We are having a pretty big argument in my house, and I would love your input.
When my daughter got her drivers license she drove my car some, and then my nephew sold me his car for $200 because he was getting a new one. The car was old and nothing fancy, but I figured since it was her first car and I was paying for it, it should be good enough to get her to and from school and she should appreciate having it. She didn't have a job at the time, but she had a pretty heavy class load at school so we agreed that if she kept her grades up that would be her "job" for the time being. I told her she could drive the car to and from school and sports, but it was not intended to go long distances or drive around a bunch of other kids. She has driven the car for the past two years and not put any money into it, not even gas or insurance. She has still driven my car often and even wrecked it once (which is why I wanted her first car to be a cheap one! She thought I was horrible for not getting her something better.
She got a job a few months ago, part time after school and I told her that if she wanted a better car she needed to start saving up some money for it. I told her I would help her look for one, but I wouldn't be paying for it. My dad is awesome at finding good cars at reasonable prices, but she didn't want anything to do with a used car. With college tuition and everything else I am trying to pay I can't buy myself a new car. let alone her. So my dad called me the other night and a good friend of his had purchased a new car and wanted to sell her old one. It runs great, looks good, and is better than the car I have now. I could afford to pay cash for it and I bought it. I said that both it, and my current vehicle could be considered family cars and either one of us could drvie them, but she is having a huge fit because she thinks I should give her the car. I offered to let her drive the car I have now, and she didn't think it was good enough.
So my question is this,...am I wrong in expecting her to get her own car? She is 18. I had a full time job and a checking account when I was 14. I offered to let her drive either car when she needs to until she gets her own, but I refuse to call the cars I have, "Her car." Did you have to buy your own car? She acts like I am the only mean mom in the world who would expect a kid to work for something they want and need.
Thanks for all of the responses. My daughter is a good kid with good grades and big plans for her future. I just feel like as other's have said, the sense of entitlement is out of line. I want her to learn to be responsible and to know how to work for what she wants, so I guess I am going to stick to being the "meanest parent in the world" for a while. I love her enough to expect things from her. My mom taught me to do things for myself and I want my daughter to know what it feels like to accomplish something for herself. I have always tried to instill this in her, but for some reason the whole car issue seems to be the one big deal breaker for her.
Thanks for the support.
So have you stopped laughing yet?? If I behaved this way I wouldn't get to drive ANY car and my parents probably would've taken away my DL. I'm sorry, but she is acting like a spoiled brat! She's 18 and should be acting like an adult not a 6 yo. I am not against a parent buying their kid a car, but when they behave this way, no way should they get a car.
If you want to really open her eyes and teach her a lesson, then sell the other two cars and keep the best one for you and you only! She's 18 and if she wants a NEW car, then she can go get herself financed. I am still baffled by her comment of wanting a new one and a used car isn't good enough for her. A new car...seriously???? How about a new bike, LOL!!!
Please do not give her another car. She will never learn the value of having a vehicle or anything else for that matter if she doesn't earn it herself. You have already given her more of a head start than many other parents are able to give with that 'beater'. And still she feels entitled to 'new'. Tell her it's called a beater because it beats walking. Harumph.
She needs to realize she is not a little girl anymore. I bought my own car when I was 18, and I was playing two college sports, had two part time jobs, paid for tuition myself, paid for my car payments, rent...
She needs to get over it. She is an adult and if she wants something, tell her to get it.
I think you are absolutely right! Stick to your guns. She should work and save up for her own car. Why is she entitled to a nice car just because she was born? What would she learn by being handed such a thing?
I'm with you on this Momma, I think you're doing the right thing!
Yeah, see I would just take all the keys away, and tell her when she can afford a car, she can buy one of them from me.
My son is almost 15, should be getting his learner's permit this summer. He will need a car when he is 16. But, I will not be buying one, unless he already has the money for 6 months insurance saved up. He know this, it is his choice and he has a year to figure it out. Then he will be getting the most affordable, safest vehicle I can find for him, cause at that age, it ain't about having the cool car, it is about having the affordable car.
You are so not the mean Mom. You are a Mom who wants her child to learn responsibility and understand that certain things in life are earned, not privileges.
The way I handled for my son, made a deal with him. I was a single parent from time he was six months old, and for high school graduation, he knew I couldn't afford to "fund" him. He had worked since he was 14, mowing lawns, then when he was "of age" to have a real job, first was in grocery store, and he had responsibilities at home besides school, then by graduation, with only one car, he had to have transportation to college and work. We shopped for a brand new, few frills, (airconditioning), bought a new pick-up, manual transmission. The graduation gift, my Mom and I made the down payment, and the deal with him was, he had to make all the payments, I paid the insurance. His jobs and full time school, could not afford more.....
He made all payments, paid his own college tuition and books, while living at home, did all the yard work, even bought his own "commercial' lawn mower, and I thought he would never get "full time" work. At age 23, moved out on his own, nice apartment with another guy, completed his college while working two parttime jobs. One job became full time, then he did so well he became part owner of the company, (plus keeping the parttime job)was there a total of 9 1/2 years. I helped fund the ownership and he paid back in full. By time he was 30, afforded his first "starter" home, sold his part of the company for double what he paid. Now age 38, very successful, has wife, baby, owns home, pays all bills in full, does not pay interest on credit cards.......pays off each month. Totally knows value, if can't afford, don't buy, or buy interest free. He learned early on in his childhood, can't have everything you want. He kept that truck for 10 years, was able to have the "nice new car" when he could afford. He has had several new cars since and doesn't have a big income. The big pay off.....He knows money management, would rather have quality than quantitiy, can sleep at night knowing he isn't buried in debt, can enjoy finer things in life, not scrimping at every turn, planning for the future.
Stick to your guns, make her earn her way, don't just hand it to her.
You are not wrong in expecting her to buy her own car. Good gravy, you have been far more generous than I would have been. She wrecked your car and you are still making a vehicle available to her on your dime? AND you are paying her college tuition?!
I can't even tell you how hard I am shaking my head "no no no". Please go back and re-read your post. See how extremely generous you have been. I know you love your daughter very much, but please her to suck it up, get herself a job, buy her own car, pay her own insurance/gas/maintenence and be glad for what she has and Quit Complaining.
(When I was 18, I was working full time and was saving up money to move out. College wasn't even an option. Nor a car. My mother NEVER let me drive her car, not even for driving lessons. Your daughter sounds like she needs more opportunities to take care of herself.)
At 18 my Dad cosigned on a used car loan. While going to college fulltime, I worked and paid my own car payment ($151.33, I still remember). I also paid for gas and regular maintenance, like oil changes and tire rotation. My Dad paid for my insurance and major repairs like the timing belt.
I would tell her that unless she wants to buy her own car, she can "borrow" one of yours. It sounds like she may be a little spoiled if she thinks you're just going to give her one!
My first car that was purchased expressly for my use was from my parents, it was a 1991 Ford Tempo, the year was 1995, I was 23 years old, I was in my second year of vet school, and I was happy to have it.
The first new car I bought on my own, financed with my own money, was when I was 28 and had been working as a veterinarian for 3 years. It was a 2001 Ford Focus.
I don't know what your daughter expects - that you are going to just get her a brand new car but not have one for yourself? She needs a serious reality check. Tell her she can save up her money for the down payment for a new car and see if she can finance the rest - then let her walk into any car dealership and see what they can do for her, depending on what her credit is like. My husband was a car salesman for years and used to get kids like her all the time. They wanted a brand new Mustang, or SUV, or whatever, but with practically no money up front, and crappy credit - oh wait, the monthly payments are how much? And then insurance is that much more?
I would just stand firm and tell her that unless she can somehow save 100% of the money she needs to buy a car outright, or get the financing she needs, she will be borrowing a car from you, and it will be whatever you feel is best - if she's not happy about, too bad. She doesn't like it - she can move out. And then be responsible for all of her own bills and expenses. So what if she thinks you are the worst mom ever - I say you are a far better mom to teach your daughter a valuable life lesson than to just hand over something to her that she has not earned.
I'm 25, so all this wasn't that long ago for me. When I turned 15 my parents bought a used Ford Taurus, not the coolest thing, but it was one of the safest cars on the market so that's what they got. I called it "my car" but they called it theirs. :) I worked as a nanny from the time I was 13, after school on days I didn't have sports, and then got a job at the grocery store when I was 16. I worked both jobs all through high school, and saved about 75% of it. My parents did not pay for clothes, shopping, movies, food when I was with friends, etc. so I did use a little bit of what I earned. I also felt bad that sports and drama were so expensive, so I helped my parents pay for parts of what I wanted to do. I ended up getting a 75% scholarship to college, and then the school I went to also paid me to go there so I only had to cover about 10% of college tuition plus housing because I went about 3 hours from my parents house. I also worked full time after my first semester. I was glad I had built up such a savings acount so that I could afford to take that first semester off working and get used to school. My jr. year of college I went out and bought myself a brand new car. Nothing could have felt better. I did finance it, but I put down about half on day one. I was so proud of myself and my hard work. But I missed my savings account, so I got another part time job on top of what I was already working.
I say stick to your guns and let her earn it, you're already paying for college and that is the best gift you can give your child. My husband works very hard so that we almost have our two year olds college paid for and when we are done with that we will start on the babies.
ALL of us (my sibs, cousins, and myself) bought our own cars. And most of my family -not my particular unit- is quite wealthy. Same token, we all pay for college ourselves (although k12 is paid for by parents IF they go to private school). Education is very important in my family, but so is self sufficiency. We have a *very* tight knit extended family, but we also have a lot of pride of accomplishment. Not to say newbies (freshmen in college, just signed military, new families, etc.) don't get a lot of help... but it's in the form of time/ care baskets/ kitchen utensils/ phone cards/ etc.). Big ticket items one works for. Family "loans" are common, but they're paid back, with interest.
All four of my kids bought their own cars when they were 17 and had jobs
after school and full time jobs over the summer. Before that, they drove
my car when needed. No way was I buying anyone a car. When they buy
it themselves they take really good care of it. You are right.
I had to buy my own first car, and my children will do the same. I am hoping to be able to afford a "family car" as you have done, but I agree with you. You should not give it to her. As parents we have to teach and guide our kids. This includes teaching them to save for a car if they want one of their own.
You are not wrong. I have a 19 year old. My husband and I will not buy him a car either. Tell her that you will buy her a car when she starts paying you rent and see what happens. Kids these days think that they are entitled to every dime you have earned. They forget that you have to work for the money, that they get to help you spend freely. If you don't teach her responsiblity now you will be getting pimped out by her for the rest of her life. Stay strong and don't give into her. This is a lesson she needs to learn.
wow, not only would I expect her to buy her own car at 18, after the fit she pitched about you graciously letting her drive what...all 3 cars??? and had that attitude??? OH HELL NO! I would NOW tell her that she can't drive either of YOUR 2 cars and she can be happy with HER one car she has until she can afford on her own to buy something else. She is ungrateful. In 1983 when I turned 16 my mom bought me a 1969 VW bug but I had to buy my own gas and when I turned 18 I had to buy my own insurance and after that I traded it in on a brand new sports car and paid for it myself. I think you are being way to nice and she is being way too ungrateful. good luck!
I haven't been able to read all the postings, but I wanted to respond.
It amazes me how spoiled kids are now-a-days! I'm only 31 and it seems kids' sense of entitlement has escalated exponetially since I was in highschool. I drove a crappy 10 year old car for the first two years and then when it died, my mom helped me buy a used car. I was lucky she could help me pay for some of it, but I put in about half. I also had to the responsibility of paying for gas. Again, my mom paid for insurance. I'm not suggesting that you should cover those things, I just wanted to put it out there that I wasn't paying for EVERYTHING but I was putting money into it.
She has a job and has a car and should be happy that she doesn't have to walk everywhere. If she isn't even paying for gas or insurance I would consider her lucky.
I suppose my answer is that you are right- you have given her so much and she needs to be thankful. Not every kid is going to have parents who can or should be able to pay for everything- she needs to LEARN SOME RESPONSIBILITY!! (not saying you aren't teaching her some, but I mean you need to stand your ground!)
good for you! Teach her to be responsible now b/c it sounds like she feels entitled. I worked at age 7 raking leaves, etc then at age 13 I cleaned neighbors houses and babysat. by 16 I had a real job working 3 days a week while in school full time and playing sports full time. I had to pay for my own first car and my dad paid for insurance. I had to pay for gas. I was not given an option and surely was not able to drive my parent's car. They said either I buy a car or I take a bus to school and my paren't drive me to work and I pay them gas! Sit her down and give her YOUR RULES and that is it. Set her straight now, stay strong, you are doing great.
We bought a used car for my now 19 yr old. She moved to college and had a wreck w/in 2 months. (Really not her fault in my opinion but she was ticketed for turning left during a red-we've all had to do that).
We had insurance but had to pay since she was ticketed-she had to pay the ticket-we paid the repairs. Got used parts and did not put out the xtra for paint!! She loves it still and calls it Old Betsy! Because we told her there would not be another!
It is hard because we can afford to buy her a newer one but just making her learn to appreciate what she has. Really hard in this day and age when most cars in the high school parking lot are better than what most adults drive!! Hope someday, those kids have the ability to not be materialistic!!
Keep on being tough mom-she will appreciate it in 5-10 yrs
Christi, I don't know why you think you owe your daughter, ungrateful at that, a car. You have been more than generous and kind as a mother to provide her with one. She just needs to understand the big picture, that's all. Maybe a better question would be why she thinks you owe her that much.
Please don't feel bad about your decisions. Teach her independence and appreciation. And don't pay so much attention if she throws a fit. She'll get over it.
No you are not wrong at all. My parents did by me my first car, they didnt pay much ( my dad was a sales manager for a large dealership & they got a great deal) however in 1997 when i got my first car it was a lovely 1986 cavailer. Nothing fancy. I Had to have a job and pay for any and all maintenance, repair, & insurance. I asked my mom for gas money once, and she took my keys for a week, and guess what i never again asked for gas money again. I think its great that you are not going to just give in to what she wants. I think too many parents do and as a result there are a lot of lazy self centered teens & kids out there.
At 18 (not even at 16) my parents were not buying me any kind of car. I had to get a job and buy my own car.. my dad helped me look and inspected it (he's a mechanic) and he sure as heck didn't pay gas. They did pay the insurance, but that's it. You need to start putting your foot down in that she needs to get her own car. She is an adult at 18 and needs to start getting on her own feet. I hated when my parents did that to me, but I grew up and was on my own at 18. I would've jumped thru hoops happy if my parents let me drive their nice cars. I know it doesn't always end up that way... but at 18 she needs to be responsible for her own stuff, not mom and dad. Both cars are yours.. end of discussion (to me). Does she still drive that old car? That's hers. If she wants something nice then get a loan or save up. It's time for her to act like an adult, your last sentence should be you expect a new adult to work for something they want and need :) Good luck babe.
You are definately NOT wrong in expecting her to get her own car. It really concerns me that she thinks she should have a new car too- if her attitude about money doesn't change, I see loads of DEBT in her future. I wonder if she'd be open to this Graduate's Survival Guide from Dave Ramsey's website:
We wish we'd known about Dave Ramsey when we were just starting out- we'd be very comfortable right now if we weren't so busy paying off debt :( We're bound and determined for our kids to not repeat our mistakes, though.
She should be thankful you are offering her a car to drive and not making her buy her own car. She has a choice. She can use the one you provide, or save up for a different one to buy herself. You could always tell her she can't drive either for awhile and see how she likes that.
Does she know how much a "new" car costs?
I drove my parents' cars in high school, then when I graduated, they let me take one to college and it became my car. It was 1993 when I graduated; the car was an '88 Oldsmobile grandma car. I was thankful to have it!
Ha! I cannot believe she is even upset with you over the family car issue! From the time I could drive (even with a permit) I was expected to pay at least half of my insurance (around $900 a year) and any/all gas I used came out of my wallet. When my parents finally bought "me" a car (it really was just another family car that only I drove), all of the gas in that thing came from me. Your daughter is lucky that she isn't my daughter (such a mom thing to say) because I'd be telling her that until she started to appreciate what I allow her to use and chip in on the car stuff (insurance, gas, etc.) that she isn't allowed to drive either vehicle! But that's just me... :)
P.S. In high school I danced 6 plus hours a week, taught dance 2 hours a week, worked 10 hours a week, took all honors classes and had a 3.85 GPA...there really is no reason she can't contribute some!
When I turned 16 my parents said if I wanted a car I had to pay for it. I didn't have any money so I had to get a job. They bought the car and I made bi weekly payments (on a clunker) and paid for my insurance. I worked ok for about 6 months and then it died. So we went through the process again and I then bought my second car. Which lasted for a few more years till I could get my own car loan, which I bought a used car again. To me and my parents it wasn't about entitlement it was about teaching me a valuable skill. Paying off debt and not expecting the world to take care or me. Sure my parents helped get things started but I never had a nice car and my husband and I bought our first new car (either one of us ever had) after our second child was born. We were pushing our 30s. I think you have a good idea. Stick to your guns.
So you now have two cars and the one you just bought is the nicest?!?!? Me personally, I would make that my car and tell her she can drive my old car, but she pays gas and insurance. Although our plan is to match 1/2 of what our kids save and they also pay gas and insurance. If she doesn't like it, sell the your old one and say alrighty then, you are on your own now! I am fully prepared to be the mean mom, I like to joke that my favorite word is "NO"!
Wow, I didn't get a car until graduate school. And then it was a hand me down - I didn't pay for the car (pretty much no trade in value there) but I paid for the title transfer, insurance and of course gas (and a lot of repairs). You in no way 'owe' her a car.
No, I don't think you are asking that much. She has a family car she can use which you have provided. She is lucky to have that.
In high school my parents got an older car from my grandfather who was no longer driving. The plan was for me to get that car when I got my license but mom got in an accident driving that car so it never happened. My parents did give me a car as a graduation present. It was a used car and I was 27 and finishing grad school (in another state). I could have saved up and gotten a car before that but it was never a priority for me when I was in school. The car my sister got as her first car was a 1989 Honda Civic (which she still has!). My parents did give her that car in her last year of college when they got a new car (it was about 10 years old then) and she needed a car to student teach. I did have one friend who had an almost new car of her own at 18 but it was because she was living home and commuting to college (which cost much less than going away to college). She was also working full time and going to school so I am sure she was paying all her car related expenses.
I would use the newer car for myself and tell her to either take the older car or do without. Don't go back on what you said. Having your dad buy her a newer car isn't what you wanted. He should have offered it to you for you. Then maybe she wouldn't have gotten the idea it was her car and you were keeping it from her for yourself.
You did just the right thing. If she wants it to be her car, it can. She just needs to earn it. Pay for it. At 18 you are legally an adult. Totally reasonable to expect her to pay for her car if she wants to own it. New! Get a job and pay for it. I;ve only had one new car..... once I could ... pay for it...
When I started driving, I drove an old 73 grand torino. I called it the "boat" as it was so long. Ugly car and embarrassing but I was happy to have a car.. It was mine to use as if it were mine.. but it wasnt mine, it was still my parents. They paid insurance becasue I couldnt.
When I was ready to think about buying my first car, my dad generously offered to match whatever I saved. I pulled weeds got a job and eventually saved 1500. My dad matched it and we got a 1983 toyota truck. And that was in about 1994 (11 years old) It was Red and a stick shift. My dad drove it home because I didn't know how to drive a stick. IF YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR IT, YOU WILL CARE FOR IT.
She can have "your" car when she buys it from you! Really. Mom is driving a used a car and she expects a new one. Welcome to the real world. Now go make some money. Ha! Thats life though. Real life.
You did good mom. Stick to your guns. GOod lesson for her.......LMFAO... just read other posts that had been posted while I was posting and someone else used the same "stick to your guns" term.. LOL... guess there's something to that statement!
I bought my first car - it was a 1976 Plymouth Arrow. It was WWWAAAAYYY used and it was MINE. My parents had actually had the money for it, fronted it - but I had to pay it back with INTEREST.
She wants a car - she can buy it herself. PERIOD. She's an adult. She has a job and if she thinks she deserves the best of everything - then maybe she needs to realize just how much the best of everything costs.....
You are sooo not the only mean mom in the world....She needs a taste of reality. My parents kept me on their car insurance policy while I was in school - if I got a speeding ticket that made their policy go up - I had to pay the difference between the old and new policy...trust me it SUCKED!!!
Tell her this is life - she's an adult. She wants a NEW car - then she can go BUY a new car, insure, keep gas in it and do the upkeep. I would NOT let her drive the newer car you just bought.
It sounds as if you have spoiled her and now she doesn't know the value or anything....it's gonna be a hard wake up call for her!!!
how rude of her!!! when i heard my daughter *bad mouthing* her 24 yr old FREE car "The Terd", she was warned that it wouldn't be hers anymore, we would happily donate it to charity..........she knows I mean business so she never said anything negative (at least not in earshot of us)........... She paid for all gas, 1/2 of insurance, 1/2 of parts but my DH worked on the car & got parts from the junk yard...........now she's away at college & doesn't have a car but she lives in the city & has a pass for public transportation, she sure misses having a car, even "The Terd".
Don't let her act like a spoiled brat, tell her to get over herself & buy her own car or be quiet & live by your rules........better yet show her all these posts
Well, I'm not a mom to a teen yet, but I am already very concerned about teens and cars. In our area and around the US, I hear about teens getting into accidents due to the combination of them still being young with not the best judgement and not being an experienced driver. My husband and I have an ongoing "joke" about "UH-OH, the high-schoolers are getting out of school now, lets stay off the road!" That "joke" is justified because they REALLY drive very badly and dangerously!
With the fear of them driving when they aren't ready and the pure fact that I will have FOUR (girl) teenagers living in my house at the same time, I have made the decision to NOT have them drive! I'm a stay at home mom, and plan on subbing when my youngest goes to elementary- I plan on them walking or taking a bus or me driving them to school, and I'm more than happy to drive them where they want to go because I know that on the roads they will be safe.
When they turn 18 (hopefully before this, however), it is up to them. I will expect them to work, and pay for and BUY their own cars-among other things. I could help with the insurance and put them in our policy. But, I would take it as the first lesson in becoming an adult is learning how to pay for yourself. It is only a good lesson, and a VERY "fair" one because you are teaching them to hold their own. They NEED to do this, and will be grateful for it. It can only do good to have them earn it themselves!
It is hard these days to teach our children any personal responsibility because everyone else is giving in to the demands of their children, no matter how rude and unthankful and disrespectful they are. Children think they are entitled to all the good things without any of the work involved. That said, tell your daughter she will not be driving ANY car until she buys one for herself. (She can even purchase one of your cars.) You can offer to drive her to work, so she can earn money or she can ride a bicycle or walk. If she loses her job, that's her fault, not yours. Do not baby her, especially if she scream/yells or otherwise gets ugly about it. You sound like a very caring mom (rare these days) who wants what's best for her girl. Be strong. God bless.
I drove the family car (when mom and dad gave me permission) to and from work (if they didn't feel I earned the right to drive it, they drove me to work) until I saved up 600 for my first beater (and I'm not that old, 30). I had to start it with a screwdriver in the ignition! I paid for gas and my portion of the insurance under my parents' name. And it may have been my car but I still had to get permission to go places! Once I got a 'real' job (for me, that was joining the AF with a steady paycheck), then and only then did I get a NEW (used) car, along with all the responsibilities that came with it (my own insurance, maintanence, gas, ect).
Show her every one of these answers so she can see just how good she has it!!!! At 18 [an adult who should be saving and buying her OWN car (hello responsiblity, nice to meet you!)], she should, at the very LEAST, be grateful she has a mom that not only already BOUGHT her ONE car, but lets her drive not 1, but 2 family cars as well? Oh yeah, she's got it good!
No, you are not wrong. I bought my own car at age 16. I paid insurance, gas, and repairs. My mom kept us on her insurance of course but I paid my own. I also had a job, sports, and school. We didn't get anything handed to us.
Tell her ot suck it up buttercup, or she won't have a car at all!
my parents bought my first car, i got the second one handed down to me after my mom bought a new one (it was seriously on its last leg), and then i bought the third car i owned. which is a good thing because i totaled it. i haven't driven since then about 7 years ago.
i didn't put much money into my cars. i was working so i put gas in them myself, though my parents would occasionally give me money for gas. they also carried insurance, until after i totaled my car (which was my third wreck in a year).
i don't think its a bad thing to make her buy her own car. i respected my car a lot more since i had paid for it myself.
what everyone else said :-). In high school was allowed to use one of the family cars (a 1966 Plymouth Belvedere that was as old as me LOL) for work and any time I had to be at school late for journalism or AP classes. No car in college (walked or biked everywhere), parents helped me buy my first car after I graduated and started working (they paid it off and I paid my dad back with monthly installments)
Since she is 18 and you are footing all the bills, including tuition, she needs to kick in somewhere to help.
I have a 16 yr old and she got my car which was in perfect condition, 07 model with very low miles and it's a Mercedes. Extravagant... hmm.. some may say so but we could not go out and purchase a brand new car for what this car is worth and it is in excellent shape, no issues whatsoever, plus it is a very safe car. That said.... it became "her car". We do foot all the bills EXCEPT if she has ANY infraction of the law and if that happens, i will resort to being mom taxi again.
There are rules that come along with it and thanks to the TX rules, per law she cannot have more than 1 person in the car with her under 21. Of course, I see a lot of kids breaking that rule.
She is responsible with good grades (honors) and she is in cheer where she is held to a higher standard and she makes sure she would never, ever let her coach down. That also helps us!
She got my car shortly after she got her DL and I got my new car... my dream sports car. Everything has worked out well so far. Everyone in our family of 3 has their own car.
As for me, I worked 3 jobs and paid for my first car along with all related expenses.
You are not wrong to expect her to pull some of her own weight. Something was set up in your family to show her that this was not expected of her in the past but it can be changed if you work at it. You have a couple years until college to help her get this "entitlement" thing figured out. Otherwise, college is going to be very difficult for both of you. She will think that she deserves good grades without putting the effort in, she will think she deserves a good job right out of college. You don't want the child you love and raised to act like all the other entitled kids out there, especially when she enters the work force.. If you want her to learn responsibility you need to stick to your guns on this one. She's your daughter, not your friend. She doesn't need to like you. She needs you to teach her to be responsible. Good Luck!
Wrong ??? No, she sounds like a spoiled brat !! I wouldn't let her use any of the cars with that attitude. It's not a 'right' that one of your teens gets her own exclusive vehicle to drive ! My parents never gave me a car of theirs to call my own. Let her save up and buy it herself. From now on, she pays the gas, puts money for her insurance, and maintenance on the vehicle. If she complains, no car, period.
Every kid I know who has had a vehicle given to them has been careless and wreck less with the car... and just down right incapable of appreciating what has been given to them. In the end, they ALL totaled the car.
No matter how she treats you, you will do her a HUGE favor in the long run by NOT GIVING HER THE CAR! It will teach her very important life lessons.
In fact, revoke all use of the vehicle, because she doesn't appreciate your generosity. For heaven's sake, quit buying the gas!
I went through a similar situation with my mom when I was 18, and at the time, I thought she was the meanest mom in the world, too. (Was a rough patch for us, but we got over it and have a great relationship now). She wouldn't co-sign on a loan for a new car. I had a job and was going to college, but couldn't see that I wasn't making enough to afford what I wanted. Ended up with a POS, but I was the one who bought it and took care of everything... gas, insurance, maintenance, etc. Looking back on it now, I see that I will handle it the same way with my daughter.
Your 18 year old needs to grow up a little, and earning her own way around is a great way to do it.
I was never given a car, I had to pay for my car. But I had to have a car to get a job, so half of EVERY paycheck I got went to my parents after they bought it, I also had to pay the insurance and gas and learned to change the tires and oil.
That is EXACTLY what my daughter will do as well.
Not only did I learn to respect my possessions and not expect things on a silver platter, I also learned to take care of myself and not be a ignorant girl who will get taken advantage of by automotive shops and things like that.
I would say that if she doesn't like what she has, she doesn't get to use either car, she can take the bus.
Tell her to start saving her money cause until she buys one, she wont get a car to use at all, see how fast she likes the used cars then.
In my family my Mom ALWAYS got the New or Nused car and we got her hand-me-down. Then when we had enough money we bought our own car.
I bought my first car in 1993, a 1984 Ford Escort, for $1200. Then had to pay for repairs (got ripped off), but once fixed, was a great little car, we called it the GoBunny cuz it looked like it was going to die at any minute, but kept going. I bought a newer car in 1994, and sold the Bunny to my sister as her first car which she drove for another year.
When my brother was turning 17 (in 2005) we had an older 1981 car. We needed some painting done, he needed a car. So we bartered. He painted our garage while we were on vacation, and when we came back, as payment, we gave him the 1981 car. He just graduated college and he's still driving the same car...
I was given a used car that my parents bought especially for me when I got my license that I drove to get to school and back, choir and drama shows etc. When I graduated from high school, shortly after starting classes at the community college and getting a job my parents bought me a brand new car that I had to pay them back for.
The first car was a bit of a neccesity, I could not drive either of the family cars as they were both sticks and I have a knee problem that prevents me from controlling the clutch. Believe me..we tried. The used car died, gas tank cracked and at the end I would have to turn the heater on to keep it from overheating when going up hills because the radiator also died so I had to have a new car to get anywhere safely. I had to pay for part of my gas, becuase some was used to get to school and work and not all of it was play, but I think my parents paid for insurance.
So long as they are doing good in school full time I'm not going to expect them to pay for their car etc. If they drop to part time school, start getting bad grades etc then they better get a job and pay their fair share.