Need Advice on Sleep

It's a very frustrating time! I really wanted to chime in to say that babies DO NOT cry to manipulate their parents, they cry because they need them and emotional support is as important as feeding them. Mothering has some good articles on sleep and crying- http://www.mothering.com/articles/new_baby/bonding/connec...

Good Luck! I hope you get some sleep soon : )

I used to believe in cry it out until I read Secrets of the Baby Whisperer (I'm on baby #3 and finally have a clue!!!) Basically, what you need to do is nurse her to feed her, then when you realize she has more than likely had enough to eat and is just using you as a crutch to fall asleep, you unlatch her, hug her- maybe even rock her for a few minutes or whatever you need to do so she is not upset. The idea is to put her down in her crib HAPPY and awake. The second she hits the crib, she will more than likely cry. Only let her cry for a minute or less, pick her up and hold her-- DO NOT NURSE HER, but hold and soothe her any other way (rock, bounce, whatever), then a SOON as she stops crying, put her back in her crib. She will cry again, let her cry for a VERY brief time (don't even leave the room), then pick her up and repeat. Depending on how tired and how stubborn she is, you may need to do this DOZENS of times in a row. After a while when you see that she is getting exhausted, instead of picking her up, save your back and just lean into the crib and gently lay her back down again over and over and over...(For my baby it was over 30 times, but he was around 4 or 5 months old and has a quiet tempermant--- some people may need to pick up and put down 100 times in a row!!) This will wear on your very last nerve and you will loose patience and wonder what the point is... you will be exhausted and over it and think "I could just nurse her and we'd both be happy"-- but you need to stay strong and remind yourself that you are doing this for the long run and a few nights of this will teach her to go to sleep on her own and therefore she will fall back to sleep on her own. It will take a couple of nights... but each night it will take less and less time and she will finaly get it that a) as long as she is upset, you are there for her and b) there is really no need to be upset because she is just tired and not really hungry and c) she can fall asleep on her own. Good luck

babies don't cry to get your attention. They do not have the emotional and mental development for that kind of behavior. I agree that you need to be there for her. People keep saying it will get worse, but that was not the case with me or any of my friends. They go through hard phases where both of you will get little sleep. those phases pass and then you move on. I work full time too, so I know how hard this is and how long it seems to go on for. She has only been on this planet for 8 months, if she needs you, be there. I get upset about the term "soothing themselves" because that is not what being left in a dark room to cry for 1 hour is at all. It just makes it sound nicer and justifiable. Truth is, you will never know exactly what is wrong, just know that only mommy can help. When she gets older you will have a comfortable, idenpendant and secure little girl who is a great sleeper! I never co-slept with my son because my friends who did always had horrible battles getting them to sleep in their own room later on, but every kid is different and if you want to do that, go for it. I was always there for my son rocking him and giving him a bottle if he needed it. He always fell asleep to a bottle or to rocking until about 15 months old when he just no longer needed that. He is rocked until he is grogy and falls asleep on his own in his crib. The first year of my son's life I was in constant worry about sleep. I knew that every book I read was telling me not to do what I was doing. It was stressful, but in the end I decided that no book could KNOW my son. I did what he needed and have zero regrets and will do the same with the next one. Don't feel preassured by experts, do what makes you and your girl feel good. My son is now a perfect sleeper at 2.5 years old. Wean to a bottle slowly following every elses advice. You will get there, but it will take time.

Have you tried giving her a pacifier? I know some people are totally against it but if she is wanting to suck on something, and the only thing she knows is nursing, you may want to introduce a pacifier. She may also be going through her separation anxiety stage which would be helped by either helping her bond with a pacifier or blankie/stuffed animal. Best of luck and remember - it's only a stage :) Jen

Sounds like she's going through a growth spurt. My advice would be to snuggle her up in bed with you and your dh and allow her to nurse as needed.

Blessings,

L.

Have you tried a bottle of formula w/ some baby cereal just before bed? Also placing a pajama top that has your scent on her matress so as she sleeps she can smell you. Only other thing I can think of is that if she falls asleep during a feeding, she may be waking up from some left over gas in her belly. Try and keep her up during the feeding and about 10 mins after to make sure she has burped as much as possible. Good luck.

I started weaning my daughter around the nine month mark. Just by eliminating one feeding at a time. By that time she was only breast feeding 3-4 times a day and it was easier than I thought it was going to be. My daughter is now almost 14 months old and seh still has issues with sleeping in her crib. I havent brought her to bed with us yet but I usually just let her cry it out. I know it is really hard to do, especially the first few nights but I promise it does get better. I am still trying to let my daughter learn to soothe herself back to sleep, just keep trying and it will get better. It has gotten better for us for sure. But like you i do cave in sometimes, and stopping breastfeeding is a big change not only for her but for you. I weaned my daughter to the bottle it was just the easiest thing to do . I thought she was still getting emotional comfort from the sucking so that too may have been why it was so easy to wean her from the breast. Good luck, just keep trying and maybe a warm bath before bed might relax her enough to stay asleep??

Good luck
A.

everyone is an expert..strict schedules, dont feed them, dont hold them, do hold them, do feed them.....yikes....do whatever you need to do with her to let her know you're there, and to help the both of you get some sleep..i know too..my daughter is a year old and we still have a battle sometimes about sleep..and not just at night..naps sometimes too.. I have a very active one year old daughter...who is so busy, and inquisitive, she dont have time for sleep...LOL...they sleep when they are tired, (or overtired,) or when they are ready to..i am not going to let my daughter cry for no reason forever...a little bit, maybe.....my other kids were on schedules, but that worked for them..not her..oh well, we will survive...LOL

there is nothing wrong with taking your child to sleep with you! there are guidelines on how on the Dr Sears website
http://www.askdrsears.com/

also why are you weaning her? maybe she is getting the rest of her front teeth...they come in really fast after the first ones are in. if you are working during the day, maybe night nursing is the best way to bond with baby? babies this young do not sleep THRU the night... if they did i would worry about her health...

Hi R.,

Every mom and every baby is different, but for us, 8 months was too early to go without a feed overnight, and too early to try self-soothing with success. Our daughter is now 15 months and verbal communication is greatly understood, so now she's understanding we all need sleep, boobie needs sleep too, etc without having to cry it out. I am guessing it will take 2-3 more months yet for her to not need nursing when she wakes up, but we are changing the habit slowly and painlessly.

Hi my name is R. and I also have a 8 month old daughter.

I can just tell you, your daughter needs you and loves you sooo much.
Just let her be with you.
Can you believe she is already 8 mth old?
It goes so fast so don`t worry and enjoy her love.

You are not alone. I also have an 8 month old who doesn't go to sleep on her own and still wakes up to feed once during the night. Mine bottle feeds and has (GERD) acid reflux to where she can't eat a lot at once, so I have to give her smaller bottles than most babies at her age and even baby food too, so I am a firm believer that if they are hungry, no matter what time it is, feed the baby. I am also torn about the CIO method and have tried it without success, but I haven't tried hard enough either. Do you have a rocker? We have to either rock her in the chair, bounce her (holding her sitting on my big yoga ball) or bounce her in our arms walking around, unless she's so tired, she just falls asleep in our arms on the couch. We do the night time environment - lights down, holding her on the couch while she does her little "I'm going to fall asleep routine" - she does this weird little thing where she puts her head down and wiggles around and then is up, repeats, etc. She uses a pacifier and has a stuffed animal/blanket combo. that she only gets during sleep times. We also have lullaby music in her room and a night light. I started putting her in the crib (she used to sleep propped up with us because of the GERD) during daytime naps - transitioned from us to the swing to the crib. Again, I just can't get her to sleep yet by putting her down awake and her not getting up in the crib looking for us. I need to accomplish that still... So again, you're not alone and the main thing is you're taking good care of your baby and loving her and try not to stress about what you "should be doing" more than that. I've heard that some babies don't sleep through the night for a long time - hopefully you and I won't have this issue for much longer, but every baby's different, so again, don't worry too much about what others say should happen. Your baby will tell you and you trust your mommy instinct. Best wishes!!

Hi R.,

I know this will sound hard, but she's not nursing for the food, she's nursing for the comfort, b/c she hasn't learned to soothe herself back to sleep. I'm sure you've already tried a pacifier, etc? I'm a firm believe in the cry-it out method, once you've established that there's really nothing wrong, b/c not only is it completely effective, it's also the quickest method around... usually takes 3 nights or less and then 2 weeks total to cement the whole routine. I also recommend reading "On Becoming Babywise" which talks a lot about routines, sleeping and eating schedules and how to get your babe to sleep through the night.

Good luck!
K.

Reading through these advice tips brings back memories when my children were smaller. I know that it seems like that there is no light at the end of the tunnel, however, there is and before long you will see. My children are 11, 6 and 4. Absolutely, from day one I kept each of them on a very strict schedule. Never varying, my babies grew to learn pretty quickly, the routine and I did not ever get a peep. The most important thing, is that evening bath. Each of my babies knew that as soon as that bathtime came, bedtime was very soon to follow. 6:30 would come and I would start drawing the water. After that a quick nursing and right to the crib. No questions asked. They will also learn that when the tone of the house starts to quiet down, bedtime is approaching. Around bathtime I would dim the lights, tv goes off, etc. Soothing music playing can help,too! I will say that having a strict schedule is a bit inconvenient for active families, because you can never vary from this schedule. However, even at Disney we learned to adapt this schedule for hotels as well. I must say that my children, even with my oldest, 11, we still use this schedule. Early evening, tvs, computers, etc. are turned off and baths are taken care of. Our house is settled by 8:30. Because of this I never had a child that fought bedtime. It all started with the hour I walked in from the hospital with my daughter 11 years ago.

Self-soothing is key! It's good you're starting now....this only gets more and more difficult if something isn't done now. Try and find a cuddly toy she can grow attached to...this will help her when you leave....once she gets used to it. And the nursing to sleep thing...been there...done that....she needs to learn to self soothe. Once she does, everyone will be happier! When babies cry...just remember...they are not in pain...they are trying to get your attention. She'll learn quickly that crying for you doesn't create results and will learn to self soothe. If she gets older...she'll get more and more stubborn...and this process will get even harder. Good luck!

I know you said you've tried all the methods... but, have you really stuck it out? Babies thrive on patterns and schedules.... they feel safe when they can predict what's going to happen next. So, when you all of the sudden stop doing what you've been doing for 8months now it's going to take some adjustment time... maybe even a week. I agree with most of these mom's that you really shouldn't nurse her to sleep. It's important for a baby to fall asleep in the exact same enviroment that they are going to wake up in. So, I agree with the mom's who are saying she needs to fall asleep awak in her crib on her own. It's going to take some time and effort to teach her that falling asleep on her own in her crib is safe. They say if a baby falls asleep in her mothers arms nursing and then all of the sudden wakes up in a completely different enviroment (like in her crib) it's very scary for them. Imagine if you fell asleep in bed nice and cozy and then you woke up to the smell of smoke and fire... it would startle you because it's not how you fell asleep. I have two children and I did the same thing with both of them. After laying them in thier crib awake... THe first night I sat down on the chair in their room and when they started to cry I instantly soothed them with my voice only. Then I let them cry for 2 minutes and soothed them again and then soothed them every 4 minutes until then eventually fell asleep. The second night I layed them down and waited 3 minutes before comforting them... and then 6minutes... and then comforted them every 6 minutes until they fell asleep. The next time... I did 4 minutes and then every 8 minutes until they fell asleep. This is a technique I learned from a movie called:
Your Baby can Sleep
by pediatric Dr. Stuart Tomares

It has a success rate of over 95%, even when nothing else has worked.
Keep trying and stay strong and now that all this hard work will pay off!!

My 3 year old goes to sleep all by herself without a single tear or complaint and has ever since she was 5 months old. And my 6month old does the same.
Good luck.

I have a 7 year old son and I did everything you are doing. My husband I just realized that the comfort of our son was more important at 8 months than if he fell asleep in his crib. Now you would never know he cried when put in his crib after nursing. I know it is hard, but just enjoy your little girl because you will never get this time back.