My Teen Sons Gf Lives in Another Town...

Hi K.! Well I am the mother of 5, four of which are teens...ages 19, 17, 16, 15, and 7. The 19, 16, and 15 year olds are girls. I too have raised all my kids to not expect things to be handed to them. While their friends parents are buying them cars...I refuse. I feel we give our kids way too much these days and then they'll go out into the world expecting the world owes them something. My 19 year old works full time and attends classes full time as well. She has her own place (has roomies) but has not asked for one dime since she moved out 8 months ago. She has told me it is tough and that she is glad we made her do chores and get a job. When she got her first job at 15, she stayed there for 3 years. She earned money to buy all her clothes and also she bought her first car. It was not fancy or new, but it got her from point A to point B. She has thanked me more than once for what I have forced her to do. She is proud of herself. And I am very proud of her as well. So my opinion is YES...make him pay for the gas. Maybe not all of it, since I don't know how much you are spending on gas money per month to do this for him. But at the very least he should contribute. He is 17 and will be out there in the real world soon enough. Life is not always fun and it is not always fair. I would explain to him that it is great that his gf's parents can give her everything. But that is not how it works at your house. Explain that you are trying to prepare him for when he is on his own, so that he can stand on his own two feet. This is a process that kids will go thru. My 16, and 15 year olds are both seeking jobs now..part time of course. They intend to save for a car as well as college. They have been brought up knowing the world will not owe them anything. That they have to earn their way. And they will be stronger for it. They will kick and scream about it at first, guaranteed. But in the long run, when he is a dad and looks back, he will see you did what served him the best. At 17, it is high time to learn these lessons. I have given my kids accounts with ATM cards and were told that they will NOT be bailed out. If they overdraw...it is on them and the account will not be re-opened. We also have discussed credit cards and paying bills on time...in length. Your son will be mad at you I am sure, but that does not change his love for you. My kids have all been steamin' mad at me from time to time, but they all love me and we have pretty good, open relationships. They all have come to me with questions about anything, from sex to money. It is worth a try. If you coninue on the way you have, he will just continue to expect it and what will he do if he's thousands of miles away at college and things aren't the way he wants them? Sometimes you have to be tough in order to show you love them. email me if you want to talk further. Good luck! S. ...you can reach me at ____@____.com

Can your son handle humor?

Maybe you can tell him you're going to charge him taxi rates (which cover insurace and pay, and since time is money, you deserve some "pay").

OR maybe you can speak with the girl's parents and see if they are willing to drive her all 25 miles to your place and you trade off. While you are driving more the one time, at least it will cut down on how often you're doing it.

Or make your son call a cab. :D

In any case, I don't have teens, but I do agree with the others that say you should put your foot down. My parents stopped paying for my clothes when I started babysitting and always gave me the "I'm not your chauffer" clip when I asked to go somewhere. Even adults need to plan errands, etc. (or we should to cut gas waste). My husband and I do not intend to buy a car or even a personal computer for our kids. They can have jobs to buy those things and we have a FAMILY CAR and FAMILY COMPUTER.

All of the advice you're getting is on the mark just remember to let your son know that you love him while you're teaching him about values and responsibility.

My parents used to make me take the bus, ride a bike, or walk if I wanted to go somewhere. (They did, however, drive me to church and to school, which I guess shows what the priorities were, LOL!) I am pretty sure my mother would have laughed at me if I had asked her to drive me 25 miles to meet a boy.

Hi K.,
Yes, I beleive your son should contribute to the gas fund.
He should also start reading and getting ready for his driver license test or permit., that might help some..If he gets his license and starts driving then he should also contribute to the car repair fund. fair is fair..we need to teach our kids responsability. I'm sure your son is a good kid no question there..Just that nowadays our kids are forgetting that it takes work to earn money.sometimes we work hard to give our kids everything and later on as they grow up they expect it all free. Yes your Son works and thats good but he keeps his money..so your still paying for everything..if he gives you his check then I am very proud of him. TM

Hi K....

I read your message, and i'm only 21, but i agree with you that he should learn that not everything in life is given to you. A contribution for gas would definately be a smart idea, otherwise... my parents would have told me to get my license if i want to drive or find my own ride. There are bus stops everywhere, and its only $2.00... i think. Your son should be mature enough to get around on his own and be responsible enough to not depend on you for rides all the time. Good luck!! Let me know how it goes! :)
A.

This sounds very familiar to me. I have been married to my husband for 10 yrs and have help raise his kids from a previous relationship for the past 15 yrs. We expereinced the same thing with my stepson about 2 yrs ago, he is now 18. Although she lived only accross town, we were asked pretty regularly, at the last minute to take him somewhere to see her. She too had everything done for her by her parents. Our reaction was to just say no, sorry, but we cannot drop everything because you want us to do something for you. We told him that he would have to give us prior notice. When he would TRY and make us feel guilty or throw out the fact that her parents do things for her, we would simply reply then have them come pick you up or drop her off here. Even though we love him very much, we refused to have our lives revolve around him. Who cares what the girlfriends parents think. Of course now they are no longer together. I say do not feel guilty and definately have him be responsible and pay for the gas. You are in this case being treated like a taxi, so have him pay. Good Luck.

Yes! Let him pay at least sometimes. Don't worry what the gf's parents do. My kids' friends parents do all kinds of things for them that I won't and I have to say I don't think my kids have that sense of entitlement.