it takes a little time. Do they have a door with a window so you could take time to observe how your baby's day is? What is the routine in the center? Watch the caregivers and how they respond to the children. Make an appoinment to talk to the director about your concerns. Maybe you may want to check out another center or two. Just because it's a daycare center does not mean it's the right fit for you and your son. People have different personalities, so do childcare centers....each center has it's own style and personality. Research the state's website that was posted here. Read the regulations for center based care and then look at the home-based care. Should you decide a home daycare would suit your needs better, make appointments and vist several. Warning, infant care is difficult to come by in home daycare, slots are usually few and far between. Should you decide to change, have the arrangements set before you give notice at the center. And make sure you use a LICENSED daycare provider. Family members do not need to be licensed nor does someone you hire to come to your home, but do your homework prior to hiring anyone! Your son is very lucky to have a mom like you!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.G.

answers from Barnstable on

I have my daughter in a corporate run day care as well. They fortunately are very good with infants (they will hold my daughter all 8 hours if thats what she wants). I have had an experience with a day care like yours too, my
daughter didnt act the exact way they thought she should and they would be rude and ignore me when I came in - I tried to be so nice and not be "that mom" and it didnt matter, I took her out after 2 months because if they treated me like that - could you imagine how they treated her?
I hated them, they did not pay enough attention to my daughter and made me feel like a bad mother when she didnt "conform to their ways". If you are not happy there.... I would check out another day care, let them know your problem and see what they have to say. You have every right to be "That Mom" when it comes to your baby and question anyone who cares for him. It their job to make both of you feel comfortable and happy. It is unacceptable if they give you nay type of grief over this. Good Luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.V.

answers from Boston on

Have you thought of an in home nanny or family member to care for him while he is so young? An infant needs to cuddle and if your "gut" is feeling the way it does about this, then look into alternatives.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.A.

answers from Boston on

Having worked in a bigger center, I can tell you it is hard balancing all the kids. The ratio is correct because with 1 teacher it's 1:3. If you're truly concerned, ask the head teacher if you could make an appointment to speak with her about your concerns. They all understand "new Mom sydrome". Trust me. If you're too quiet or too reserved, you won't be heard. Just be straight forward and tell her that you're concerned about your son and that it always seems that he's crying when you call or at pick-up.

As much as the teachers would like to, they can't hold the babies all day. There's always a diaper to be changed, this one to be fed, this one needs to be put down for a nap. And forget it when they all start crying.

If you don't see any changes after speaking with the head teacher, talk to the director about your concerns. After that, I would find a new center. Either smaller or home-based. And when you're looking, make your needs for your child known. Let them know that the reason you are leaving your current center is that you have concerns about your son always crying. See how they react. If they answer you honestly, then that's where you go. If they give you the, "oh we never let a baby cry" and are all nicey nice, get out of there as fast as you can.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.S.

answers from Boston on

i would find another daycare center that is home based. my daughter went to a larger daycare center and cried all the time. i had just had enough and started looking at home daycares. i found a great place. my daughter loves going there and doesnt want to leave when i come to get her. and i am paying less too. i can only suggest looking for the person who has had kids since they were little as my lady has.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

G.S.

answers from Dallas on

Hi B., I can provide a safe and clean environment for your baby as well as a variety of age appropriate learning activities to develop your child’s social and intellectual growth. As a mother, I understand how hard it is to leave your children in someone’s care. You can rest assured that my home will be a home away from home for your child; full of love, constant and individual attention, educational toys, meals and dedication to your child’s comfort and safety. Please call or send me an e-mail with any questions about my home childcare, to schedule a visit, references or additional information you may need. * Loving family Childcare * Licensed with the State * CPR and First Aid Certified, my location is McDermott and Preston Meadow feel free to call me ###-###-####, [email protected]____.com

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.T.

answers from Bangor on

Affordability: look at your gas, clothes, daycare, car maintenance, additional food costs (because you may go out to eat more when you work)...I stayed home because it wasn't worth it. (I would have made $50 a week) However, getting away for 3 days a week and being a grown-up has it's advantages (beyond financial).

Children do cry - breaks our heart, but they do - however, it sounds like your son is crying too much and not getting the attention that a baby needs. You need to listen to your gut - because *you* are the one raising your child, not the daycare. You are "that" childs "mom".. nothing wrong with that. :D

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.R.

answers from Hartford on

I am a Mom of 3+. Their ages are 15 years, 9 years and 7 months. I also have a 18 year old step daughter. I have been quite lucky in the fact of not having to put my kids in a corporate/ public daycare. I was lucky to have parents who were able with my older son as well as close friends as needed. I have put them in preschool for the socialization. I also worked in daycare quite a bit at home and at facilities.

First, as you are adjusting so is your infant. It does take some time for him to get used to everything from different smells, different air, different ways of being held as well as different voices and noises. Although it may seem strange, he is used to the normalcies of home. As insignificant as they seem to us these are your angel's whole world.

Speaking from a daycare provider's point of view, we need to know what we can do to make the relationship between us, parents and child work to the benefit of all involved. The only way to make this happen is to have honest and open communication with the parents. Your providers should be more than willing to listen to your concerns and help to provide the outcome that you are looking for. The provider should welcome your comments and advice on how you want things done with your child. As a parent you need to also be open to their comments and suggestions as well. You may be seeing something that is coming out of your quilt and uneasiness of having to go back to work so soon.

Speaking as a mom, if your concerns and advice are not being met with this type of attitude you should really find a new provider. You have a mother's instinct and if you don't feel that your child's needs are being met to your satisfaction than you need to move on. Your son can not advocate for himself and you have that responsibility. I have seen what goes on in some daycares and would not leave my dog there. You need to search yourself, give yourself some time and find the best route for you to take. Remember to always believe in yourself and your methods of raising your precious angel. Who cares if you are "that Mom". Your son would probably appreciate you being "that Mom". That is the only one you need to be concerned with and if your provider doesn't see it that way than that's okay and maybe it is okay that you search out other alternatives for daycare. Maybe a home daycare would be better for what you are looking for. Remember that no matter how wonderful a provider is there is nothing like a mother's love. If you can cut some corners and budget differently to stay home for the first few years that would be the best in my opinion but if you can't than you need to find a person who you can feel confident and good about leaving your son with. I hope this helps you. I know how hard it is. I have been on both sides of having to work and being able to stay home. Although my older son was with his grandparents it was still very difficult to leave him.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.B.

answers from Boston on

Hi B.,

I'm going to give you my advice as a mother and a daycare provider.

First of all I understand your concern. Especially if when you call he is crying and at the end of the day he is in the swing and crying . I would hope that the daycare providers do hold your son through out the day. You mentioned that he doesn't cry at home. Just remember this is a different setting for him so he may react differently. It will take some time for him to adjust to going to day care and the teachers as well as it will take you sometime to get use to the day care and the providers. I think you should talk to the day care providers about your concerns. Ask questions? If they are caring teachers they will understand your concerns and I am sure you will feel alot better knowing what is going on. If after you talk with them you still don't feel good about bringing your son their everyday, I suggest you find a different center. Oh yeah and it is perfectly legal in the state of MA for there to be 7 infants and 2 teachers. In other states the ratios are higher. I believe in NH it's 8 infants to 2 teachers. Let me know how everything works out. : )

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.T.

answers from Springfield on

When I went back to work I had the same issues as you. I think as long as your baby is in daycare and you aren't the one taking care of your baby, you are always going to second guess everything. It is hard to leave your child with someone, let alone someone you don't know. My son had a lot of gas problems when he was younger and he was in a home daycare and the lady would constantly complain that he would cry all day unless she was holding him. Finally after 9 months we moved him to a different daycare and it was the best thing we did. Remember you are paying this daycare to watch your child and you are their boss so you have every right to talk about things that you don't like. It may be hard but you have to do it. You might find you like their answers or you may disagree with what they say and if you do you need to move your child. The place where you are at shouldn't be allowed to have 7 infants with 2 adults...that is illegal. Remember 1 adult only has 2 arms and that adult needs to be able to move the 2 infants that they are allowed in case an emergency happens. Good luck!!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.D.

answers from Boston on

If your not happy you need to speak up for the baby. If they don't respond to your needs would you consider a "home day care"? If they are licensed they have guidelines to how many children and the ages they can be. They seem more homey, they baby may respond better there.
You'd you surprised at how many there are. And I'm sure if you were looking for help finding one you'd get alot of responses here.
R.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.C.

answers from Boston on

Consider checking into licensed family daycares near where you live. Most women are licensed to have only max two infants with one toddler at a time, or two toddlers and one infant at the same time. While most family daycare providers can have up to six children total at a time, I don't think either of my two children had to share their babysitter with that many kids. There are online resources, like www.eec.state.ma.us/childcare or www.qualitychildcare.org that list providers in an area. It may be easier to bond with one person, than a staff of teachers who come and go...

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.D.

answers from Providence on

I never ended up putting my kids in daycare, but at one point I thought I had to and checked them out. And I specifcally didn't choose 2 because I saw the same thing. I walked out the door after seeing a baby girl crawl right to a worker's feet ( right next to me, by the way!) and looked up at her with her arms out while she cried to be picked up. The worker did nothing. I was horrified.
Go with your motherly instinct- if you feellike your precious baby needs more attention then he does! He should be getting it, especially since he is the little one there!!!! I hope you figure out what is best. If you have to, then maybe you should go another route for the needs of your child.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.B.

answers from Hartford on

When our son (born in Oct. 2007) was 10 weeks old, I had to put him in daycare three days a week. I had similar issues as he was the youngest, with the next youngest being 6 months. He was only there 2 weeks when he caught RSV from another child. RSV is very contagious but if the teachers hadn't just stuck my son in a bouncy seat and let the other children poke at him and take his pacifier he might have had a chance at not getting it. Anyway he got so sick I had to take time off from work as he was on nebulizer treatments 3 times a day. We finally decided to pay someone to watch him at home. This is more expensive but honestly so worth the piece of mind. I am sure my son still has moments that he cries with the sitter but at least she doesn't have 3 other babies to watch as well. I asked our pediatrician and she said if you can keep them out of such daycares for the first 6 months, they will adjust better. If you have no other options, be that pushy mother...you have nothing to lose. Good luck

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.C.

answers from Boston on

I don't know how you feel about a smaller run day-care, but that is what I do. I take care of a 10 month old and I have been watching him since he was 4 months old. His mother is very comfortable leaving him with me because she knows he will get the attention that he needs because I have the time to give him attention. I have 2 of my own children that are in school full-time, so I have the time to do this. I don't know where you are from, but if you wanted to consider talking to me about this, I could help you out.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions

Related Searches