Need Advice on Holding My Son Back in Kindergarten?

I would look up the lights retention scale. His age, where he was academically and how he is doing socially are much bigger factors then how many sight word he has. Is he 6 years old yet? Is only the teacher recommending or has she gotten him extra support within the school? I'm not saying not to do it, just look at more then just reading as many kids aren't ready to read developmentally at that age but they should still be with peers instead of being held back.

No, don't hold him back. Do you know how many kids are not fully reading in kindergarten? A lot! They don't need to be held back for that. If he was having issues in everything then maybe...but I would say you can work with him over the summer on the words.

Find sites online that will help him with this. Games make learning fun. Find ways for him to do this. Even if he hasn't got them by the first day of school don't worry.

Don't hold him back. Let him at least try.

I can understand being confused, but I'm not sure I understand why you are so scared. I would think that's too strong a reaction. Can you say why you are scared?

Whether having him repeat kindergarten would be helpful, I don't know. But I don't think having a child repeat a grade a so young an age would be detrimental to his development.

My son didn't start kindergarten until age 6 - his birthday is in June. He wasn't ready at 5 for a lot of reasons. He was the oldest one in his class, and he benefited enormously. When I was teaching, I also saw a few kids repeat kindergarten after parent/teacher conferences and agreement, and the kids blossomed in the second year, becoming leaders in the class. If your child also has some academic challenges, it might be very helpful to have him do a repeat.

I would talk to another professional in the school - kindergarten team leader, guidance counselor, school psychologist, principal - anyone who can sit in with the class and observe your child for a period of time. If there is reading remediation that would be helpful, or summer tutoring, that's one thing. If he would be stressed out by that or if the summer just isn't enough time, or if there are additional issues (social skills, for example), then repeating might be a wiser, more long-term approach.

If you are worried about his friends moving on to first grade and him staying put, don't worry. Kids make friends easily at this age and no one is going to bad mouth him for being in the kindergarten class. Don't worry about public opinion, if that's on your radar.

If you do have him repeat, discuss with the teaching team whether he would benefit from repeating with the same teacher, or if he might do well with a different person with a slightly or very different style. There could be advantages to either one.

The times when it's best to have a child repeat a grade are more about age and emotional and social maturity. My oldest has a July birthday and was very obviously younger and less mature than the other kids in his preschool. He needed that extra year.

If you have no concerns about his age or maturity and he has some academic areas where he's behind, rather than having him repeat kindergarten I would work with him over the summer to help him catch up. You could do this yourself, hire a tutor or try a place like Sylvan.

My first question, is how is he doing socially? That is the big thing that kids should take away from Kindergarten.If he is behind a little in reading, there are ways to catch him up. I work at a very expensive Learning Processes center, and I have seen kids go from not recognizing any letters to reading 2 and 3 syllable words in 6 weeks with intensive teaching. I know the process we use is very expensive, so not recommending that, but, I do want you to know that if it is just reading, he can be taught through specialized focus.

Things that are developmental like social skills, thinking less concretely, or not being able to sit still or participate with the rest of the class, are concerns to hold him back. If you want to know where to go to get an evaluation done of his abilities from a non-school source for about $100, pm me and I can give you the info. I just don't want to seem like I am advertising on here, because I'm not. (Oh, I'm also a reading teacher at the high school level, which I do during the year.)

I wouldn't hold him back for reading issues. Reading is a completely developmental thing and he will learn to read when he learns to read. Some kids learn at 4 and some kids learn at 7 and it really doesn't matter. In Scandinavia (and Waldorf programs in this country), reading isn't even taught until kids are 7 and Finland supposedly beats the rest of us hands down in education. My BIL has a PhD in literature and didn't read until he was 7. His siblings both read at age 4. None of them would have benefited from being held back.

I would 100% NOT hire a reading tutor, do workbooks or apply any pressure whatsoever. It is so much more important that he learn to love reading than that he read in kindergarten. Of course you should be reading to or with him everyday - but I assume you already are.

'I have never heard a parent say they regret holding their child back but I have heard parents say they regret moving them forward.' I have. My son wasn't held back but he has a late (December) birthday and so missed the cutoff and is one of the older kids. So now instead of just being one of the younger kids in the grade, he gets pulled out for math and reading with the older kids. I regret that he missed the cutoff. He should have started kindergarten when turning 5, not turning 6.

I read this article:

http://www.inquisitr.com/2512234/delayed-kindergarten-enr...

And I really wished I'd waited longer to start the focus on academics vs play based learning with our boys.

I think our kindergartens are way too academic and should focus on play based learning. see this article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-learn/201505...
(Entitled "early academic training produces long term harm!")

This one was life changing for me. Every educator and kindergarten teacher and parent and creator of common core standards needs to read it. I have a lot of regrets in that regard, I basically forced my two sons to learn to read when they were 4 believing that early readers hold an advantage in school. Turns out I think that was not true. Reading TO your kids is a big factor that is important and it's not too late for you to start that!

But that being said, we are all just trying to do our best and it's hard! Maybe he's not ready for heavy academics yet and holding him back will give him more time to mature. Maybe not. But, I pray for wisdom for you!

School is about much more than reading and math skills. We kept our daughter in preschool for an extra year because she had a late summer birthday and just wasn't ready socially to move up. Her brother protested that she knew more numbers and letters and such than the other kids and didn't understand why we would be holding her back, however the teachers really felt it was the right thing to do for her developmentally, and we agreed. [No, we weren't going to let her brother have input into the decision, in case you are wondering. I just thought his reaction is a really good example of seeing school as about learning skills.]

I think you definitely need to get more input from the teacher about whether the recommendation is based only on the reading issues or also on a sense that he needs more time to mature socially or with the abilities needed for 1st grade learning. If the only concern is about reading, then check about local programs or tutors who might be able to catch him up. If it's about the social skills and/or basic readiness for the way they learn in the next grades up, then giving him that extra year to mature/develop will be the best thing for him. Good luck!

How old is he compared to the other children? If he is the youngest in the class, then it's a real concern. If he's one of the oldest ones in the class, then that's another thing.

Can you afford to have him tutored by a reading teacher all summer?

The answers to these questions are very important for us to give you GOOD advice. Add the answers to your question.

Can you tell us when his birthday is? It would help to know if he is a young kindergartener or not. There is a huge difference between say the youngest and the oldest Kindergartener. You can really see it if you help in the classroom. My daughter is in Kindergarten and I help out once a week. If schoolwork comes easily to a child it really does give them confidence and a love of school. If they struggle they might go through life thinking they dislike school and are bad at it. Do you read every day at home? I get a huge stack of library books every week and I read to her every night. We probably read 4-5 books a night. I used to sometimes use my finger to follow along with the words (when she was 3, 4, 5). Or have her sound out words. We point out signs and she would try to figure out what they say. I think reading daily and doing basics of teaching will give your son a huge jump over the next year. My brother struggled in school always...but he had a learning disability (dyslexia). It took him 7 years to finish college because he kept failing, but he did it. He has great job now and is doing well, but he always thought he was bad at school. Anyway, I suggest reading at home a LOT every day from now till the end of the year and see where he is come this summer. Don't stress him out or force him...just make it fun.

I understand not knowing what to do and it's stressful. Sometimes teachers are really helpful - will have great suggestions - but where she says that he could use more help - what about a tutor? That was my first thought.

I had to do a lot of work with my kids in the early years of school, especially kindergarten. Do you work with him at home? There are workbooks available (you could ask your teacher for websites on where to order them). I had to teach my kids to read pretty much myself.

My personal thought is that you should be able to catch him up from now till he starts the next grade. You have the whole summer.

A lot of parents (myself included when my first went to school) think that kids are taught everything in school, and that's where they do all their learning. My older sister told me to get involved right from the get go. So my kids went from average to doing really well. Not judging you - but you haven't mentioned what you are doing at home - so that would be helpful. Not all parents know there are resources out there for you.

For example, I just assumed they would teach printing - as they did with my older bunch. No where near the time spent on this at school any more. So one of mine had real difficulty. I was just told that they were struggling, and offered no help by the school. So I tried to help - but it wasn't until I arranged for my child to see an OT specialist - and we got the help we needed - privately. I got the printing work books, I spent 10 minutes a day - every day - until now my little one is caught up - not to everyone else, but at least it's not holding her back.

I'm not a fan of holding kids back in general if it's just one thing they are struggling with - but I've read on this site so many moms who said their children benefited from doing a year over or waiting to start school. Usually it's because of where they are socially or maturity wise, or they are super young for the class year.

Is there someone else you can reach out to at the school - to get a second opinion? What about a school psychologist or counselor? I think I'd try that.

Good luck :) Keep us posted

ETA: Read your SWH.

Couple of suggestions. We worked with an OT specialist (fun lady who made learning fun) for motor skills with my youngest. She too held pencil in a fist. Really helped.

Second - has your son been tested for Dyslexia just to rule that out? Likely doesn't (kids' reading comes along at such different paces in the early years) but good to know.

My mom taught kindergarten for 30+ years - typical and special needs kids. She had enough experience to give parents her honest opinion and could suggest things that worked for families in the past. Sounds like you need this type of guidance. If your teacher isn't that experienced - then definitely look for someone in the school. It's not to discredit your teacher - just say you're confused and would appreciate more input.

I would send him to 1st grade. I have had daycare kids that couldn't really read at the end of kindergarten and then by Halloween of 1st grade it clicked and they were caught up to grade level by xmas.
My own daughter was one of those. She was not behind but not really reading at the start of 1st grade. She ended spring break of 1st grade pretty much on grade level perfectly. Then between then and the end of the school year she gained a whole year of reading level and by the start of 2nd grade she was reading at a end of 3rd grade level. She is now in a super advanced high school.
Another daycare girl was still not sounding out words really at spring break of 1st grade but something just clicked and now she's reading chapter books 6 wks later. I was going to tutor her over the summer and now there isn't any need to, she's just fine and at grade level.

1st grade is a huge catching up year, and honestly kindergarten isn't as much schooling. If they have to repeat a grade I would chose 1st or 2nd over kindergarten.

It's a tough decision. Do you happen to know any early elementary retired teachers, or other teachers who would be willing to 1.) do an assessment of his progress in early reading skills and 2) provide some tutoring for him in the summer so that he would be more prepared to move on?

Tough call! Hard to give advice without the full picture. I teach elementary school and I have a young son in kindergarten (July 27 birthday). With that being said, the teacher is not recommending he be held back because of 16 sight words. Most of the kids held back in kinder are held back because of maturity (how they interact with others, do they still cry at drop off, fine/gross motor skills, playing during instruction, can't sit still when teacher is reading a book, etc). Your son is young with an April birthday, but not super young (I'm surprised there are no May, June, July, or August birthdays in his class) for a Sept. 1 cutoff. Schools do not suggest retention lightly, so if the teacher brought it up I would give it some serious consideration. Have you observed your child in school? Ask if you can sit in for a few hours one morning. You can see how he does during circle time, centers, lining up, etc. You can also compare him to his peers. There is one student in my son's class that is being retained. I am certain that any adult that spends 10 minutes in the class can pick this child out. He just needs another year--he's average academically. He is socially behind. It's nobody's fault--he just needs the gift of time.

You mention he has trouble with blending sounds. Has he been evaluated by the speech therapist?

Please don't compare him to your step son. Every kid is different.

Hi A.,

I am a parent to two boys, one with an April birthday (and our cut off is 8/31) - his not the youngest in his class and never has been looked at as "young". April boy is in 4th grade and excels academically - he is doing 6th grade math and reading - straight As - no behavior problems but is a bit immature and has some social problems (not a lot of friends in school - but does well in Cub Scouts and has lots of friends there). My baby's bday is 8/26 and I sent him to kindergarten this year despite the cut off. He was totally ready socially - he is used to playing with the 4th graders and very mature for his age. We were told by the pre-K teachers that he wouldn't make it academically and we should hold him back. I decided that if he would be held back it would be in kindergarten. Well, he is blowing the sight words away and also the math. He does have behavior problems - the clip is constantly moved - but he has lots of friends and does well academically. I am glad I didn't listen - oh, and yes, he is definitely the youngest kid in the class.

Has your son seen an eye doctor to rule out any visual problems? I am wondering if some of the issues might be vision with the sight words. Also, when he writes, does he write some of the letters backwards (b, d, s, c, p are common ones)? That is often related to brain development and will correct itself when the synapses grow together.

If he repeats, be sure he has a different teacher and as much different as possible - with the same teacher, it will be the same thing - nothing new and he may find himself bored and in trouble a lot due to boredom. I would meet with the school guidance counselor and the teacher together before making this decision. How many sight words does he need? Does he know all of his sounds? How about numbers? Do you have alternative promotion? Hope it all works out. C.

Our son's birthday is end of Oct and where we lived you have to be 5 on or before Sept 30 to start kindergarten.
So he turned 6 in kindergarten just 2 months into it.
It's worked out great for him!
He's almost always the oldest in his class (unless there are any earlier Oct birthdays), he's always been the tallest, and had more patience than most of his classmates.
His reading didn't really take off till the 2nd half of 2nd grade - and then he was reading beyond his age level.
By 3rd grade he was reading Harry Potter books on his own.
I really think some kids really benefit from an extra year maturity.

I know three kids personally who have repeated kindergarten in the last couple of years. Two were my students. I worked with them as a reading specialist. I would say that all three of them have greatly benifitted from repeating. Neither of the students I worked with qualified for services with me the next year. They both did great socially as well. My friend's grandson who repeated kindergarten is now a thriving 2nd grader. Repeating at a higher grade level is not as successful and can be more detrimental.

That being said, if it is just a few more sight words and some word blending, that is something you can work on in fun ways this summer. Write your own books. If where is one of his words, write a book that uses the sentence stem, "Where is my ----?" Take silly pictures of things hidden around the house. Go to the website sightwords.com. I print off lots of games like Candyland and Chutes and Ladders. At this age, it's amazing how one day it will just click and the kid who needed to learn 20 site words all of a sudden jet needs 4. Just make it fun and read LOTS of books!

Hi A.,

Believe me, I understand your struggle with this decision. I think you've gotten a lot of great counsel so far so I'll just add my experience. My DS, now 14, has an August birthday (Leos of the world unite! :-)). Anyway, it was clear to us that he was not socially or emotionally ready to move from 1st to 2nd. He goes to a private school and during the elementary years, they blend the classrooms. K and 1, 2 and 3, 4 and 5. So the kids are with the same teachers for 2 years and the age range is opened up to accommodate more diverse social and emotional challenges and benefits. He's never struggled academically but he was very immature and lacking in social skills, including impulsivity and emotional intensity. So our decision was to keep him with the K and 1 class for one more year and it was the best decision we could ever have made for him. I do worry a little that he'll be a legal 18 year old adult in his senior year of high school. But I know that the decision to let him "simmer" for another year was the very best decision for him when he was 6.

Most teachers don't suggest holding them back, especially at this age, without good reason. Ask yourself...what does your "mommy alarm" say? The only time I've regretted a decision is when I've ignored mine....things always turned out badly.

Good luck and enjoy him!! :-) S.

I have never heard a parent say they regret holding their child back but I have heard parents say they regret moving them forward.

Having said that, I taught my youngest daughter to read when she was 4 using the book "How to Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons." My daughter went into kindergarten reading at a 4th grade level. By 5th grade she achieved the highest reading score possible which was 12 grade 9 months. My oldest daughter scored in the 96 percentile on the reading portion of the SAT test for college admission. I really think being early readers helped them and I took it upon myself to teach them to read.

I wouldn't be scared but proactive. And I don't think that being put back is the answer but my question is, was this issue not addressed sooner/earlier in the year? Did the teacher not address this before this 4th quarter?

I ask because my son, was told around the age of 5 that he was delayed. I refused to believe that. And what I did was go shopping. I went to toys r us and literally purchased over $200 worth of 'educational' toys. Some of which were by 'Melissa and Doug'. My son is now in 8th grade on an 11th & 12th grade reading level. Make sure you're careful in what you choose to believe. Your son, IMO should be signed up for summer school to overcome the sight word issues. If I were you, I'd also find some free online phonics sited for him and have his exercise his abilities atleast 4xs weekly. Be encouraged, not afraid. I'm quite sure that your son is very intelligent. This is just a small bump in the road.

I wished I had held my daughter back in kindergarten. She is a July birthday so she was one of the youngest in her class. My gut has said to hold her back since she couldn't read by the end of kindergarten but the school told me that she will get the extra help and she will be fine and there was no reason to hold her back. Of course I listened to the school and have regretted it ever since. She is now in fourth grade and is only reading at a first grade lever. She has other learning disabilities and quite a few emotional ones. Since most of her grade all have birthdays at the beginning of the school year she is almost a full year younger than them and it has taken her toll. She has been made fun of for her reading problems and also because she is more immature than them. Do what you feel is right but if I could go back in time I would have her repeat kindergarten. Good luck.