My Son Won't sleep....I'm Sooooo Burned Out!!

I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. My boys were both very good sleepers but I don’t know if it was luck or the fact that I worked very hard from the time they were both about 2 weeks old – my primary goal was to get them sleeping through the night! If you haven’t read the book “On Becoming Baby Wise” I highly recommend it. I followed the authors suggestions on sleep schedules and routines, and my boys are now very good nappers and night sleepers. Hope this helps. Good luck.

I co-sleep with both my kids (age 4 and 2) in my king-size bed. My husband has gotten used to it. The kids sleep, and I sleep. Getting the others things done is great, but sleep is more important than anything.

There is a book called the No Cry Sleep Solution. I haven't read it, but know several people that have. Good luck! You sound exhausted!

As a SAHM of 2 kids (one almost 4 and one just 2) I can relate to what you are going through. My oldest, my son, was the same as your son. His only naps were those he took when he fell asleep nursing. I would sleep then, too, because if I moved him, he would wake immediately. He also slept with us until he was 20 months old. Because of this cycle, I never got anything done around the house either. With my daughter, at around 8 months old we decided to really set a schedule. That meant letting her cry it out for no more than 15 minutes to start. I can't lie, that week was one of the toughest I went through as a mom, but now at age 2, she falls asleep on her own in her crib. I think that your son is pretty normal and he sounds like a good nurser! I would highly recommend the book, The No Cry Sleep Solution, because it has some really good tips for napping and night time sleeping solutions that keep everyone in the house happy. Good luck!

I did not read all the comments, BUT you can not put a breastfed baby on a routine first of all, that is not how breastfeeding works. It is not formula. That being said, there are some things you can do. My son is 19 months and still breastfeeding at night and nap (attempting to wean as I am pregnant again) but, he was doing the middle of the night nursing until right after I found out I was pregnant and I stopped that and it has been the best thing I could have ever done as far as sleeping goes. My son is only 23 lbs right now, and about 21 lbs when I stopped the middle of the night nursings. He sleeps in our room, on a mattress on the floor and has since about 6 months old. The first thing is don't get him when he starts making squeaking noises. You will just wake him up and he will want to nurse, I found he is not necessarily awake, just trying to get comfortable. Second, if you want to completely stop in the middle of the night. Do it on a weekend when your husband does not need to get up and go to work. Talk to your husband, tell him it will take 3 nights (for some reason 3 is the magic number). When your son wakes up and CRIES, not squeaks, pick him up you or your husband, let him know you are still there and not abandoning him, cuddle him and tell him that it is sleeping time and there is no more milk at night--a 6 month old won't necessarily understand the explaination, but do it anyway. He will cry and fuss but don't give in, it will make it worse oh and keep the lights off so he knows it is still sleeping time. If your husband does it, you can't talk or he will cry harder knowing you are in the room, if you do it, it may be more comforting knowing you are still there, but only you know your child so that part is up to you. Like I said, it took us 3 nights and now he sleeps through the night without a problem...some nights he will wake up and crawl into our bed but not ask to nurse, just lie down next to us and go back to sleep, just to make sure we are still there. I almost wished I had done it earlier so that I could sleep through the night for longer before the new baby comes! Good luck, and know he does not need to nurse at night, it is more for comfort, so show him you can comfort him in other ways, that is the whole point! Let me know if you need any more advice!

I just remembered one more thing. We have a sippy cup (I like the nuby brand-CVS sells them-because they have the soft spout so it is more like a bottle and easier at night) with water in it. Sometimes, he just wants a sip or two in the middle of the night....do you ever wake up and need a glass of water because your throat is dry? So do they. So when he wakes up, try that. At 6 months, a little water is ok. It could be that he just needs to wet his throat and then can fall back asleep!

hello,
I have responded to so many people about this problem, b/c I had the same one and resolved it quickly.

The key is that you need to get Noah to bed by 7pm. Well anywhere between 6-8pm, no later. 9:30 is too late for a baby. Make sure he goes to bed with a full belly.

Believe me, it works. Just start 20 min earlier each night.
In a few days or so, I bet he will sleep longer and wake up less.

If at all possible, if he does sleep thru, but wakes up before let's say 6 am, don't go to him, leave him in his crib. But don't let him sleep later than 7 am, wake him up. Otherwise, each day he will wake up earlier and earlier to see you.

You do this so the naps for the day are not ruined.

At 8 months, this was my twins schedule:
6 am- wake up (bottle)
8:00 breakfast
9:00 nap (if they cried, I just let them, but not longer than an hour)
10:15 wake them up from nap
snack
11:45 ish lunch
1:00-3:00 ish nap
I would wake them up no later than 3:30, but usually 3 pm
milk or bottle
5:40 dinner
6:20 bath
7:00 bed

Before I put them on a strict nap schedule, they were cranky all day long too.
They used to cry forever and I would keep going back in the room to soothe them.. believe me it works to just kiss goodnight and leave. Don't go back in. (If they cried for an hour, then I would go back in and try to soothe, or if they would not, forget the nap and put to bed earlier that night.)

It took me 4 days to get into this routine and now they sleep pretty well. They usually never wake up during the night. They sleep from 7 pm to 6:30 am. It is awesome.
If you need, I got all of this from the book, "Healthy sleep Habits, Happy Child." by Dr. Weisbluth
let me know if it worked.

I FEEL YOUR PAIN. My son went through this. Side-lying position for nursing at night is vital. Get yourself comfortable first, then latch your son on. You'll be asleep before the first swallow.
Is he getting teeth? He might be using you as a pacifier from the different feeling in his mouth. My daughter is going through this now. She just uses me as a pacifier throughout the night. You can try white noise, or even one of those CDs that plays things like ocean sounds, or gentle rain or whatever. If it soothes you, chances are it'll soothe the baby. If it doesn't soothe the baby but soothes you, the baby will respond to YOUR relaxation and relax more.
As for getting other stuff done, just forget about it. Your house is destined to be a bear pit for the next 5 years. Budget for those gadgets that clean junk for you - like the automatic shower cleaner (got 1, next paycheck, getting a 2nd one), those toilet bowl drop-ins, and my latest acquisition, a Roomba robotic vacuum cleaner. It's the ONLY way you're going to get anything cleaned. A little dirt never killed anyone. Better to catch a power-nap.

After he eats mid day 10:30 -11 am and burping him, try putting a pillow on your lap and laying him on his belly, gently rub his back in circles maybe even gently stroking your fingers though his hair, if your up to it try singing a la la bye or reading a childs story in a soft tone. The other thing you can try is gently massaging his feet (not tickling) gently caressing, this seems to relax infants.
Be patient and consistant it may take a week or so, but try doing it at the same time each time and most importantly (you also have to relax and enjoy the time) if a child senses your tense and trying to rush them off to sleep they will fight what ever technique your trying to use to get them to relax and sleep. Good luck, please advise if it worked.

my daughter is now 4 but when she was that age she had a hard time sleeping at night too. try putting him in his car seat or a seat the vibrates, you can pick one of those up at your local thrift store for pretty cheap evergreen, mommies are two good ones. also if you are pumping add alittle cereal to his bottle his belly will stay full longer and this sometimes makes them sleep longer. i agree with the other mom you are a new mom who needs her sleep let the dust bunnies go and the dishes pile up for a day get some sleep. they will still be there when you are rested. and if someone doesnt like your dust bunnies let them catch them for ya.

I feel for you. I experienced that with my first to the point where I got use to not sleeping. I learned from speaking with other moms that it was ok to let him cry. In your case I recommend during the day as your husband has to get up early. It is important that you train him and not the other way around. Life gets much better once this happens. Please note it does not make you a bad mommy. Hope this helps!

just to let you know, i'm in the same boat!!!!!
sometimes it helps a bad situation if you know someone else is suffering too!
my daughter is almost 8 months old and she just started sleeping, almost thru the night a few days ago.
i think it's because she can finally find her pacifier by herself at night when she loses it.
i don't have any magic words or actions for you, but hopefully you will be getting some sleep soon!!
if you can hand your child off to someone, like gramma, for the day once in a while, that helps a bit with the sanity issues!!
good luck, here's to a 6 hour night sleep soon!!

I don't know how much advice I can offer, but I can commiserate and assure that what Noah is doing is probably normal. My son is 12 weeks and he never naps either. I've tried the CIO methods too and he just screams. He sleeps well at night though, but like Noah, he only goes back to sleep when he is nursed. My dr. assures me that this is OK though. Although most kids are sleeping through the night by 6 months, some don't until after 1 year, so don't be discouraged!

J. - Oh honey, I feel your pain.

I remember when my son did that. He was older than 6 months, probably more like 14 months. It was three sleep deprived weeks for me and my husband (who also gets up at 5AM). I finally took him to the pediatrician to see if there was anything physically wrong with him. They said, nothing was wrong, but that he had learned he could control us by not sleeping and he was practising his new talent. The Dr. told us to do the Ferber Method, go to him in 5 minutes, check him - give him a hug, tell him to go to sleep. Then wait 10 mintues, repeat, extending 5 minutes longer each time. It took us another 4 nights to finally get him to go to sleep within 20 minutes of putting him down.

At 6 months, it is not to early to start a routine - same thing every night. I have two boys now and I really believe in the routine to prepare them for what they can expect. Here are some things we do: 1. Bath not everynight, but we use the Johnson Bedtime Lavendar wash and lotion - so it stimulates their sense of smell and they associate it with bedtime. 2. PJ's the same parent everynight puts on the boys PJ's (bedtime is my husband's THING - I do the rest LOL!). 3. Night Night Bottle (or nursing for you) to top them off and get them through the night. 4. Cuddle Time - we started singing the same songs to our oldest in the same order(rock-a-bye baby,twinkle twinkle, etc. . As he got older we switched to books with a bedtime theme (Good Night Moon, It's Time for Bed etc.) 5. We have a CD player in the baby's room that plays Kenny Loggins Return to Pooh Corner. We put it on every time we put the baby down to sleep, for a nap, if he wakes up in the middle of the night - hoping that the same music will subconciously trigger him to go back to sleep.

I am sure you already have some type of routine for your son. But these were the things that worked for us. After we had a second child, then I started doing some of the things for the older one and we started switching back and forth. I have friends who's children will only go to sleep if Mommy puts them to bed. For me, it would be awful if my child could only go to sleep if I put him to bed. I would never have a night off, and as a SAHM, I need to get out with my friends every now and again for my sanity!.

Also, you might want to take him to the Dr. just to be sure all is okay. Some illnesses only show up(or get worse) when the baby is in a horizontal position, like ear infections, reflux etc. And at 6 months, he is probably getting some teeth, which might be bothering him too.

And finally, I am a stay at home Mom, and my husband works(as an Engineer) - but these are his children too. I work just as hard as he does, or harder because I am dealing with creatures who cannot communicate with me and require my constant attention. I need sleep just as much, if not more than he does. I ask my husband to help me at night if the kids are up. He takes one night and I take the next. OR we take turns if they wake up multiple times during the night. I let him know what needs to be done around the house. He helps with laundry, cleaning the kitchen after dinner or whatever I tell him needs to get accomplished before he goes to sleep. And he still has over 1 1/2 acres of lawn to mow and other outside things to do. But these kids are both of our responsibilities and we have to help each other out or one of us will get burned out and become very unhappy. We have to stick together or our marriage will suffer. So, please ask for help from your husband - he loves you and your son and these years of infancy are so short that you two can get through them much easier as a team.

I hope you get some relief soon. Best of luck to you.

W.

do you have a swing? maybe try that! both of my children where the same way they are now 6 and 2 so i will let you know it does get better! i used to carry my kids in those front carries and do the vacuming or dishes whatever i could it kept them quiet!! some babies just need a lot of attention you know "high needs". i just constatly held them for my own sanity! Good luck and just remember they do eventually sleep, take care of yourself also!

Poor you....I feel you. The advice I have to give will be hard and almost seem crewel...let him cry. Take it from me with tons of experience with children and dealings with loving parents. Let him cry.....right now he is at a stage where he is testing you, and even though you want your preasious boy to know your there for him you also want him to be able to soothe himself. Also you deffinatly DON'T want him to relate to the fact that everytime he is upset he NEEDS to eat. Save him now from a lifetime of obesity that many are now as adults in therapy for. It will most likely take a week...a week of knowing when he is sleepy putting some music on kissing him and leaving the room. Your going to hear him sceam but not because he is hurt or even sad...he just doesn't want to go to bed! Be strong!!!! Remember this is the first "battle" for your limits...set them now.Tell daddy we have to do this if we ever want to go to bed without him inbetween us. And no more sleeping with him...I don't want to sound crewel....I love children but I have seen this...many many times. Stop the cycle NOW!!!!!! Good luck to you and remember you Can outlast him. Some music for him....and possible headphones for you both (ha!ha!) for a few days.

One....put him in another room and if that's not possible then get a sound machine that makes white noise. You don't have to put it on very loud and it drowns out background noise so he might not hear you getting into bed. I have used sound machines with both of my children and they are awesome sleepers. My 5 year-old sleeps eleven hours a night and my two year old sleeps eleven hours a night and takes a three hour nap each day. Babies typically wake up several times a night, but the key is getting them to soothe themselves back to sleep, without you having to rock or feed him. It may also be that he is just hungry, if he is a big boy maybe he is just having a hard time making it through the night.

Also another sleep tip....be consistent. Put him to bed every night at the same time. And try to put him down to nap at the same time each day. He's probably not napping because he is over tired.

If there is one parenting thing that I have done right it's create great sleepers. The rest I just play by ear :)

Hope my advice works and sorry for such a long post!

LET HIM CRY, tell daddy i said i am sorry but he will justh have to deal with a few nights or even weeks bad sleep in order to get your son's sleeping habits in order. Trust me i have a 3 1/2 year old that FINALLY will sleep in her bed alone but i have to stay there with her until she falls asleep first to be quite frank it "sucks" for the first 3 years of her life my husband and i never got to sleep alone which really isn't great for a marriage let me tell you. The more you pick him up and even more you feed him in the middle of the night you are establishing bad sleeping habits for some time to come. i know it will be hard but but better now than later. i have 8 month old twins and i was determined that they were going to have good sleeping habits and they are great they both sleep 8 to 10 hours or more every night and only nurse 4 to 6 times during the day. Do it now before it's to late. it will hurt you more than it hurts baby. good luck!

Hi. My name's Sam, I have a 10 month old son, Liam. He's wonderful, but he doesn't like to sleep either. I still breastfeed, and I feel like I've tried everything to get him to sleep thru the night. I've finally just accepted that this is how he is and I put him in his crib at 9:30 so I can get some things done, and then when he gets up at 1 I just let him sleep in bed with me so he can nurse when he wants and for the most part, he sleeps thru the night if he's in bed with me. Good luck!!

HI J.- That's too bad. You're going to have a tough road ahead of you if you want to break him of these bad night time habits.

Here's what I would do: First of all, I would feed him really well before going to bed-give him cereal and fruit (or whatever you feed him), then nurse him for about 1/2 hour. That should hopefully make him sleep a good bit.

If he wakes up, you go into his room-put the light on very softly (do you have a dimmer for the light switch?) Put on some soft lullaby music... then go over to him-maybe talk to him softly (but don't pick him up!) Let him know you're there. Maybe give him a pacifier, then leave the room.

He's going to cry or scream-and that's OK. But do not pick him up. Just go and check on him and let him know you're there. I'd do this every 20-30 minutes. Now he'll cry a lot at first. And it might take a week or two until he's really sleeping through the night, but it will be worth it.

Also, check out the book (what to expect the first year). He obviously does not need to be fed at night-but make sure you give him enough so that's he's not hungry @ night-this way, there are no excuses!

Hopefully this will work. You and your husband are going to have to work together on this-but it will help to end a bad habit...you don't want your son sleeping with you when he's 4!

My daughter is 3 months old and sleeps through the night (and is also breast fed). She wakes up at around 6 am-I feed her and put her right back to bed. Hope this all helps! L. in Morrisville.

p.s. Let me know how this works out!

My son is 5 months old and sleeps from about 8:30pm to 7:30am. I attribute this to maintaining the same schedule everyday. We wake him up at 7:30am, feed him breakfast (cereal and 6 oz milk), take a bath, play, nap from 10am-12pm, eat lunch (cereal, veggie, 6oz milk), play, nap from 2:30-4:30, eat dinner (veggie, fruit, 6oz milk), play, bedtime routine starts at 8pm with white noice playing in nursery, pjs, short bedtime story, and 6 oz bottle (although we will soon eliminate the nighttime bottle and add those ounces in to breakfast, lunch, and dinner; that way he learns to fall asleep without eating). That may be part of your problem (I am breastfeeding as well, but I pump and give it to him from the bottle); if you know he is getting enough food during the day, then resist the urge to nurse him during the night. He may be associating falling asleep with needing to eat. You may need to let him cry it out - don't pick him up - pat him on the back, but continually decrease the amount of time you spend touching him each night. And don't be afraid to wake daddy; although he may be sleep deprived for a while (just like you), your son will eventually sleep through the night. We used the "cry-it-out" method when he woke during the night and he eventually learned to fall back asleep on his own.

have you tried soft music or a white noise machine?

my son is 3 1/2 and was a horrible sleeper, the only thing that got him to sleep was the sound of running water

is he showing any signs of reflux? sometimes kids with reflux wake up constantly due to tummy pains and the acid coming up

word of advice...unless you do not mind a squirmy toddler in your bed every night would not advise putting him in your bed at all

even at 6 months babies are controlling...he knows as soon as he cries you come running

we also found established bed time rituals are the key to a good night sleep-bath, books, kisses, bed (9:30 PM seems a little late for a 6 month old)...the theory if we put him down later he sleeps longer never worked for us...in fact it was just the opposite

good luck

hi,
does this sound familar! lol. before we moved to a 2 bedroom apt. we were in a onebedroom and my hubby also is up at 515am.so i can relate.what i did was move anthonys crib into the livingroom,and i slept on our pullout sleepsofa.it took the stress away of grabbing anthony so he wouldnt wakeup jim(he drives for a living so has to be alert).one big plus from this besides sleep,,is we have a big fishtank in the livingroom and the crib went next to that and it calmed him down alot and at times he would just lay in the crib watching the fish! when we moved to our 2 bedroom we actually then put a smaller fishtank in the corner of his room next to his crib,,well now its a bed.and another bonus is we leave the tank light on instaed of a nitelight!
good luck.if it helps anthony now sleeps at least 10-11 hours at nite he is 3 but when he started crawling etc. around 8 months i think he started really sleeping good.

I had the same problem - but I wasn't nursing. Have you tried putting him in a swing? I used to sleep on the couch and let him fall asleep in the swing.

Like many other Moms that responded, I went through a very similar situation with my daughter who is now 1. I like what other people said about the white-noise machine, consistency, and moving Baby Noah to a different room to help alleviate the stress of waking up your husband. Consistency is so important so he learns when he is supposed to sleep. The white noise machine I have is by a company called "Homedics". A friend got it for me from Bed Bath & Beyond, I think. It has different settings, I use the "Ocean" sound. Also, you could try one of those pretend fish aquariums that Fisher Price makes that hangs on the side of the crib. I used those for both of my children (as did my sister, SIL and a few friends) and they love them. Does your son use a pacifier? It may help soothe him so he can return to sleep. He should be able to pick it up and put it back in his mouth at his age. They even make pacifiers that glow in the dark. Also, does he have a special stuffed animal or small blanket? It may help to give him something to cuddle with if you feel he is able to do so safely. My daughter has a bear that is attached to a small blanket - it's very small and lightweight. She didn't seem to care for it at first but I would always put it next to her or in her arms whenever I put her in her crib to sleep. Again, consistency is paramount.
I really REALLY feel for you. If you can call on anyone during the day to help so you can sleep, I would do that. Let as much slide as you can at night so you can get to bed earlier. Realize that you need to take care of yourself as much as possible or you are no good to anyone else. I know sometimes it is easier said than done but you get to a point that it's either that or a breakdown.
Hang in there and God bless! Let us know how you are doing!

your situation sounds so much like mine it is scary even down to your sons name. the only thing that changed was time. my son noah didn't start sleeping through the night until he was 1. he did nap during the day but night time was horrific. i too would nurse hiim back to sleep just b/c i needed sleep. i eventually around 8 months let him cry it out in his crib. he cried for about 45 minutes and i did too. he fell asleep on his own and woke 1-2x at night. get a timer, and try to really take note of when he is tired. set your timer for 15 minutes and do not go pick him up until 15 mintues is up. is his mood good when he is awake? any symptoms of eczema or teething? anything to uspest his sleep? i wish you all the luck in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wish there was more i could do,
P.

it seems like you need to take a step back and get a good support system going. there are somethings you're going to have to. One is pump your breast milk. Also it gives someone else besides you to feed him. That way it will be easier for him to hold his bottle for soothing comfort. another is start giving him cereal in his bottle at night before he goes to bed. The reason he wakes up so much at night is because he also is sleep deprived. He needs two naps a day. It seems to me that he does not really like his crib. Try to get a baby chair that vibrates and has songs. When my youngest he is now 10 months he would only sleep in the chair until 8 months. He toke his naps and slep at night in it. Until I felt he was ready to go into his crib. He still takes two naps a day not just that long. I hope this helps.

Unfortunately it happens. I have 4 childrena dn breastfed and becasue of that none of my children slept through the nite until at least 2. They woke every 2-3 hours for feedings. I would recommend sleeping every chance you get. I returned to work 6 weeks after every deliuvery and my body eventually adjusted. The weekends came and i'd get a babysitter ( teenager ) to come to the house and just stay with the baby so i could get a few hours of sleep on saturday and or Sunday. Maybe a family member could come by. Its usually easier to get someone to babysit when your there your just sleeping to catch up and prepare for the week ahead.